(no subject)
So hey it's artic up north now(pictures coming soon), it's been so long since I have updated, here's the run down...
As far as work goes it's going well, long hours, many days in a row, the pay check's nice, but living isn't. It's only temporary though, I am getting closer and closer to la with every word I type.. you know since my company is paying me to update my journal right now.. haha.. i do a lot of things here on the clock when it's slow like work on my website, talk to lori, or dan, or read a book.. so really my escape is when i am at work or the 20 minutes I have to myself before I fall asleep, I dream everynight, I usually have a rough idea of what happened.... Other times I can remember everything crystal clear.
I'm the kind of person who keeps pushing himself, but sometimes i put too much pressure on myself, i am not very kind to myself.. it's amazing what happens when you talk to yourself a little differently, when you're in your car, going home and you're smiling and then it's almost like the sun is there for a moment and you think about how it feels to be totally happy and content, you sit as if you were totally happy and content, you think about what you would do with all your happiness if you had someone special with you... man.. sometimes i just feel like total shit, i am total shit sometimes.. but i am good, i know i am good, cause when i get off track i get right back on.. this is really a time for change.
I have been practising a lot more lately, working on new grooves and developing my feel again around the kit. I used to have a great touch on the instrument but when you don't play for a while it's hard to get it back when you're winded.. haha.. i am coming along though, i figure in about 2 months i'll be back to my top form and then go from there.. I have decided fully to be a music major, i realize through trying to be a businessperson or working in a corporation that there is no way i will be able to happily exist. If i don't play music or create, I will be miserable, just with money. I don't wanna wind up like that, duh who does? but man.. When i sit behind my kit.. i feel.. alive.......
I've been talking to this girl Lori.. man.. she's amazing.. on so many levels. She's everything i've always wished i had in my previous gfs...and so much more, she stays in my head all the time... I'm just starting to get to know her, I hope we will get to know each other really well, I already know I really like her a lot.. how couldnt I ? she takes my breath away. It's really good to feel all of this so soon and it's making me even more determined to get out to LA asap. I'm trying really really hard to hold myself back from going in too fast, laying it on too much.. It's so hard to pace your heart when someone is making it run a million miles..
I've been writing a lot too, I do have some work to post up here and a couple other photo projects... Soon i should be in a posistion where i am living in la, going to school, playing for hydric, living in the moment.. in the sun. not in the clouds of my own despair.. being stuck here.. without you.
Daniel and I have been going through a couple rough spots in our friendship, but it wouldn't really be the great kind of friendship it is without those moments.. cause I think we'll both grow from our problems with girls and with life and really come out stronger, and on top. I love you man, like a brother.. meaning, the most non-gay way possible. ;) get ready to take over the world dude.
I have decided the best thing for bekah and I is to just not even try the friendship thing, it's too unsettling, but it's mutual and we'll both be better off in the long run... I kinda met this other girl too :) um yeah.. hehe! I'm gonna cross my fingers on that one.. Try not to get to high up, my hopes.. yeah i felt like reversing that a little.. That would be cool if you could say it that way, to high, my hopes, life. or something i dont know.. i cometh.. and quickly.
I'm not gonna feel like i'm dieing anymore
As far as work goes it's going well, long hours, many days in a row, the pay check's nice, but living isn't. It's only temporary though, I am getting closer and closer to la with every word I type.. you know since my company is paying me to update my journal right now.. haha.. i do a lot of things here on the clock when it's slow like work on my website, talk to lori, or dan, or read a book.. so really my escape is when i am at work or the 20 minutes I have to myself before I fall asleep, I dream everynight, I usually have a rough idea of what happened.... Other times I can remember everything crystal clear.
I'm the kind of person who keeps pushing himself, but sometimes i put too much pressure on myself, i am not very kind to myself.. it's amazing what happens when you talk to yourself a little differently, when you're in your car, going home and you're smiling and then it's almost like the sun is there for a moment and you think about how it feels to be totally happy and content, you sit as if you were totally happy and content, you think about what you would do with all your happiness if you had someone special with you... man.. sometimes i just feel like total shit, i am total shit sometimes.. but i am good, i know i am good, cause when i get off track i get right back on.. this is really a time for change.
I have been practising a lot more lately, working on new grooves and developing my feel again around the kit. I used to have a great touch on the instrument but when you don't play for a while it's hard to get it back when you're winded.. haha.. i am coming along though, i figure in about 2 months i'll be back to my top form and then go from there.. I have decided fully to be a music major, i realize through trying to be a businessperson or working in a corporation that there is no way i will be able to happily exist. If i don't play music or create, I will be miserable, just with money. I don't wanna wind up like that, duh who does? but man.. When i sit behind my kit.. i feel.. alive.......
I've been talking to this girl Lori.. man.. she's amazing.. on so many levels. She's everything i've always wished i had in my previous gfs...and so much more, she stays in my head all the time... I'm just starting to get to know her, I hope we will get to know each other really well, I already know I really like her a lot.. how couldnt I ? she takes my breath away. It's really good to feel all of this so soon and it's making me even more determined to get out to LA asap. I'm trying really really hard to hold myself back from going in too fast, laying it on too much.. It's so hard to pace your heart when someone is making it run a million miles..
I've been writing a lot too, I do have some work to post up here and a couple other photo projects... Soon i should be in a posistion where i am living in la, going to school, playing for hydric, living in the moment.. in the sun. not in the clouds of my own despair.. being stuck here.. without you.
Daniel and I have been going through a couple rough spots in our friendship, but it wouldn't really be the great kind of friendship it is without those moments.. cause I think we'll both grow from our problems with girls and with life and really come out stronger, and on top. I love you man, like a brother.. meaning, the most non-gay way possible. ;) get ready to take over the world dude.
I have decided the best thing for bekah and I is to just not even try the friendship thing, it's too unsettling, but it's mutual and we'll both be better off in the long run... I kinda met this other girl too :) um yeah.. hehe! I'm gonna cross my fingers on that one.. Try not to get to high up, my hopes.. yeah i felt like reversing that a little.. That would be cool if you could say it that way, to high, my hopes, life. or something i dont know.. i cometh.. and quickly.
I'm not gonna feel like i'm dieing anymore