Can't sleep.
So I'll do some updating.
I love playing cards, and it's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I'm an amazing player, and have a very solid understanding of medium buy-in MTTs and up to $2/$5 cash. The only thing I need aid in is high-buyin ($500/$1k events) live MTT events.
Ever since I've gotten back from Turning Stone I've been running fair and playing strong.
Although my bankroll is disgustingly low after losing over $2000 I still find myself playing great poker and making correct plays even though my money is thin.
Last week I made one of my best reads and I'm really happy I can put my money where my mouth is.
Preflop I limp with AJoff from utg+1/2 or so. I really dislike this hand so I rarely open with it, and I try to see a cheap flop. Few other limps, button makes it $14, sb calls, I call, and 1 or 2 other callers. Flop comes down J-9-4 two spades. Small blind, Joe (TAG, plays very well) checks, I check behind because the pre-flop opener is very transparent and will always continuation bet. Opening raiser who was on the button makes it an expected $25. Joe immediately check-raises to $75 and it's to me. Now I'm in big fucking pickle. Did Joe seriously check jacks up or a set of 6s? Its $75 to me and I'm in the think tank wondering what the fuck his play means, he clearly has the dude who originally raised beat. I start thinking that he has bottom set, and he'd may have played it this sneaky, but he usually doesn't check-raise a hand that big in a multi-way pot on a drawing flop. 5 minutes, and I eventually read him for AJ, same exact hand as mine. Someone calls time on me, and I decide that this is a pot I can take down based on that read, and shove all in for $220 total. Prior to this I was talking out loud pondering if Joe had a set. It comes back to him, and he doesn't snap call and I knew my read was dead fucking on, and that means he can't call this bet usually. My play looks like J-9 for two pair, making his AJ slim if he has that read on me. Eventually he folds face up, saying I can't make this play with KJ and that his AJ is most likely no good. And yeah, it was AJ that he showed. It wasn't a big pot, I only made $100 and change but I'm really happy I can make reads like this over and over and put my money in.
Even at the casino, I can feel out kings pretty easily. Played an ace rag for a decent raise pf because I read the opener for kings...flopped an ace in position, he bet I called, check check turn, he checks I bet river he flat calls and I tell him before he flips that his kings aren't gonna hold up.
There was a funky pot tonight which I found hilarious.
Pizza just came, and I was in my small blind for a buck...it's limped around and I'm busy getting pizza but my small blind is posted, so I call blind for $1 more. Big blind makes it $15 more, call call call and it comes back to me, now I gotta look at my hand. Weee, ACES.
I make it $50 total, wanting a lot of action here and I'm okay if I dump my last $130 due to playing this too slow. Call, call call. $200+ in the pot. Flop comes 3-9-J rainbow and I'm peekin' around at their faces to see if anyone has a sparkle in their eye and smashed a set on me. I conclude my hand is currently ahead, so I open shove for $130. Guy to my left ponders for a few minutes, and pushes all in for less...$125. Pot's now $450 or so. Next guy thinks for while, and convinces himself he has odds to call $130 with his junk. $580 in the pot. Next guy thinks, and pushes all in for the same amount, $130, with a scummy jack. Pot's like $700 and change.
here's the action in a nutshell
it's like pokerstars shit
LIMP LIMP LIMP LIMP
RAISE TO $15
CALL CALL CALL
RAISE TO $50
CALL CALL CALL
FLOP..
.
ALL IN FOR $130
SHOVE
SHOVE
SHOVE
just too funny
Smashed a few more hands and my bankroll is still low but this was a very helpful night.
I've been feeling off lately but trying to pull myself together. I feel like my foundation has been shaken a bit...regarding social relationships, and members of my family. Just after so much bullshit this year I've been feeling lonely, and extremely vulnerable which is very out of character for me. It's not low self-esteem or anything, but the wanting of intimacy and someone close and trusting. I've learned a lot and finally understanding more about emotions other have, and why certain things play out after bad events take place.
When you're hurt, there's virtually nothing the other person can do to make up for it, especially if opposite genders are involved. I'm just now understanding why Lauren and I had so many problems, and I understand exactly how she felt. After being kicked out of California and that bullshit, I feel like there isn't much Emily can do to fix things, and it's unfair. She's coming to Boston TOMORROW, and I'll be seeing her and she'll be apologizing, but it doesn't even feel like that's enough at all. She wants to remain friends and try to stay close, but I'm here stuck feeling like oh woopdeedoo, friends, since that went so well before when I visited... NOT. The only way I feel it's a fair field, is if she drops her entire life and basically lives by my word. Then I feel things are even. After I cheated on Lauren and did some scummy things early on in our relationship, I'm now 100% sure she felt the same way, and that it was an uneven field due to some real shitty things happening. It's unfair on all ends, and feeling this way sucks, but I also know it doesn't stick around forever when you're a forgiving person. I'm not used to being so "human" lately and caring about so many things. Some reason I find myself craving and wanting attention in general, and also from specific people. I don't know why. I've never been like this before.
My job is lame.
If I get back to $2500 in winnings I'm quitting on the spot most likely. After tonight I basically have 2-3 more winning sessions until I hit that goal.
The other night, Rachael and I woke up from a late nap. It was about 9:30 PM on a weekend. Groggy, I suggested we go to a dinner. She agreed. We didn't say much because we were both tired.
During dinner, my friend called, and I answered. It was Juice, and he just finished reading Narcissos. When I write, sometimes I copy and paste tidbits that I've written down before and want to reuse, which occasionally means I repeat myself. He noticed this in Narcissos, and told me about it, and we both had a good laugh. We hung up the phone when my dinner came, and I noticed Rachael was giving me a horrendous evil-eye.
Now, I can imagine and overly sensitive person getting upset because I interrupted dinner. That would make sense. But no, she got upset because my friend made me laugh, and she hadn't. Like, she got angry with me because she wasn't the one that made me laugh. She got so angry that she got up and left dinner.
I love playing cards, and it's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I'm an amazing player, and have a very solid understanding of medium buy-in MTTs and up to $2/$5 cash. The only thing I need aid in is high-buyin ($500/$1k events) live MTT events.
Ever since I've gotten back from Turning Stone I've been running fair and playing strong.
Although my bankroll is disgustingly low after losing over $2000 I still find myself playing great poker and making correct plays even though my money is thin.
Last week I made one of my best reads and I'm really happy I can put my money where my mouth is.
Preflop I limp with AJoff from utg+1/2 or so. I really dislike this hand so I rarely open with it, and I try to see a cheap flop. Few other limps, button makes it $14, sb calls, I call, and 1 or 2 other callers. Flop comes down J-9-4 two spades. Small blind, Joe (TAG, plays very well) checks, I check behind because the pre-flop opener is very transparent and will always continuation bet. Opening raiser who was on the button makes it an expected $25. Joe immediately check-raises to $75 and it's to me. Now I'm in big fucking pickle. Did Joe seriously check jacks up or a set of 6s? Its $75 to me and I'm in the think tank wondering what the fuck his play means, he clearly has the dude who originally raised beat. I start thinking that he has bottom set, and he'd may have played it this sneaky, but he usually doesn't check-raise a hand that big in a multi-way pot on a drawing flop. 5 minutes, and I eventually read him for AJ, same exact hand as mine. Someone calls time on me, and I decide that this is a pot I can take down based on that read, and shove all in for $220 total. Prior to this I was talking out loud pondering if Joe had a set. It comes back to him, and he doesn't snap call and I knew my read was dead fucking on, and that means he can't call this bet usually. My play looks like J-9 for two pair, making his AJ slim if he has that read on me. Eventually he folds face up, saying I can't make this play with KJ and that his AJ is most likely no good. And yeah, it was AJ that he showed. It wasn't a big pot, I only made $100 and change but I'm really happy I can make reads like this over and over and put my money in.
Even at the casino, I can feel out kings pretty easily. Played an ace rag for a decent raise pf because I read the opener for kings...flopped an ace in position, he bet I called, check check turn, he checks I bet river he flat calls and I tell him before he flips that his kings aren't gonna hold up.
There was a funky pot tonight which I found hilarious.
Pizza just came, and I was in my small blind for a buck...it's limped around and I'm busy getting pizza but my small blind is posted, so I call blind for $1 more. Big blind makes it $15 more, call call call and it comes back to me, now I gotta look at my hand. Weee, ACES.
I make it $50 total, wanting a lot of action here and I'm okay if I dump my last $130 due to playing this too slow. Call, call call. $200+ in the pot. Flop comes 3-9-J rainbow and I'm peekin' around at their faces to see if anyone has a sparkle in their eye and smashed a set on me. I conclude my hand is currently ahead, so I open shove for $130. Guy to my left ponders for a few minutes, and pushes all in for less...$125. Pot's now $450 or so. Next guy thinks for while, and convinces himself he has odds to call $130 with his junk. $580 in the pot. Next guy thinks, and pushes all in for the same amount, $130, with a scummy jack. Pot's like $700 and change.
here's the action in a nutshell
it's like pokerstars shit
LIMP LIMP LIMP LIMP
RAISE TO $15
CALL CALL CALL
RAISE TO $50
CALL CALL CALL
FLOP..
.
ALL IN FOR $130
SHOVE
SHOVE
SHOVE
just too funny
Smashed a few more hands and my bankroll is still low but this was a very helpful night.
I've been feeling off lately but trying to pull myself together. I feel like my foundation has been shaken a bit...regarding social relationships, and members of my family. Just after so much bullshit this year I've been feeling lonely, and extremely vulnerable which is very out of character for me. It's not low self-esteem or anything, but the wanting of intimacy and someone close and trusting. I've learned a lot and finally understanding more about emotions other have, and why certain things play out after bad events take place.
When you're hurt, there's virtually nothing the other person can do to make up for it, especially if opposite genders are involved. I'm just now understanding why Lauren and I had so many problems, and I understand exactly how she felt. After being kicked out of California and that bullshit, I feel like there isn't much Emily can do to fix things, and it's unfair. She's coming to Boston TOMORROW, and I'll be seeing her and she'll be apologizing, but it doesn't even feel like that's enough at all. She wants to remain friends and try to stay close, but I'm here stuck feeling like oh woopdeedoo, friends, since that went so well before when I visited... NOT. The only way I feel it's a fair field, is if she drops her entire life and basically lives by my word. Then I feel things are even. After I cheated on Lauren and did some scummy things early on in our relationship, I'm now 100% sure she felt the same way, and that it was an uneven field due to some real shitty things happening. It's unfair on all ends, and feeling this way sucks, but I also know it doesn't stick around forever when you're a forgiving person. I'm not used to being so "human" lately and caring about so many things. Some reason I find myself craving and wanting attention in general, and also from specific people. I don't know why. I've never been like this before.
My job is lame.
If I get back to $2500 in winnings I'm quitting on the spot most likely. After tonight I basically have 2-3 more winning sessions until I hit that goal.
The other night, Rachael and I woke up from a late nap. It was about 9:30 PM on a weekend. Groggy, I suggested we go to a dinner. She agreed. We didn't say much because we were both tired.
During dinner, my friend called, and I answered. It was Juice, and he just finished reading Narcissos. When I write, sometimes I copy and paste tidbits that I've written down before and want to reuse, which occasionally means I repeat myself. He noticed this in Narcissos, and told me about it, and we both had a good laugh. We hung up the phone when my dinner came, and I noticed Rachael was giving me a horrendous evil-eye.
Now, I can imagine and overly sensitive person getting upset because I interrupted dinner. That would make sense. But no, she got upset because my friend made me laugh, and she hadn't. Like, she got angry with me because she wasn't the one that made me laugh. She got so angry that she got up and left dinner.