Feeling it all slip away...
I'm in the middle of having that feeling right now and let me tell you it's not fun at all. Earlier it resembled a little anger, but now it's turned to utter sadness.
**************DISCLAIMER:***********************************
I'm sorry, if you don't want to read something sad, please skip this. It is just me putting my feelings into words, to help me rationalize.
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I have a friend that's very close to me. I've been a friend of the family since I was 3 years old, as I was reminded tonight. I was babysat by their mother first, went to school, cub scouts, some sports, and basically been one of his closest and best friends. At a point in time, we stopped seeing so much of each other. I really don't know why.. maybe different groups of friends or whatever. That shouldn't matter, nothing should have stopped me from hanging out with him... I got along with him well. He made me laugh harder than anyone I've ever known. Everytime you are around him you are treated like a king or queen. It doesn't matter who you are. So much that I would feel bad about him running around, catering to every need. Well I realized tonight that my friend has turned into someone I can't even keep up with. I turn around once he's right next to me, the next minute he's buying girls drinks, the next minute he's schmoozing with people over in the opposite corner of the room. Next thing I know, he's moving to Ft. Myers. His brother, who my brother had become very close friends with is moving out tomorrow also. And I probably won't see either of them again for a long time. I mean who the fuck knows what the fuck is going to happen once he gets there?? I don't want to lose all forms of contact with him. I feel like an asshole for not hanging out with him. I have always felt like it was at least in part, my fault, and felt slightly awkward around these people for that... that's another thing that shouldn't happen to lifelong friends. There shouldn't be any stupid shit like that.
So the lesson I've learned from this is keep up with the people you're surrounded by, and never pass up a chance to be with them and learn more about them and who they're becoming. Someday you'll realize that you missed out on important things that happen to your good friend, and maybe he/she might just be leaving and go to the opposite end of the country for good. So I've realized my new year's resolution and that is never to blow off anyone off... especially my good friends. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's terrible.
I'm not writing this as an apology, because I don't think he knows that I even have a journal. To the people that know who I'm talking about, feel free to respond with anything you want. I'm totally open to whatever comes at me because I already feel like hell about it. If you just read this and you didn't want to, I'm sorry but you've been a victim of me venting my feelings through writing.
**************DISCLAIMER:***********************************
I'm sorry, if you don't want to read something sad, please skip this. It is just me putting my feelings into words, to help me rationalize.
************************************************************
I have a friend that's very close to me. I've been a friend of the family since I was 3 years old, as I was reminded tonight. I was babysat by their mother first, went to school, cub scouts, some sports, and basically been one of his closest and best friends. At a point in time, we stopped seeing so much of each other. I really don't know why.. maybe different groups of friends or whatever. That shouldn't matter, nothing should have stopped me from hanging out with him... I got along with him well. He made me laugh harder than anyone I've ever known. Everytime you are around him you are treated like a king or queen. It doesn't matter who you are. So much that I would feel bad about him running around, catering to every need. Well I realized tonight that my friend has turned into someone I can't even keep up with. I turn around once he's right next to me, the next minute he's buying girls drinks, the next minute he's schmoozing with people over in the opposite corner of the room. Next thing I know, he's moving to Ft. Myers. His brother, who my brother had become very close friends with is moving out tomorrow also. And I probably won't see either of them again for a long time. I mean who the fuck knows what the fuck is going to happen once he gets there?? I don't want to lose all forms of contact with him. I feel like an asshole for not hanging out with him. I have always felt like it was at least in part, my fault, and felt slightly awkward around these people for that... that's another thing that shouldn't happen to lifelong friends. There shouldn't be any stupid shit like that.
So the lesson I've learned from this is keep up with the people you're surrounded by, and never pass up a chance to be with them and learn more about them and who they're becoming. Someday you'll realize that you missed out on important things that happen to your good friend, and maybe he/she might just be leaving and go to the opposite end of the country for good. So I've realized my new year's resolution and that is never to blow off anyone off... especially my good friends. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's terrible.
I'm not writing this as an apology, because I don't think he knows that I even have a journal. To the people that know who I'm talking about, feel free to respond with anything you want. I'm totally open to whatever comes at me because I already feel like hell about it. If you just read this and you didn't want to, I'm sorry but you've been a victim of me venting my feelings through writing.