(no subject)
I’m a military child. So, that means, I’ve never lived in one place my entire life. I have never made friends that last longer than 3 years. I don’t have a “home”, I have “living quarters”. I’ve moved 5 times in my life. On average, that’s a new house, school, environment every 3.6 years. And I guess that means I’m due for a new fucking place to go. A new place where I just can’t seem to fit in with the people who are used to their surroundings. People who have their own set friends already. People who have PLANS for their lives. I’ve never had that. I almost did, until I was uprooted again. But hey, I should be used to that by now shouldn’t I?
I don’t think that’s something anyone ever gets used to. But not a single person knows all the bullshit I’ve been through. Unless you’ve lived it. And, I bet not a single of you have. Sad. I have no control over the way my life is headed. I have to sit back and hope for the best.
I know what I want out of life. But you can want in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up faster, as the saying goes.
And just as I think I’m finally headed in a direction that best suits me, I’m leaving. Heading to a new house on a new hill. New people to pretend I understand. A new façade to put on, new fronts to create. New personalities to pretend I can relate to.
But really, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Just when I think I’ve found myself, it disappears. I’m tricking myself every minute of every day. Waiting for some kind of roots to set in. Some sort of fucking stability.
But I don’t deserve that apparently.
but hey, im not asking for sympathy. just understanding.
I don’t think that’s something anyone ever gets used to. But not a single person knows all the bullshit I’ve been through. Unless you’ve lived it. And, I bet not a single of you have. Sad. I have no control over the way my life is headed. I have to sit back and hope for the best.
I know what I want out of life. But you can want in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up faster, as the saying goes.
And just as I think I’m finally headed in a direction that best suits me, I’m leaving. Heading to a new house on a new hill. New people to pretend I understand. A new façade to put on, new fronts to create. New personalities to pretend I can relate to.
But really, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Just when I think I’ve found myself, it disappears. I’m tricking myself every minute of every day. Waiting for some kind of roots to set in. Some sort of fucking stability.
But I don’t deserve that apparently.
but hey, im not asking for sympathy. just understanding.