fic: Love's (2/2)
Jin was always over-affectionate. Touchy and clingy.
You were always two years younger than him.
As teenagers, two years sometimes meant the world. Required sacrifices.
Jin did the best he could to take things slow. You pushed yourself to take faster steps. It was always awkward and difficult, things between the two of you. Your pace.
It wasn’t that you didn’t like him. You guess you just never expected to fall in love with someone at the age of fourteen. You never expected to fall for a sixteen year old, sexually frustrated and not-so-rational Akanishi Jin.
The fact that you were both so young and the relationship you held was a secret never made things easier. You had to always be on your guard. Jin wasn’t good at staying on guard, he had a habit of losing track of everything when the two of you were fooling around. You were always the one staying alerted.
You lost your first kiss in kindergarten. Maybe you just were a person for losing things like that earlier than normally.
You were fifteen when a sleepover finally managed to cross the line.
Jin’s place. His brother was somewhere on a sleepover too. His parents were sleeping next door.
You were used to pushing the limits somewhat. You were used to getting frustrated yourself too. You were used to getting Jin way too frustrated to even have him stay properly quiet. Always whimpering and whining. Sitting on you and holding the two of you close with your clothes on, his heavy and hot pants puffing in your ears. He was always gripping you closer.
He was seventeen after all. You just weren’t that lucky.
You had talked about it. Somewhat. You had awkwardly and half-jokingly decided to try it out. Both of you were embarrassed and awkward. You were quite sure it wouldn’t happen, you were quite sure neither of you would manage to get the courage within the first… say eight times you were supposed to.
He surprised you. You surprised yourself.
It was awkward. Clumsy. The two of you sitting on his bed. Kissing. His hands were on your hips. Yours were on his shoulders. He was awkwardly massaging your lower back.
You recall tingling. A heavy feeling in your chest. Tense muscles. You can recall the moment.
Your ears were exceptionally sensitive then, jumpily listening to the sounds of the house, trying to be alerted to any footsteps coming closer. None ever came. He pulled your shirt off, brushing your collarbones with his thumb. You remember being grateful for the room being so dimly lit.
It was clumsy and took ages. It took you twenty minutes to strip each other, both jumpy to do it to each other. You remember the scary feeling of being exposed. It felt a bit better when he made his way between your bent legs, when you were close to each other, covering most of each other. It felt a bit less awkward. A bit more intimate with naked skin against naked skin but he still couldn’t see you properly. It helped a little.
You wrapped your legs around his hips. He awkwardly grinded your hips together. You gasped, hands on his mid-back. Awkwardly gripping, hesitant of whether you should move them lower or higher. Hesitant of bringing him closer.
To survive the embarrassment Jin took control. Tried to make it easier for the both of you. You remember wanting to roll your eyes. He was acting so experienced, so confident. You could tell he was confused and felt like running. Trying his best to put his brain in the work-mode to please you.
When Jin got nervous he bit. You told him to please control it. Marks weren’t really what you were looking for. Sex marks at the age of fifteen with no girlfriend your family would’ve been aware of might’ve been just a bit too hard to explain. In the end you did get a few marks but luckily in places where clothes hid them. Your neck was spared.
Grinding against each other got a bit easier as time passed. As you got used to it. After some time the two of you were going for it like you had before with your clothes on. It was hotter and sweatier though. Jin’s legs got really hot.
Jin was working hard to keep the noise level down. You were too. You were always a bit quieter, but just in case you decided to do your best to be even quieter. You wished you could’ve been a bit louder, though. It was embarrassing, but the noises Jin made really got you harder. And it felt quite good to make some noise. It made you acknowledge the pleasure more.
Jin was clingy and affectionate, childishly afraid of the real thing and doing his best to just stick with grinding like always. You closed your eyes, finally moving your arms around Jin’s shoulders, holding him closer. Jin took it as a guidance to kiss your neck. He bit nervously too. Your legs were shaking.
Time passed. You didn’t know how long, it just did. It wasn’t too bad. Being with Jin like it wasn’t so bad. It became easier as time passed. Jin held you from your hips and guided you closer into a slightly different position. Your lower parts were touching a bit differently with the new angle. You grew nervous as he sucked on his fingers. Your mouth felt dry as you let Jin flip you around to your knees.
Jin pushed a finger in. Slowly and awkwardly. You shifted nervously, feeling embarrassed. You almost called the whole thing off but managed to keep your pride. Jin bent down over you, his other hand holding your hip. He had his chest against your back. Having him there instead of staring wherever felt slightly better. You appreciated it and wondered if Jin had done it for your sake.
Sex was painful. That was your conclusion after ages of preparation you had finally moved on. Jin got jumpy by your reaction and wasn’t really moving. He wasn’t even fully in or anything.
Awkward. That’s how you would describe your first time. Two children trying to become adults.
Or maybe it was just because you were still so young. And Jin had always been such a child, no matter his age.
It was okay.
After some time you gave up with the proper act and Jin slowly pulled out, making you whine. You could feel how badly at the edge of panic he was, hovering over you and kissing your temples with shaky lips.
It was sweet.
It was better how you began. Grinding against each other, holding each other close. Breathing heavily and moaning shakily, gripping each other harder when it felt good. When you neared the edge, even slightly.
Your timing was horribly off. Jin came ten minutes before you, spending the rest of the time trying to make you come in panic, brushing you with his hands and kissing you on the lips, almost suffocating you. You finally succeeded with one of Jin’s knees between your legs and Jin close to you, touching you the best he could.
Maybe intimacy itself was a turn on for you.
Cleaning up was made in panic.
Jin’s nervous laughter was funny when you were finally trying to get some sleep fully clothed.
His search for your hand was probably the sweetest thing ever.
(When you woke up, Jin was already awake and still holding your hand awkwardly)
***
One never realises how important something is before it’s lost, you guess. Or maybe you just aren’t used to living without him by your side anymore. Everything is horribly quiet and the door doesn’t feel as used. It never really opens and closes itself on its own. Or as Jin uses it anyway.
Jin does his best to keep the two of you as close as possible. Afraid to let go. Afraid of loosing you.
Maybe Jin always somehow knew better. Maybe he always was a step ahead of you when it came to feelings. Jin was almost entirely emotion-based. Maybe he knew.
Where the two of you usually try to keep your distance at work, he has become clingy. You let him. You let him awkwardly entwine your fingers. He seems self-aware.
He doesn’t seem to be aware of his surroundings. Years never taught him.
The two of you are almost like children again. With the exception that you’ve grown to be quieter. Colder and less open. He’s grown to see world slightly differently too.
You see him growing mentally even now. You wonder if it was needed. For the two of you.
The two of you that probably won’t ever happen again. You don’t want to be one of those couples. The off and on couples.
But love never was simple for you. What you have with Jin was never simple for you.
You don’t believe in his love conquers everything statement as he keeps telling you. No. For you, love can’t be conquered. It doesn’t win everything, it never pushes it. Love isn’t what’s attacking. Things attacking love… they’re the ones that fail.
Your rationality and constant need for stability is what’s failing.
Jin’s hand holding yours awkwardly is winning. As much as you hate to admit it. He’s melting you.
You feel like something again. You’re just afraid the rollercoaster between something and nothing will start again if you give in. He’s too busy being excited about everything around him. He gets distracted for long periods of time too easily.
You used to think of him as sneaky and manipulative. Now he just seems like an innocent loser.
What the two of you lack is communication. Or maybe it’s not understanding each other’s communication.
He still gets you the best, you think.
You give in within a month. You give in to his embrace. You give in to Jin.
Being scared is alright. Questioning things is alright.
You’re still the love of Jin’s life. And Jin is yours.
(He’s still the one who makes your heart beat rapidly like that)
***
You’re fine.
You’re going to be just fine.
You were always two years younger than him.
As teenagers, two years sometimes meant the world. Required sacrifices.
Jin did the best he could to take things slow. You pushed yourself to take faster steps. It was always awkward and difficult, things between the two of you. Your pace.
It wasn’t that you didn’t like him. You guess you just never expected to fall in love with someone at the age of fourteen. You never expected to fall for a sixteen year old, sexually frustrated and not-so-rational Akanishi Jin.
The fact that you were both so young and the relationship you held was a secret never made things easier. You had to always be on your guard. Jin wasn’t good at staying on guard, he had a habit of losing track of everything when the two of you were fooling around. You were always the one staying alerted.
You lost your first kiss in kindergarten. Maybe you just were a person for losing things like that earlier than normally.
You were fifteen when a sleepover finally managed to cross the line.
Jin’s place. His brother was somewhere on a sleepover too. His parents were sleeping next door.
You were used to pushing the limits somewhat. You were used to getting frustrated yourself too. You were used to getting Jin way too frustrated to even have him stay properly quiet. Always whimpering and whining. Sitting on you and holding the two of you close with your clothes on, his heavy and hot pants puffing in your ears. He was always gripping you closer.
He was seventeen after all. You just weren’t that lucky.
You had talked about it. Somewhat. You had awkwardly and half-jokingly decided to try it out. Both of you were embarrassed and awkward. You were quite sure it wouldn’t happen, you were quite sure neither of you would manage to get the courage within the first… say eight times you were supposed to.
He surprised you. You surprised yourself.
It was awkward. Clumsy. The two of you sitting on his bed. Kissing. His hands were on your hips. Yours were on his shoulders. He was awkwardly massaging your lower back.
You recall tingling. A heavy feeling in your chest. Tense muscles. You can recall the moment.
Your ears were exceptionally sensitive then, jumpily listening to the sounds of the house, trying to be alerted to any footsteps coming closer. None ever came. He pulled your shirt off, brushing your collarbones with his thumb. You remember being grateful for the room being so dimly lit.
It was clumsy and took ages. It took you twenty minutes to strip each other, both jumpy to do it to each other. You remember the scary feeling of being exposed. It felt a bit better when he made his way between your bent legs, when you were close to each other, covering most of each other. It felt a bit less awkward. A bit more intimate with naked skin against naked skin but he still couldn’t see you properly. It helped a little.
You wrapped your legs around his hips. He awkwardly grinded your hips together. You gasped, hands on his mid-back. Awkwardly gripping, hesitant of whether you should move them lower or higher. Hesitant of bringing him closer.
To survive the embarrassment Jin took control. Tried to make it easier for the both of you. You remember wanting to roll your eyes. He was acting so experienced, so confident. You could tell he was confused and felt like running. Trying his best to put his brain in the work-mode to please you.
When Jin got nervous he bit. You told him to please control it. Marks weren’t really what you were looking for. Sex marks at the age of fifteen with no girlfriend your family would’ve been aware of might’ve been just a bit too hard to explain. In the end you did get a few marks but luckily in places where clothes hid them. Your neck was spared.
Grinding against each other got a bit easier as time passed. As you got used to it. After some time the two of you were going for it like you had before with your clothes on. It was hotter and sweatier though. Jin’s legs got really hot.
Jin was working hard to keep the noise level down. You were too. You were always a bit quieter, but just in case you decided to do your best to be even quieter. You wished you could’ve been a bit louder, though. It was embarrassing, but the noises Jin made really got you harder. And it felt quite good to make some noise. It made you acknowledge the pleasure more.
Jin was clingy and affectionate, childishly afraid of the real thing and doing his best to just stick with grinding like always. You closed your eyes, finally moving your arms around Jin’s shoulders, holding him closer. Jin took it as a guidance to kiss your neck. He bit nervously too. Your legs were shaking.
Time passed. You didn’t know how long, it just did. It wasn’t too bad. Being with Jin like it wasn’t so bad. It became easier as time passed. Jin held you from your hips and guided you closer into a slightly different position. Your lower parts were touching a bit differently with the new angle. You grew nervous as he sucked on his fingers. Your mouth felt dry as you let Jin flip you around to your knees.
Jin pushed a finger in. Slowly and awkwardly. You shifted nervously, feeling embarrassed. You almost called the whole thing off but managed to keep your pride. Jin bent down over you, his other hand holding your hip. He had his chest against your back. Having him there instead of staring wherever felt slightly better. You appreciated it and wondered if Jin had done it for your sake.
Sex was painful. That was your conclusion after ages of preparation you had finally moved on. Jin got jumpy by your reaction and wasn’t really moving. He wasn’t even fully in or anything.
Awkward. That’s how you would describe your first time. Two children trying to become adults.
Or maybe it was just because you were still so young. And Jin had always been such a child, no matter his age.
It was okay.
After some time you gave up with the proper act and Jin slowly pulled out, making you whine. You could feel how badly at the edge of panic he was, hovering over you and kissing your temples with shaky lips.
It was sweet.
It was better how you began. Grinding against each other, holding each other close. Breathing heavily and moaning shakily, gripping each other harder when it felt good. When you neared the edge, even slightly.
Your timing was horribly off. Jin came ten minutes before you, spending the rest of the time trying to make you come in panic, brushing you with his hands and kissing you on the lips, almost suffocating you. You finally succeeded with one of Jin’s knees between your legs and Jin close to you, touching you the best he could.
Maybe intimacy itself was a turn on for you.
Cleaning up was made in panic.
Jin’s nervous laughter was funny when you were finally trying to get some sleep fully clothed.
His search for your hand was probably the sweetest thing ever.
(When you woke up, Jin was already awake and still holding your hand awkwardly)
***
One never realises how important something is before it’s lost, you guess. Or maybe you just aren’t used to living without him by your side anymore. Everything is horribly quiet and the door doesn’t feel as used. It never really opens and closes itself on its own. Or as Jin uses it anyway.
Jin does his best to keep the two of you as close as possible. Afraid to let go. Afraid of loosing you.
Maybe Jin always somehow knew better. Maybe he always was a step ahead of you when it came to feelings. Jin was almost entirely emotion-based. Maybe he knew.
Where the two of you usually try to keep your distance at work, he has become clingy. You let him. You let him awkwardly entwine your fingers. He seems self-aware.
He doesn’t seem to be aware of his surroundings. Years never taught him.
The two of you are almost like children again. With the exception that you’ve grown to be quieter. Colder and less open. He’s grown to see world slightly differently too.
You see him growing mentally even now. You wonder if it was needed. For the two of you.
The two of you that probably won’t ever happen again. You don’t want to be one of those couples. The off and on couples.
But love never was simple for you. What you have with Jin was never simple for you.
You don’t believe in his love conquers everything statement as he keeps telling you. No. For you, love can’t be conquered. It doesn’t win everything, it never pushes it. Love isn’t what’s attacking. Things attacking love… they’re the ones that fail.
Your rationality and constant need for stability is what’s failing.
Jin’s hand holding yours awkwardly is winning. As much as you hate to admit it. He’s melting you.
You feel like something again. You’re just afraid the rollercoaster between something and nothing will start again if you give in. He’s too busy being excited about everything around him. He gets distracted for long periods of time too easily.
You used to think of him as sneaky and manipulative. Now he just seems like an innocent loser.
What the two of you lack is communication. Or maybe it’s not understanding each other’s communication.
He still gets you the best, you think.
You give in within a month. You give in to his embrace. You give in to Jin.
Being scared is alright. Questioning things is alright.
You’re still the love of Jin’s life. And Jin is yours.
(He’s still the one who makes your heart beat rapidly like that)
***
You’re fine.
You’re going to be just fine.