It's heart-rending, and mesmerizing. Everything in this, Jin's deep love, the way he often called Kame - 'Sunshine', his doubt about them, the destruction Kame couldn't escape from himself, the tenderness Jin carried through the years..., makes my heart bleed. And the epilogue is a pleasurable surprise, I'm filled with such blissful feeling I don't know how.
Can I bother you a little bit? Would you mind sharing more of your thoughts about those years after when Kame quit the sport program, maybe left Japan, and settled in Sweden? I'm just so not mature enough, so I'm afraid I haven't comprehended the full meaning of the impact on Kame, of how it changed his view in life. Being simple-minded, I'm kind of sad because I think of those years they missed while I think they could be with each other. But that separating time was actually needed? But how? (But you don't have to answer this if you don't want to :>)
Thank you once again. I have adored your writing for a long long time. I'm glad I can read your works again <3
Edit: Woa, I just saw your Hem post on tumblr. So happy right now :D
I really don't mind expanding on my thinking process but you might regret asking because I have a tendency to ramble, haha :D Don't call yourself simple-minded - I honestly doubt that most people would really understand what went through Kame's mind anyway. This fic is a bit tricky because A LOT is going on with Kame but you never get his POV and to be perfectly honest, Jin never truly understands some things about him. He's tricky.
I'm not sure if you could say that the separation was absolutely necessary for them - it's just how things happened to play out. Things really weren't working out for them at first. Their life situations just weren't compatible and neither one of them was willing to make certain sacrifices or figure out if they could have some kind of a compromise that would work for both of them. Also, to be honest, I don't think they were certain if it'd even be worth the trouble or not. The world is full of people, they could've found someone more compatible for themselves. However, after Jin left Kame started realising things and eventually hit rock bottom. He loved his work, but as a person, a human being, he wasn't feeling fulfilled - he had this whole pretense, avoidance and shame going on with his family, his work was taking up most of his time and limiting his life and he honestly just couldn't be himself at all and get the things he emotionally needed from life. Realising that didn't mean that he would've felt confident enough that he could maintain his thinking and actually have a chance with Jin either - what right would he have had to step into Jin's life when he wasn't sure that he wouldn't screw up the relationship again? His only lifeline really was to march to Sweden, because he could remember Jin telling him that things would be better for him there. Before they met again, he'd lived there for quite a few years, getting his life and mental health slowly back in order. He found himself a less public yet still fulfilling job, started slowly being more open about his sexuality and had a few relationships (that for one reason or another eventually didn't really work out). Putting distance between himself and his family and having to stress less about strangers judging and bashing him helped him a lot. I don't honestly think he'll ever fully be like most people - he's bound to have moments of overwhelming loneliness, uncertainty, self-hatred and depression, but altogether he gets better. Still, even if he got his life back together it didn't really mean that things could work out between him and Jin - it's really hard to force Jin to settle down into one place and Kame knew that he didn't have it in himself to travel the world to the degree that Jin did. Besides, a lot of time had passed - Jin could've had someone else, or he could have a chance of finding someone that wouldn't be as damaged and eager to settle down to live a comfortable life like Kame. It's really a borderline miracle that they're willing to settle down with each other they way they do. For Kame it's actually quite functional - he gets to have an emotional, steady relationship with someone who reminds him that there's nothing really wrong with him, but he also gets time for himself to just breathe, be alone with his head and ignore the pressure he feels when it comes to being gay. The thing is, they could've reached the same/similar arrangement already in the beginning, but they weren't ready for it. Or well, honestly, mostly Kame wasn't ready for it, and Jin was too busy trying not to stress Kame out even more or offend him or make him feel unloved rather than doing the things he really liked to do in the scale that he liked to do them on (which would've eventually really got him down and possibly ruined the relationship).
Anyway, yeah, a lot of stuff. That's what happens when you happen to spend over a year constructing one fic, I have way too much back story and after story and snippets in between that never quite fit into the fic. And yes! The Tumblr-snippet. There's actually three more, I thought I'd post them every few days and in the end link the stuff on my Livejournal. All of them are from Kame's POV because I was honestly a bit worried that he comes off as an unreasonable asshole in the fic. That's what you get for having emotionally damaged characters as anything but your main character... So yeah, if you're interested, keep an eye on Tumblr ;)
I'm glad you liked the fic! :D I really appreciated your comment~
Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. It has broaden my mind :">
YAY to all Kame POV ficlets <3 I really want to read from his side. Before their break up, he was so wound up, so wrecked, so desperate that even Jin's deep affection could not save him. Then I realize 'Ah only he can save himself'.
Thank you about the soundtrack. I love it <3 All the songs are so gentle :D
I think it's a pretty important thing for people to learn, though. We often talk about people who help us through things and all, but somehow it seems like a large number of people don't understand that they can't be saved without fighting things themselves. I know that I wouldn't have pulled through with some things in my life without growing a spine and actually battling it out, and I know when it comes to a few friends mine, I can do everything within my power but I can't heal them if they won't work for it themselves. Sadly it just isn't going to happen.
I'm glad you enjoy the soundtrack, it's been reshaping itself for about six months :'D
It's heart-rending, and mesmerizing. Everything in this, Jin's deep love, the way he often called Kame - 'Sunshine', his doubt about them, the destruction Kame couldn't escape from himself, the tenderness Jin carried through the years..., makes my heart bleed. And the epilogue is a pleasurable surprise, I'm filled with such blissful feeling I don't know how.
Can I bother you a little bit? Would you mind sharing more of your thoughts about those years after when Kame quit the sport program, maybe left Japan, and settled in Sweden? I'm just so not mature enough, so I'm afraid I haven't comprehended the full meaning of the impact on Kame, of how it changed his view in life. Being simple-minded, I'm kind of sad because I think of those years they missed while I think they could be with each other. But that separating time was actually needed? But how?
(But you don't have to answer this if you don't want to :>)
Thank you once again. I have adored your writing for a long long time. I'm glad I can read your works again <3
Edit: Woa, I just saw your Hem post on tumblr. So happy right now :D
Reply
I really don't mind expanding on my thinking process but you might regret asking because I have a tendency to ramble, haha :D Don't call yourself simple-minded - I honestly doubt that most people would really understand what went through Kame's mind anyway. This fic is a bit tricky because A LOT is going on with Kame but you never get his POV and to be perfectly honest, Jin never truly understands some things about him. He's tricky.
I'm not sure if you could say that the separation was absolutely necessary for them - it's just how things happened to play out. Things really weren't working out for them at first. Their life situations just weren't compatible and neither one of them was willing to make certain sacrifices or figure out if they could have some kind of a compromise that would work for both of them. Also, to be honest, I don't think they were certain if it'd even be worth the trouble or not. The world is full of people, they could've found someone more compatible for themselves. However, after Jin left Kame started realising things and eventually hit rock bottom. He loved his work, but as a person, a human being, he wasn't feeling fulfilled - he had this whole pretense, avoidance and shame going on with his family, his work was taking up most of his time and limiting his life and he honestly just couldn't be himself at all and get the things he emotionally needed from life. Realising that didn't mean that he would've felt confident enough that he could maintain his thinking and actually have a chance with Jin either - what right would he have had to step into Jin's life when he wasn't sure that he wouldn't screw up the relationship again? His only lifeline really was to march to Sweden, because he could remember Jin telling him that things would be better for him there. Before they met again, he'd lived there for quite a few years, getting his life and mental health slowly back in order. He found himself a less public yet still fulfilling job, started slowly being more open about his sexuality and had a few relationships (that for one reason or another eventually didn't really work out). Putting distance between himself and his family and having to stress less about strangers judging and bashing him helped him a lot. I don't honestly think he'll ever fully be like most people - he's bound to have moments of overwhelming loneliness, uncertainty, self-hatred and depression, but altogether he gets better. Still, even if he got his life back together it didn't really mean that things could work out between him and Jin - it's really hard to force Jin to settle down into one place and Kame knew that he didn't have it in himself to travel the world to the degree that Jin did. Besides, a lot of time had passed - Jin could've had someone else, or he could have a chance of finding someone that wouldn't be as damaged and eager to settle down to live a comfortable life like Kame. It's really a borderline miracle that they're willing to settle down with each other they way they do. For Kame it's actually quite functional - he gets to have an emotional, steady relationship with someone who reminds him that there's nothing really wrong with him, but he also gets time for himself to just breathe, be alone with his head and ignore the pressure he feels when it comes to being gay. The thing is, they could've reached the same/similar arrangement already in the beginning, but they weren't ready for it. Or well, honestly, mostly Kame wasn't ready for it, and Jin was too busy trying not to stress Kame out even more or offend him or make him feel unloved rather than doing the things he really liked to do in the scale that he liked to do them on (which would've eventually really got him down and possibly ruined the relationship).
Reply
I'm glad you liked the fic! :D I really appreciated your comment~
Reply
YAY to all Kame POV ficlets <3 I really want to read from his side. Before their break up, he was so wound up, so wrecked, so desperate that even Jin's deep affection could not save him. Then I realize 'Ah only he can save himself'.
Thank you about the soundtrack. I love it <3 All the songs are so gentle :D
Reply
I'm glad you enjoy the soundtrack, it's been reshaping itself for about six months :'D
Reply
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