(no subject)
I am so ready for this summer to be over. I need to be back to a busy and eventful life. I'm done with being here and feeling like I keep getting put on the backburner of things. I think one of my favorite Scrubs quotes really encompasses how I've been feeling all summer "Nothing sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around."
I've just been sitting around and getting angry, resentful, and upset by people. I know they're busy, but it seems particularly recently when I've really needed people, the ones who should have been there haven't been. Like, I know Brighid is busy working 50 or 60 hours a week if not more.... but every single free moment she has is spent with her bf. And I do get that... but particularly when you know one of your friends needs you, can't you spend even half an hour away from your bf to be there for your friend? Even if just to talk to them? No... instead I got ignored for 2+ weeks and then only see her because he bf is in nyc. And maybe I would feel differently if I were busy instead of sitting around doing nothing but still.
And my sister hasn't been around either because she has a new bf and is spending a good majority of time with him. And so then, once again, I feel like a horrible person. I am happy for her but I'm greedy and jealous and I want my sister back. It's bad enough one sister is on the other side of the country... but that I'm used to. She's been gone since I was in the 6th grade... it's not like I can do anything about it. But I hate being left alone. My sisters were always more of parents then my own parents were and now more and more it's just me and my parents and I hate it.
I also guess my grandpa is back in hospice care at the nursing home because he has lost 20 lbs since january. It just gets more and more painful to go and visit. He never seems to know what is going on anymore. Most times you have to take a guess as to what time period he is in because often he'll be back in the war or something like that. Or like Thursday, where he is asking about people who have been dead at least as long as I've been alive. On Monday he had fallen and was also refusing to eat anything. While we were there they had a sandwhich they were giving him and my mom was trying to get him to eat, to no luck, and I almost just burst into tears right there. And my grandma is moving slower and more off balance... it really just seems like everything is falling apart.
I think I am most likely going to spend the next week in Lake Champlain with my sister and her bf though. Hopefully it will provide me a much needed break. I am looking forward to just being able to sit out in the sun and read with my ipod and just get away from here. Be able to get away from technology, clear my head. I'm not looking forward to necessarily being a third wheel but I'll deal with it. Cause really, I don't even care if they go off and do their own things and leave me be. As long as I have music and stuff to read I'll be fine. Heh, maybe now I won't be pure white anymore.
I can't wait to be able to return to my life and return to normalcy. Fredonia is strongly calling out my name. Only 2ish more weeks left and I can't wait. I have high hopes for this upcoming, final year. Hopefully it won't let me done.
I've just been sitting around and getting angry, resentful, and upset by people. I know they're busy, but it seems particularly recently when I've really needed people, the ones who should have been there haven't been. Like, I know Brighid is busy working 50 or 60 hours a week if not more.... but every single free moment she has is spent with her bf. And I do get that... but particularly when you know one of your friends needs you, can't you spend even half an hour away from your bf to be there for your friend? Even if just to talk to them? No... instead I got ignored for 2+ weeks and then only see her because he bf is in nyc. And maybe I would feel differently if I were busy instead of sitting around doing nothing but still.
And my sister hasn't been around either because she has a new bf and is spending a good majority of time with him. And so then, once again, I feel like a horrible person. I am happy for her but I'm greedy and jealous and I want my sister back. It's bad enough one sister is on the other side of the country... but that I'm used to. She's been gone since I was in the 6th grade... it's not like I can do anything about it. But I hate being left alone. My sisters were always more of parents then my own parents were and now more and more it's just me and my parents and I hate it.
I also guess my grandpa is back in hospice care at the nursing home because he has lost 20 lbs since january. It just gets more and more painful to go and visit. He never seems to know what is going on anymore. Most times you have to take a guess as to what time period he is in because often he'll be back in the war or something like that. Or like Thursday, where he is asking about people who have been dead at least as long as I've been alive. On Monday he had fallen and was also refusing to eat anything. While we were there they had a sandwhich they were giving him and my mom was trying to get him to eat, to no luck, and I almost just burst into tears right there. And my grandma is moving slower and more off balance... it really just seems like everything is falling apart.
I think I am most likely going to spend the next week in Lake Champlain with my sister and her bf though. Hopefully it will provide me a much needed break. I am looking forward to just being able to sit out in the sun and read with my ipod and just get away from here. Be able to get away from technology, clear my head. I'm not looking forward to necessarily being a third wheel but I'll deal with it. Cause really, I don't even care if they go off and do their own things and leave me be. As long as I have music and stuff to read I'll be fine. Heh, maybe now I won't be pure white anymore.
I can't wait to be able to return to my life and return to normalcy. Fredonia is strongly calling out my name. Only 2ish more weeks left and I can't wait. I have high hopes for this upcoming, final year. Hopefully it won't let me done.