Jem episide 7: "Starbright pt. 2: Colliding Stars"
YES! I'm not putting this off any longer, dammit!! (Especially when I read that The Dairi Burger was considering doing "Jem" recaps as well: I love the Dairi Burger to bits, but just please let me do the "Jem" recaps!!)
See? Even Jem herself is thrilled that I'm back to recapping her show.
So on the last episode...
--Jem and the Holograms start filming their movie.
--The Misfits were jealous haters.
--Jerrica/Jem was PMSing hardcore, which explained a lot of her attitude throughout this episode.
--Pizzazz got her dad to buy out the movie studio, so the Misfits can horn in on the movie.
--Eric Raymond managed to blow the right people to stay out of federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, and Harvey Gabor (Pizzazz's dad) put him in charge of the movie.
--Behind the scenes, the Misfits did all that they could to make Jem and the Holograms miserable, like talking smack about Jem behind her back to the hair and makeup artists.
--Kimber got jealous of Jem (again).
--Rio got pissy because Nick Mann was macking on Jem.
--Clash showed up and banged her cymbal bracelets and was annoying.
--Anthony Julian and Eric Raymond got into it, Eric fired Anthony, and Eric made himself the new director.
--Pizzazz macked on Rio and pissed Jem off.
--Eric bossed everyone around, didn't really do much directing.
--The Misfits took over the movie's press conference.
--Jem HAD. IT. UP. TO. HERE. with the Misfits' shenanegans, got into it with Pizzazz, told the Misfits and Eric off, and quit the movie. The Misfits rejoyced.
--Jerrica got the bad news that Ba'Nee is going blind.
....Oh, and Jerrica never told Rio that she's really Jem.
CUE THE THEME SONG!
(HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!!! They actually play the ORIGINAL THEME SONG for this episode on the DVD!!!!!! OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!)
The episode opens with Jerrica still at the opthamologist's office processing the bad news about Ba'Nee's degenerative eyesight. "She's only eight years old," she wails. Yeah, well, life's not fair, Jerrica. You of all people should know that. The doctor tells Jerrica that there's a laser eye treatment, but it's still experimental. (Oh, LASIK surgery, huh?) Then the doctor lays it on Jerrica that the surgery costs $250,000. HOO boy. Jerrica's gonna have a hard time eating dinner tonight with this on her mind.
$250,000 for LASIK surgery? My, how times have changed in the last twenty years. Last I heard, you can get it done for about $3000 an eye.
Back at the Mansion, after the rest of the band hears the news, Kimber remarks, "That's an outrageous amount of money." Too bad that they quit the movie and canceled whatever concerts they had just to do that movie. (When it rains, it POURS!) They're all trying to figure out where the hell they're going to get the money for the surgery, and then Aja says, "We must have half a brain between us. Have you forgotten already?" STARLIGHT MUSIC, DUH. I mean, how else did Emmett Benton pay the bills?
So the girls go pay the family business a visit. And it's probably the first time they've visited the place since Rio and Jerrica kicked Eric Raymond out in episode five, because the lights are out and the place is deserted. What the hell? Some guy's hauling boxes of stuff out, and Jerrica tells him to stop, but guess what? Bills weren't paid, so stuff's being taken back. The only person left that was employed is Joanie, who I guess was Emmett's assistant. I'm surprised that Eric didn't shitcan her within the first episode after Emmett died. Jerrica looks thrilled to see Joanie, and Joanie gives Jerrica even more bad news. Eric Raymond spent a crapload of money on promoting the Misfits, didn't pay a lot of Starlight Music's bills, and practically left the company bankrupt. (Oh, and also take into consideration that he embezzled a good amount of money, too.) So Jerrica starts delegating tasks to have checks made out, get the power back on and office equipment back so they at least have a functioning place to conduct business. And they pretty much spent the last of their funds to do so.
So yeah. That pretty much means that they still don't have the money for Ba'Nee's surgery. *sigh* They're going to have to swallow their pride and just do that movie, aren't they? The other Holograms are all, "No way! Not a chance!" Unless they want to negotiate with Richard and Emily Gilmore about this. Yeah, they might have to attend Friday night dinners and put up with Emily's uppity ass, but it's worth it:
Jerrica then tells her sister and friends, "Then who gets to tell Ba'Nee that she's going blind?" Kimber, Aja and Shana really don't want that responsibility, so that's settled. They're going to do that stupid movie.
The next day, Jerrica meets up with Eric Raymond. Eric tells Jerrica that if he lets Jem and the Holograms back to do the movie, it'll be on his terms. And he insinuates to Jerrica that he needs a slave to do all of his dirty work, but he calls it an "assistant." And he tells her this with this very lecherous tone of voice, which makes me think he wants something more from her. (Ugh, I have a dirty mind.) Way to go, Jerrica Benton, you just sold your soul to the devil!
The next day, back on the movie set, she's back in Jem-mode with her happy-face in place. At 4:13 on the DVD, Kimber's hair is pink again. Say it with me, folks:
Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee! (Kimber's still jealous of her sister...)
They enter the studio, and everyone just looks shocked that they showed up. Frankly, I'm surprised that Rio is still working on this movie. That's loyalty for you. But you know, since Jem and the Holograms canceled all of their concerts just to do this piece of shit movie, I guess that leaves Rio out of any road manager duties and a paycheck. And homeboy has bills to pay. But something tells me that there are going to be some heated arguments between Rio and Jem in this episode. (And I really wish I knew how to make screencaps, because at 4:19, there's this image of Rio looking annoyed as hell, but Jeff Wright looks thrilled because hey! Kimber's back!)
Nick Mann tells the hair/makeup lady, "You were right, it was all an act."
Meanwhile, in their dressing room, the Misfits are giving Eric HELL for letting Jem and the Holograms come back. Eric tells them that they're not in charge anymore, it's not their movie, they have to do whatever Eric and the Misfits tell them. And Pizzazz loves this turn of events! (At 4:39, Pizzazz looks absolutely happy and PRETTY....if you found a way to erase all of that warpaint off her mug.)
Outside the set, Clash and Video are getting into it. Clash tells Video that she's wasting tape on "those has-beens" and that Jem's nothing but greedy and conceited and wants attention.
Then Video lets it slip out that the only reason Jem and the Holograms are back on board are because of Ba'Nee's expensive eye surgery. Clash runs off with this little tidbit of information, and Video mutters to herself, "Oh, me and my big mouth." Now that the Misfits know about this, they feel they can harrass Jem and the Holograms as MUCH as they want, because they need the money and can't very well quit NOW. God, what heinous bitches. Roxy and Pizzazz looked thrilled at the prospect of making Jem's life hell, but Stormer (the one with a heart of gold) is concerned over which waif needs the surgery. "Who cares?!" Pizzazz crows, and she makes her way out with Stormer and Roxy on her tail to go kick Jem and the Holograms out of their dressing room. (Even though the Misfits were just in one as big as theirs.)
I smell a music video!:
Wow, Pizzazz is really aggressive to Jem in this vid! And you have to love Pizzazz's delusions of grandeur in the Misfits' videos.
Back on the set, Jeff is still trying to get Kimber's attention. (Kimber's costume is absolutely adorable in this scene, and I don't recall if they ever made something like this for the dolls, but I want to try to recreate it. Like I said, curse me for not knowing how to properly do screencaps!) But Kimber is still lusting after Nick "I'm Not Gay!" Mann, who's absolutely rude to her. So poor Jeff just goes away, looking upset.
Meanwhile....yep. I saw it coming. Jem and Rio are having a fight. He's surprised that Jem came back to do the movie and tells her, "I thought you had more pride." Yeah, look who's talking. You didn't stand by your woman's side when she walked off the set, ya dick. But Pizzazz calls for Rio on the set, and this argument is averted....for the moment. Jem stalks off, all pissy. (Ya think Jerrica and Rio are having an "off period" at this time as well? I bet so.) Eric's calling for his "assistant," so Jem ducks off to the side and fiddles with her earring and says, "PUNKY POWER!"....I mean, "Show's over, Synergy," and reverts back to being plain jane Jerrica, just so Eric can send her off to get him his damn coffee. Then he needs Jem back on the set. Miguel (one of the stagehands) says that he just saw her, and Jerrica offers to go get her, but Eric orders Jerrica to stay right where she is. And if Jem can't get her ass on the set in one minute, she's fired. So Jerrica has to be stealthy about it, and has Synergy project a hologram of Jem in her place while she gets out of Eric's range of vision.
Eric's blocking out the scene, blah blah blah, and Nick is looking completely bored. Out of sight, Jerrica fiddles with her earring and transforms back into Jem. She emerges back onto the set, and they start filming the scene. Not much acting involved, just Nick leaning in to kiss Jem, but then Pizzazz waltzes in wearing...well, something only she would wear. Nick "forgets" about Jem and goes over to kiss Pizzazz instead. And you know Jem's thrilled about this because frankly, she's just not that into Nick. (He's got stank breath, ya know.) Cut, print, PERFECT! Nick walks away from kissing Pizzazz, remarking, "Ugh, terrible." BAD ACTING!!!!
Pizzazz is disappointed. Eric kisses her ass. Pizzazz whines, "I want a soda." Eric calls for Jerrica to bring a soda for her majesty. Jem ducks out of sight to revert back to Jerrica to go be a slave, and one of the stagehands reminds everyone to go pick up their call sheets for the next day. So....because she just can't stop messing with Jem....Pizzazz has Clash go replace Jem and the Holograms' call sheets.
The next day on the set....it's a very odd and awkward scene because Shana, Kimber and Aja are in hair and makeup, and Jem just looks angry because she's not getting her hair and makeup done, and there's NO dialogue in this scene. But you know, she brought that shit on herself the first day. And it doesn't matter because she's got her hologram on, so nyah.
And then they realize that their call sheets are all screwed up and they don't know which one is the right one (if any of them are right at all). And it leads up to another music video:
Not really one of my favorite Jem videos, but I like Jem's outfit here. (Did they ever make this outfit for the doll fashion?)
The girls are all about fed up after running around on the lot all day, trying to figure out where the hell they're supposed to be when their good friend Video--who DOES have a correct call sheet--finds them and hurriedly leads them to where they're supposed to be: to a very angry and impatient Eric. He bitches to them that they've held up production alllllll day, and that "time is money." (Off to the side, one of the production assistants bitches, "'Time is money'...I wonder who taught him that one?" Yeah, no one likes working for Eric.) And since production's been delayed, he's docking them a day's pay. (SCALE? Oh no! And once again, Kimber's hair is PINK at 11:58.) Jem whines that they NEED that money, Eric bitches that they need to be on set on time, and he won't let Jem get a word in edgewise that someone botched up their call sheets, and he threatens to throw Jem off the movie if she utters one more word. One of the stagehands wonders out loud about Jem's complaint that they need the money. You know, "Why would they need money?" like automatically assuming that since Jem's famous, she has lots of money. (And you know what they say when you assume something, right?) Video says she'll explain why later. And you wonder just why Video feels the need to document all of this crap, but believe me. It'll pay off later.
Next scene is....I don't know what. It looks like Indiana Jones meets Pirates of the Caribbean, because Jem and the Holograms are dressed up like sexy pirate wenches trapped in a cage and Rio and Nick look like sexy swashbucklers. While Jem and the Holograms are caged up, Eric calls for Jerrica, his "slave." Jem fiddles with her earring and conjures up a hologram of Jerrica. With "Jerrica" around, Eric tosses the script to her. And of course, since it's not really Jerrica, the script goes right through the hologram!
TELL ME ERIC DIDN'T SEE THAT. He didn't, of course. He just yells at "Jerrica" to pick it up. Jem is cringing inside the cage, hoping no one else saw that. Aja has a plan to save her ass, though. She sneaks out of the "cage" and saunters over to Pizzazz, telling her that she counted all of Jem's scenes and she's in two more than Pizzazz is. Of course, Jem having more screentime bothers Pizzazz greatly (even if Aja did lie about it), and Pizzazz orders Jem out of the scene. So she's let out of her "cage" and--out of anyone else's sight--reverts back to being Jerrica "the go-fer girl."
More filming goes on, sword fighting, men with swords being manly, blah blah blah (what the hell is this movie even about?), CUT AND PRINT. Lunch break. Rio the traitor tries to catch up with his on-again off-again girlfriend, and he tells her that Jem isn't really worth his time. I don't know if he's doing this solely to try to just end things with Jem and focus more on his REAL girlfriend that he's sorely been neglecting this time. And Jerrica's reaction to this?: "WHAT?!" Rio tries explaining, "Well, look at what she's gotten you into..." (NO KIDDING.) SO Jerrica puts Rio in his place (AWRIGHT!), tells him she asked Jem to come back and do the movie and deal with being humiliated because Ba'Nee needs eye surgery. (He's your freaking BOYFRIEND, why wasn't he one of the first people you told about this?! Hell, why wasn't he one of the first people you told about the whole JEM THING in the first place?!) And then she tells him, "Do me a favor. Don't come crying back to me just because Jem does something you don't like."
Here, Rio. It's a little ointment for that BURN!
(I can't believe I just made a joke about Rio being burned. If you don't get what I mean, it pertains to one of the Jem RPGs I'm in. Don't ask.)
In the next scene, Jem and Nick are supposed to be crossing a chasm on a log. Nick's all, "HA, yeah right, I'll have Jeff do this stunt for me." And guess what? Eric tells Jem if she has a stunt double, it'll come out of her salary. (Which I think is a big fat lie and a major labor violation, or he's just being a cheap ass.) So Jem has to do this stunt by herself. Pizzazz bitches that Jem has too many scenes, but Eric tells her that they'll just take care of that in editing. Then Jeff points out that there's no safety net or fall bag, and she should have a stunt double for this scene. (He knows more about this than Eric--the "director"--does, and Jeff's only a "lowly stunt double.") Eric feels he can decide for himself what they need on the set. Video's still in the background, getting allllllll of this on film for that documentary, BTW. The cinematographer tells Eric he refuses to film this scene unless they take the proper precautions, and Eric fires him on the spot, thinking, "If I can direct, I can film as well."
Dead Michael sez, "This is gonna be entertaining! A-hee-hee!"
So Eric's directing Jem to run faster across the long, and all of a sudden Rio decides Jem is worth his time and rushes up the ladder to do something about this. And of course, the "log" breaks in two, and Jem's clinging onto the log for dear life, hanging many feet up in the air with NO safety net or fall bag underneath. And Video is STILL getting alllll of this on film. So Rio does the heroic thing, as he always does, and grabs a vine and swings over to save her just as she loses her grip. Jeff's all, "WAY TO GO, RIO! You're a regular Errol Flynn!"
(For all you young 'uns out there who don't know who Errol Flynn was...)
Yay, Jem is safe again, thanks to Rio. They kiss, and all is forgiven between them...for now.
And it's a good thing Video got alllll of that on tape, because that baby's going to the union to get Eric's ass in trouble. (At 16:01, as Pizzazz is pointing to Video and the rest of the Holograms, Shana's hair is TEAL-colored. Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee because TEAL is WAY off from PURPLE.) So Clash weasels her way into the editing department and....politely asks for a magnetic tape eraser. When asked for which production, she tells the editor it's for the Misfits' movie, and snatches it away from the editor. ("Oh, that mess." LAWL.) And you know....I don't know why the editor even bothered asking her because it's not like she Clash does any work on the movie or anything. She's just a groupie. So Clash sneaks into Video's bag, grabs the tape clearly marked "Jem's Accident" and uses the eraser on it. Ha HA! Eric Raymond lives to see another day of making Jem's life a living hell!
Jem and the rest of her gang were spying on Clash from behind a curtain, and Rio's all, "She erased the tape!" NO WAY, REALLY? (Normally, I'm Rio's staunchest defender, but he made himself look like quite a bonehead this episode.) But ho-ho! Video pulled a fast one on Eric and the Misfits! She knew they'd be after the accident tape, so she put a fake label on it marked "Jem's Accident," when in reality it was of footage of the Misfits instead. Jeff starts to remark, "When the union sees this..." and Jem all of a sudden doesn't want the union seeing that tape, or else they'll shut down production of the movie, and SHE NEEDS THAT MONEY FOR BA'NEE'S OPERATION!!!! (She don't want to be turnin' tricks for cash.) And this leads to another Jem/Rio argument:
Rio: You were almost killed!
Jem: It was....just an accident.
Rio: *facepalm* And I thought you had brains.
Jem: And I thought I wasn't worth your time! (Now go back to your damn girlfriend, and good luck because she's plenty pissed with you as well!)
Rio: Ugh, women.
(I freaking LOVE that scene. Not very often you see Jem and Rio arguing.)
Jeff gives in to Jem's request to not turn it in to the union, but if one more mishap happens, Jeff won't hesitate. He should know. He's worked on plenty of movies, so he's used to codes and union rules and regulations.
Back at the Mansion, Kimber's all daydreamy over her big scene with Nick tomorrow. Girl, get a clue, he ain't into you, he's probably gay. And Aja and Shana are telling Jerrica that no movie is worth the kind of danger she was put in that day. But you know, Jerrica's determined to get Ba'Nee that surgery. So she goes to tuck Ba'Nee into bed. Ba'Nee's sitting in bed, reading in the dark. (Hon, that ain't helping your matters at all.) And Jerrica reassures her that she'll be fine.
ANOTHER DAY OF WORKING ON THIS CRAPTACULAR MOVIE WITH NO CONSISTENT PLOT!
Kimber's still all giddy about working with Nick! On motorcycles! They went to filming a bunch of stuff in a casino, then to filming stuff with pirates and swordfighting, to motorcycles. Nick acts very indifferent towards Kimber. Then a random fan comes on the set and excitedly asks Nick for an autograph, and he's....well, this chapter on the DVD is entitled "It Rhymes With Nick." Let's just put it THAT way. (AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! Love the adult sense of humor Rhino had in putting these DVDs together!) Kimber sees for herself what an arrogant prick/dick/tick/flick that Nick Mann truly is and just gives up on him. Meanwhile, off to the side, Roxy and Pizzazz are annoyed with how Kimber fawns over Nick. (They're just "jellis hatters.") Somehow, this leads up to a music video, though:
AWESOME. It's Shana-and-Anthony-centric!
Anthony: "I friggin' love you!"
Shana: "I friggin' love you back!" *kiss*
But I don't get why they plop a video about Shana and Anthony in the middle of this set-up involving Kimber. Kimber's walking away, all annoyed that Nick is a jerk and she runs into Jeff. *yay!* So Jeff shows Kimber how the stunts are going to go off, especially after seeing how Jem's stunt went the other day. (And ya gotta give Jeff props for helping his co-stars feel at ease about the stunts.) And yes, Kimber is getting a stunt double for this scene. Jeff even gets Kimber to give him a kiss for luck. (I don't know about anyone else, but I always liked Kimber with Jeff.) Then Eric calls Kimber over to block here scene up until the point where the stunt doubles come in.
Jeff's going back to his bike, all happy because he got Kimber to kiss him, and he sees that skank Roxy draped all over his bike. She leans in and is all, "Let me give you a real kiss for good luck." Jeff wipes his lips after she plants one on him and grumbles about it before getting on his bike. Now Roxy's all jealous of Kimber, so she and the other Misfits plot some REAL trouble to show Kimber a thing or two. Eric calls action and the cameras are rolling, and while Kimber is doing her thing, Clash sneaks up behind the stunt operator and bangs her cymbal bracelets together to distract him. Then Roxy gets in and messes with the control board for the explosions to go off while Kimber's out on the field and not her stunt double. And of course, they do, and lemme tell ya, that is more risky than Jem's accident the other day because it involves EXPLOSIONS. LOTS of explosions, knocking Kimber over. At 21:49, there's a group shot of the other Holograms, but Aja is shown TWICE on both of Shana's sides, and at 21:53, there's a closeup of Jerrica screaming "KIMBER!!!" instead of Jem. Now it could very well be Jerrica since she might be ordered to slave around Eric as his assistant, but I think it's more Jem having to be on the set, but we'll see in the next episode. Why do I say that? Because this episode is "to be continued."
MAJOR CLIFFHANGER! Is Kimber okay? Will this threaten the production of the movie? Will Jem and Rio have another lovers' quarrel? Will Kimber and Jeff hook up? Will Ba'Nee get her eye surgery? Is Jerrica going to have to turn tricks to earn the money for Ba'Nee's eye surgery? Will Pizzazz EVER have more screentime than Jem in this movie? Will the Misfits' destructive behavior ever get them in major trouble with the law? Will Jerrica EVER tell Rio the truth that she's really Jem? Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the "Starbright" trilogy!
See? Even Jem herself is thrilled that I'm back to recapping her show.
So on the last episode...
--Jem and the Holograms start filming their movie.
--The Misfits were jealous haters.
--Jerrica/Jem was PMSing hardcore, which explained a lot of her attitude throughout this episode.
--Pizzazz got her dad to buy out the movie studio, so the Misfits can horn in on the movie.
--Eric Raymond managed to blow the right people to stay out of federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, and Harvey Gabor (Pizzazz's dad) put him in charge of the movie.
--Behind the scenes, the Misfits did all that they could to make Jem and the Holograms miserable, like talking smack about Jem behind her back to the hair and makeup artists.
--Kimber got jealous of Jem (again).
--Rio got pissy because Nick Mann was macking on Jem.
--Clash showed up and banged her cymbal bracelets and was annoying.
--Anthony Julian and Eric Raymond got into it, Eric fired Anthony, and Eric made himself the new director.
--Pizzazz macked on Rio and pissed Jem off.
--Eric bossed everyone around, didn't really do much directing.
--The Misfits took over the movie's press conference.
--Jem HAD. IT. UP. TO. HERE. with the Misfits' shenanegans, got into it with Pizzazz, told the Misfits and Eric off, and quit the movie. The Misfits rejoyced.
--Jerrica got the bad news that Ba'Nee is going blind.
....Oh, and Jerrica never told Rio that she's really Jem.
CUE THE THEME SONG!
Click to view(HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!!! They actually play the ORIGINAL THEME SONG for this episode on the DVD!!!!!! OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!)
The episode opens with Jerrica still at the opthamologist's office processing the bad news about Ba'Nee's degenerative eyesight. "She's only eight years old," she wails. Yeah, well, life's not fair, Jerrica. You of all people should know that. The doctor tells Jerrica that there's a laser eye treatment, but it's still experimental. (Oh, LASIK surgery, huh?) Then the doctor lays it on Jerrica that the surgery costs $250,000. HOO boy. Jerrica's gonna have a hard time eating dinner tonight with this on her mind.
$250,000 for LASIK surgery? My, how times have changed in the last twenty years. Last I heard, you can get it done for about $3000 an eye.
Back at the Mansion, after the rest of the band hears the news, Kimber remarks, "That's an outrageous amount of money." Too bad that they quit the movie and canceled whatever concerts they had just to do that movie. (When it rains, it POURS!) They're all trying to figure out where the hell they're going to get the money for the surgery, and then Aja says, "We must have half a brain between us. Have you forgotten already?" STARLIGHT MUSIC, DUH. I mean, how else did Emmett Benton pay the bills?
So the girls go pay the family business a visit. And it's probably the first time they've visited the place since Rio and Jerrica kicked Eric Raymond out in episode five, because the lights are out and the place is deserted. What the hell? Some guy's hauling boxes of stuff out, and Jerrica tells him to stop, but guess what? Bills weren't paid, so stuff's being taken back. The only person left that was employed is Joanie, who I guess was Emmett's assistant. I'm surprised that Eric didn't shitcan her within the first episode after Emmett died. Jerrica looks thrilled to see Joanie, and Joanie gives Jerrica even more bad news. Eric Raymond spent a crapload of money on promoting the Misfits, didn't pay a lot of Starlight Music's bills, and practically left the company bankrupt. (Oh, and also take into consideration that he embezzled a good amount of money, too.) So Jerrica starts delegating tasks to have checks made out, get the power back on and office equipment back so they at least have a functioning place to conduct business. And they pretty much spent the last of their funds to do so.
So yeah. That pretty much means that they still don't have the money for Ba'Nee's surgery. *sigh* They're going to have to swallow their pride and just do that movie, aren't they? The other Holograms are all, "No way! Not a chance!" Unless they want to negotiate with Richard and Emily Gilmore about this. Yeah, they might have to attend Friday night dinners and put up with Emily's uppity ass, but it's worth it:
Jerrica then tells her sister and friends, "Then who gets to tell Ba'Nee that she's going blind?" Kimber, Aja and Shana really don't want that responsibility, so that's settled. They're going to do that stupid movie.
The next day, Jerrica meets up with Eric Raymond. Eric tells Jerrica that if he lets Jem and the Holograms back to do the movie, it'll be on his terms. And he insinuates to Jerrica that he needs a slave to do all of his dirty work, but he calls it an "assistant." And he tells her this with this very lecherous tone of voice, which makes me think he wants something more from her. (Ugh, I have a dirty mind.) Way to go, Jerrica Benton, you just sold your soul to the devil!
The next day, back on the movie set, she's back in Jem-mode with her happy-face in place. At 4:13 on the DVD, Kimber's hair is pink again. Say it with me, folks:
Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee! (Kimber's still jealous of her sister...)
They enter the studio, and everyone just looks shocked that they showed up. Frankly, I'm surprised that Rio is still working on this movie. That's loyalty for you. But you know, since Jem and the Holograms canceled all of their concerts just to do this piece of shit movie, I guess that leaves Rio out of any road manager duties and a paycheck. And homeboy has bills to pay. But something tells me that there are going to be some heated arguments between Rio and Jem in this episode. (And I really wish I knew how to make screencaps, because at 4:19, there's this image of Rio looking annoyed as hell, but Jeff Wright looks thrilled because hey! Kimber's back!)
Nick Mann tells the hair/makeup lady, "You were right, it was all an act."
Meanwhile, in their dressing room, the Misfits are giving Eric HELL for letting Jem and the Holograms come back. Eric tells them that they're not in charge anymore, it's not their movie, they have to do whatever Eric and the Misfits tell them. And Pizzazz loves this turn of events! (At 4:39, Pizzazz looks absolutely happy and PRETTY....if you found a way to erase all of that warpaint off her mug.)
Outside the set, Clash and Video are getting into it. Clash tells Video that she's wasting tape on "those has-beens" and that Jem's nothing but greedy and conceited and wants attention.
Then Video lets it slip out that the only reason Jem and the Holograms are back on board are because of Ba'Nee's expensive eye surgery. Clash runs off with this little tidbit of information, and Video mutters to herself, "Oh, me and my big mouth." Now that the Misfits know about this, they feel they can harrass Jem and the Holograms as MUCH as they want, because they need the money and can't very well quit NOW. God, what heinous bitches. Roxy and Pizzazz looked thrilled at the prospect of making Jem's life hell, but Stormer (the one with a heart of gold) is concerned over which waif needs the surgery. "Who cares?!" Pizzazz crows, and she makes her way out with Stormer and Roxy on her tail to go kick Jem and the Holograms out of their dressing room. (Even though the Misfits were just in one as big as theirs.)
I smell a music video!:
Wow, Pizzazz is really aggressive to Jem in this vid! And you have to love Pizzazz's delusions of grandeur in the Misfits' videos.
Back on the set, Jeff is still trying to get Kimber's attention. (Kimber's costume is absolutely adorable in this scene, and I don't recall if they ever made something like this for the dolls, but I want to try to recreate it. Like I said, curse me for not knowing how to properly do screencaps!) But Kimber is still lusting after Nick "I'm Not Gay!" Mann, who's absolutely rude to her. So poor Jeff just goes away, looking upset.
Meanwhile....yep. I saw it coming. Jem and Rio are having a fight. He's surprised that Jem came back to do the movie and tells her, "I thought you had more pride." Yeah, look who's talking. You didn't stand by your woman's side when she walked off the set, ya dick. But Pizzazz calls for Rio on the set, and this argument is averted....for the moment. Jem stalks off, all pissy. (Ya think Jerrica and Rio are having an "off period" at this time as well? I bet so.) Eric's calling for his "assistant," so Jem ducks off to the side and fiddles with her earring and says, "PUNKY POWER!"....I mean, "Show's over, Synergy," and reverts back to being plain jane Jerrica, just so Eric can send her off to get him his damn coffee. Then he needs Jem back on the set. Miguel (one of the stagehands) says that he just saw her, and Jerrica offers to go get her, but Eric orders Jerrica to stay right where she is. And if Jem can't get her ass on the set in one minute, she's fired. So Jerrica has to be stealthy about it, and has Synergy project a hologram of Jem in her place while she gets out of Eric's range of vision.
Eric's blocking out the scene, blah blah blah, and Nick is looking completely bored. Out of sight, Jerrica fiddles with her earring and transforms back into Jem. She emerges back onto the set, and they start filming the scene. Not much acting involved, just Nick leaning in to kiss Jem, but then Pizzazz waltzes in wearing...well, something only she would wear. Nick "forgets" about Jem and goes over to kiss Pizzazz instead. And you know Jem's thrilled about this because frankly, she's just not that into Nick. (He's got stank breath, ya know.) Cut, print, PERFECT! Nick walks away from kissing Pizzazz, remarking, "Ugh, terrible." BAD ACTING!!!!
Pizzazz is disappointed. Eric kisses her ass. Pizzazz whines, "I want a soda." Eric calls for Jerrica to bring a soda for her majesty. Jem ducks out of sight to revert back to Jerrica to go be a slave, and one of the stagehands reminds everyone to go pick up their call sheets for the next day. So....because she just can't stop messing with Jem....Pizzazz has Clash go replace Jem and the Holograms' call sheets.
The next day on the set....it's a very odd and awkward scene because Shana, Kimber and Aja are in hair and makeup, and Jem just looks angry because she's not getting her hair and makeup done, and there's NO dialogue in this scene. But you know, she brought that shit on herself the first day. And it doesn't matter because she's got her hologram on, so nyah.
And then they realize that their call sheets are all screwed up and they don't know which one is the right one (if any of them are right at all). And it leads up to another music video:
Not really one of my favorite Jem videos, but I like Jem's outfit here. (Did they ever make this outfit for the doll fashion?)
The girls are all about fed up after running around on the lot all day, trying to figure out where the hell they're supposed to be when their good friend Video--who DOES have a correct call sheet--finds them and hurriedly leads them to where they're supposed to be: to a very angry and impatient Eric. He bitches to them that they've held up production alllllll day, and that "time is money." (Off to the side, one of the production assistants bitches, "'Time is money'...I wonder who taught him that one?" Yeah, no one likes working for Eric.) And since production's been delayed, he's docking them a day's pay. (SCALE? Oh no! And once again, Kimber's hair is PINK at 11:58.) Jem whines that they NEED that money, Eric bitches that they need to be on set on time, and he won't let Jem get a word in edgewise that someone botched up their call sheets, and he threatens to throw Jem off the movie if she utters one more word. One of the stagehands wonders out loud about Jem's complaint that they need the money. You know, "Why would they need money?" like automatically assuming that since Jem's famous, she has lots of money. (And you know what they say when you assume something, right?) Video says she'll explain why later. And you wonder just why Video feels the need to document all of this crap, but believe me. It'll pay off later.
Next scene is....I don't know what. It looks like Indiana Jones meets Pirates of the Caribbean, because Jem and the Holograms are dressed up like sexy pirate wenches trapped in a cage and Rio and Nick look like sexy swashbucklers. While Jem and the Holograms are caged up, Eric calls for Jerrica, his "slave." Jem fiddles with her earring and conjures up a hologram of Jerrica. With "Jerrica" around, Eric tosses the script to her. And of course, since it's not really Jerrica, the script goes right through the hologram!
TELL ME ERIC DIDN'T SEE THAT. He didn't, of course. He just yells at "Jerrica" to pick it up. Jem is cringing inside the cage, hoping no one else saw that. Aja has a plan to save her ass, though. She sneaks out of the "cage" and saunters over to Pizzazz, telling her that she counted all of Jem's scenes and she's in two more than Pizzazz is. Of course, Jem having more screentime bothers Pizzazz greatly (even if Aja did lie about it), and Pizzazz orders Jem out of the scene. So she's let out of her "cage" and--out of anyone else's sight--reverts back to being Jerrica "the go-fer girl."
More filming goes on, sword fighting, men with swords being manly, blah blah blah (what the hell is this movie even about?), CUT AND PRINT. Lunch break. Rio the traitor tries to catch up with his on-again off-again girlfriend, and he tells her that Jem isn't really worth his time. I don't know if he's doing this solely to try to just end things with Jem and focus more on his REAL girlfriend that he's sorely been neglecting this time. And Jerrica's reaction to this?: "WHAT?!" Rio tries explaining, "Well, look at what she's gotten you into..." (NO KIDDING.) SO Jerrica puts Rio in his place (AWRIGHT!), tells him she asked Jem to come back and do the movie and deal with being humiliated because Ba'Nee needs eye surgery. (He's your freaking BOYFRIEND, why wasn't he one of the first people you told about this?! Hell, why wasn't he one of the first people you told about the whole JEM THING in the first place?!) And then she tells him, "Do me a favor. Don't come crying back to me just because Jem does something you don't like."
Here, Rio. It's a little ointment for that BURN!
(I can't believe I just made a joke about Rio being burned. If you don't get what I mean, it pertains to one of the Jem RPGs I'm in. Don't ask.)
In the next scene, Jem and Nick are supposed to be crossing a chasm on a log. Nick's all, "HA, yeah right, I'll have Jeff do this stunt for me." And guess what? Eric tells Jem if she has a stunt double, it'll come out of her salary. (Which I think is a big fat lie and a major labor violation, or he's just being a cheap ass.) So Jem has to do this stunt by herself. Pizzazz bitches that Jem has too many scenes, but Eric tells her that they'll just take care of that in editing. Then Jeff points out that there's no safety net or fall bag, and she should have a stunt double for this scene. (He knows more about this than Eric--the "director"--does, and Jeff's only a "lowly stunt double.") Eric feels he can decide for himself what they need on the set. Video's still in the background, getting allllllll of this on film for that documentary, BTW. The cinematographer tells Eric he refuses to film this scene unless they take the proper precautions, and Eric fires him on the spot, thinking, "If I can direct, I can film as well."
Dead Michael sez, "This is gonna be entertaining! A-hee-hee!"
So Eric's directing Jem to run faster across the long, and all of a sudden Rio decides Jem is worth his time and rushes up the ladder to do something about this. And of course, the "log" breaks in two, and Jem's clinging onto the log for dear life, hanging many feet up in the air with NO safety net or fall bag underneath. And Video is STILL getting alllll of this on film. So Rio does the heroic thing, as he always does, and grabs a vine and swings over to save her just as she loses her grip. Jeff's all, "WAY TO GO, RIO! You're a regular Errol Flynn!"
(For all you young 'uns out there who don't know who Errol Flynn was...)
Yay, Jem is safe again, thanks to Rio. They kiss, and all is forgiven between them...for now.
And it's a good thing Video got alllll of that on tape, because that baby's going to the union to get Eric's ass in trouble. (At 16:01, as Pizzazz is pointing to Video and the rest of the Holograms, Shana's hair is TEAL-colored. Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee because TEAL is WAY off from PURPLE.) So Clash weasels her way into the editing department and....politely asks for a magnetic tape eraser. When asked for which production, she tells the editor it's for the Misfits' movie, and snatches it away from the editor. ("Oh, that mess." LAWL.) And you know....I don't know why the editor even bothered asking her because it's not like she Clash does any work on the movie or anything. She's just a groupie. So Clash sneaks into Video's bag, grabs the tape clearly marked "Jem's Accident" and uses the eraser on it. Ha HA! Eric Raymond lives to see another day of making Jem's life a living hell!
Jem and the rest of her gang were spying on Clash from behind a curtain, and Rio's all, "She erased the tape!" NO WAY, REALLY? (Normally, I'm Rio's staunchest defender, but he made himself look like quite a bonehead this episode.) But ho-ho! Video pulled a fast one on Eric and the Misfits! She knew they'd be after the accident tape, so she put a fake label on it marked "Jem's Accident," when in reality it was of footage of the Misfits instead. Jeff starts to remark, "When the union sees this..." and Jem all of a sudden doesn't want the union seeing that tape, or else they'll shut down production of the movie, and SHE NEEDS THAT MONEY FOR BA'NEE'S OPERATION!!!! (She don't want to be turnin' tricks for cash.) And this leads to another Jem/Rio argument:
Rio: You were almost killed!
Jem: It was....just an accident.
Rio: *facepalm* And I thought you had brains.
Jem: And I thought I wasn't worth your time! (Now go back to your damn girlfriend, and good luck because she's plenty pissed with you as well!)
Rio: Ugh, women.
(I freaking LOVE that scene. Not very often you see Jem and Rio arguing.)
Jeff gives in to Jem's request to not turn it in to the union, but if one more mishap happens, Jeff won't hesitate. He should know. He's worked on plenty of movies, so he's used to codes and union rules and regulations.
Back at the Mansion, Kimber's all daydreamy over her big scene with Nick tomorrow. Girl, get a clue, he ain't into you, he's probably gay. And Aja and Shana are telling Jerrica that no movie is worth the kind of danger she was put in that day. But you know, Jerrica's determined to get Ba'Nee that surgery. So she goes to tuck Ba'Nee into bed. Ba'Nee's sitting in bed, reading in the dark. (Hon, that ain't helping your matters at all.) And Jerrica reassures her that she'll be fine.
ANOTHER DAY OF WORKING ON THIS CRAPTACULAR MOVIE WITH NO CONSISTENT PLOT!
Kimber's still all giddy about working with Nick! On motorcycles! They went to filming a bunch of stuff in a casino, then to filming stuff with pirates and swordfighting, to motorcycles. Nick acts very indifferent towards Kimber. Then a random fan comes on the set and excitedly asks Nick for an autograph, and he's....well, this chapter on the DVD is entitled "It Rhymes With Nick." Let's just put it THAT way. (AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! Love the adult sense of humor Rhino had in putting these DVDs together!) Kimber sees for herself what an arrogant prick/dick/tick/flick that Nick Mann truly is and just gives up on him. Meanwhile, off to the side, Roxy and Pizzazz are annoyed with how Kimber fawns over Nick. (They're just "jellis hatters.") Somehow, this leads up to a music video, though:
AWESOME. It's Shana-and-Anthony-centric!
Anthony: "I friggin' love you!"
Shana: "I friggin' love you back!" *kiss*
But I don't get why they plop a video about Shana and Anthony in the middle of this set-up involving Kimber. Kimber's walking away, all annoyed that Nick is a jerk and she runs into Jeff. *yay!* So Jeff shows Kimber how the stunts are going to go off, especially after seeing how Jem's stunt went the other day. (And ya gotta give Jeff props for helping his co-stars feel at ease about the stunts.) And yes, Kimber is getting a stunt double for this scene. Jeff even gets Kimber to give him a kiss for luck. (I don't know about anyone else, but I always liked Kimber with Jeff.) Then Eric calls Kimber over to block here scene up until the point where the stunt doubles come in.
Jeff's going back to his bike, all happy because he got Kimber to kiss him, and he sees that skank Roxy draped all over his bike. She leans in and is all, "Let me give you a real kiss for good luck." Jeff wipes his lips after she plants one on him and grumbles about it before getting on his bike. Now Roxy's all jealous of Kimber, so she and the other Misfits plot some REAL trouble to show Kimber a thing or two. Eric calls action and the cameras are rolling, and while Kimber is doing her thing, Clash sneaks up behind the stunt operator and bangs her cymbal bracelets together to distract him. Then Roxy gets in and messes with the control board for the explosions to go off while Kimber's out on the field and not her stunt double. And of course, they do, and lemme tell ya, that is more risky than Jem's accident the other day because it involves EXPLOSIONS. LOTS of explosions, knocking Kimber over. At 21:49, there's a group shot of the other Holograms, but Aja is shown TWICE on both of Shana's sides, and at 21:53, there's a closeup of Jerrica screaming "KIMBER!!!" instead of Jem. Now it could very well be Jerrica since she might be ordered to slave around Eric as his assistant, but I think it's more Jem having to be on the set, but we'll see in the next episode. Why do I say that? Because this episode is "to be continued."
MAJOR CLIFFHANGER! Is Kimber okay? Will this threaten the production of the movie? Will Jem and Rio have another lovers' quarrel? Will Kimber and Jeff hook up? Will Ba'Nee get her eye surgery? Is Jerrica going to have to turn tricks to earn the money for Ba'Nee's eye surgery? Will Pizzazz EVER have more screentime than Jem in this movie? Will the Misfits' destructive behavior ever get them in major trouble with the law? Will Jerrica EVER tell Rio the truth that she's really Jem? Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the "Starbright" trilogy!