a proper update post, since I've been posting nothing but Tangled stuff lately
To be honest, not a whole lot has been going on lately. I'm still fighting the good fight at work, hating the job and everything that comes along with it. Home life is still just as irritating. And my 30th birthday is coming up in less than a month...and the depression sets in.
I thought I would be moved out and away from my family by now. I really did. But I'm pretty much living paycheck to paycheck because of bills. I still feel that I'm wasting my time at SVT. I also feel that my parents don't expect me to move out anymore and constantly rely on me to do shit for them, and I still feel underappreciated around the house, and it's really pissing me off. I haven't been able to get a second job to earn some side cash. And things with Kevin are okay, but that's just it. They're okay. We've been together for about three years now, and sometimes I don't think he takes the relationship very seriously.
To top it all off, the holidays are just around the corner, and to be completely honest, I'm not looking forward to them at all this year. I feel this year, customers are going to be even more irritated and cranky to deal with than before. And then to add insult to injury...let's put it this way. I work in a very conservative town where everyone lives by the rules of the church. Lately, I've just been questioning my own faith. I don't even know what I believe in anymore. And I feel if I were to tell anyone this, they'd just barrage me with a bunch of pro-Christian stuff to try to reinforce my belief in Christ, and...that just ain't cutting it for me anymore. That "God has a plan" stuff really doesn't make you feel any better when it looks like everything's going to shit. If this is God's great plan, to be living as an indigent under my parents' roof while working for just a little over slave wages at a crummy grocery store where I have to deal with stupid cranky people on a daily basis and watching my mother's neurological disease slowly get worse, I don't like it.
I thought I would be moved out and away from my family by now. I really did. But I'm pretty much living paycheck to paycheck because of bills. I still feel that I'm wasting my time at SVT. I also feel that my parents don't expect me to move out anymore and constantly rely on me to do shit for them, and I still feel underappreciated around the house, and it's really pissing me off. I haven't been able to get a second job to earn some side cash. And things with Kevin are okay, but that's just it. They're okay. We've been together for about three years now, and sometimes I don't think he takes the relationship very seriously.
To top it all off, the holidays are just around the corner, and to be completely honest, I'm not looking forward to them at all this year. I feel this year, customers are going to be even more irritated and cranky to deal with than before. And then to add insult to injury...let's put it this way. I work in a very conservative town where everyone lives by the rules of the church. Lately, I've just been questioning my own faith. I don't even know what I believe in anymore. And I feel if I were to tell anyone this, they'd just barrage me with a bunch of pro-Christian stuff to try to reinforce my belief in Christ, and...that just ain't cutting it for me anymore. That "God has a plan" stuff really doesn't make you feel any better when it looks like everything's going to shit. If this is God's great plan, to be living as an indigent under my parents' roof while working for just a little over slave wages at a crummy grocery store where I have to deal with stupid cranky people on a daily basis and watching my mother's neurological disease slowly get worse, I don't like it.