Six Flags: Fatties, rude kids, rainstorms, and farewell to the Iron Wolf
So Kevin and I went to Six Flags Great America yesterday. And if you haven't been there yet this summer, you might want to go soon. First of all, they're running the American Eagle backwards until September 17th in honor of the coaster's 35th anniversary (30th or 35th, something like that. Or it may be the park's. I can't remember.).
SECOND of all, they're shutting down the Iron Wolf September 5th and getting rid of it. Which you know what that means. POTENTIAL NEW ROLLERCOASTER!!! *squeeee!* In all seriousness, though, Six Flags Great America needs a new rollercoaster reeeeeally badly. That Dark Knight coaster really wasn't worth the hype, and the Little Dipper is just a transplant kids' rollercoaster from when Kiddieland was shut down. The last big rollercoaster SFGA got was Superman: The Ride.
My suggestions for the rides? They really need to get some groundskeepers on the job and do a better job of upkeeping the ride atmospheres. They could get rid of quite a bit of the plants by the Demon AND repaint the rocks AND get rid of all the gum people like to stick on the "stalactites." (That was just gross.) They could also try to spruce up the queuing area around there because it looks kind of run-down. Also, they REALLY need to think about revamping the queuing area around Batman: The Ride because all of the Tim Burton-style Batman stuff just makes it look outdated. Just re-theme it after the Nolan-verse Batman films (ESPECIALLY since The Dark Knight Returns will probably be out by next summer).
As for a replacement coaster for Iron Wolf? I would die if they got a rollercoaster that was on the same playing field with the X2 out at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Or the new Green Lantern coaster, which looks INSANE:
But as for the rest of the trip? Wellll....we got rained on at the waterpark. We waited for so long to get in line for the Tornado (that cone-shaped slide-thing), and we had to lug that heavy inflatable raft to the top (which I feel you need to be in shape to do; that was just exhausting!). And there were storm clouds brewing to the side in the parking lot. And we made it to the top. And Kevin and I were the next to go down, and the lifeguard tells us that they have to shut the slides down because of the thunderstorm coming and he couldn't let us go down.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!
So we had to be the bearers of bad news to all of the OTHERS waiting on the tower steps, telling them to get down, storm was coming, not letting anyone go down the slides till the storm passed.
Then it started POURING as soon as we got to the bottom, and we were rushing without actually running to get our stuff out of the locker and get changed, and it's a MADHOUSE over by the lockers and changing areas. I get in the women's changing area......OH MY GOD. It's packed in like sardines in there. Here I am with my backpack, sopping wet in my bathing suit, bare feet. Kids freaking out and crying over the rain (CUT THAT SHIT OUT! It's not like you're going to GET WET on the waterslides anyway!!). And here I am, wedged in between two fat-assed mothers, one has a giant baby stroller and the other has this gigantic traveling suitcase ON WHEELS that comes up to maybe my chest. And I'm a tiny chick, too; I'm only 5'2", so yeah. (Why the fuck do you need a suitcase THAT BIG for your day at Six Flags? ESPECIALLY the waterpark? Streamline that shit, bitch. Only the essentials. I couldn't even tell how many people she had in her party, but I was only thinking, "HOLY HELL, woman, I could fit in that suitcase!!!") I could see the worst case scenario there: either one of these bitches will run over my bare foot with their heavy shit. So I got my soaking-wet ass out of there and just changed into my jeans and t-shirt over by bathing suit in the pouring rain. It doesn't matter; I'm wet anyway!
So yeah. Jokes about wet pants ensued for a good chunk of the day. Every other word out of Kevin's mouth was "giggity." I want to kill Seth MacFarlane now for introducing this word into our vernacular, thankyouverymuch.
But I have a love-hate relationship with waterparks. I love them, but I always get kind of....well, I don't know how to say it. Let's just say that waterparks really make me pay attention to just how many fat and out-of-shape people there ARE in the world. I really don't mean it as fat-wank, but it's just startling. And you know....if you're overweight and you decide to go to a waterpark, TRY TO WEAR A BATHING SUIT THAT COVERS YOU UP. Seeing big women's boobies practically falling out of a too-small bathing suit top is NOT ATTRACTIVE. Neither is seeing three inches of ass-crack from a too-small bikini bottom. And I know I'm not one to talk because I'm not in the best shape, either. But I at least had the good sense to wear a one-piece to a waterpark to keep from falling out.
And it wasn't limited to the waterpark, either. There was some fat woman in line for Batman: The Ride who looked like she was going to fall out of her shirt and was holding her arm up to her chest to keep said boob from falling out. I'm amazed she was even let on the ride in the first place; if you are too big in the chest area, they normally don't let you on those kind of rides where there's a harness involved. Fester could never ride Batman: The Ride or Iron Wolf because of how barrel-chested he was, and I remember what a giant disappointment that was for him.
But you know....I could deal with the rain (rain happens; you can't stop it). I could deal with the lack-of-upkeep around the rides (poor park workers probably don't get paid enough to really give a shit). I could deal with fatties (oh well, not really my problem). But the one thing that REALLY pissed me off yesterday? RUDE KIDS. I have never encountered so many rude, ill-behaved kids in my life than at Six Flags yesterday. And I work at a grocery store, so that's saying something. Kids jumping and climbing all over the railings while waiting to get on the rides (I really wanted to smack that kid in front of us in line for the Demon; his mom didn't do jack shit to keep him in line). Kids running around out of control. Kids crying over the rain AT THE WATERPARK (like I said, you're going to get wet anyway!!). But the one thing that pissed me off yesterday? I was in one of the restrooms, and I washed my hands after using it and was drying my hands off under one of those air-dryers when some kid ran up and jumped in front of me to dry off her hands while I was still drying my own. Just.....WOW. RUDE. And she wasn't exactly a three- or four-year-old who didn't know better. This girl looked all of maybe nine, ten years old tops. You know, at that age where you DO know better. Just....WOW. RUDE.
Oh, and there was a group of line-jumpers that we recognized a few times throughout the day that Six Flags security didn't do shit about. And they didn't have those FlashPasses, either. (Those people got to enter through a different entrance.)
Other than that, it was a fun day. My feet are sore today, and I don't have much of a voice left, but it was a fun day.
SECOND of all, they're shutting down the Iron Wolf September 5th and getting rid of it. Which you know what that means. POTENTIAL NEW ROLLERCOASTER!!! *squeeee!* In all seriousness, though, Six Flags Great America needs a new rollercoaster reeeeeally badly. That Dark Knight coaster really wasn't worth the hype, and the Little Dipper is just a transplant kids' rollercoaster from when Kiddieland was shut down. The last big rollercoaster SFGA got was Superman: The Ride.
My suggestions for the rides? They really need to get some groundskeepers on the job and do a better job of upkeeping the ride atmospheres. They could get rid of quite a bit of the plants by the Demon AND repaint the rocks AND get rid of all the gum people like to stick on the "stalactites." (That was just gross.) They could also try to spruce up the queuing area around there because it looks kind of run-down. Also, they REALLY need to think about revamping the queuing area around Batman: The Ride because all of the Tim Burton-style Batman stuff just makes it look outdated. Just re-theme it after the Nolan-verse Batman films (ESPECIALLY since The Dark Knight Returns will probably be out by next summer).
As for a replacement coaster for Iron Wolf? I would die if they got a rollercoaster that was on the same playing field with the X2 out at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Or the new Green Lantern coaster, which looks INSANE:
Click to viewBut as for the rest of the trip? Wellll....we got rained on at the waterpark. We waited for so long to get in line for the Tornado (that cone-shaped slide-thing), and we had to lug that heavy inflatable raft to the top (which I feel you need to be in shape to do; that was just exhausting!). And there were storm clouds brewing to the side in the parking lot. And we made it to the top. And Kevin and I were the next to go down, and the lifeguard tells us that they have to shut the slides down because of the thunderstorm coming and he couldn't let us go down.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!
So we had to be the bearers of bad news to all of the OTHERS waiting on the tower steps, telling them to get down, storm was coming, not letting anyone go down the slides till the storm passed.
Then it started POURING as soon as we got to the bottom, and we were rushing without actually running to get our stuff out of the locker and get changed, and it's a MADHOUSE over by the lockers and changing areas. I get in the women's changing area......OH MY GOD. It's packed in like sardines in there. Here I am with my backpack, sopping wet in my bathing suit, bare feet. Kids freaking out and crying over the rain (CUT THAT SHIT OUT! It's not like you're going to GET WET on the waterslides anyway!!). And here I am, wedged in between two fat-assed mothers, one has a giant baby stroller and the other has this gigantic traveling suitcase ON WHEELS that comes up to maybe my chest. And I'm a tiny chick, too; I'm only 5'2", so yeah. (Why the fuck do you need a suitcase THAT BIG for your day at Six Flags? ESPECIALLY the waterpark? Streamline that shit, bitch. Only the essentials. I couldn't even tell how many people she had in her party, but I was only thinking, "HOLY HELL, woman, I could fit in that suitcase!!!") I could see the worst case scenario there: either one of these bitches will run over my bare foot with their heavy shit. So I got my soaking-wet ass out of there and just changed into my jeans and t-shirt over by bathing suit in the pouring rain. It doesn't matter; I'm wet anyway!
So yeah. Jokes about wet pants ensued for a good chunk of the day. Every other word out of Kevin's mouth was "giggity." I want to kill Seth MacFarlane now for introducing this word into our vernacular, thankyouverymuch.
But I have a love-hate relationship with waterparks. I love them, but I always get kind of....well, I don't know how to say it. Let's just say that waterparks really make me pay attention to just how many fat and out-of-shape people there ARE in the world. I really don't mean it as fat-wank, but it's just startling. And you know....if you're overweight and you decide to go to a waterpark, TRY TO WEAR A BATHING SUIT THAT COVERS YOU UP. Seeing big women's boobies practically falling out of a too-small bathing suit top is NOT ATTRACTIVE. Neither is seeing three inches of ass-crack from a too-small bikini bottom. And I know I'm not one to talk because I'm not in the best shape, either. But I at least had the good sense to wear a one-piece to a waterpark to keep from falling out.
And it wasn't limited to the waterpark, either. There was some fat woman in line for Batman: The Ride who looked like she was going to fall out of her shirt and was holding her arm up to her chest to keep said boob from falling out. I'm amazed she was even let on the ride in the first place; if you are too big in the chest area, they normally don't let you on those kind of rides where there's a harness involved. Fester could never ride Batman: The Ride or Iron Wolf because of how barrel-chested he was, and I remember what a giant disappointment that was for him.
But you know....I could deal with the rain (rain happens; you can't stop it). I could deal with the lack-of-upkeep around the rides (poor park workers probably don't get paid enough to really give a shit). I could deal with fatties (oh well, not really my problem). But the one thing that REALLY pissed me off yesterday? RUDE KIDS. I have never encountered so many rude, ill-behaved kids in my life than at Six Flags yesterday. And I work at a grocery store, so that's saying something. Kids jumping and climbing all over the railings while waiting to get on the rides (I really wanted to smack that kid in front of us in line for the Demon; his mom didn't do jack shit to keep him in line). Kids running around out of control. Kids crying over the rain AT THE WATERPARK (like I said, you're going to get wet anyway!!). But the one thing that pissed me off yesterday? I was in one of the restrooms, and I washed my hands after using it and was drying my hands off under one of those air-dryers when some kid ran up and jumped in front of me to dry off her hands while I was still drying my own. Just.....WOW. RUDE. And she wasn't exactly a three- or four-year-old who didn't know better. This girl looked all of maybe nine, ten years old tops. You know, at that age where you DO know better. Just....WOW. RUDE.
Oh, and there was a group of line-jumpers that we recognized a few times throughout the day that Six Flags security didn't do shit about. And they didn't have those FlashPasses, either. (Those people got to enter through a different entrance.)
Other than that, it was a fun day. My feet are sore today, and I don't have much of a voice left, but it was a fun day.