Love and Loss
This was a difficult week for me, but one in which I learned a whole lot. I'd say it really helped me gain much more awareness of not only things I should have known already, but of things about myself, and how I see the world.
This new awareness makes me deeply sad about the world, about myself, and about the future of both. To deal with it, I wanted to go climb Adams or Shuksan or something else, but couldn't find anyone who could go with me. Our trip to Mt. Constitution on Orcas was not an adequate substitute; I just looked at all the fat tourists at the top and felt disgust. Then I felt ashamed for being so judgemental and shallow.
I guess I am disgusted with myself the most. I even cancelled my trip to see my grandparents in Ohio next week, which has only made me more depressed. Perhaps my manager will give me a week or two off for my mental health so I can go work out my sadness and dispair in the wilderness somewhere.
This new awareness makes me deeply sad about the world, about myself, and about the future of both. To deal with it, I wanted to go climb Adams or Shuksan or something else, but couldn't find anyone who could go with me. Our trip to Mt. Constitution on Orcas was not an adequate substitute; I just looked at all the fat tourists at the top and felt disgust. Then I felt ashamed for being so judgemental and shallow.
I guess I am disgusted with myself the most. I even cancelled my trip to see my grandparents in Ohio next week, which has only made me more depressed. Perhaps my manager will give me a week or two off for my mental health so I can go work out my sadness and dispair in the wilderness somewhere.