Another post about me bitching and whining over...nothing, really
The Fourth of July came and went. And I didn't really do anything to celebrate. Oh sure, I had hamburgers and hot dogs with the family like any other red-blooded American. But I didn't have a huge family get-together like all of our neighbors did. I didn't shoot off fireworks. I didn't go see any fireworks displays. I didn't spend the day outside enjoying the weather. I just didn't really feel like doing much of anything.
No big family get-together because I don't really have a huge extended family. Even Grandma Julie didn't come over for burgers or hot dogs. (Turns out Mom never bothered to call her, which Hunter and I both thought that was shitty of her to do.) Dad, Hunter and I are all getting pretty sick of Mom just wanting to isolate herself from the rest of the family we have left that actually loves and cares about her. If she keeps isolating herself, she's going to become an even bigger cranky bitch who uses her MS as a trump card for all of her problems.
Didn't shoot off fireworks because those things cost a fair amount of money that are just going to be shot off and wasted.
Didn't go to see any fireworks shows because they're all the same damn thing around here. Cedar Lake is the same show every year. Crown Point is the same thing every year. Lowell has the same people shooting off the same ones from the subdivisions every year. If you want a good fireworks display, you go to Navy Pier in Chicago (I saw the Navy Pier display a while back after a Weird Al concert), and I heard even that got scaled back this year. It's just not the same to watch them on Fox Chicago or WGN.
Didn't spend the day outside because of the damn Casey Anthony trial closing statements. Ugh, I'll be glad when the verdict comes in on that so I can get a life this summer. I feel like I wasted my vacation at the beginning of June glued to HLN and Twitter during the first week of the trial. (And it's so obvious she's guilty as hell, but I won't be surprised if she walks. I saw the OJ Simpson trial; I know how the judicial system works now. But she'll definitely be doing time for lying to the authorities, that's for damn sure.)
And it's not just the Fourth of July. I've felt this way ever since Halloween last year. I just don't care. Things are just tense and awkward with us at holidays anymore. Hunter and I are both adults and don't have any kids of our own, and it's dawning on me that holidays really aren't that much fun unless you're a kid or you have a kid of your own. They really aren't. I'm not saying this wishing I had a kid (because I still don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility); I'm saying this because I think it's true. I think I'm too old to be dressing up for Halloween. I think Thanksgiving is just a grumbly family dinner with adults who have a hard time being thankful for anything unless kids are there to liven things up. Don't even get me started on Christmas; thanks to nearly a decade working in retail, I think it just brings out the worst in people anymore. (That and I've been feeling even more secular lately than ever. I dare not tell people what I truly think for fear of being majorly judged.) New Year's Eve is just an excuse for people to get drunk. I have a boyfriend, but I just wanted to phone in Valentine's Day this year and not make a huge deal about it. St. Patrick's Day is just another excuse for people to get drunk whether they're Irish or not. I love Easter and everything because of springtime and baby animals and flowers and candy/baked goods, but I'm pretty secular so I still feel kind of numb there. Mother's Day I didn't give much of a damn about because at work, everyone was wishing everyone a "Happy Mother's Day!' regardless of whether they were a mother or not, or even if they were a female or not. Did anyone act that way on Father's Day? Not nearly!
Really, the only holidays I give a damn about anymore are Easter (like I said, primarily for the aesthetics) and Independence Day. Other countries can judge us as much as they like, but I don't care. I love this backward-ass country so much and everything we stand for, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
And yet this year....I just felt so unmotivated to do anything to celebrate. And it hit me yesterday. What the hell is WRONG with me?! Undiagnosed clinical depression? Early mid-life crisis?
No big family get-together because I don't really have a huge extended family. Even Grandma Julie didn't come over for burgers or hot dogs. (Turns out Mom never bothered to call her, which Hunter and I both thought that was shitty of her to do.) Dad, Hunter and I are all getting pretty sick of Mom just wanting to isolate herself from the rest of the family we have left that actually loves and cares about her. If she keeps isolating herself, she's going to become an even bigger cranky bitch who uses her MS as a trump card for all of her problems.
Didn't shoot off fireworks because those things cost a fair amount of money that are just going to be shot off and wasted.
Didn't go to see any fireworks shows because they're all the same damn thing around here. Cedar Lake is the same show every year. Crown Point is the same thing every year. Lowell has the same people shooting off the same ones from the subdivisions every year. If you want a good fireworks display, you go to Navy Pier in Chicago (I saw the Navy Pier display a while back after a Weird Al concert), and I heard even that got scaled back this year. It's just not the same to watch them on Fox Chicago or WGN.
Didn't spend the day outside because of the damn Casey Anthony trial closing statements. Ugh, I'll be glad when the verdict comes in on that so I can get a life this summer. I feel like I wasted my vacation at the beginning of June glued to HLN and Twitter during the first week of the trial. (And it's so obvious she's guilty as hell, but I won't be surprised if she walks. I saw the OJ Simpson trial; I know how the judicial system works now. But she'll definitely be doing time for lying to the authorities, that's for damn sure.)
And it's not just the Fourth of July. I've felt this way ever since Halloween last year. I just don't care. Things are just tense and awkward with us at holidays anymore. Hunter and I are both adults and don't have any kids of our own, and it's dawning on me that holidays really aren't that much fun unless you're a kid or you have a kid of your own. They really aren't. I'm not saying this wishing I had a kid (because I still don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility); I'm saying this because I think it's true. I think I'm too old to be dressing up for Halloween. I think Thanksgiving is just a grumbly family dinner with adults who have a hard time being thankful for anything unless kids are there to liven things up. Don't even get me started on Christmas; thanks to nearly a decade working in retail, I think it just brings out the worst in people anymore. (That and I've been feeling even more secular lately than ever. I dare not tell people what I truly think for fear of being majorly judged.) New Year's Eve is just an excuse for people to get drunk. I have a boyfriend, but I just wanted to phone in Valentine's Day this year and not make a huge deal about it. St. Patrick's Day is just another excuse for people to get drunk whether they're Irish or not. I love Easter and everything because of springtime and baby animals and flowers and candy/baked goods, but I'm pretty secular so I still feel kind of numb there. Mother's Day I didn't give much of a damn about because at work, everyone was wishing everyone a "Happy Mother's Day!' regardless of whether they were a mother or not, or even if they were a female or not. Did anyone act that way on Father's Day? Not nearly!
Really, the only holidays I give a damn about anymore are Easter (like I said, primarily for the aesthetics) and Independence Day. Other countries can judge us as much as they like, but I don't care. I love this backward-ass country so much and everything we stand for, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
And yet this year....I just felt so unmotivated to do anything to celebrate. And it hit me yesterday. What the hell is WRONG with me?! Undiagnosed clinical depression? Early mid-life crisis?