OHMIGOD, "Jem" is on! (Episode 2: "Disaster"/"Setbacks")
Last time on "Jem," Emmett Benton died and left his daughter Jerrica a house that's falling apart and half the family business; Eric Raymond made himself plenty comfortable at Starlight Music; the Misfits came and acted like the fabulous bitches they are, and pissed Jerrica off; Jerrica got a pair of earrings; pair of earrings ended up being remote controls for a hologram machine; Jerrica disguised herself as a fancy-schmancy pink-haired singer named Jem and crashed the Battle of the Bands with her friends and lil' sister; Eric challenged Jerrica to a contest; the Misfits nearly ran Jem and the Holograms off the road; Jerrica saved the day with a hologram, but Rio was the one who pulled the girls to safety; Eric hired a thug to break into Jerrica's foster home; Jerrica cockblocked Rio; there was a FIRE!!!
Was that it? I hope that was it.
Episode Two on the DVD opens with that "me and my girls are Jem-girls" theme that I HAAAATE.
Ah. Much better. I just try to convince myself that they didn't make a new Jem theme.
The show actually opens with a quickie recap of what happened last episode. (I just DID a quickie recap! *le sigh*) Starlight House is still burning, and Jerrica and the gang are quickly trying to get the Starlight Girls out of the house. Great. Just great. Not only did she inherit a house that was pretty much falling apart, now it caught fire and THEY'VE LOST EVERYTHING! Could things get any worse for Jerrica now?
Okay, let's go back to 1985 and before Jennifer Aniston's "Rachel" haircut. While the house is burning...did I mention the house is burning? I don't think I mentioned it enough. STARLIGHT HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!
Ashley, the scrappy girl, decides to sneak back into the house while no one's looking, WHILE IT'S ON FIRE. Smart move. (Then again, Ashley is a blonde.) The firefighters finally come and get to putting the fire out. Jerrica's doing a head count, and notices Ashley's not there.
"Ohmigod, I've only had custody of these girls a couple of days, and I've already let one of them DIE!!!"
Then Ashley rushes out with....you guessed it. The Honor Jar. I think she was just going to swipe it and run away from the rest of them with the cash, but that's just me. Jerrica the Pimp snatches it away from her and gives her an almighty bitch-smack. Jerrica rushes over to Ashley, worried, and gently scolds her.
Jerrica: "Of all the stupid stunts! Why did you go back into the house?"
Ashley: "I saved the Honor Jar!"
Jerrica: "Don't you understand? Your life is worth more than all the money in the world!"
Awww, Ashley's the tough tomgirl with a heart of gold.
Meanwhile, more footage of the beloved Starlight House burning to cinders:
RIP, Starlight House.
Very early morning, all of the girls are camped out on the front lawn. (What? None of the neighbors offered to take them in for the night? Heartless jerks.) Rio pulls up, sees the burned down house and is all, "WTF?! This is what happens when I leave you girls with no power for one night?!" He rushes over and hugs Jerrica.
Rio: "You're gonna be oooo-kaaaay."
Jerrica: "....Um, Rio? Something's poking me in the leg."
Rio: "Oh....erm, uh...." (walks away, muttering something about "morning wood")
(I should warn you guys. I have a very subversive sense of humor. That, and in these recaps, Rio's generally going to be a typical red-blooded horn-dog male in his early 20s who can't control his raging manhood.)
....Jerrica seriously went to bed wearing blue eyeshadow? THAT'S JUST A BAD IDEA.
Meanwhile, guess who's watching all of this?
They see what happened to Starlight House, and Pizzazz sarcastically remarks, "Couldn't have happened to a nicer person." And that's just life for ya, really.
Rio walks Jerrica back to the gaggle of girls, saying, "This is what happens when you cockblock me. Don't let this happen again. I knew I should've stayed with you." (DUH.)
One of the Starlight Girls asks, "Where are we going to live now?" Jerrica's all, "There's a place that's just waiting for us!" (I think she's inhaled too much smoke from the fire.) "How would you girls like to help Jem and the Holograms put on a concert right now?!" Kimber's all, "Bitch, are you crazy? We're freaking TIRED!"
"Look, Jerrica. The Starlight Girl in the corner is superimposed. SHE NEEDS SLEEP."
Jerrica instructs Rio to take all the Starlight Girls and to meet them in front of Howard Sands' house. (I imagine Rio is totally and utterly confused, as he is throughout the entirety of the series, and I half-expect him to ask, "Who's Howard Sands, and where does he live?") Jerrica, Shana, Aja and Kimber get into their big ol' minivan and they all take off. In the Misfits' van of doom, Pizzazz thinks something is up, and they decide to follow Jerrica and her gals.
Not far from the house, Aja notices the very conspicuous Misfits' van from the previous day.
So she attempts to lose them. The Misfits realize that they've been noticed. "Good, I could use some action!" Pizzazz sneers and shifts their van into high gear. The Misfits just keep following the girls, and Aja is afraid she won't be able to lose them. Jerrica gets another great idea, and fiddles with her earring again.
Aja ducks the van into a back alley. The Misfits follow the Holograms' hunk o' junk, but all they see is a trash bin that they drive past.
The Misfits are annoyed. They wanted to start some crap. But then they see Rio's van and decide to follow him. Yeah, let's start some crap with a van full of kids. Wonderful role models.
The Misfits are gone....so where are Jerrica and her friends/sister?
"Show's over, Synergy."
"TRANSFORMERS! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!" Nah. It was all a hologram! OoOoOoOoOoh. (BTW, the guy who did Eric Raymond's voice--Charlie Adler--also did the voice of Starscream in the Transformers movie.) Synergy drops the hologram of the trash bin and the van reverts to normal, and Aja drives the van back to the abandoned drive-in.
Wow, Synergy, way to be inconspicuous by putting your image on a huge drive-in projection screen. *facepalm* Aja drives through the wall. EXPERTLY, this time. Shana, Aja and Kimber get changed out of their pajamas into their clothes for their "concert." Except for Jerrica. She doesn't have to change her clothes. She's got her nifty earrings to help her out!
"Showtime, Synergy!"
If ANYONE can make me an LJ icon of that image, I will love you long time.
Jem gets in the car and they roll on out of the drive-in. I smell another music video!
Castles! Flying carpets! Rainbows! Unicorns! Sunken treasure! Dancing in the clouds! Shirtless Rio! This is the stuff a six-year-old girl dreams about!
Rio: "Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!"
Jem: "Do me on it!"
Rio and Jem: "WHEEEEE!"
(Okay, if you've never seen Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, then you just don't get it.)
Okay, back to "Jem." The video ends, and they're conveniently staging their concert in front of Howard Sands' place. Howard wakes up and he's like, "Wow, this is better than birdies waking me up in the morning!" Then the Misfits crash the event, heckling Jem and the Holograms. They make their way over to start trouble. (Why? Because starting trouble is what the Misfits do best! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!) Aja motions to Jem to go change while the rest of them cover for her.
Pizzazz: "Outta my way, pig-face."
Aja: "Looked in a mirror yourself, lately?" (Ouch, Aja, them's fightin' words!)
Jem's hiding under some bushes while Stormer is tracking her down. So she conjures up another hologram of Jem to ward Stormer off while the real Jem goes to pee behind the bushes in private. HA HA, no, she just needs to transform back into Jerrica.
"Show's over, Synergy."
And she transforms back into what looks like the dorkiest outfit ever worn to Sunday school. Sophistication--Jerrica doesn't have it quite yet.
The Misfits claim that the Holograms have no business being at Howard's. While they're squabbling, Howard tells them all to just STFU.
Howard: "You...why'd you wake me up so damn early?"
So Jerrica tells him that....*conjures up some tears*...they lost their house in a fire last night. Wow, Jerrica...dragging the foster girls over to Howard Sands' house first thing in the morning to play up the "I have a dozen waifs to feed! We need a place to crash!" angle...she's got some nerve. Kind of changes my opinion about her some. (Rio, I hope you're watching this.)
Pizzazz: "Aww, poor wittle baby."
Roxy: "BOR-ING."
(Stormer--being the "nice" Misfit--actually does shed a tear. She's such a pushover.)
Howard gets it. She's asking if she and the rest of the girls could move into the mansion, but ONLY until they can find some other place to stay. The Misfits are all, "WTF?!!! No fair!" (Hell, I would be, too! Find your own damn place to live!) Howard's all, "Until the day of the contest, the mansion is MY property, and I'll do with it what I damn well please!" So he gives in to Jerrica's sobfest and lets her have the keys, since she's pretty and considerably nicer than Pizzazz and her cronies. Pizzazz goes apeshit crazy over this, and has a temper tantrum, pushing Howard into the pool. Then Roxy decides to jump into the bulldozer and starts randomly driving it, causing destruction to Howard's property. WHY--I have no idea. Because she's a Misfit, and "causing trouble is what the Misfits do best!" Then Roxy runs into a large tree and abandons the bulldozer to avoid the branches messing up her peroxide-white hair.
Roxy: "I REGRET NOTHING!"
The bulldozer is just going by itself now, out of control. Way to go, box o' Rox.
Meanwhile, Jerrica's helping Howard out of the pool. While doing so, she falls backwards and into the bulldozer's path. You'd think she'd have the common sense to just get up and run out of the way, but no. She is a blonde, after all. She needs Rio to save her because she's just a damsel in distress.
Oh, he doesn't know what he'd do if anything ever happened to her. *awww* He puts her down without trying to cop a feel (because she DID just escape death, after all).
Aja jumps in the bulldozer and simply turns the key off. LIKE THAT!
Aja: "Freaking HELL, Roxy."
Pizzazz gets a gratuitous cleavage shot at 9:02 (holy HELL, this is a KIDS' show!), and she and the rest of the Misfits split the scene. Howard tells Jerrica that Jem has all his support. But if the Misfits win the contest (Kimber: "That'll be the day..."), they'll have to leave.
Back at Starlight Music, the Misfits are bitching to Eric about what happened and how Jerrica and those brats get to live there. Eric's bitching to them that he'll be lucky Howard Sands doesn't sue them for the property damage. The Misfits are pissed that Eric got angry with them, so they take their anger out on the reception area. Pizzazz kicks a garbage can, while Roxy pushes over a plant and nobody gets angry with her about anything. (Come on, Jem-fans, you know what I'm referencing....) They're all, "What-EVA, bitch! Imma do what I want!" and decide to go back to the mansion to mess things up for Miss Cotton Candy Head.
Back in the office, Eric calls up that asshat Zipper and gives him another job to do that he'll probably botch up yet again. That's stolen money well spent, Eric!
Meanwhile....the Starlight Girls arrive at their new home!
(I agree with Christy Marx. I like the design of the original Starlight House better than the Starlight Mansion.) Some of the girls make a beeline for the pool.
Someone please explain to me how the girls survived the fire and only had on their pajamas and lost EVERYTHING, but now they have normal clothes on. Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee!
Everything is so overwhelming! OHMIGOD!
Jerrica sees something on the wall and is all, "I wonder what this doohickey gadget is." She pushes a button.
"Welcome to the house of the future!"
Rio's outside with a bunch of press that he's already arranged for within the span of a day. How? I don't know. We're not supposed to question these things! JUST WATCH! (Once again, note all the nice things Rio does for Jerrica.) She buzzes them in, and that Zipper sneaks in before the gate closes. Aja stands in front of a door in case someone busts in on Jerrica getting naked--I mean, transforming into Jem.
"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!"
"I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
Er....I mean, "Showtime Synergy"?
Now that the girls are settling in to the mansion, Ashley figures they can forget about the Honor Jar mishap and the thirty bucks she has to earn for it, especially since she did save it. NOT SO FAST. That doesn't make up for her trying to steal the money in the first place. Ashley gets all pouty and angsty and goes outside. Guess who else is outside?
(Damn, Stormer's a sexy bitch.) The Misfits want in, and Ashley's hard-up for thirty bucks. Pizzazz tries haggling with her for twenty bucks. Ashley says, "Thirty, or no dice."
Pizzazz: *sigh* "Okay, pay her, Roxy."
Roxy: "Okay. Pay her, Stormer."
Stormer: "Huh? Oh, okay." (You're such a pushover, Stormer, hon.)
Score!
12:26--there is a sound of a dog barking. WHY?!
Zipper sneaks into the guest house and plants a bomb in there. NIIIICE.
Back inside the main part of the house, Jem and the Holograms are getting ready for a photo shoot. And I guess another music video...
Jem starts this segment out in the same blue dress from the "Like a Dream" video, but here she is, wearing the pink polka-dot number. Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee! (No, Holly, it's just a hologram! WoOoOoOoOo.)
Zipper has detonated the bomb and it's ticking. The photoshoot has moved outside, where both Jem and the Holograms AND the Misfits are in plain view. Eric Raymond pulls up in his pimpmobile (How the hell can he afford that car? Why am I asking this? He's been embezzling Emmett Benton, of course.) Then Eric realizes, "OH CRAP, my clients are going to be around when that bomb goes off, and THAT won't look good!" So he yells for them to move: "THERE'S A BOMB!"
Too late. The police come to investigate the scene.
15:21--hilarious. Pizzazz has cleavage like WOAH. The Misfits are being questioned by the cops, and they're striking a pose, vamping it up for the news cameras. Roxy and Stormer's voices are mixed up. (I call THAT a blooper.) So how DID Eric know about the bomb? Hmm? Some Jem and the Hologram "stan" gave him a tip that he was going to get the Misfits with the bomb. Likely story. Jem assumes that Howard will want them to move out (WHAT?! Jem actually bought Eric's excuse?! Dumb pink-head.), but Howard says, "Nonsense."
Meanwhile, Rio's fretting because he doesn't know where Jerrica was during all of that, and she might have been hurt or something.
HEY JERRICA, NOW MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO TELL RIO THAT YOU'RE REALLY JEM, HUH?! Ya think?!
Aja leads him in the house to stall him while Jem has Synergy project a hologram of Jerrica upstairs to show that she's A-okay....oh, Jerrica, Jerrica, Jerrica. This is where the deception begins. *shakes head*
Then some high-class broad shows up in her limo.
This is the Countess Danielle du Voison, a close friend of Howard's. (Lover?) She exclaims "Howard!" with a French accent, so you know she's high-class. She and Howard exchange the traditional European air-kiss, and she asks what happened to the place. Howard explains that luckily, the bomb went off in the old servants' quarters that were empty. (Old servants' quarters? I thought this mansion was newly built.) Howard introduces Countess du Voison to Jem and the Holograms. Oh, and their road manager, Rio. (Can't forget Rio, after all.) The Countess is all, "Oh, you do ze marvelous new muzeek?" Jem is very gracious and offers to play for her anytime. (See? THIS is what "Rock of Love: Charm School" was meant for, especially the part with the Duchess of Blah Blah Blah Whats-Her-Name. You have to be grace under pressure and stay composed. Thank you for the excellent example, Jem.) The Countess ("No, no, no! Call me Danielle!") is smitten with how polite Jem is and extends an invitation for them all to a party tonight on her yacht, which Howard accepts for them.
Here's how not to act around the Countess. She is exiting the scene when she happens upon our good friends, the Misfits.
Roxy actually says "Howdy" to the Countess? You stay klassy, Roxy. (It's like Goofus and Gallant!) Eric rushes over and starts kissing the Countess' butt and tries to weasel them into the yacht party. Danielle is all, "Hmmph! I most certainly think not!" and leaves.
Why the hell haven't the Misfits gotten the hint yet? No one wants them around! Kimber's bitching that it's time they left, so Jem decides to use some reverse psychology.
Jem: "Oh, Misfits!"
Pizzazz: (turns) "...Whaddya want?"
Jem: "Since you're hanging around, you can help us clean up."
(the Misfits look aghast at the suggestion that they do some actual work)
Pizzazz: "Cleaning's for suckers."
Roxy: "It's your mess."
Stormer: "Yeah, you clean it up." (They leave.)
(17:35--Roxy has green hair like Pizzazz does. Then at 17:46, all three of their mouths move at the same time, but you only hear Pizzazz's voice speaking. Say it with me: crappy animation continuity, I SALUTE THEE!)
Next scene: night-time. Time for the yacht party.
I love how Rio's wearing white sneakers with a black tuxedo. (Only in the 80s...the only person who can even attempt to pull this off now is maybe Justin Timberlake.) They're all boarding the yacht, and they're all oohing and aahing at the opulence. Except for Rio.
Rio: "I wish Jerrica were here."
Jem: "*psst* Rio, haven't you noticed by now? It's me! Jerrica! She's got a lot to do! But she told me to make sure you have a good time."
WOAH HO HO! You should hear the way Jem says this! Kinda...suggestive! Should a six-year-old really be watching this?
(Yes. That was me, circa Halloween 1987. If you've been keeping up with this LJ, I'm sure you've seen it by now.)
Once inside where the party's going on, Danielle greets Jem and the Holograms (and Rio and Howard), and introduces them to...
Lin-Z Pierce! (Does this count as blue-orange contrast?) She's kind of like the Martha Quinn of the "Jem" universe. Lin-Z asks Jem if they have a video yet. These girls just got their start the other day! Give 'em time! Lin-Z whistles over a friend of hers, Anthony Julian, who's a hot music video director.
Looks like the band already has Lin-Z's full endorsement, and she wants to hook 'em up. And Anthony already has his eyes set on Shana! "Love....exciting and new....come aboard...we're expecting yooooou....." So he scuttles Shana off to try to get into her panties--I mean, bend her ear for some ideas for a music video.
Meanwhile, outside the yacht in a motorboat of their own sit the Misfits, decked out in party gear.
Pizzazz is so jealous of Jem, she's already trying to copy the star-earrings she wears. They're still pissed that they weren't invited and snubbed by the Countess, so they decide to crash the party anyway. (19:24--if you have a good eye, you can tell in this shot in the motorboat, they're not wearing their party clothes. You know what I'm gonna say, so I'll just shorten it. *salutes*)
Shana and Anthony are talking about their budget for a video, but it turns out they really don't have the money to do this, and they don't exactly have backing from a record company either (since Eric Raymond's made himself plenty comfortable at Starlight Music), so this means Jem and the Holograms really ARE stuck in a rock and a hard place. But Anthony promises Shana, "Don't worry, beautiful. We'll work it out." (The less said about this "arrangement," the better.)
Over on the port side of the ship (I assume it's port...or starboard....I can't tell. Port is left, starboard is right.), Jem catches up with Rio who's being all mopey and lonesome because Jerrica's not there.
Jem: "Thinking about Jerrica?"
(silence)
Jem: "Rio...do you like me?"
Rio: (exasperated) "I hardly know you! And you won't even tell me who you are!"
She's getting all flirty with him and is ready to tell him she's really his girlfriend in disguise. Watch Jem's eye makeup disappear and reappear--an animation continuity error, but Rio, get a clue. Her makeup disappears for a split second--ya think she kinda looks like Jerrica? KINDA SORTA?
They're about ready to share a romantic kiss, and it's hard to tell who instigates it, but it doesn't matter, because the romantically sexy moment is RUINED. By the MISFITS, of all people, squirting water at the two of them. YEAH, GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!
And now that the Misfits are on board, the party REALLY starts!
I swear, this is the video that makes the Misfits who they are.
The Countess is pissed. She alerts the captain to help her find the Misfits and escort them off the ship. (Where to? They're OUT AT SEA!) While the captain is out of his quarters, the Misfits sneak in and Roxy dares her to start navigating the yacht. Pizzazz is all, "Okay, smart-mouth," and starts randomly messing with buttons and dials. The whole yacht shifts and everyone falls, and the next thing you know....the yacht is headed straight for an oil barge!
This answers my question. Jem and Rio were on the port side of the yacht!
STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE THREE--"KIMBER'S REBELLION"!
And to wrap up this recap....I give you "Rio" by Duran Duran. Because of the yacht party scene.
(BTW, before I close, I must mention that all screencaps for this and for the previous recap are from here. Gotta give credit where credit's due, yo)
Was that it? I hope that was it.
Episode Two on the DVD opens with that "me and my girls are Jem-girls" theme that I HAAAATE.
Click to viewAh. Much better. I just try to convince myself that they didn't make a new Jem theme.
The show actually opens with a quickie recap of what happened last episode. (I just DID a quickie recap! *le sigh*) Starlight House is still burning, and Jerrica and the gang are quickly trying to get the Starlight Girls out of the house. Great. Just great. Not only did she inherit a house that was pretty much falling apart, now it caught fire and THEY'VE LOST EVERYTHING! Could things get any worse for Jerrica now?
Okay, let's go back to 1985 and before Jennifer Aniston's "Rachel" haircut. While the house is burning...did I mention the house is burning? I don't think I mentioned it enough. STARLIGHT HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!
Ashley, the scrappy girl, decides to sneak back into the house while no one's looking, WHILE IT'S ON FIRE. Smart move. (Then again, Ashley is a blonde.) The firefighters finally come and get to putting the fire out. Jerrica's doing a head count, and notices Ashley's not there.
"Ohmigod, I've only had custody of these girls a couple of days, and I've already let one of them DIE!!!"
Then Ashley rushes out with....you guessed it. The Honor Jar. I think she was just going to swipe it and run away from the rest of them with the cash, but that's just me. Jerrica the Pimp snatches it away from her and gives her an almighty bitch-smack. Jerrica rushes over to Ashley, worried, and gently scolds her.
Jerrica: "Of all the stupid stunts! Why did you go back into the house?"
Ashley: "I saved the Honor Jar!"
Jerrica: "Don't you understand? Your life is worth more than all the money in the world!"
Awww, Ashley's the tough tomgirl with a heart of gold.
Meanwhile, more footage of the beloved Starlight House burning to cinders:
RIP, Starlight House.
Very early morning, all of the girls are camped out on the front lawn. (What? None of the neighbors offered to take them in for the night? Heartless jerks.) Rio pulls up, sees the burned down house and is all, "WTF?! This is what happens when I leave you girls with no power for one night?!" He rushes over and hugs Jerrica.
Rio: "You're gonna be oooo-kaaaay."
Jerrica: "....Um, Rio? Something's poking me in the leg."
Rio: "Oh....erm, uh...." (walks away, muttering something about "morning wood")
(I should warn you guys. I have a very subversive sense of humor. That, and in these recaps, Rio's generally going to be a typical red-blooded horn-dog male in his early 20s who can't control his raging manhood.)
....Jerrica seriously went to bed wearing blue eyeshadow? THAT'S JUST A BAD IDEA.
Meanwhile, guess who's watching all of this?
They see what happened to Starlight House, and Pizzazz sarcastically remarks, "Couldn't have happened to a nicer person." And that's just life for ya, really.
Rio walks Jerrica back to the gaggle of girls, saying, "This is what happens when you cockblock me. Don't let this happen again. I knew I should've stayed with you." (DUH.)
One of the Starlight Girls asks, "Where are we going to live now?" Jerrica's all, "There's a place that's just waiting for us!" (I think she's inhaled too much smoke from the fire.) "How would you girls like to help Jem and the Holograms put on a concert right now?!" Kimber's all, "Bitch, are you crazy? We're freaking TIRED!"
"Look, Jerrica. The Starlight Girl in the corner is superimposed. SHE NEEDS SLEEP."
Jerrica instructs Rio to take all the Starlight Girls and to meet them in front of Howard Sands' house. (I imagine Rio is totally and utterly confused, as he is throughout the entirety of the series, and I half-expect him to ask, "Who's Howard Sands, and where does he live?") Jerrica, Shana, Aja and Kimber get into their big ol' minivan and they all take off. In the Misfits' van of doom, Pizzazz thinks something is up, and they decide to follow Jerrica and her gals.
Not far from the house, Aja notices the very conspicuous Misfits' van from the previous day.
So she attempts to lose them. The Misfits realize that they've been noticed. "Good, I could use some action!" Pizzazz sneers and shifts their van into high gear. The Misfits just keep following the girls, and Aja is afraid she won't be able to lose them. Jerrica gets another great idea, and fiddles with her earring again.
Aja ducks the van into a back alley. The Misfits follow the Holograms' hunk o' junk, but all they see is a trash bin that they drive past.
The Misfits are annoyed. They wanted to start some crap. But then they see Rio's van and decide to follow him. Yeah, let's start some crap with a van full of kids. Wonderful role models.
The Misfits are gone....so where are Jerrica and her friends/sister?
"Show's over, Synergy."
"TRANSFORMERS! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!" Nah. It was all a hologram! OoOoOoOoOoh. (BTW, the guy who did Eric Raymond's voice--Charlie Adler--also did the voice of Starscream in the Transformers movie.) Synergy drops the hologram of the trash bin and the van reverts to normal, and Aja drives the van back to the abandoned drive-in.
Wow, Synergy, way to be inconspicuous by putting your image on a huge drive-in projection screen. *facepalm* Aja drives through the wall. EXPERTLY, this time. Shana, Aja and Kimber get changed out of their pajamas into their clothes for their "concert." Except for Jerrica. She doesn't have to change her clothes. She's got her nifty earrings to help her out!
"Showtime, Synergy!"
If ANYONE can make me an LJ icon of that image, I will love you long time.
Jem gets in the car and they roll on out of the drive-in. I smell another music video!
Castles! Flying carpets! Rainbows! Unicorns! Sunken treasure! Dancing in the clouds! Shirtless Rio! This is the stuff a six-year-old girl dreams about!
Rio: "Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!"
Jem: "Do me on it!"
Rio and Jem: "WHEEEEE!"
(Okay, if you've never seen Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, then you just don't get it.)
Okay, back to "Jem." The video ends, and they're conveniently staging their concert in front of Howard Sands' place. Howard wakes up and he's like, "Wow, this is better than birdies waking me up in the morning!" Then the Misfits crash the event, heckling Jem and the Holograms. They make their way over to start trouble. (Why? Because starting trouble is what the Misfits do best! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!) Aja motions to Jem to go change while the rest of them cover for her.
Pizzazz: "Outta my way, pig-face."
Aja: "Looked in a mirror yourself, lately?" (Ouch, Aja, them's fightin' words!)
Jem's hiding under some bushes while Stormer is tracking her down. So she conjures up another hologram of Jem to ward Stormer off while the real Jem goes to pee behind the bushes in private. HA HA, no, she just needs to transform back into Jerrica.
"Show's over, Synergy."
And she transforms back into what looks like the dorkiest outfit ever worn to Sunday school. Sophistication--Jerrica doesn't have it quite yet.
The Misfits claim that the Holograms have no business being at Howard's. While they're squabbling, Howard tells them all to just STFU.
Howard: "You...why'd you wake me up so damn early?"
So Jerrica tells him that....*conjures up some tears*...they lost their house in a fire last night. Wow, Jerrica...dragging the foster girls over to Howard Sands' house first thing in the morning to play up the "I have a dozen waifs to feed! We need a place to crash!" angle...she's got some nerve. Kind of changes my opinion about her some. (Rio, I hope you're watching this.)
Pizzazz: "Aww, poor wittle baby."
Roxy: "BOR-ING."
(Stormer--being the "nice" Misfit--actually does shed a tear. She's such a pushover.)
Howard gets it. She's asking if she and the rest of the girls could move into the mansion, but ONLY until they can find some other place to stay. The Misfits are all, "WTF?!!! No fair!" (Hell, I would be, too! Find your own damn place to live!) Howard's all, "Until the day of the contest, the mansion is MY property, and I'll do with it what I damn well please!" So he gives in to Jerrica's sobfest and lets her have the keys, since she's pretty and considerably nicer than Pizzazz and her cronies. Pizzazz goes apeshit crazy over this, and has a temper tantrum, pushing Howard into the pool. Then Roxy decides to jump into the bulldozer and starts randomly driving it, causing destruction to Howard's property. WHY--I have no idea. Because she's a Misfit, and "causing trouble is what the Misfits do best!" Then Roxy runs into a large tree and abandons the bulldozer to avoid the branches messing up her peroxide-white hair.
Roxy: "I REGRET NOTHING!"
The bulldozer is just going by itself now, out of control. Way to go, box o' Rox.
Meanwhile, Jerrica's helping Howard out of the pool. While doing so, she falls backwards and into the bulldozer's path. You'd think she'd have the common sense to just get up and run out of the way, but no. She is a blonde, after all. She needs Rio to save her because she's just a damsel in distress.
Oh, he doesn't know what he'd do if anything ever happened to her. *awww* He puts her down without trying to cop a feel (because she DID just escape death, after all).
Aja jumps in the bulldozer and simply turns the key off. LIKE THAT!
Aja: "Freaking HELL, Roxy."
Pizzazz gets a gratuitous cleavage shot at 9:02 (holy HELL, this is a KIDS' show!), and she and the rest of the Misfits split the scene. Howard tells Jerrica that Jem has all his support. But if the Misfits win the contest (Kimber: "That'll be the day..."), they'll have to leave.
Back at Starlight Music, the Misfits are bitching to Eric about what happened and how Jerrica and those brats get to live there. Eric's bitching to them that he'll be lucky Howard Sands doesn't sue them for the property damage. The Misfits are pissed that Eric got angry with them, so they take their anger out on the reception area. Pizzazz kicks a garbage can, while Roxy pushes over a plant and nobody gets angry with her about anything. (Come on, Jem-fans, you know what I'm referencing....) They're all, "What-EVA, bitch! Imma do what I want!" and decide to go back to the mansion to mess things up for Miss Cotton Candy Head.
Back in the office, Eric calls up that asshat Zipper and gives him another job to do that he'll probably botch up yet again. That's stolen money well spent, Eric!
Meanwhile....the Starlight Girls arrive at their new home!
(I agree with Christy Marx. I like the design of the original Starlight House better than the Starlight Mansion.) Some of the girls make a beeline for the pool.
Someone please explain to me how the girls survived the fire and only had on their pajamas and lost EVERYTHING, but now they have normal clothes on. Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee!
Everything is so overwhelming! OHMIGOD!
Jerrica sees something on the wall and is all, "I wonder what this doohickey gadget is." She pushes a button.
"Welcome to the house of the future!"
Rio's outside with a bunch of press that he's already arranged for within the span of a day. How? I don't know. We're not supposed to question these things! JUST WATCH! (Once again, note all the nice things Rio does for Jerrica.) She buzzes them in, and that Zipper sneaks in before the gate closes. Aja stands in front of a door in case someone busts in on Jerrica getting naked--I mean, transforming into Jem.
"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!"
"I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
Er....I mean, "Showtime Synergy"?
Now that the girls are settling in to the mansion, Ashley figures they can forget about the Honor Jar mishap and the thirty bucks she has to earn for it, especially since she did save it. NOT SO FAST. That doesn't make up for her trying to steal the money in the first place. Ashley gets all pouty and angsty and goes outside. Guess who else is outside?
(Damn, Stormer's a sexy bitch.) The Misfits want in, and Ashley's hard-up for thirty bucks. Pizzazz tries haggling with her for twenty bucks. Ashley says, "Thirty, or no dice."
Pizzazz: *sigh* "Okay, pay her, Roxy."
Roxy: "Okay. Pay her, Stormer."
Stormer: "Huh? Oh, okay." (You're such a pushover, Stormer, hon.)
Score!
12:26--there is a sound of a dog barking. WHY?!
Zipper sneaks into the guest house and plants a bomb in there. NIIIICE.
Back inside the main part of the house, Jem and the Holograms are getting ready for a photo shoot. And I guess another music video...
Jem starts this segment out in the same blue dress from the "Like a Dream" video, but here she is, wearing the pink polka-dot number. Crappy animation continuity, I salute thee! (No, Holly, it's just a hologram! WoOoOoOoOo.)
Zipper has detonated the bomb and it's ticking. The photoshoot has moved outside, where both Jem and the Holograms AND the Misfits are in plain view. Eric Raymond pulls up in his pimpmobile (How the hell can he afford that car? Why am I asking this? He's been embezzling Emmett Benton, of course.) Then Eric realizes, "OH CRAP, my clients are going to be around when that bomb goes off, and THAT won't look good!" So he yells for them to move: "THERE'S A BOMB!"
Too late. The police come to investigate the scene.
15:21--hilarious. Pizzazz has cleavage like WOAH. The Misfits are being questioned by the cops, and they're striking a pose, vamping it up for the news cameras. Roxy and Stormer's voices are mixed up. (I call THAT a blooper.) So how DID Eric know about the bomb? Hmm? Some Jem and the Hologram "stan" gave him a tip that he was going to get the Misfits with the bomb. Likely story. Jem assumes that Howard will want them to move out (WHAT?! Jem actually bought Eric's excuse?! Dumb pink-head.), but Howard says, "Nonsense."
Meanwhile, Rio's fretting because he doesn't know where Jerrica was during all of that, and she might have been hurt or something.
HEY JERRICA, NOW MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO TELL RIO THAT YOU'RE REALLY JEM, HUH?! Ya think?!
Aja leads him in the house to stall him while Jem has Synergy project a hologram of Jerrica upstairs to show that she's A-okay....oh, Jerrica, Jerrica, Jerrica. This is where the deception begins. *shakes head*
Then some high-class broad shows up in her limo.
This is the Countess Danielle du Voison, a close friend of Howard's. (Lover?) She exclaims "Howard!" with a French accent, so you know she's high-class. She and Howard exchange the traditional European air-kiss, and she asks what happened to the place. Howard explains that luckily, the bomb went off in the old servants' quarters that were empty. (Old servants' quarters? I thought this mansion was newly built.) Howard introduces Countess du Voison to Jem and the Holograms. Oh, and their road manager, Rio. (Can't forget Rio, after all.) The Countess is all, "Oh, you do ze marvelous new muzeek?" Jem is very gracious and offers to play for her anytime. (See? THIS is what "Rock of Love: Charm School" was meant for, especially the part with the Duchess of Blah Blah Blah Whats-Her-Name. You have to be grace under pressure and stay composed. Thank you for the excellent example, Jem.) The Countess ("No, no, no! Call me Danielle!") is smitten with how polite Jem is and extends an invitation for them all to a party tonight on her yacht, which Howard accepts for them.
Here's how not to act around the Countess. She is exiting the scene when she happens upon our good friends, the Misfits.
Roxy actually says "Howdy" to the Countess? You stay klassy, Roxy. (It's like Goofus and Gallant!) Eric rushes over and starts kissing the Countess' butt and tries to weasel them into the yacht party. Danielle is all, "Hmmph! I most certainly think not!" and leaves.
Why the hell haven't the Misfits gotten the hint yet? No one wants them around! Kimber's bitching that it's time they left, so Jem decides to use some reverse psychology.
Jem: "Oh, Misfits!"
Pizzazz: (turns) "...Whaddya want?"
Jem: "Since you're hanging around, you can help us clean up."
(the Misfits look aghast at the suggestion that they do some actual work)
Pizzazz: "Cleaning's for suckers."
Roxy: "It's your mess."
Stormer: "Yeah, you clean it up." (They leave.)
(17:35--Roxy has green hair like Pizzazz does. Then at 17:46, all three of their mouths move at the same time, but you only hear Pizzazz's voice speaking. Say it with me: crappy animation continuity, I SALUTE THEE!)
Next scene: night-time. Time for the yacht party.
I love how Rio's wearing white sneakers with a black tuxedo. (Only in the 80s...the only person who can even attempt to pull this off now is maybe Justin Timberlake.) They're all boarding the yacht, and they're all oohing and aahing at the opulence. Except for Rio.
Rio: "I wish Jerrica were here."
Jem: "*psst* Rio, haven't you noticed by now? It's me! Jerrica! She's got a lot to do! But she told me to make sure you have a good time."
WOAH HO HO! You should hear the way Jem says this! Kinda...suggestive! Should a six-year-old really be watching this?
(Yes. That was me, circa Halloween 1987. If you've been keeping up with this LJ, I'm sure you've seen it by now.)
Once inside where the party's going on, Danielle greets Jem and the Holograms (and Rio and Howard), and introduces them to...
Lin-Z Pierce! (Does this count as blue-orange contrast?) She's kind of like the Martha Quinn of the "Jem" universe. Lin-Z asks Jem if they have a video yet. These girls just got their start the other day! Give 'em time! Lin-Z whistles over a friend of hers, Anthony Julian, who's a hot music video director.
Looks like the band already has Lin-Z's full endorsement, and she wants to hook 'em up. And Anthony already has his eyes set on Shana! "Love....exciting and new....come aboard...we're expecting yooooou....." So he scuttles Shana off to try to get into her panties--I mean, bend her ear for some ideas for a music video.
Meanwhile, outside the yacht in a motorboat of their own sit the Misfits, decked out in party gear.
Pizzazz is so jealous of Jem, she's already trying to copy the star-earrings she wears. They're still pissed that they weren't invited and snubbed by the Countess, so they decide to crash the party anyway. (19:24--if you have a good eye, you can tell in this shot in the motorboat, they're not wearing their party clothes. You know what I'm gonna say, so I'll just shorten it. *salutes*)
Shana and Anthony are talking about their budget for a video, but it turns out they really don't have the money to do this, and they don't exactly have backing from a record company either (since Eric Raymond's made himself plenty comfortable at Starlight Music), so this means Jem and the Holograms really ARE stuck in a rock and a hard place. But Anthony promises Shana, "Don't worry, beautiful. We'll work it out." (The less said about this "arrangement," the better.)
Over on the port side of the ship (I assume it's port...or starboard....I can't tell. Port is left, starboard is right.), Jem catches up with Rio who's being all mopey and lonesome because Jerrica's not there.
Jem: "Thinking about Jerrica?"
(silence)
Jem: "Rio...do you like me?"
Rio: (exasperated) "I hardly know you! And you won't even tell me who you are!"
She's getting all flirty with him and is ready to tell him she's really his girlfriend in disguise. Watch Jem's eye makeup disappear and reappear--an animation continuity error, but Rio, get a clue. Her makeup disappears for a split second--ya think she kinda looks like Jerrica? KINDA SORTA?
They're about ready to share a romantic kiss, and it's hard to tell who instigates it, but it doesn't matter, because the romantically sexy moment is RUINED. By the MISFITS, of all people, squirting water at the two of them. YEAH, GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!
And now that the Misfits are on board, the party REALLY starts!
I swear, this is the video that makes the Misfits who they are.
The Countess is pissed. She alerts the captain to help her find the Misfits and escort them off the ship. (Where to? They're OUT AT SEA!) While the captain is out of his quarters, the Misfits sneak in and Roxy dares her to start navigating the yacht. Pizzazz is all, "Okay, smart-mouth," and starts randomly messing with buttons and dials. The whole yacht shifts and everyone falls, and the next thing you know....the yacht is headed straight for an oil barge!
This answers my question. Jem and Rio were on the port side of the yacht!
STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE THREE--"KIMBER'S REBELLION"!
And to wrap up this recap....I give you "Rio" by Duran Duran. Because of the yacht party scene.
(BTW, before I close, I must mention that all screencaps for this and for the previous recap are from here. Gotta give credit where credit's due, yo)