The Chronicles of Valentina - Dirty Old Man
Modesty is an interesting symptom. Comatose people have none, which really shouldn't be a surprise. As they swim up to the surface, certain stereotypical things happen. They alert to a familiar voice before they alert to a stranger. If I call such a person, I may not get a response, and two minutes later, the patient's son or daughter calls, and the head turns toward that voice. Eyes might not open, but the reaction is there.
Withdrawal from pain is the usual first motor response. And very soon after that comes a motion to cover up. They may not follow commands, but expose a groin or bosom, and a hand will move to re-cover. We usually don't use that as a purposeful test, but when we move a gown aside to fix EKG leads or check on the state of a catheter, we'll get the response. And we grin like idiots. It's a wonderful, hopeful sign.
Except for certain men. And this is where Valentina will become politically incorrect. It's unusual for an educated man to do this. But an older blue-color man, apparently raised to believe that a woman who works as a nurse or doctor must be of loose morals and therefore available, will pull away sheets, blankets and hospital gown to let it all hang out.
Today's Flasher was an octogenarian having serious heart rhythm problems. His heart rate would race so fast the the poor organ couldn't pump enough blood to keep him conscious. This is of course a huge emergency. If rapid action isn't taken, the patient will die when the heart exhausts itself in a very short time. He'd be comatose for about half an hour after things got regulated, and then he'd wake up.
I was asked to see him because of the fluctuating mental status. He was awake by the time I got there. He saw me walk into the room and promptly pulled his gown up, watching me with a leer to see what I would do. I introduced myself as I twitched the gown into place and started asking him the usual questions: what's your full name, do you know where you are, what year is it? He answered most of it correctly, missing the year. And he pulled the gown up again.
Working to appear oblivious to this childishness, I started to assess his limb strength, matter-of-factly replacing the gown after I asked him to bend his knees and move his feet. He cooperated with every task and promptly pulled the gown back up and leered again.
Oh, seriously, did this guy think he was going to get lucky? I can tell when someone is too delirious to know that thrashing about in the bed is showing bits off. This was purposefully and simply provocative. I was waiting for him to ask me if it frightened me. Why, oh why would someone think that what he's got would be an object of fear? But about one in three will ask just that. I have a nasty answer ready when they do, and I won't repeat it here. I thought of actually allowing things to progress to the point where I could give him a well-deserved set-down. However, if he was going to be that nasty, anything I did, he'd take out on the Nurse.
And she already hated him. She was young and petite, and he'd already tried to feel her up once. I'm old enough that my response to that kind of abuse is rapid and stern. I've had too much practice - weekly, at least - over the years to be shy. I have been known to threaten to call police when I've caught such a creep molesting a Nurse. And yes, I can. And yes, she can press charges. And yes, the charges stick.
He knew that his heart was in peril. He'd indicated that knowledge to the Cardiologist. He has no history of dementia. You would think that someone trying to keep him alive would deserve some respect.
We know all the psychosocial reasons someone might do this. Plenty of people can come up with some very sentimental theories about this behavior. But this is barely tolerable until you learn how to ignore it. I find that tragic. There's a Nurse in a patient's room trying her best to keep him alive and she has to swallow her pride, sideline her embarrassment while he tries his best to throw her off her game. How does that help him? If he succeeds, what if she makes a mistake? What if one of these people who hold his life in their hands gives in to the need to ignore him altogether and avoid his presence? It's a human enough reaction, but one that could allow his death. I've never seen one of these guys think of that. It seems to be one hard drive to make sure that this female is taught her place, reminded that she's nothing, really, except a sex object, and anything else she can do of any value at all - even saving his life - is unimportant compared to that.
I've also seen these people thank the male doctors profusely, so the indignity of illness isn't the sole motivator, here. None of them, not one, has ever thanked me, or a Nurse. Not once.
The Nurse looked at me with eyes filled with pain, and anger, and disillusionment. "Sometimes, I don't know why I wanted to do this," she said.
I nodded. "And still, we do it. I think that it's patients like this who make it necessary for us to take an oath. Normal people, we're happy to help. It's these people that make it imperative to remember that we took a vow to do our best by everyone."
She allowed herself a sarcastic laugh.