(no subject)
This has got to stop, she thought as she began clearing the counter so she could start making dinner. He’s going to find out before too long. Her thoughts that night were a ball of tension hidden somewhere in her stomach. She put some water on to boil, and as the plate began to grow red, she heard a key in the lock and jumped, startled.
Shit, girl, get it together.
Tucker walked in, shoulders a bit hunched, glanced at her in careful regard, and walked over to kiss her on the cheek.
“Whatcha making, sweety?” To her, his voice sounded tired and stretched out, like he was running through the actions.
“Just some spaghetti, maybe some vegetables to go along with it. Where have you been all day?” She looked at him; he was standing there with his nose pinched between his first finger and thumb, head bent.
Looking up, he realized she asked him a question. “Um, oh. I was hanging out with Dave all day, drinking beers, playing video games.”
What the fuck? Dave. That’s not possible. Dave was here all day.
“Dave? Really?”
“Oh. No, not that Dave. Dave from work.”
“Oh, ok.”
She returned to dinner, stirring the pasta, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck tense up. He started talking about this video game he was playing at Dave’s, something about robots and conspiracy. Again, the words felt tired and used, like there was something completely different inside them.
“So, hon, what did you do all day?”
“Nothing really. Got out of work early, just hung out here; waiting for you. In fact, I thought you were working, but I called there an hour ago, they said you were off today.”
Yeah, and it scared you so bad you almost pissed yourself. You practically kicked Dave in the ass to get him out quicker.
“Oh, yeah. I thought I told you. How’d you get out early?...Hon?”
She had been lost in thought.
“Oh, um. The girl who called in sick showed up. I guess she needed the money.”
“When was that?”
“Like an hour after I got there.”
“Jesus. You should have paged me.” He crossed his arms over his chest, he hands moving over his biceps as if he were cold.
“I did. When you didn’t call back, I figured you were at work.”
“What? I didn’t get it…Oh.” With that ‘oh’, he bit his bottom lip in thought. “When did you page?”
“Noonish?”
“Yeah, I turned the pager off for a little bit there. This guy kept paging me.”
He collapsed into a chair. She watched him, as his arms hung limply at his sides, his head hanging from his neck, with his chin pressed into his chest.
“Honey, are you ok?” She reached over and touched the back of his neck.
“I don’t know,” He said into his chest. He looked up into her eyes, and she thought the look sad. “Mandie, it’s just…ah, hell, I don’t know. Do you ever think about other people? I mean, do you wonder what it would be like with other people?”
“What?” Oh no oh no ono.
“I mean, we’ve been together for so long. You haven’t been with anyone else have you? I mean…what about those times we broke up?”
There was something in his eyes that she couldn’t recognize. It looked like accusation. How was she supposed to answer this? What does he know?
“Baby…” Her hands moved to his cheeks, and his hands came up to hold hers. “I’ve never loved anyone but you. Ever.”
He took her hand from his face, held it in front of him. His fingers moved to the ring on her finger, the one he gave her. They began to trace the line between the gold and her finger.
“Tucker, I think every couple has their doubts. At some point. I just think most of them work through it. What’s going on, baby?” She took her free hand and lifted his chin, making eye contact with him again.
“I just want to know,” he said, pulling his eyes away from hers, looking at the ring again.
Know what? I can’t take this anymore. What does he already know? I don’t want this to be over. I would do anything to fix this.
“I don’t know, Mandie. Just something. Today.” He shrugged off these last few words. He shook his head in discouragement, like one would shake their head at someone cutting them off in traffic. “I’m going to go take a shower before work. Get cleaned up.”
In those last words, she sensed a tension as if the conversation were far from over. As he walked into the other room, she decided that if this wasn’t the end, she was going to severe things with Dave tomorrow. There was no way she could keep this up. Tucker’s right, though; we’ve never been with anyone else. It just happened. God that sounds like every excuse I’ve ever heard. But it did just happen. No one could control these things. Could they? This time it was her turn, she sat down and her head fell down. She held it in her hands, and began to weep silently. It has to end. It just has to. I can’t deal with this shit anymore.
The pot on the stove began to boil over.
Tucker walked in to the bedroom, and didn’t bother to turn on the lights. In the dark he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, nonchalantly tossing it on the bed. Reaching in to his front pockets, his fingers touched the plastic square. He could still feel the ring indented in it where its contents once pressed. He sighed deeply before taking off his jeans with the pockets still full, balled them up and threw them in his closet. He peeled off his shirt and undergarments. Then he went and started the water. It was time to wash off the day.