Leaving On a Jet Plane
Title: Leaving on a Jet Plane
Rating: PG
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Nick/Sara
Prompt: Apologize
Table: 1
Summary: Set right after Goodbye and Good Luck, but this operates under the assumption that Sara never wrote Gil that note. It doesn't exist here, folks, sorry.
A/N: There will eventually be a sequel
The pounding on her door was hard to ignore, but she tried. She focused on the suitcase she was filling and on the clothes she was folding. But the pounding continued at a steady rate, intruding on her thoughts and grating on her nerves. Finally, Sara sighed, setting down the shirt in her hands and moving toward the door.
The last thing she had expected to see on her doorstep was an angry Nick Stokes. His jaw was clenched, his entire body tense as his eyes bored a hole into her.
"Nick…"
"Is it true?" he asked, cutting her off.
"What are you talking about?" she hedged.
"Are you really leaving?"
"Yeah," she said quietly.
"Were you even going to say goodbye?"
Sara bit her lip and looked down, staring at the floor; it was all the answer Nick needed. Nodding, he tried to hide the emotion that was choking him.
"I thought we were friends, Sar."
Her head snapped up, her gaze locking with his. "We are."
"Really?" he asked, his tone harsh. "Because I didn't think friends left suddenly without saying goodbye. Or hid the fact that they're sleeping with the boss for two years."
Sara swallowed hard, his words cutting like a knife. "That's not fair."
"Isn't it?"
Tears fell from her eyes and streamed down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. "I need to leave," she told him. "I need you to understand that, Nick."
"I can't do that if you won't talk to me," he said quietly, the anger slowly leaving him.
Nodding, Sara stepped to the side and let him into her apartment. Once he was inside, she led him to the couch and they both sat down. They stayed silent for a long time, avoiding each other's eyes.
"I don't really know where to start," Sara admitted.
"Why are you leaving?"
She leaned her head back against the couch, taking a deep breath before answering his question. "It's just…the job, you know? So much has happened, Nick. We've seen so much pain and depravity…it feels like it's tainting me. I don't even look at the victims as human anymore. They've become…things…things that I analyze and measure and test." She sighed. "I don't know if that even makes sense."
"It does," Nick said quietly, leaning back next to her. "But that's not the only reason, is it?"
She mock glared at him. "I hate how well you read me."
"Obviously not well enough," he countered. Then, seeing the pain flash through her eyes at his words, he reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm sorry."
"I deserved it." Squeezing his hand, she entwined their fingers. "I really thought I had everything I ever wanted with Gil."
"But?"
Sara shrugged. "It just wasn't enough. I suddenly realized that I wasn't happy. And the most surprising thing was that I hadn't been happy for a long time."
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"It's just…you wish for something for so long, and when you finally get it, it turns out to be the exact opposite of what you wanted, you know?"
Nick nodded, running his thumb along her knuckles. "That only leaves one question." She turned to look at him. "Why didn't you say goodbye?"
"I was afraid," she admitted quietly.
He frowned. "Of what?"
"That I wouldn't be able to leave. That I would try to say the words and then not be able to do it." She sighed. "I know it hasn't seemed like it lately, Nick, but you're my best friend. I don't want to leave you."
He gave her a sad smile. "But you have to."
Sara nodded. "At least for now."
"Are you flying out?"
"Yeah. My plane leaves in a few hours."
Nick squeezed her hand tightly. "Let me drive you to the airport. Please."
She smiled at him. "Promise you won't try and make me stay?"
"As long as you promise to give me a proper goodbye."
Her smile broadened. "Deal."
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People moved all around them, but Nick and Sara stood still among the throng, just looking at each other. Her flight had been called and she needed to go, but neither was quite ready to let go. Finally, Sara took a step forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
"I'm really going to miss you," she whispered.
"Me too," he replied, his voice cracking just a little.
"I know writing is a girly thing, but you'll call me, right? Maybe an email once in awhile?"
"I promise."
Taking a deep breath, Sara pulled back slowly until her nose was practically touching Nick's. The look in his eyes took her breath away, as she found herself faced with more caring and love than ever before in her life. Ignoring the little voice in her head that warned her it was a bad idea, she leaned in and brushed her lips against his softly.
Nick responded immediately, pulling her closer and pressing his lips against hers more firmly. The kiss didn't go any deeper, but it lasted for a long minute, until once again Sara heard her flight being called. Sadly, she pulled back and hugged him one last time.
"You really are my best friend," she whispered. Pulling away, her eyes searched his. "Nick, I'm sorry -"
"Don't," he whispered, a sad smile on his face. "You have to go."
She nodded, thankful for his understanding. Squeezing his hand, she picked up her bag and turned to walk away.
"Hey Sar?" She turned back. "I'll be here if you decide to come home," he promised.
She nodded, a smile on her face. As she turned and joined the other passengers boarding her flight, Sara didn't even notice the tears streaming down her face.