(no subject)
Ok so my last entry was a whole big pile of enigmatic proportions... not that I can really explain how I'm feeling any better now...but let me try. For the sake of getting it out.
I got in a big fight with the rents last night. Not the kind of fight where you're mad at them and they're mad at you. The kind of fight where they're worried about you and you're worried about you.
They know I'm miserable where I am in life. I WANT to be in Rhode Island with my friends and going back to school... well , no... I would like to be. I WANT to be playing music for a living. But I'm not Frank who has the money to support a tour, and I'm not Jack who has Frank to support him...so I'm stuck working a full time job, with more bills to pay than I make, so I don't know how Ill ever make it to be able to go on tour next summer.
And then there's the fact that i KNOW what I should be doing... I'm just not doing it. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I'm not afraid of failing... I'm just afraid of falling down, I think.
And then there is this insurmounting feeling of aloneness. I started writing something...and one line in it just stuck out. "Have you ever felt like noone was ever really listening? That if you screamed your deepest and most dark secret into the Grand Canyon, it wouldn't even echo back?"
Yeah... I don't know.
It's not that I'm depressed... it's not like that. It's just... there's gotta be more to life. I've got to stop saying all this, and start doing it.
I got in a big fight with the rents last night. Not the kind of fight where you're mad at them and they're mad at you. The kind of fight where they're worried about you and you're worried about you.
They know I'm miserable where I am in life. I WANT to be in Rhode Island with my friends and going back to school... well , no... I would like to be. I WANT to be playing music for a living. But I'm not Frank who has the money to support a tour, and I'm not Jack who has Frank to support him...so I'm stuck working a full time job, with more bills to pay than I make, so I don't know how Ill ever make it to be able to go on tour next summer.
And then there's the fact that i KNOW what I should be doing... I'm just not doing it. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I'm not afraid of failing... I'm just afraid of falling down, I think.
And then there is this insurmounting feeling of aloneness. I started writing something...and one line in it just stuck out. "Have you ever felt like noone was ever really listening? That if you screamed your deepest and most dark secret into the Grand Canyon, it wouldn't even echo back?"
Yeah... I don't know.
It's not that I'm depressed... it's not like that. It's just... there's gotta be more to life. I've got to stop saying all this, and start doing it.