[Tales of the Abyss] "If You Be My Boat, I'll Be Your Sea" (Anise/Ion)
This was supposed to be a drabble, and then it went on forever. Anise/Ion and SPOILERS for everything involving those two characters post Absorption Gate. One-sided Guy/Luke if you don't blink. Love, chess and the reality of living with ghosts.
The title comes from the absolutely gorgeous song: 'Boats and Birds' by Gregory and the Hawk.
By now, the chess metaphor is probably something we fic writers should be shot on site for.
If You Be My Boat, I'll Be Your Sea
Cephied Variable
Anise spends the first year counting the differences (Ion took four sugar, two milk in his tea and loved sweets; Florian won't touch either). She spends the second one marveling at the similarities (Florian, most of the time, is grinning all like sunlight- he looks like Ion sometimes did when he wasn't worrying about making other people worry). She spends the entire time teaching him about the world in small steps because it was criminal that a boy would could tonelessly recite outdated scripture backwards, forwards and upside down in his sleep had never seen the circus, climbed a tree or gotten beamed in the face with a snowball. She couldn't fault him of course, he was only two years old. The world was now full of such grown children, skipping the baby steps altogether.
She tries very, very hard not to think of him as a replacement, but sometimes he's sitting beside the window in the Cathedral Library, a book spread over his knees and the light hitting his hair just so and he looks so serene and wise that Anise has to cover her mouth to keep herself from calling him "Ion".
Her Ion was only two years old when he died, she tries not to remember.
* * *
Ion taught Anise to play chess shortly after she became his Guardian. She had no patience for the game, but he insisted she'd be great at it. Ion unfortunately had this way of smiling that made Anise wince for the first few weeks she watched him, because it was also the kind of smile that made her want to tell him the truth.
Ion liked boring things, she learned quickly, mostly because he wasn't allowed to do much else. He spent most of his time in the library devouring books like chocolate and forgetting to eat real food. It wasn't that he was confined to Daath, exactly, but whenever Anise suggested going somewhere (anywhere!) else, there were always a lot of "reasons" it was a bad idea ("The Fon Master, he's so fragile and Keterburg is so cold!" "The people will assume something has gone wrong with the score if they see the Fon Master around." "The Malkuth situation is complicated right now, the Fon Master's presence may not be appreciated in Grand Chokmah."). She never thought she'd begin to see diplomatic missions as a Lorelei-sent miracle.
So they played chess, and after something like the gazillionth game, Anise sighed and asked: "So, this game is like a metaphor, right?"
"Hmm?" Ion had tipped his head curiously, his pale, dainty hands raised over the board as he carefully re-set the pieces.
"Well, like- it's a good way to teach military tactics. The sacrifice of all pieces for the King and stuff. I bet they teach this game to all soldiers as a form of gentle brain-washing. It's downright nefarious!"
Ion chuckled and slid the white queen back to her default place, "I don't think it's really like that, Anise."
"Oh really?" Anise perked an eyebrow, "Just who taught you to play, anyways?"
Ion opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself, "I-" he furrowed his brow and frowned distantly, "I don't really remember," he answered softly, "I-I guess it must have been a long time ago that I learned."
"Well, whatever. It's not like they're trying to brainwash you anyways, Ion- you're the King." Anise tapped the key piece lightly as she said this, tipping it over with a huff. Ion giggled behind his hand, and asked:
"What does that make you, then, Anise?"
"The Queen, of course!" Anise replied brightly, straightening in her chair and adopting (what she felt was) a cute pose, "It's the most gorgeous and powerful piece on the board, after all!"
"I don't know," Ion sighed happily, settling into his seat and resting his chin in his palms, "The Queen is a ruthless piece. It attacks without mercy, and moves independently on the battlefield. She seems to be acting only out of self interest." his gaze flickered up to meet Anise's, "You're more like my Knight, aren't you? You'll always protect me."
After Synch told them the truth, Anise thought it was a little funny that anyone would bother to make a replica who was born with the knowledge to play chess. After Ion died, the thought made her sick to her stomach.
* * *
"Hey Guy, you love Luke, right?" Guy spits his tea inelegantly and does this sort of manly half-flail that Anise can't help but smirk about.
"I, uh, what?" he stutters, and Anise replies easily:
"I didn't mean like that," but still mentally files his reaction under 'interesting things about Gailardia Gardios that exclude him as a marriage prospect after all', "I meant... well. It's like this: I've been wondering lately about us... I mean, about people who take in replicas of dead loved ones. That's why I wanted to ask you this, because with Luke, you said something interesting about him after everything that happened in Akzeriuth. You said that the way he was, that it was partly your fault."
"Well," Guy grimaces, wiping the spilt tea off the table with his sleeve-cuff like he hopes no one notices what he's doing (even settled into the life of nobility, Anise notes with some amusement, Guy seems terrified at the prospect of leaving any sort of mess for the maids to find), "It was. I more or less raised Luke to be the self absorbed, spoiled brat he was." he looks up, "Not on purpose, of course."
Anise sighs,"I've just been thinking: is it okay for us to love people we've essentially created? Isn't it a little narcissistic?"
"Anise Tatlin, a fear of appearing narcissistic?" Guy echoes her in mock surprise. She glares up at him, "Guy, I'm being serious."
"I know you are," he nods, pouring himself another cup of tea, "I'm just thinking about the best way to respond." he pauses, "You're talking about Florian, right?"
Anise lets her head fall to the table and makes a wordless sound of frustration, "I just don't know what I'm supposed to be to him! Am I his Guardian? His best friend?" she leaps to her feet, suddenly frantic, "Oh no, I'm like his mom, aren't I?" she tugs her pigtails and shakes her head, "I-I'm too young for this!"
Guy ponders this thoughtfully for a moment before adopting a reflective expression, "Anise," he says calmly, and she stops moving, "To Florian, you're his entire world."
"Hmph," Anise flops back into her chair and rolls her eyes, "Thanks. That sure clarifies things."
"You have to remember that he isn't as carefully made as Ion was," Guy leans back in his seat and crosses his arms, "He was practically a blank slate when we found him. He's chosen his feelings for himself- it's not like you forced him into attaching himself to you."
"Didn't I?" Anise mutters, "I was right there when we found him. And it was so soon after... after-"
"You can say it."
Anise laughs miserably, "Yeah, okay: sometimes I look at him and see Ion. There, I said it! I'm a horrible person!"
"No," Guy disagrees, "You're only human. You'll probably look at him and see Ion for years."
"Goody."
"But because you're worried about it, you won't see it forever."
"Really, thanks." Anise grumbles, "I should have talked to Natalia instead. You're honestly useless on this subject." and Guy chuckles.
"Always good to be appreciated." But it was a small comfort. Guy stands to clear the table, "You should probably go- you don't want to miss your audience with the Emperor."
* * *
"I'm sorry," is what she said the last time she spoke with Ion. She kept saying it too. Over and over again, under her breath. Every time she opened her mouth, the words came tumbling out. Being who and what he was, Ion just shook his head sadly and said:
"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing Anise. I'm not your King at all. I'm just a pawn."
"That's okay," Anise said solidly, trying very hard to sound as strong as she was used to sounding, "I-I'll still be your Knight." it was the dumbest thing she could think of saying to someone she was leading to their death. Ion smiled genuinely anyways and reached down to catch her hand in his. He thread their fingers together and they walked the rest of the way to Mount Zaleho in silence.
* * *
When she gets back from Malkuth, Florian is waiting for her. He doesn't dress like Ion anymore these days, which makes it easier every time Anise looks at him. She's nearly as tall as he is now, so when he runs to greet her, she reaches up to ruffle his hair.
"How did it go?" he asks eagerly.
"Oh, brilliantly," she practically hums, "If all goes well, I'll be Fon Master before the year is out." she spins on one foot and bows elegantly, "The first female head of the order!"
"The second youngest in history as well," Florian adds brightly, "After my original, of course."
"Third youngest," she corrects without a beat, "The second Ion was only three months old when he took the title."
Florian falls silent as she says it, and for a moment Anise is afraid she's offended him (though he never has been one to be bothered by talk of his predecessors). She reaches out to touch his shoulders, but he looks at her suddenly with such intensity and resolve she's surprised.
"Anise," he says with uncharacteristic determination, "While you were gone I made a decision. When you become Fon Master, I-" he shuts his eyes and finishes his sentence all in a rush, "I want to be your Guardian!"
Anise is speechless. She blinks a few times when he opens his eyes, staring at her hopefully. He looks like he's sparkling, "Florian, you-"
"I know that the position has technically been abolished!" he interrupts, "And I know that I'm just a replica, so I'm not very strong, but I sent a letter asking Colonel Curtiss about it and he said, uh-" Florian frowned and put a finger to his lips, "Well, uh, I don't really understand what he said completely. Something about the Planet Storm and the seventh fonon, but he said that I should be able to learn some offensive artes that won't take too much of a toll on my body now that the flow of fonons in the world is weaker. S-so I'll learn to fight really well, and I'll... I'll protect you, Anise!"
She's not wiping her eyes because there's tears welling up. She's wiping them because her eyes are itchy, that's all.
"A-Anise, is that okay?"
"Oh, Florian," she sighs, pulling him into a tight, sisterly hug, "I think you'll be the best Fon Master Guardian there ever was."
Guy's right: it won't be forever.
Word Count: 1817
The title comes from the absolutely gorgeous song: 'Boats and Birds' by Gregory and the Hawk.
By now, the chess metaphor is probably something we fic writers should be shot on site for.
If You Be My Boat, I'll Be Your Sea
Cephied Variable
Anise spends the first year counting the differences (Ion took four sugar, two milk in his tea and loved sweets; Florian won't touch either). She spends the second one marveling at the similarities (Florian, most of the time, is grinning all like sunlight- he looks like Ion sometimes did when he wasn't worrying about making other people worry). She spends the entire time teaching him about the world in small steps because it was criminal that a boy would could tonelessly recite outdated scripture backwards, forwards and upside down in his sleep had never seen the circus, climbed a tree or gotten beamed in the face with a snowball. She couldn't fault him of course, he was only two years old. The world was now full of such grown children, skipping the baby steps altogether.
She tries very, very hard not to think of him as a replacement, but sometimes he's sitting beside the window in the Cathedral Library, a book spread over his knees and the light hitting his hair just so and he looks so serene and wise that Anise has to cover her mouth to keep herself from calling him "Ion".
Her Ion was only two years old when he died, she tries not to remember.
* * *
Ion taught Anise to play chess shortly after she became his Guardian. She had no patience for the game, but he insisted she'd be great at it. Ion unfortunately had this way of smiling that made Anise wince for the first few weeks she watched him, because it was also the kind of smile that made her want to tell him the truth.
Ion liked boring things, she learned quickly, mostly because he wasn't allowed to do much else. He spent most of his time in the library devouring books like chocolate and forgetting to eat real food. It wasn't that he was confined to Daath, exactly, but whenever Anise suggested going somewhere (anywhere!) else, there were always a lot of "reasons" it was a bad idea ("The Fon Master, he's so fragile and Keterburg is so cold!" "The people will assume something has gone wrong with the score if they see the Fon Master around." "The Malkuth situation is complicated right now, the Fon Master's presence may not be appreciated in Grand Chokmah."). She never thought she'd begin to see diplomatic missions as a Lorelei-sent miracle.
So they played chess, and after something like the gazillionth game, Anise sighed and asked: "So, this game is like a metaphor, right?"
"Hmm?" Ion had tipped his head curiously, his pale, dainty hands raised over the board as he carefully re-set the pieces.
"Well, like- it's a good way to teach military tactics. The sacrifice of all pieces for the King and stuff. I bet they teach this game to all soldiers as a form of gentle brain-washing. It's downright nefarious!"
Ion chuckled and slid the white queen back to her default place, "I don't think it's really like that, Anise."
"Oh really?" Anise perked an eyebrow, "Just who taught you to play, anyways?"
Ion opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself, "I-" he furrowed his brow and frowned distantly, "I don't really remember," he answered softly, "I-I guess it must have been a long time ago that I learned."
"Well, whatever. It's not like they're trying to brainwash you anyways, Ion- you're the King." Anise tapped the key piece lightly as she said this, tipping it over with a huff. Ion giggled behind his hand, and asked:
"What does that make you, then, Anise?"
"The Queen, of course!" Anise replied brightly, straightening in her chair and adopting (what she felt was) a cute pose, "It's the most gorgeous and powerful piece on the board, after all!"
"I don't know," Ion sighed happily, settling into his seat and resting his chin in his palms, "The Queen is a ruthless piece. It attacks without mercy, and moves independently on the battlefield. She seems to be acting only out of self interest." his gaze flickered up to meet Anise's, "You're more like my Knight, aren't you? You'll always protect me."
After Synch told them the truth, Anise thought it was a little funny that anyone would bother to make a replica who was born with the knowledge to play chess. After Ion died, the thought made her sick to her stomach.
* * *
"Hey Guy, you love Luke, right?" Guy spits his tea inelegantly and does this sort of manly half-flail that Anise can't help but smirk about.
"I, uh, what?" he stutters, and Anise replies easily:
"I didn't mean like that," but still mentally files his reaction under 'interesting things about Gailardia Gardios that exclude him as a marriage prospect after all', "I meant... well. It's like this: I've been wondering lately about us... I mean, about people who take in replicas of dead loved ones. That's why I wanted to ask you this, because with Luke, you said something interesting about him after everything that happened in Akzeriuth. You said that the way he was, that it was partly your fault."
"Well," Guy grimaces, wiping the spilt tea off the table with his sleeve-cuff like he hopes no one notices what he's doing (even settled into the life of nobility, Anise notes with some amusement, Guy seems terrified at the prospect of leaving any sort of mess for the maids to find), "It was. I more or less raised Luke to be the self absorbed, spoiled brat he was." he looks up, "Not on purpose, of course."
Anise sighs,"I've just been thinking: is it okay for us to love people we've essentially created? Isn't it a little narcissistic?"
"Anise Tatlin, a fear of appearing narcissistic?" Guy echoes her in mock surprise. She glares up at him, "Guy, I'm being serious."
"I know you are," he nods, pouring himself another cup of tea, "I'm just thinking about the best way to respond." he pauses, "You're talking about Florian, right?"
Anise lets her head fall to the table and makes a wordless sound of frustration, "I just don't know what I'm supposed to be to him! Am I his Guardian? His best friend?" she leaps to her feet, suddenly frantic, "Oh no, I'm like his mom, aren't I?" she tugs her pigtails and shakes her head, "I-I'm too young for this!"
Guy ponders this thoughtfully for a moment before adopting a reflective expression, "Anise," he says calmly, and she stops moving, "To Florian, you're his entire world."
"Hmph," Anise flops back into her chair and rolls her eyes, "Thanks. That sure clarifies things."
"You have to remember that he isn't as carefully made as Ion was," Guy leans back in his seat and crosses his arms, "He was practically a blank slate when we found him. He's chosen his feelings for himself- it's not like you forced him into attaching himself to you."
"Didn't I?" Anise mutters, "I was right there when we found him. And it was so soon after... after-"
"You can say it."
Anise laughs miserably, "Yeah, okay: sometimes I look at him and see Ion. There, I said it! I'm a horrible person!"
"No," Guy disagrees, "You're only human. You'll probably look at him and see Ion for years."
"Goody."
"But because you're worried about it, you won't see it forever."
"Really, thanks." Anise grumbles, "I should have talked to Natalia instead. You're honestly useless on this subject." and Guy chuckles.
"Always good to be appreciated." But it was a small comfort. Guy stands to clear the table, "You should probably go- you don't want to miss your audience with the Emperor."
* * *
"I'm sorry," is what she said the last time she spoke with Ion. She kept saying it too. Over and over again, under her breath. Every time she opened her mouth, the words came tumbling out. Being who and what he was, Ion just shook his head sadly and said:
"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing Anise. I'm not your King at all. I'm just a pawn."
"That's okay," Anise said solidly, trying very hard to sound as strong as she was used to sounding, "I-I'll still be your Knight." it was the dumbest thing she could think of saying to someone she was leading to their death. Ion smiled genuinely anyways and reached down to catch her hand in his. He thread their fingers together and they walked the rest of the way to Mount Zaleho in silence.
* * *
When she gets back from Malkuth, Florian is waiting for her. He doesn't dress like Ion anymore these days, which makes it easier every time Anise looks at him. She's nearly as tall as he is now, so when he runs to greet her, she reaches up to ruffle his hair.
"How did it go?" he asks eagerly.
"Oh, brilliantly," she practically hums, "If all goes well, I'll be Fon Master before the year is out." she spins on one foot and bows elegantly, "The first female head of the order!"
"The second youngest in history as well," Florian adds brightly, "After my original, of course."
"Third youngest," she corrects without a beat, "The second Ion was only three months old when he took the title."
Florian falls silent as she says it, and for a moment Anise is afraid she's offended him (though he never has been one to be bothered by talk of his predecessors). She reaches out to touch his shoulders, but he looks at her suddenly with such intensity and resolve she's surprised.
"Anise," he says with uncharacteristic determination, "While you were gone I made a decision. When you become Fon Master, I-" he shuts his eyes and finishes his sentence all in a rush, "I want to be your Guardian!"
Anise is speechless. She blinks a few times when he opens his eyes, staring at her hopefully. He looks like he's sparkling, "Florian, you-"
"I know that the position has technically been abolished!" he interrupts, "And I know that I'm just a replica, so I'm not very strong, but I sent a letter asking Colonel Curtiss about it and he said, uh-" Florian frowned and put a finger to his lips, "Well, uh, I don't really understand what he said completely. Something about the Planet Storm and the seventh fonon, but he said that I should be able to learn some offensive artes that won't take too much of a toll on my body now that the flow of fonons in the world is weaker. S-so I'll learn to fight really well, and I'll... I'll protect you, Anise!"
She's not wiping her eyes because there's tears welling up. She's wiping them because her eyes are itchy, that's all.
"A-Anise, is that okay?"
"Oh, Florian," she sighs, pulling him into a tight, sisterly hug, "I think you'll be the best Fon Master Guardian there ever was."
Guy's right: it won't be forever.
Word Count: 1817