visiting
'I am a lonely visitor
Came too late to cause a stir
though I campaigned all my life
towards that goal.'
~'Campaigner' by. Neil Young
__________________________________
Neil Young's music has come to mean so much more to me in recent months. His depth of sadness and wording is beautiful. Of course my favourite songs are the more melancholic, Ambulance Blues has meant a lot to me the most in recent weeks.
A dear friend of mine whom I have the utmost respect and love for made me think about something that I have always believed in concept and am learning in practice.
Wikipedia says: 'The term crucible is often used for unrelated activities that are very difficult, but act as a refining or hardening process.'
I believe what happens to you can define or destroy you. I am not an optimistic person, so this has been a very challenging concept to accept and apply in my personal life. I have a tendency to allow hardships to paralyze me and don't learn or willing adapt very quickly either.
I see the world as a sort of huge toy box full of dice and your number is bound to be selected for terrible things sooner or later. The world we live in is tainted. I dont believe that 'bad' and 'good' things are always relative. There are definate bads and there are definate goods and there are others someplace in between.
Extremely evil people prosper every day, extrememly good people suffer daily as well. This one fact is probably the most confounding thing I concentrate on during crisis.
It would be so nice to believe the Christian theory that we live in a 'fallen' world and because of this there is pain. It would be excellent to believe in a God which is 'good' and 'just' and will win out in the end.
What amazes me in modern Christianity (and I would suppose in any mono-theistic religion) is how circular thinking dominates. Agreed, circular reasoning abounds outside of religion as well, theories are a prime example. But it seems so frustrating to me that really, whatever happens to a praying person must be accepted as the 'divine will' of their god. Example: Sammy wants to be with Sue. Sammy prays to be with Sue. Sue rejects Sammy's offer. Whether Sue accepts or rejects is relative in the petitioner's belief that whatever actually happens IS 'god's will'.
Thats why the phrase 'Everything happens for a reason' irritates me so badly. I wouldnt go so far as to say 'Nothing happens for a reason', because I do believe there is a realm outside of man's will when shit just goes down that alters you forever, period. I guess I would call that overlap between 'random' and 'will' as 'fate'.
I spent a great deal of 2005 thinking I was really pretty smart and intelligent and talented. I really dont think that anymore. Not because I am on a pity trip, but because all of these things change at any given point in your life. Or how you percieve yourself does, at least.
________________________________
I dont know if other people my age spend a great deal of their time thinking about such things as I do, but I can never seem to find a way to shut the thoughts down for too long. I am so easily affected by the stimuli around me that even if I am relatively happy in my personal life and relationships, observation always gets me down.
__________________________________
I'd like to think that if I were ever in a place or position where I was unwanted that I would walk away. In some cases I have done so, in others I have become pitiful.
Something interesting I'd like to happen to me would for me to see myself as others do, whether positively or negatively. I think it would be transforming in some ways.
___________________________________
Of love, which is always unique for the people who share it, I think if it is true, its not as fragile as people claim it to be. I think you can do a hell of a lot to love but it remains. Its not indestructable, but it is resilient.
___________________________________
There's a thunderstorm rolling in. I'm glad of it. I want the weather to be just like this. Me and Neil Young and my thoughts and sadness. Kind of a retreat, wouldn't you say?
__________________________________
Well, I guess I've reached my quota.
This too shall pass.
Kristin Jo
Came too late to cause a stir
though I campaigned all my life
towards that goal.'
~'Campaigner' by. Neil Young
__________________________________
Neil Young's music has come to mean so much more to me in recent months. His depth of sadness and wording is beautiful. Of course my favourite songs are the more melancholic, Ambulance Blues has meant a lot to me the most in recent weeks.
A dear friend of mine whom I have the utmost respect and love for made me think about something that I have always believed in concept and am learning in practice.
Wikipedia says: 'The term crucible is often used for unrelated activities that are very difficult, but act as a refining or hardening process.'
I believe what happens to you can define or destroy you. I am not an optimistic person, so this has been a very challenging concept to accept and apply in my personal life. I have a tendency to allow hardships to paralyze me and don't learn or willing adapt very quickly either.
I see the world as a sort of huge toy box full of dice and your number is bound to be selected for terrible things sooner or later. The world we live in is tainted. I dont believe that 'bad' and 'good' things are always relative. There are definate bads and there are definate goods and there are others someplace in between.
Extremely evil people prosper every day, extrememly good people suffer daily as well. This one fact is probably the most confounding thing I concentrate on during crisis.
It would be so nice to believe the Christian theory that we live in a 'fallen' world and because of this there is pain. It would be excellent to believe in a God which is 'good' and 'just' and will win out in the end.
What amazes me in modern Christianity (and I would suppose in any mono-theistic religion) is how circular thinking dominates. Agreed, circular reasoning abounds outside of religion as well, theories are a prime example. But it seems so frustrating to me that really, whatever happens to a praying person must be accepted as the 'divine will' of their god. Example: Sammy wants to be with Sue. Sammy prays to be with Sue. Sue rejects Sammy's offer. Whether Sue accepts or rejects is relative in the petitioner's belief that whatever actually happens IS 'god's will'.
Thats why the phrase 'Everything happens for a reason' irritates me so badly. I wouldnt go so far as to say 'Nothing happens for a reason', because I do believe there is a realm outside of man's will when shit just goes down that alters you forever, period. I guess I would call that overlap between 'random' and 'will' as 'fate'.
I spent a great deal of 2005 thinking I was really pretty smart and intelligent and talented. I really dont think that anymore. Not because I am on a pity trip, but because all of these things change at any given point in your life. Or how you percieve yourself does, at least.
________________________________
I dont know if other people my age spend a great deal of their time thinking about such things as I do, but I can never seem to find a way to shut the thoughts down for too long. I am so easily affected by the stimuli around me that even if I am relatively happy in my personal life and relationships, observation always gets me down.
__________________________________
I'd like to think that if I were ever in a place or position where I was unwanted that I would walk away. In some cases I have done so, in others I have become pitiful.
Something interesting I'd like to happen to me would for me to see myself as others do, whether positively or negatively. I think it would be transforming in some ways.
___________________________________
Of love, which is always unique for the people who share it, I think if it is true, its not as fragile as people claim it to be. I think you can do a hell of a lot to love but it remains. Its not indestructable, but it is resilient.
___________________________________
There's a thunderstorm rolling in. I'm glad of it. I want the weather to be just like this. Me and Neil Young and my thoughts and sadness. Kind of a retreat, wouldn't you say?
__________________________________
Well, I guess I've reached my quota.
This too shall pass.
Kristin Jo