"With my chin held high, but I'm so dead inside."
So, this Thanksgiving break is finally winding down to it's finale hours. Overall it has been a good few days off, but it has definatly had it's ups and downs. The downs, however, just basically began to happen last night and today.
Last night I started the day waking up and watching tv in my living, something new for me, since we haven't had a tv in any room besides my mom's for a while now. After watching tv for a little while I got a phone call that I did not expect from Ruby. She was the one that told me about Amber having her baby. I talked to her for about 20 mintues..Another thing I didn't expect. A little later in the day I got a shower and then received another phone call from Ruby, this time she was asking me if I wanted to ride with her to the hospital to see Amber and her new baby. I had to tell her that I couldn't, because Jamie and I had already created plans that would have started only about an hour from Ruby's call. She seemed a little irritated by this, but I would have felt bad breaking plans. And, who knows, maybe she wasn't even bothered by it at all, I am only making a guess.
So, around 4 or so Jamie did come over and we left here and went to his house to hang out. We were there for a little while, Patterson also ended up stopping over. It was a nice change to see Patty, he doesn't come around much anymore. We ended up deciding to go to the mall to hang out with some people, because that seemed to be the place where everyone was, oddly enough. Before we left I checked my messages on my phone and I saw that there was one from Ruby. I figured it was about Amber's baby, since she said she would call about it after she left the hospital. I listened to the message, but it wasn't at all what I expected it to be. The message said something like "Hi, I was going to call and tell you about Amber's baby, but then Amber told me how you told her I was doing coke and shit and engaging in group shit and everything, so if you ever wonder whyI ever get smart wih you for not reason remember that..." Or something to that extent. I stood there, half pissed and half in disbelief. I let Jamie hear the message and his face showed a lot of the same emotion.
Now, I will admit, I did share this information with Amber, but I didn't share it in a way that was like "HAHAHA Yeah! Ruby does coke!!", that's not how it was at all. I hardly remember how it even came up with Amber, I told her this a while ago. I think we were just talking about how shit was between us, since this was only a short time after our huge fight. I don't even remember if Jamie brought up the coke thing or me. But, my honest opinions about that (Ruby supposidly doing coke) were more worried than anything. It wasn't anything I exactly laughed about. See, no matter how much shit Ruby and I will go through there will always be a small soft spot for her inside of me. When I heard about the whole coke matter I was a little disgraced that she would ever go that low, and I was worried that she was just throwing her life away, which would have been a shame to see. I do specifically remember saying "That is what I heard. I don't know if it is true."
I spent a lot of last night being bothered about the whole thing, because I wasn't sure if I should have called Ruby back and replied to her message or not. After talking to both Brando and Jamie about the matter they said that I should talk to Amber first before I automatically made judgments and so on. So, I thought that would be best to do. See, this is one thing that makes me angry when Ruby gets mad about shit, she never really gives you a chance to explain. I figured also even if I did call back she wouldn't give me much of a chance to explain. So, plans for today were that Jamie and I would stop over to Amber's to see how she was, see her baby, and talk out the whole thing and see what exactly was said. Unfortunatly Jamie and I found out that Amber was still in the hospital today and she would be spending the night. So, we never really got anywhere.
So, because of all this, yes, I am a little upset. I am a little angry, because if Amber did say that, why did she? I always thought Amber was someone I could talk to, I was told that by both her and Jamie. She was someone that I coudl really trust, and I would hope that she still is. I just wouldn't expect Amber to go run and tell Ruby these things, especially since it has been so long since I had said them. Why would she bring them up right as the dust had finally settled? Did she make me look like the bad guy, or did Ruby just make it sound that way in her message? And, I am of course a little bothered, because I know that the drama is back. Fucking more drama. GOD.
But, back to Amber and her baby....As far as I know, they are both okay. She gave Jamie a call last night after everyone had stoped visiting. She said everything thing went well. The baby's name is Darien Francis Cook (I think I spelled that right). One of the crazy things that happened was that an hour before Amber gave birth her grandma that was in the same hospital passed away. I felt really bad about this though. Her grandma was always such a sweet heart. It's really sad that she has passed away. I did't know she was that sick. :(. All I can say for now is that I hope everyone in Amber's family is okay.
But, sigh, I think I am going to go. I need to get some shit done so I am ready for school tommorow and to get up and 5:00am. Blah. Thanks for reading.
-<3 Autumn
Last night I started the day waking up and watching tv in my living, something new for me, since we haven't had a tv in any room besides my mom's for a while now. After watching tv for a little while I got a phone call that I did not expect from Ruby. She was the one that told me about Amber having her baby. I talked to her for about 20 mintues..Another thing I didn't expect. A little later in the day I got a shower and then received another phone call from Ruby, this time she was asking me if I wanted to ride with her to the hospital to see Amber and her new baby. I had to tell her that I couldn't, because Jamie and I had already created plans that would have started only about an hour from Ruby's call. She seemed a little irritated by this, but I would have felt bad breaking plans. And, who knows, maybe she wasn't even bothered by it at all, I am only making a guess.
So, around 4 or so Jamie did come over and we left here and went to his house to hang out. We were there for a little while, Patterson also ended up stopping over. It was a nice change to see Patty, he doesn't come around much anymore. We ended up deciding to go to the mall to hang out with some people, because that seemed to be the place where everyone was, oddly enough. Before we left I checked my messages on my phone and I saw that there was one from Ruby. I figured it was about Amber's baby, since she said she would call about it after she left the hospital. I listened to the message, but it wasn't at all what I expected it to be. The message said something like "Hi, I was going to call and tell you about Amber's baby, but then Amber told me how you told her I was doing coke and shit and engaging in group shit and everything, so if you ever wonder whyI ever get smart wih you for not reason remember that..." Or something to that extent. I stood there, half pissed and half in disbelief. I let Jamie hear the message and his face showed a lot of the same emotion.
Now, I will admit, I did share this information with Amber, but I didn't share it in a way that was like "HAHAHA Yeah! Ruby does coke!!", that's not how it was at all. I hardly remember how it even came up with Amber, I told her this a while ago. I think we were just talking about how shit was between us, since this was only a short time after our huge fight. I don't even remember if Jamie brought up the coke thing or me. But, my honest opinions about that (Ruby supposidly doing coke) were more worried than anything. It wasn't anything I exactly laughed about. See, no matter how much shit Ruby and I will go through there will always be a small soft spot for her inside of me. When I heard about the whole coke matter I was a little disgraced that she would ever go that low, and I was worried that she was just throwing her life away, which would have been a shame to see. I do specifically remember saying "That is what I heard. I don't know if it is true."
I spent a lot of last night being bothered about the whole thing, because I wasn't sure if I should have called Ruby back and replied to her message or not. After talking to both Brando and Jamie about the matter they said that I should talk to Amber first before I automatically made judgments and so on. So, I thought that would be best to do. See, this is one thing that makes me angry when Ruby gets mad about shit, she never really gives you a chance to explain. I figured also even if I did call back she wouldn't give me much of a chance to explain. So, plans for today were that Jamie and I would stop over to Amber's to see how she was, see her baby, and talk out the whole thing and see what exactly was said. Unfortunatly Jamie and I found out that Amber was still in the hospital today and she would be spending the night. So, we never really got anywhere.
So, because of all this, yes, I am a little upset. I am a little angry, because if Amber did say that, why did she? I always thought Amber was someone I could talk to, I was told that by both her and Jamie. She was someone that I coudl really trust, and I would hope that she still is. I just wouldn't expect Amber to go run and tell Ruby these things, especially since it has been so long since I had said them. Why would she bring them up right as the dust had finally settled? Did she make me look like the bad guy, or did Ruby just make it sound that way in her message? And, I am of course a little bothered, because I know that the drama is back. Fucking more drama. GOD.
But, back to Amber and her baby....As far as I know, they are both okay. She gave Jamie a call last night after everyone had stoped visiting. She said everything thing went well. The baby's name is Darien Francis Cook (I think I spelled that right). One of the crazy things that happened was that an hour before Amber gave birth her grandma that was in the same hospital passed away. I felt really bad about this though. Her grandma was always such a sweet heart. It's really sad that she has passed away. I did't know she was that sick. :(. All I can say for now is that I hope everyone in Amber's family is okay.
But, sigh, I think I am going to go. I need to get some shit done so I am ready for school tommorow and to get up and 5:00am. Blah. Thanks for reading.
-<3 Autumn