enough of Brad/Jen/Angelina...."Charm School" is in session!
Last week on "Rock of Love: Charm School," the Duchess of Birmingham, Alabama, Paige J.R. Ewing-ton visited, and the girls' etiquette skills were put to the test. Inna didn't cover up her lovely lady lumps because Brandi C. and Lacey didn't want to be a team with her, Brandi M. kept screwing up the Duchess' name, Jessica made lousy jokes, (spotted) dick was eaten, Brandi M. convinced Jessica to put herself up on the chopping block "to develop some backbone," and in the end Inna was eliminated....even though if Brandi M. had been up there like she originally was supposed to, she would've definitely went packing.
Okay, we're six episodes in, who's been eliminated so far? Raven (who eliminated herself), Courtney, Angelique, Rodeo, Megan, and Inna. Just keeping track, folks.
And before I even REALLY get into the commentary this week...a little off-topic. Riki Rachtman's "RikiCam" this week wasn't even about Charm School, but I definitely suggest you check it out. Especially if the potential bail-out of the automobile industry is on your mind...Riki has something he wants to get off his chest:
Keep that in mind. One in nine Americans.
Oh-kay, back to "Charm School." Inna has left, but not without leaving behind a note for the rest of the contestants. I paused my tape, and here's what Inna had to say:
"I LOVE YOU GIRLS!
Don't be sad, just kick ass for me!!!
Kristy Joe, stop crying! You're my little munchkin! <3
Heather, you're cool as hell! <3
Jessica, you're super sweet! <3
Desitney, you fucking rock! <3
Brandy M., you are the shit! <3
Dallas, you crack me the fuck up, bigfoot! <3 u.
Lacey, you're still a bitch and your little buddy is not too far from that either, although she could do better.
<3 Inna."
Of course, the bad words are blurred out because this is Vh1, after all. But damn, I see that note and I'm pissed Inna was eliminated. Lacey the bitch, in her interview, is all, "So Inna the pig is eliminated, thanks to me." Yeah, thanks to you, because you didn't learn how to work in a team. You didn't learn during "Rock of Love," and you certainly aren't learning now. Why the hell are you still in the competition? Oh yeah, for RATINGS!!!
So she and Brandi C. get up early in the morning and start clanging on tin garbage cans with metal spoons and shit to give everyone a rude awakening. Ugh. Talk about childish.
Dallas, complete with her dark shades, comes out from the bedroom area to find another oversized note from Sharon with a bottle of champagne. "Hopefully, it'll be a really good day," Dallas says. She delivers the champagne bottle and the note to the girls and reads the note: "Good morning, my charming ladies. Being a fully rocking lady affords you the opportunity to enjoy the finer things in life, and today I want you to get a taste of those finer things. Daniella will meet you by the poolside in one hour. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME! XOXO, Sharon!" (Okay, I added the "you know you love me" part. Damn you, "Gossip Girl"!)
This week's commandment? "Thou shalt rock thy body."
DAMMIT, ANGELINA. I THOUGHT I JUST TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!
What Sharon means is for the girls to treat their bodies like the temples that they are, and not the Temple of Doom. The girls get dressed in semi-nice street clothes and meet Daniella at poolside, where there are booths set up for wine tasting, whiskey tasting, tequila tasting, vodka tasting, cigar samples....
Oh yeah, I have a feeling someone's getting drunk today! *rubs hands with glee*
Daniella explains that these booths are being manned by cigar and spirits enthusiasts that can offer you the information about the best cigars and liquors that the world has to offer (not just your basic 24-pack of Bret's Brew, remember that crap?!), and how to enjoy them.
Really....who's gonna pass up the opportunity to drink as much free alcohol as possible?! Oh my freaking GAWD!!!!!!! Sharon predicts these girls will all be pretty legless in about five minutes. While all the experts are schooling the girls about "subtle nuances" of wine, and how to cut and hold a cigar, diluting whiskey to bring out the flavors, etc., etc. Pfft, like these girls are really listening. They don't care about "tasting." They care about drinking! Yes, you CAN just "sip" a shot of tequila! And at least Jessica's trying to learn and not so concerned about getting wasted.
This TV show is just a big advertisement for Alcoholics Anonymous, really.
http://www.passagesmalibu.com/
Dallas is just thrilled to be seeing MEN! She's been surrounded by all of these beyotches for the last five or six days. She doesn't care if they're geeky. "They're men, and they have penises, and I am READY."
Kristy Jo thinks today is just a day for relaxing, and is thrilled. Meanwhile....and I don't know why these two are conversing....Brandi M. and Lacey are talking about hunting. Brandi M. hunts. Her mother hunts. They bow-hunt, but not really for sport. Of course, this makes Brandi M. even more white-trash than she already is. *rolls eyes* And LACEY, the animal-rights activist, "hunting is bad! I could never kill an animal, much less EAT one!" blah blah blah. But Kristy Jo looks over and notices that Lacey is eating salmon and caviar. Lacey's talking about how no one is better than anyone else, really, except her morals are better than anyone else's. Ugh. I don't know if she's just drunk, or if she's really making herself out to be the hypocrite that she is.
Wait a minute...Lacey's eating....a DEAD FISH?!
And......OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS, caviar is FISH EGGS?!!
Guess who else notices this? Oh yes. DALLAS. The one who Lacey went on her anti-fur, PETA-crusading tirade during the first night of "Rock of Love." Dallas calls her out on her fish-eating ways. Lacey's all, "WAIT, you didn't the conversation, so if you're going to call me you, you better listen." Dallas doesn't want to hear it. She knows Lacey's just a phony, using her animal activism to make her look like an angel in disguise. Lacey notices that Dallas is getting drunk, so she's going to take advantage of the situation. Lacey starts invading Dallas' personal space--AGAIN--and bugs her about why she doesn't want to debate it if she's going to start it, blah blah blah. Dallas is just avoiding her because she knows Lacey just wants to start shit. Everyone knows this is what Lacey is all about, and they're tired of Lacey just being Lacey. Lacey's going on about how Dallas starts things that she "CAN. NOT. FINISH!"
No, really, Lacey. Explain why. Explain how you're SUCH an animal rights activist, and how you can't bear to kill an animal much less eat one, but are fish less of an animal as opposed to a cow? Or a chicken? How is eating fish any different? And if you're going to be such a hard-core animal activist, you better be willing to go all-out vegan if you're going to really be spouting propaganda left and right, lest ye be called a "HYPOCRITE."
Brandi C., the lemming that she is, is scared that if Lacey starts any more shit with anyone, she'll be losing the other only friend she has in the house if Lacey gets eliminated. She wishes Lacey would just start shaping up. WOW! Brandi C. makes sense?! Who'd have thunk it? She pulls Lacey to the side and gently tells her to knock it off. Lacey's got this smirk on her face and tells Brandi C., "I was just playing around!" Brandi C. tells her, "No. Don't. Sharon doesn't like us playing around, remember?"
Wow. Just....wow. I think Brandi C. is finally learning!
Dallas goes in the house, so Lacey follows her inside. Lacey is drunk, and she just wants to start crap, so she crawls in Dallas' bunk. Brandi C. follows Lacey and is warning her to just stop, because if Lacey is eliminated, she can't stand to be in the house by herself. Lacey starts wiping her dirty feet on Dallas' jacket. Dallas follows them in the room, and Lacey starts in with her. "You know, I feel you don't get me, but maybe you can help me understand Dallas."
Yeah. I'm rolling my eyes, too. Dallas is just sitting in a chair in the room, looking at her--or not, I can't tell, she's wearing her shades--speechless. If I were Dallas, I wouldn't be saying anything either. Lacey is not worth wasting words or energy over. Lacey just wants attention. She crawls out of the bunk and makes her way over to Dallas.
Brandi C. is warning her not to touch her or to get in a fight with her. She starts getting in Dallas' face, just antagonizing her and acting like, "Why won't you talk to me? Can you not hear me? Maybe I'm not close enough, maybe you need to take those glasses off..." and starts in to mess with her shades, and Brandi C. is trying to hold Lacey back, telling her not to touch Dallas. Lacey is asking Dallas, "Are you scared of me? You must be scared because you won't say anything to me." Just when Brandi C. thinks it might not be so much of a problem anymore, she goes off to use the bathroom. Bad idea.
Meanwhile, Heather's back inside, sitting on her bunk, and she's observing the situation as well. She sees Lacey getting in Dallas' face, centimeters away, and purposely spills a drink on Dallas. Heather saw it. Lacey sashays away, going, "Oh, I get clumsy sometimes."
Oh yeah. Dallas is reporting her to Sharon. She asks Heather which door is Sharon's office, because she's writing the incident and putting it in her office. Heather is really surprised Dallas didn't beat Lacey to a bloody pulp to match her hair. I guess that's showing Dallas is making progress.
Outside...the girls are trying to sober up....and....*sniff sniff*....
Wayne: Hey, Garth, I smell bacon. Do you smell bacon?
Garth: Yes Wayne. I definitely smell a pork product of some type.
It's the FUZZ! Brandi M.: "Finally! Someone's here to arrest Lacey!"
QUOTE OF THE DAY!!! Brandi M. gets a gold star:
Kristy Jo is thinking, "WE HAVE A STRIPPER?! Yay!!" (I like Brandi M.'s comeback better. Sorry, Kay-Jay.) Heather thinks he's a stripper, too. Because strippers of a feather flock together? NO. Damn, these girls are dick-deprived. And they've only been in the house five or six days. The cop instructs the girls to line up and follow him in. And since he's so babelicious, they do as he orders! *wink wink nudge nudge*
Inside they see cameras set up, with blow-up dolls and condoms and other random assorted props....what sort of kinky cop is this? Are they making a porno? Ask Brandi C.; she knows ALL about doing porn!
Riki's inside, and he explains that by "Thou shalt rock thy body," they meant pacing yourself when in a certain social situation. (Ohhhh!) So Officer Rick here is going to give each girl a breathalyzer test. Ugh.
Kristy Jo goes first, and she registers a .003, which really isn't bad.
Jessica .006
Heather (Lacey: "Nobody gave Heather $20, I don't see why she's gonna blow this thing." She laughs hysterically at her own joke. I don't. That's why nobody likes her. You stay klassy, Lacey.)
All of the other girls blow, and they don't show their results immediately. (BOOOOOO!!) In California, the legal limit is .08 (like it is here in Indiana). If you are caught driving with a blood alcohol content of .08 and over, that's an automatic ticket to jail. Riki looks over the results, and he's surprised at the results, because they were not as bad as he thought they would've been. The lowest B.A.C. goes to Kristy Jo, who had the .003 rating. HEATHER had a .004, believe it or not. Jessica had a .006, Destiney had a .009, Brandi C. had a .01 ("Are you sure that's accurate?" Brandi M. asks, sort of laughing.), and Brandi M. had a .02.
Lacey had a .042, and Dallas had a .087. The drunkest girls of the bunch.
Really, there was no lesson to be learned today. *phew* But there will be a test. Riki pairs up the girls according to where they ranked with their blood alcohol content. Kristy Jo and Heather, having the lowest, get paired up in a team. Lacey and Dallas, being the drunks that they are, get paired together. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) Brandi C. and Brandi M. are a team, and Destiney and Jessica are a team.
What the girls have to do is put together a public service announcement about the dangers of excessive drinking. Inside their martini shakers is the specific thing they will be doing their "drinking is bad" PSA about. Kay-Jay and Heather get "excessive drinking is harmful to my unborn babies." Jessica and Destiney get "excessive drinking is harmful to my body." The Brandi's get "excessive drinking leads to sexual promiscuity." They all laugh over that; is that really a BAD thing?! (Jessica: "Wow, Brandi M. and Brandi C., two ex-porn stars, doing a video about...stuff that porn stars do." LAWL.) Lacey and Dallas get "excessive drinking puts me in dangerous situations." These two can sure talk.
They have an hour to set up and film their PSA, and whoever had the higher blood alcohol content is the spokesperson for their PSA.
Brandi M. feels she lucked out, because who knows better about drunken slutty behavior than Brandi C.?
Lacey needs a piece of paper so she can work on the script. Dallas just ignores her and walks away. Lacey's all, "Okay...I thought we were a team." Wow, Lacey! Where was that attitude last week?! Destiney follows Dallas outside and asks her what she's doing. Dallas flat out tells her, "Not helping Lacey win." Destiney tells her that she'll just be sabotaging her changes as well as Lacey's if she doesn't do anything. Just suck it up and try.
Seriously....I think Dallas has Lacey figured out. She knows Lacey and Brandi C. were responsible for getting Inna eliminated last week because they didn't act as a team. She knows Lacey is not a team player. And so what if she works with Lacey anyway? Lacey will still find a way to get Dallas eliminated, because that's just what she does.
I don't want to see her go and Lacey stick around, but if this is going to be her attitude, maybe she deserves to get eliminated this week.
Kristy Jo and Heather had the ultimate inspiration for their PSA:
Destiney and Jessica also have some funny ideas for theirs, but you don't really hear it.
Meanwhile, the red-haired harpie is trying to track down her teammate. Uh-oh, looks like Lacey's going to have to do this all by herself and give herself all the credit again....nope, Dallas is going to drag her ass down and make a half-assed attempt at contributing.
Coming to theaters....Brandi C. and Brandi M. Make a Porno PSA!
"Stop fuckin' doing people when you're drunk, bitch!"
Lacey and Dallas....still trying to do, or not do, any work. Both are lost causes. Maybe if Lacey hadn't tried to start shit with Dallas, Dallas wouldn't be acting like such a bitch.
Kay-Jay and Heather are having technical difficulties. They tried recording Heather-as-Britney drinking and strolling herself and Sean Preston into a pool, and they can't re-do that take with only fifteen minutes left, since their camera didn't record it.
The best Dallas and Lacey can come up with in their remaining time when they aren't bickering or avoiding each other is something that involves a suit of armor.
Uhm....oh-kaaay.
Time to view the PSAs, and judge based on how entertaining and informative they are.
First up...Destiney and Jessica. They are serious with their PSA...or trying to be. Destiney stages a heart attack, or heart failure, whichever.
Next....Britney's Drunken Baby Escapades by Heather and Kristy Jo! "Leave me alone! I can do what I want! It's my baby!" It's fucking HILARIOUS!!!!!
Next...the Brandi's! "Young people who drink a lot fuck a lot." It's funny....but it's too raunchy for a PSA. You can tell Sharon doesn't know what to think, whether to laugh or whether to chide them. Daniella looks shocked.
Finally...Dallas and Lacey. "Drinking puts me in dangerous situations." Really....just watching the earlier incident is enough to warrant a PSA. Drinking put Dallas in a dangerous situation: being paired up with Lacey. Dallas shoves the suit of armor out of the short bus Charm School bus, and just reads some stats off the sheet on her lap.
Well.....time to deliberate and judge!
Destiney and Jessica: Ultimately, the idea was good, but the execution wasn't pulled off very well.
The Brandi's: NOT APPROPRIATE. (Duh!) Not for a PSA, anyway.
Dallas and Lacey: They put no real effort into it. Well, even if Dallas HAD sucked it up, Lacey would've found a way for it to have sucked anyway. Daniella asks how the teamwork was, and Lacey says that she couldn't find Dallas for the first 30 minutes, cursed her out some and just wasn't thrilled to be working with her. (Duh!) Oh well. Too bad, so sad.
Heather and Kristy Jo: Riki saw them filming part of it with the stroller, and he's just curious why THAT wasn't included. That was the part that didn't film because of the technical difficulty they had. (Boooo.) Sharon loved Heather's acting, even though all it consisted of was Heather yelling, "Leave me alone, y'all!" They win, and are safe from expulsion tonight! THANKS, BRIT-BRIT!
"No problem, y'all."
Brandi C. and Brandi M. are upset that they got scolded for their video. But really....what else are you going to do with blow-up dolls? I think they did a good job, even if it was "offensive."
Lacey and Brandi C. are pow-wowing about how Lacey's going to plead her cause on the carpet, because Lacey knows she and Dallas are going to be called down. Lacey's going to point out how Dallas just wasn't a team player, and really, she wasn't. But let's point out how Lacey wasn't exactly a team player last week regarding Inna not being properly dressed.
Someone please explain to me again why Lacey hasn't been eliminated yet? Oh yeah, ratings.
Elimination time. Brandi C. is talking about how she knows she made a racy PSA, but at least she put some effort into it. And she's still annoyed that Lacey won't quit pushing people's buttons, and she just doesn't want Lacey to get eliminated. God, Brandi C., maybe you need to quit being so co-dependent. She is making progress, but the fact that she doesn't want someone else to get eliminated besides her will hold her back.
Who gets called down? Dallas and Lacey, of course.
Ugh. Lacey is NOT ATTRACTIVE.
She also calls down the Brandi's. What?! Why?! Riki explains it's like one step forward, five steps back with those two. Daniella says she's all for pushing the envelope, but they went a bit too far with their PSA. Sharon says the creative idea was good, but ultimately inappropriate. But they're not "Dumb and Dumber," and she says because of this, they can go back to their spots in the group. *sigh* Safe. And Brandi M. didn't have to push out a tear or two. (And all of a sudden...I'm kind of rooting for Brandi C. Just a little bit.)
But regarding Lacey and Dallas, the tape sucked, but it's because of their stupid petty drama and bickering that got in the way of being a team. Daniella agrees, and she says she knows they are better than that. I don't think so, and I can't wait for the reunion show to see what goes down between these two bitches.
Lacey goes into damage control, and yes, Dallas dropped the ball. Riki wants to know what started this squabble, and it was over the Dallas calling Lacey out on her animal rights BS, then shutting up about it while Lacey antagonized her over and over. But of course, Lacey puts her own spin on it, "Please tell me what's going on!" Seriously, if Sharon ever went back to watch the footage of what was really going on...Lacey would've been out on her ass so fast. Heather speaks up and says, "Oh, you know you got up thisclose in her face." Brandi C. then starts arguing with Heather how she was trying to keep Lacey from doing anything rash.
Oh hell. Here:
It's sad. Lacey believes her own lies. There's something wrong with that woman.
Anyway, it all boils down to Lacey or Dallas. The judges just get the general vibe from Dallas that she feels she's too good for this, and she didn't even really care. The point is, she did not put forth 100% this time. This was mainly because of Lacey being Lacey, but guess what? That's life. You have to deal with difficult people. Most importantly, you have to learn to deal with difficult people. And you have to give a shit ALL of the time, not just sporadically.
Which is ultimately why Dallas got eliminated tonight. But really...Dallas didn't want to change. She was just itching to deck Lacey in the face and curse more people out.
Like I said, I can't wait for the reunion episode.
And in the previews for next week....shit goes down, and Brandi C. pulls a Pumkin and SPITS on someone! Bret want to know..."Whassa goin' on?!"
......Okay, this was a hard one to snark on this week, because it was nothing but "Lacey sucks" left and right, which is really getting boring. I'm really waiting for next week.
Okay, we're six episodes in, who's been eliminated so far? Raven (who eliminated herself), Courtney, Angelique, Rodeo, Megan, and Inna. Just keeping track, folks.
And before I even REALLY get into the commentary this week...a little off-topic. Riki Rachtman's "RikiCam" this week wasn't even about Charm School, but I definitely suggest you check it out. Especially if the potential bail-out of the automobile industry is on your mind...Riki has something he wants to get off his chest:
Click to viewKeep that in mind. One in nine Americans.
Oh-kay, back to "Charm School." Inna has left, but not without leaving behind a note for the rest of the contestants. I paused my tape, and here's what Inna had to say:
"I LOVE YOU GIRLS!
Don't be sad, just kick ass for me!!!
Kristy Joe, stop crying! You're my little munchkin! <3
Heather, you're cool as hell! <3
Jessica, you're super sweet! <3
Desitney, you fucking rock! <3
Brandy M., you are the shit! <3
Dallas, you crack me the fuck up, bigfoot! <3 u.
Lacey, you're still a bitch and your little buddy is not too far from that either, although she could do better.
<3 Inna."
Of course, the bad words are blurred out because this is Vh1, after all. But damn, I see that note and I'm pissed Inna was eliminated. Lacey the bitch, in her interview, is all, "So Inna the pig is eliminated, thanks to me." Yeah, thanks to you, because you didn't learn how to work in a team. You didn't learn during "Rock of Love," and you certainly aren't learning now. Why the hell are you still in the competition? Oh yeah, for RATINGS!!!
So she and Brandi C. get up early in the morning and start clanging on tin garbage cans with metal spoons and shit to give everyone a rude awakening. Ugh. Talk about childish.
Dallas, complete with her dark shades, comes out from the bedroom area to find another oversized note from Sharon with a bottle of champagne. "Hopefully, it'll be a really good day," Dallas says. She delivers the champagne bottle and the note to the girls and reads the note: "Good morning, my charming ladies. Being a fully rocking lady affords you the opportunity to enjoy the finer things in life, and today I want you to get a taste of those finer things. Daniella will meet you by the poolside in one hour. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME! XOXO, Sharon!" (Okay, I added the "you know you love me" part. Damn you, "Gossip Girl"!)
This week's commandment? "Thou shalt rock thy body."
DAMMIT, ANGELINA. I THOUGHT I JUST TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!
What Sharon means is for the girls to treat their bodies like the temples that they are, and not the Temple of Doom. The girls get dressed in semi-nice street clothes and meet Daniella at poolside, where there are booths set up for wine tasting, whiskey tasting, tequila tasting, vodka tasting, cigar samples....
Oh yeah, I have a feeling someone's getting drunk today! *rubs hands with glee*
Daniella explains that these booths are being manned by cigar and spirits enthusiasts that can offer you the information about the best cigars and liquors that the world has to offer (not just your basic 24-pack of Bret's Brew, remember that crap?!), and how to enjoy them.
Really....who's gonna pass up the opportunity to drink as much free alcohol as possible?! Oh my freaking GAWD!!!!!!! Sharon predicts these girls will all be pretty legless in about five minutes. While all the experts are schooling the girls about "subtle nuances" of wine, and how to cut and hold a cigar, diluting whiskey to bring out the flavors, etc., etc. Pfft, like these girls are really listening. They don't care about "tasting." They care about drinking! Yes, you CAN just "sip" a shot of tequila! And at least Jessica's trying to learn and not so concerned about getting wasted.
This TV show is just a big advertisement for Alcoholics Anonymous, really.
http://www.passagesmalibu.com/
Dallas is just thrilled to be seeing MEN! She's been surrounded by all of these beyotches for the last five or six days. She doesn't care if they're geeky. "They're men, and they have penises, and I am READY."
Kristy Jo thinks today is just a day for relaxing, and is thrilled. Meanwhile....and I don't know why these two are conversing....Brandi M. and Lacey are talking about hunting. Brandi M. hunts. Her mother hunts. They bow-hunt, but not really for sport. Of course, this makes Brandi M. even more white-trash than she already is. *rolls eyes* And LACEY, the animal-rights activist, "hunting is bad! I could never kill an animal, much less EAT one!" blah blah blah. But Kristy Jo looks over and notices that Lacey is eating salmon and caviar. Lacey's talking about how no one is better than anyone else, really, except her morals are better than anyone else's. Ugh. I don't know if she's just drunk, or if she's really making herself out to be the hypocrite that she is.
Wait a minute...Lacey's eating....a DEAD FISH?!
And......OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS, caviar is FISH EGGS?!!
Guess who else notices this? Oh yes. DALLAS. The one who Lacey went on her anti-fur, PETA-crusading tirade during the first night of "Rock of Love." Dallas calls her out on her fish-eating ways. Lacey's all, "WAIT, you didn't the conversation, so if you're going to call me you, you better listen." Dallas doesn't want to hear it. She knows Lacey's just a phony, using her animal activism to make her look like an angel in disguise. Lacey notices that Dallas is getting drunk, so she's going to take advantage of the situation. Lacey starts invading Dallas' personal space--AGAIN--and bugs her about why she doesn't want to debate it if she's going to start it, blah blah blah. Dallas is just avoiding her because she knows Lacey just wants to start shit. Everyone knows this is what Lacey is all about, and they're tired of Lacey just being Lacey. Lacey's going on about how Dallas starts things that she "CAN. NOT. FINISH!"
No, really, Lacey. Explain why. Explain how you're SUCH an animal rights activist, and how you can't bear to kill an animal much less eat one, but are fish less of an animal as opposed to a cow? Or a chicken? How is eating fish any different? And if you're going to be such a hard-core animal activist, you better be willing to go all-out vegan if you're going to really be spouting propaganda left and right, lest ye be called a "HYPOCRITE."
Brandi C., the lemming that she is, is scared that if Lacey starts any more shit with anyone, she'll be losing the other only friend she has in the house if Lacey gets eliminated. She wishes Lacey would just start shaping up. WOW! Brandi C. makes sense?! Who'd have thunk it? She pulls Lacey to the side and gently tells her to knock it off. Lacey's got this smirk on her face and tells Brandi C., "I was just playing around!" Brandi C. tells her, "No. Don't. Sharon doesn't like us playing around, remember?"
Wow. Just....wow. I think Brandi C. is finally learning!
Dallas goes in the house, so Lacey follows her inside. Lacey is drunk, and she just wants to start crap, so she crawls in Dallas' bunk. Brandi C. follows Lacey and is warning her to just stop, because if Lacey is eliminated, she can't stand to be in the house by herself. Lacey starts wiping her dirty feet on Dallas' jacket. Dallas follows them in the room, and Lacey starts in with her. "You know, I feel you don't get me, but maybe you can help me understand Dallas."
Yeah. I'm rolling my eyes, too. Dallas is just sitting in a chair in the room, looking at her--or not, I can't tell, she's wearing her shades--speechless. If I were Dallas, I wouldn't be saying anything either. Lacey is not worth wasting words or energy over. Lacey just wants attention. She crawls out of the bunk and makes her way over to Dallas.
Brandi C. is warning her not to touch her or to get in a fight with her. She starts getting in Dallas' face, just antagonizing her and acting like, "Why won't you talk to me? Can you not hear me? Maybe I'm not close enough, maybe you need to take those glasses off..." and starts in to mess with her shades, and Brandi C. is trying to hold Lacey back, telling her not to touch Dallas. Lacey is asking Dallas, "Are you scared of me? You must be scared because you won't say anything to me." Just when Brandi C. thinks it might not be so much of a problem anymore, she goes off to use the bathroom. Bad idea.
Meanwhile, Heather's back inside, sitting on her bunk, and she's observing the situation as well. She sees Lacey getting in Dallas' face, centimeters away, and purposely spills a drink on Dallas. Heather saw it. Lacey sashays away, going, "Oh, I get clumsy sometimes."
Oh yeah. Dallas is reporting her to Sharon. She asks Heather which door is Sharon's office, because she's writing the incident and putting it in her office. Heather is really surprised Dallas didn't beat Lacey to a bloody pulp to match her hair. I guess that's showing Dallas is making progress.
Outside...the girls are trying to sober up....and....*sniff sniff*....
Wayne: Hey, Garth, I smell bacon. Do you smell bacon?
Garth: Yes Wayne. I definitely smell a pork product of some type.
It's the FUZZ! Brandi M.: "Finally! Someone's here to arrest Lacey!"
QUOTE OF THE DAY!!! Brandi M. gets a gold star:
Kristy Jo is thinking, "WE HAVE A STRIPPER?! Yay!!" (I like Brandi M.'s comeback better. Sorry, Kay-Jay.) Heather thinks he's a stripper, too. Because strippers of a feather flock together? NO. Damn, these girls are dick-deprived. And they've only been in the house five or six days. The cop instructs the girls to line up and follow him in. And since he's so babelicious, they do as he orders! *wink wink nudge nudge*
Inside they see cameras set up, with blow-up dolls and condoms and other random assorted props....what sort of kinky cop is this? Are they making a porno? Ask Brandi C.; she knows ALL about doing porn!
Riki's inside, and he explains that by "Thou shalt rock thy body," they meant pacing yourself when in a certain social situation. (Ohhhh!) So Officer Rick here is going to give each girl a breathalyzer test. Ugh.
Kristy Jo goes first, and she registers a .003, which really isn't bad.
Jessica .006
Heather (Lacey: "Nobody gave Heather $20, I don't see why she's gonna blow this thing." She laughs hysterically at her own joke. I don't. That's why nobody likes her. You stay klassy, Lacey.)
All of the other girls blow, and they don't show their results immediately. (BOOOOOO!!) In California, the legal limit is .08 (like it is here in Indiana). If you are caught driving with a blood alcohol content of .08 and over, that's an automatic ticket to jail. Riki looks over the results, and he's surprised at the results, because they were not as bad as he thought they would've been. The lowest B.A.C. goes to Kristy Jo, who had the .003 rating. HEATHER had a .004, believe it or not. Jessica had a .006, Destiney had a .009, Brandi C. had a .01 ("Are you sure that's accurate?" Brandi M. asks, sort of laughing.), and Brandi M. had a .02.
Lacey had a .042, and Dallas had a .087. The drunkest girls of the bunch.
Really, there was no lesson to be learned today. *phew* But there will be a test. Riki pairs up the girls according to where they ranked with their blood alcohol content. Kristy Jo and Heather, having the lowest, get paired up in a team. Lacey and Dallas, being the drunks that they are, get paired together. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) Brandi C. and Brandi M. are a team, and Destiney and Jessica are a team.
What the girls have to do is put together a public service announcement about the dangers of excessive drinking. Inside their martini shakers is the specific thing they will be doing their "drinking is bad" PSA about. Kay-Jay and Heather get "excessive drinking is harmful to my unborn babies." Jessica and Destiney get "excessive drinking is harmful to my body." The Brandi's get "excessive drinking leads to sexual promiscuity." They all laugh over that; is that really a BAD thing?! (Jessica: "Wow, Brandi M. and Brandi C., two ex-porn stars, doing a video about...stuff that porn stars do." LAWL.) Lacey and Dallas get "excessive drinking puts me in dangerous situations." These two can sure talk.
They have an hour to set up and film their PSA, and whoever had the higher blood alcohol content is the spokesperson for their PSA.
Brandi M. feels she lucked out, because who knows better about drunken slutty behavior than Brandi C.?
Lacey needs a piece of paper so she can work on the script. Dallas just ignores her and walks away. Lacey's all, "Okay...I thought we were a team." Wow, Lacey! Where was that attitude last week?! Destiney follows Dallas outside and asks her what she's doing. Dallas flat out tells her, "Not helping Lacey win." Destiney tells her that she'll just be sabotaging her changes as well as Lacey's if she doesn't do anything. Just suck it up and try.
Seriously....I think Dallas has Lacey figured out. She knows Lacey and Brandi C. were responsible for getting Inna eliminated last week because they didn't act as a team. She knows Lacey is not a team player. And so what if she works with Lacey anyway? Lacey will still find a way to get Dallas eliminated, because that's just what she does.
I don't want to see her go and Lacey stick around, but if this is going to be her attitude, maybe she deserves to get eliminated this week.
Kristy Jo and Heather had the ultimate inspiration for their PSA:
Destiney and Jessica also have some funny ideas for theirs, but you don't really hear it.
Meanwhile, the red-haired harpie is trying to track down her teammate. Uh-oh, looks like Lacey's going to have to do this all by herself and give herself all the credit again....nope, Dallas is going to drag her ass down and make a half-assed attempt at contributing.
Coming to theaters....Brandi C. and Brandi M. Make a Porno PSA!
"Stop fuckin' doing people when you're drunk, bitch!"
Lacey and Dallas....still trying to do, or not do, any work. Both are lost causes. Maybe if Lacey hadn't tried to start shit with Dallas, Dallas wouldn't be acting like such a bitch.
Kay-Jay and Heather are having technical difficulties. They tried recording Heather-as-Britney drinking and strolling herself and Sean Preston into a pool, and they can't re-do that take with only fifteen minutes left, since their camera didn't record it.
The best Dallas and Lacey can come up with in their remaining time when they aren't bickering or avoiding each other is something that involves a suit of armor.
Uhm....oh-kaaay.
Time to view the PSAs, and judge based on how entertaining and informative they are.
First up...Destiney and Jessica. They are serious with their PSA...or trying to be. Destiney stages a heart attack, or heart failure, whichever.
Next....Britney's Drunken Baby Escapades by Heather and Kristy Jo! "Leave me alone! I can do what I want! It's my baby!" It's fucking HILARIOUS!!!!!
Next...the Brandi's! "Young people who drink a lot fuck a lot." It's funny....but it's too raunchy for a PSA. You can tell Sharon doesn't know what to think, whether to laugh or whether to chide them. Daniella looks shocked.
Finally...Dallas and Lacey. "Drinking puts me in dangerous situations." Really....just watching the earlier incident is enough to warrant a PSA. Drinking put Dallas in a dangerous situation: being paired up with Lacey. Dallas shoves the suit of armor out of the short bus Charm School bus, and just reads some stats off the sheet on her lap.
Well.....time to deliberate and judge!
Destiney and Jessica: Ultimately, the idea was good, but the execution wasn't pulled off very well.
The Brandi's: NOT APPROPRIATE. (Duh!) Not for a PSA, anyway.
Dallas and Lacey: They put no real effort into it. Well, even if Dallas HAD sucked it up, Lacey would've found a way for it to have sucked anyway. Daniella asks how the teamwork was, and Lacey says that she couldn't find Dallas for the first 30 minutes, cursed her out some and just wasn't thrilled to be working with her. (Duh!) Oh well. Too bad, so sad.
Heather and Kristy Jo: Riki saw them filming part of it with the stroller, and he's just curious why THAT wasn't included. That was the part that didn't film because of the technical difficulty they had. (Boooo.) Sharon loved Heather's acting, even though all it consisted of was Heather yelling, "Leave me alone, y'all!" They win, and are safe from expulsion tonight! THANKS, BRIT-BRIT!
"No problem, y'all."
Brandi C. and Brandi M. are upset that they got scolded for their video. But really....what else are you going to do with blow-up dolls? I think they did a good job, even if it was "offensive."
Lacey and Brandi C. are pow-wowing about how Lacey's going to plead her cause on the carpet, because Lacey knows she and Dallas are going to be called down. Lacey's going to point out how Dallas just wasn't a team player, and really, she wasn't. But let's point out how Lacey wasn't exactly a team player last week regarding Inna not being properly dressed.
Someone please explain to me again why Lacey hasn't been eliminated yet? Oh yeah, ratings.
Elimination time. Brandi C. is talking about how she knows she made a racy PSA, but at least she put some effort into it. And she's still annoyed that Lacey won't quit pushing people's buttons, and she just doesn't want Lacey to get eliminated. God, Brandi C., maybe you need to quit being so co-dependent. She is making progress, but the fact that she doesn't want someone else to get eliminated besides her will hold her back.
Who gets called down? Dallas and Lacey, of course.
Ugh. Lacey is NOT ATTRACTIVE.
She also calls down the Brandi's. What?! Why?! Riki explains it's like one step forward, five steps back with those two. Daniella says she's all for pushing the envelope, but they went a bit too far with their PSA. Sharon says the creative idea was good, but ultimately inappropriate. But they're not "Dumb and Dumber," and she says because of this, they can go back to their spots in the group. *sigh* Safe. And Brandi M. didn't have to push out a tear or two. (And all of a sudden...I'm kind of rooting for Brandi C. Just a little bit.)
But regarding Lacey and Dallas, the tape sucked, but it's because of their stupid petty drama and bickering that got in the way of being a team. Daniella agrees, and she says she knows they are better than that. I don't think so, and I can't wait for the reunion show to see what goes down between these two bitches.
Lacey goes into damage control, and yes, Dallas dropped the ball. Riki wants to know what started this squabble, and it was over the Dallas calling Lacey out on her animal rights BS, then shutting up about it while Lacey antagonized her over and over. But of course, Lacey puts her own spin on it, "Please tell me what's going on!" Seriously, if Sharon ever went back to watch the footage of what was really going on...Lacey would've been out on her ass so fast. Heather speaks up and says, "Oh, you know you got up thisclose in her face." Brandi C. then starts arguing with Heather how she was trying to keep Lacey from doing anything rash.
Oh hell. Here:
It's sad. Lacey believes her own lies. There's something wrong with that woman.
Anyway, it all boils down to Lacey or Dallas. The judges just get the general vibe from Dallas that she feels she's too good for this, and she didn't even really care. The point is, she did not put forth 100% this time. This was mainly because of Lacey being Lacey, but guess what? That's life. You have to deal with difficult people. Most importantly, you have to learn to deal with difficult people. And you have to give a shit ALL of the time, not just sporadically.
Which is ultimately why Dallas got eliminated tonight. But really...Dallas didn't want to change. She was just itching to deck Lacey in the face and curse more people out.
Like I said, I can't wait for the reunion episode.
And in the previews for next week....shit goes down, and Brandi C. pulls a Pumkin and SPITS on someone! Bret want to know..."Whassa goin' on?!"
......Okay, this was a hard one to snark on this week, because it was nothing but "Lacey sucks" left and right, which is really getting boring. I'm really waiting for next week.