(no subject)
For various reasons I've kind of lost track of livejournal recently, and was quite pleased to get back to it the other day and find that people are still posting. Too much staying in touch on the internet has turned into facebook pokes and setting my mood on myspace, which basically appears to be communicate nothing more than 'I'm not dead, or at least if I am dead somebody is still making an incredibly half-assed effort to impersonate me for some reason - maybe a facebook poke is all that is required to keep the dole money coming through'. Actually, that would be quite a detailed communication, and is almost certainly more than actually goes through anybody's mind whilst they are using facebook. Anyway, everything's just dandy up here, so I won't bother boring you with the details.
Anyway, as I was lying in bed this morning, trying to properly wake up in the absence of a decent radio alarm, I desperately hit go on the TV remote, only to be confronted by Countryfile. I've never been a fan, even when awake. Something about John Craven's voice instantly sets me on edge - I don't know if it's the memory of listening to boring boring news when I just wanted Blue Peter to start, or the fact that I generally couldn't give a flying shite about badger culls and their effect on farmers, or indeed about anything involving greenery and sub-8mb broadband connections. It's not that it's not important (well, actually I'm not convinced that bio-bloody-diversity and everyone putting a bloody bird-table in the garden and then complaining when they get squirrels *is* important, but meh), it's just that it doesn't interest me much.
So anyway, there I am lying in bed, half asleep, half-awake, trying to figure out why countryfile is on, and how come I can't seem to remember how to work the channel changer, when this guy starts talking about the surprising membership of his organization, containing (as it apparently does) not only doctors, lawyers and accountants, but even until recently a couple of vicars. I was instantly a little irritated - people always express such surprise at fundamentally unsurprising things - it's one of the things I hate most about the "regional programming extended to a national audience" bullshit that you get before the Eastenders omnibus. But this, I thought was reaching a new low - I mean vicars are pretty much the first profession you would expect to find in a swingers organization - organized religion in general, and the Church of England in particular has always been the absolute bedrock of mild sexual deviancy. And then something occured to me. Wasn't it a little unusual that Countryfile should be addressing the issue of Swingers' groups. I mean I assume they exist in the countryside - hell, if you don't like complaining about feeding fucking squirrels there must be absolutely fuck-all else to do, but the social realism on such programmes is generally quite light-weight, and definately doesn't like to stray into areas which would make Mrs. Rowbotham of Esher drop the morning tea-tray.
By now I was almost awake. We had entered, I thought, a new age in broadcasting history, a glorious future where even before early evening real, salacious interesting and relevant issues were covered in slightly-prurient detail by John Craven. Here was history, and all I had to do was get up at a time when the clock read AM to join it. Imagine my disappointment therefore when I caught the next line. Absolutely anybody, I was told, could do caving. In an instant my surprise levels dropped back down below zero. I mean I'd never really thought about it (and try not to, since I get claustrophobic in cathedrals), but it's pretty obvious that profession is no bar to caving - you could probably do it in your bloody dog-collar if you wanted. And whilst the same is certainly true of swinging, it has to be said that discussing caving on Countryfile is a far smaller step towards interesting and relevant television than I had originally assumed. So get back to agricultural updates Mr Craven, and stop trying. For my part, I'll be getting back to channel 5 where they're about to repeat America's Funniest Nude Car Crashes.
(this article originally appeared in Touching Cloth - Lifestyles For the Modern Clergyman's Wife and is reproduced with kind permission)
Anyway, as I was lying in bed this morning, trying to properly wake up in the absence of a decent radio alarm, I desperately hit go on the TV remote, only to be confronted by Countryfile. I've never been a fan, even when awake. Something about John Craven's voice instantly sets me on edge - I don't know if it's the memory of listening to boring boring news when I just wanted Blue Peter to start, or the fact that I generally couldn't give a flying shite about badger culls and their effect on farmers, or indeed about anything involving greenery and sub-8mb broadband connections. It's not that it's not important (well, actually I'm not convinced that bio-bloody-diversity and everyone putting a bloody bird-table in the garden and then complaining when they get squirrels *is* important, but meh), it's just that it doesn't interest me much.
So anyway, there I am lying in bed, half asleep, half-awake, trying to figure out why countryfile is on, and how come I can't seem to remember how to work the channel changer, when this guy starts talking about the surprising membership of his organization, containing (as it apparently does) not only doctors, lawyers and accountants, but even until recently a couple of vicars. I was instantly a little irritated - people always express such surprise at fundamentally unsurprising things - it's one of the things I hate most about the "regional programming extended to a national audience" bullshit that you get before the Eastenders omnibus. But this, I thought was reaching a new low - I mean vicars are pretty much the first profession you would expect to find in a swingers organization - organized religion in general, and the Church of England in particular has always been the absolute bedrock of mild sexual deviancy. And then something occured to me. Wasn't it a little unusual that Countryfile should be addressing the issue of Swingers' groups. I mean I assume they exist in the countryside - hell, if you don't like complaining about feeding fucking squirrels there must be absolutely fuck-all else to do, but the social realism on such programmes is generally quite light-weight, and definately doesn't like to stray into areas which would make Mrs. Rowbotham of Esher drop the morning tea-tray.
By now I was almost awake. We had entered, I thought, a new age in broadcasting history, a glorious future where even before early evening real, salacious interesting and relevant issues were covered in slightly-prurient detail by John Craven. Here was history, and all I had to do was get up at a time when the clock read AM to join it. Imagine my disappointment therefore when I caught the next line. Absolutely anybody, I was told, could do caving. In an instant my surprise levels dropped back down below zero. I mean I'd never really thought about it (and try not to, since I get claustrophobic in cathedrals), but it's pretty obvious that profession is no bar to caving - you could probably do it in your bloody dog-collar if you wanted. And whilst the same is certainly true of swinging, it has to be said that discussing caving on Countryfile is a far smaller step towards interesting and relevant television than I had originally assumed. So get back to agricultural updates Mr Craven, and stop trying. For my part, I'll be getting back to channel 5 where they're about to repeat America's Funniest Nude Car Crashes.
(this article originally appeared in Touching Cloth - Lifestyles For the Modern Clergyman's Wife and is reproduced with kind permission)