prelude to a bloody stupid duel

[prone_to_dying]

Archie was rather determined not to make the same mistake with Horatio as he had with William. Namely to go along with this new idea of having a duel. Granted, they were on their way there and he'd agreed to be Horatio's second, but that was only because he couldn't stand the idea of his best friend sharing this horrible idea with either Ray or

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[seer_of_god]

Leoben found himself eyeing the jungle with interest. He kept pacing and wondering why the frak he'd been suckered into this. But Horatio was irritating. Leoben was irritated. He still didn't have a weapon.

[wormholed]

John was stomping merrily down the path from the Compound, whistling something that might have been the 1812 Overture. "Na na na na, na na na, NA NA!" he belted out, then stopped abruptly as he noticed one very agitated homeboy on the edge of the trees. "Leoben? Whatcha doin'?"

[seer_of_god]

Leoben didn't stop pacing although he did wave absent-mindedly. "If someone who was dressed like a pilgrim demanded his satisfaction from you would you think they meant dueling?"

[wormholed]

"Uh..." At a loss for words, John merely approached his friend. "You got propositioned by a pilgrim? Did they brandish a cornucopia?"

[seer_of_god]

Leoben sighed, stopping and shaking his head. "No, I got challenged to a duel by a pilgrim. Apparently I offend him because his boyfriend made out with me."

[wormholed]

"We have gay pilgrims?" John seemed momentarily unable to progress beyond this extraordinary new development. "Wait, you made out with the pilgrim's boyfriend, and now he wants to fight? What, with swords? Pistols at dawn?"

[seer_of_god]

"Looks like it. He's dating the Mountie." Leoben sighed. "Yeah, I made out with the pilgrim's boyfriend but I swear I regret it and probably will for the rest of my life."

He frowned and rubbed the back of his neck. "I think he said something about swords." Then he scowled. "I don't have a sword, John."

[wormholed]

"Wait a minute." John walked in front of Leoben and planted his hands on his hips. "This is nuts. He can't make you fight him. Especially not if you don't have a sword!"

[seer_of_god]

"He didn't actually listen and then he provoked me. Then he kept following me until I shoved him aside so I could pass and he still thinks I'm fighting him. But this guy is relentless."

Leoben rubbed his temples. "He said to find a second but he didn't say what for. Last meal maybe? If that's anything like his definition of satisfaction, I'm not getting any."

[wormholed]

John scrubbed his face with his hands, then blinked at Leoben. "I think...your second is the dude who comes with you to fight if you can't. One of your homeboys," he added, significantly.

[seer_of_god]

Leoben sighed heavily. "Well, that's no good. You don't have a sword either. Er, assuming you'll stick around."

[wormholed]

"Leoben, of course I'm gonna stick around. No way you're fighting a sword-toting pilgrim all by yourself." John's sigh echoed Leoben's, and he clapped a hand on his friend's back. "This is some frelled up shit, Benny. Are you supposed to like...fight to the death?"

[seer_of_god]

"Thank you," Leoben replied quietly. Then he blinked. "And...what? To the death? No way am I dying because I frakking made out with someone. It wasn't that good."

He didn't think that was nessecary. How much satisfaction did this pilgrim need anyway?

[wormholed]

"Uh-huh, yeah, no way you're fighting this guy to the death. That's just...stupid. If he tries, I'll stick Winona between his beady, Pilgrim eyes."

[seer_of_god]

"What am I supposed to do though before things get that bad? Use a tree branch and hope I can knock him out before he cuts my head off?"

[wormholed]

"Relax, Leoben," John said, trying to keep the crazy out of the situation as long as possible. "We'll talk to the guy, see if we can set up some ground rules. Rules like 'no stabbing.'"