Two Princess ~ Fic
Title: Two Princes
Pairing: DiexToshiya, KaoruXToshiya
Genre: Romance, drama
Rating: Worksafe
Author: アオイ / justangel
Beta Reader:
ceirosken
Two Princes
A Dir en grey Fan Fiction
By アオイ
One, two princes kneel before you
Princes who adore you
“Dad, no!” Toshiya groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop setting me up on a date? I already have a boyfriend.”
It was a warm, late spring afternoon. Toshiya had just come home from campus decidedly hungry and was munching on a large chunk of fruit pie when his father came and brought up the sacred subject: Toshiya’s relationship.
“Come on, Toshimasa. Kaoru is a nice person. I met him during the lawyer consortium. He’s smart, well-mannered, and definitely has a brighter future than your punk boyfriend.” Toshiya’s father had been troubled with the person his son had been dating during the last several months.
Toshiya sighed. “Die,” he put an emphasis to his boyfriend’s name, “is nice too, dad. You’d find out about it if you give yourself a chance. Why don’t you?”
“He rarely comes here to visit me. How am I supposed to get to know him? It’s not like I set a restriction on him coming.”
“You don’t restrict him, but you’re not welcoming either. Whenever Die comes, you hide in your study and pretend to make important calls-don’t argue! I know you...” Toshiya stopped his father before the old man had the chance to defend himself. “...or if you happen to meet him, you’d suddenly look pained. And I still remember that one time we went swimming, when you told Sawamura-san to drain the pool. Or how about the time when I found that the fridge was locked so I couldn’t serve him anything but water from the tap. And there was that one time when I found that my car suddenly-”
Toshiya’s father already had gotten the point, so he held his hand up to stop his son from continuing. Hara-san kept his voice low and steady despite how he very much wanted to smack his only son.
“I don’t want to give him an empty hope, that’s why.”
“You didn’t forbid me to go out with him back then.” Toshiya scowled. “It was as much as giving him an empty hope.”
“I didn’t know you’d stick with him so long! You never have gone steady before. I thought it was one of your flings or rebellious acts towards me for not letting you go to design school.”
“That’s not the point, dad! Can’t you just see that I can be with no one but him? Anyway, I still can’t forgive you for not submitting my portfolio and enrolling me for law school instead.”
“That’s not to be discussed right now. Look, Toshimasa, You’re still so young...young and passionate. You still think that love can solve anything. You’re still willing to starve as long as you’re with him. But you cannot stay like this forever. It is natural for me not to acknowledge him if I know that he might not be able to feed himself, let alone you! How can I not choose a young lawyer with a bright future over him?”
“Dad, Die is a musician! I know he hasn’t made it big yet, but he’s talented, and I believe that he can succeed in making his band famous one day! And he has a day-time job at the gas station. It’s enough to earn him living and taking me out once in a while. He’s a hard worker, and he’s not careless with money!”
As the son of an outstanding lawyer, Toshiya naturally inherited the same arguing ability as his father. In fact, the older Toshiya got, the more Hara-san found it difficult to win verbal arguments against him.
“Look,” Toshiya’s father gave him a painful look. “I’ve tried to cope with your sexual preference, though it did hurt me at first. I’ve buried my dream to have grandchildren one day. Can I at least see my son going out with...decent man? It’s not like I’m setting you up with a girl. Will you give Kaoru a chance?”
Toshiya sighed in defeat. His father always knew how to use his compassion and sensitivity against him. And he had never been able to resist his father’s will once he set on him his pleading eyes.
“Fine...Just tell me when.”
His father smiled widely from across the table. “Just about...” he glanced at the clock on the wall, “two hours from now.”
Toshiya gaped at his father unbelievingly. “Dad-this is ridiculously too sudden!! I can’t do this!! I have to at least talk to Die about it-”
“Don’t complain!” His father barked. “Listen, if after going out with the man of my preference you still find Die as your perfect guy, I won’t complain any longer, okay? But if you refuse to meet Kaoru, I’ll literally put out a huge ‘Restricted for Punks’ sign on our gate that even your non-educated boyfriend will know that he’s uninvited.”
Toshiya swallowed, aware of the fact that his father was a militant who meant what he said. The boy mentally pictured Die’s wounded look upon seeing the sign; he could not bear to let it happen. Toshiya gave a non-committal shrug, already tired of debating. He felt hesitant, though. The feeling of guilt washed over him at the thought of putting his boyfriend at stake.
Sighing, the younger one stood and mumbled miserably, “I’ll go prepare.”
Turning around after the dismissal, Toshiya found himself figuring out how to tell Die about this.
Without a doubt, telling your boyfriend that you were about to go out with someone else, even on your father’s request, is awkward. Die soon became upset, which made things more difficult for Toshiya to explain, especially when they were connected by merely a phone line.
“I can’t believe you’re agreed!” Die barked to the phone.
“I didn’t, Die, but he force me. How am I supposed to say no when he threatened me with banning you forever from our house?”
But Die was scornful. “It’s not like he welcomed me before. And you can still go to mine! Or we can hang out somewhere else.”
“That’s not the point! It’s not about where we are. Sure, we can go anywhere we want. But I’d hate if the place where I live became someplace you’re not allowed to be at. I want my world to be open to you.”
Toshiya heard Die chuckle. He could visualize Die’s sarcastic smile on the other end. “Oh it will, automatically...give me a couple million yen, then I’ll be the same occupant of your world.”
“That’s not fair, Die. It’s nothing about money at all.”
“Oh really? What’s it all about then? Social class or something?”
“Listen!” Toshiya snapped. “I don’t have time to argue with you. I’ve been honest about this, and if you still can’t accept it, I don’t know what else to say. I guess we can talk about this some other time-”
“Don’t bother. I don’t want to hear about your date anymore.”
“Okay, fine! You won’t hear about it anymore. I gotta go now. I can hear that guy’s car coming-”
“You’re going already? Wow...your dad sure moves fast. What kind of car does he drive? A fancy European car?”
“Yes, in fact; he drives a vintage Daimler. And you know what? I think the ride’s gonna be smooth and enjoyable. At least I won’t have the wind spoiling my hair and clothes.”
Toshiya was clearly being sarcastic toward Die’s red motorcycle, his lover’s only treasure, with his last sentence. After that, he slammed the phone down and cursed. At the other side, Die did the same-throwing his cell phone to his bed and cussing.
One has diamond in his pocket
This one, he wants to buy you rocket
Toshiya’s date came in a fancy sport car, which was a domestic one-he lied to his boyfriend about the vintage Daimler. Still, the ride would have probably cost Die’s his entire four years part-time salary. They left the house after Kaoru bid Toshiya’s father a greeting and gave short conversation about the news in the law business. Deciding he was not going to cooperate, Toshiya soon put on an indifferent look right after he was out of his father’s sight. The young lawyer noticed it, and asked about it.
“What’s with your look?” he asked right after igniting the engine of the car.
“Huh?” The other one replied listlessly.
“I thought we’re supposed to have fun. But you look as if I’m dragging you to a fatally-boring seminar or something.”
Toshiya sighed and turned his body a bit toward Kaoru. “Listen, before we start, I want you to know something. I already have a boyfriend.”
The young lawyer smiled lopsidedly. “I know. Your father told me.”
Toshiya’s eyes widened. “He told you? You knew and you’re still going out with me?”
“What about you?” Kaoru stole a glance at him. “You said you already have a boyfriend, but you’re right here, letting me to take you out.”
“That is-” Toshiya was angered. “I’m doing this simply because my dad told me to, okay? If I refuse, he’ll ban me from seeing my boyfriend. And since you already know about him, you better not try to get lucky with me. There’s no way I will turn from Die-kun for you-”
Kaoru suddenly laughed. “Listen Toshiya, I’m a young, successful, rich lawyer. I can spend my weekend doing hundreds of things that are better than going out with you. Why should I expect something from an unavailable, spoiled juvenile? Just relax.”
Toshiya was curious. “Then...why did you agree to go out with me?”
“It’s merely an obligation.” Kaoru took a cigarette from his pocket and lighted it. “...in order to succeed the merger plan with your father’s firm...”
Toshiya’s mouth parted as he gasped unbelievingly; after that, he cast his eyes away with a sickened look and mumbled something, something that sounded suspiciously like ‘lawyers.’
“Why did we stop here?” Toshiya asked Kaoru while looked around suspiciously.
They had been driving away from Toshiya’s home, which was located at the elite rural area situated rather outside of Tokyo, and had now reached downtown. Kaoru brought them to a fancy restaurant that Toshiya had once heard of from various media to be the common hang out place for Tokyo’s rich and sophisticated younger generation.
“Isn’t the place self-explanatory? If not, well...I’m kinda hungry right now, and this place is pretty decent, so I’ve decided that we’re gonna have dinner here.” Kaoru got out of the car without further ado, leaving Toshiya alone and dumbfounded by his arrogance. Then the younger one frowned and jumped down from the car.
“Geez, so rude!” he mumbled. “And here I thought he was actually civilized...”
Noticing that his date had finally followed him, Kaoru stopped and took a moment to wait for him while he handed his car key to the valet service along with a sheet of a thousand yen. Toshiya noticed the generous amount and bit his lower lip in amazement. The man had just spent a huge amount of money that his boyfriend would have to work hard for an hour just to match the sum. He suddenly felt that he did not fit in.
“Hey, wait! Kaoru...”
The young lawyer stopped right away and turned around. “What’s wrong?”
“Can we-can we go somewhere else? Umm...I don’t feel like I’m in the right place. I mean…I’ve never been here before, not to mention that I’m not wearing proper clothes,” he added, referring to his torn jeans and the extremely tattered shirt.
Kaoru looked him up and down within a second, and then he chuckled. “Toshimasa, you’re the son of one of the most successful men in Tokyo. You’re not only allowed to come-regardless of your look - but they will show you gratitude. They’ll probably call their colleague lifestyle reporter to come and interview you, and take some of your pictures for their column. It’s a promotion for them. All you need to do is mention your family’s name.”
When he saw that Toshiya still seemed to have no clue what he was talking about, Kaoru sighed. “You really need to hang out with those like you more. Especially when you’re gonna enter the law business. Now come on, I’ll show you how we have fun.”
An attendant took them to a table outside by the artificial tropical lagoon and brought the menu. Toshiya just asked for a piña colada, and allowed Kaoru to order the rest of the meal for them.
The boy took the chance to study the lawyer’s face while he was busy studying the menu. This time, he had to admit that his dad had practiced good taste with choosing him a date. Kaoru was indeed a good-looking man. He had a confidence that exuded from every gesture he made. And if his physical appearance didn’t confirm it, his voice worked magic. He was able to pronounce the foreign names of some food items with no extra effort, in a calm and mature voice. Toshiya could definitely see his allure, and he had to admit, he found him attractive.
“So...” Toshiya was surprised when Kaoru suddenly started talking to him. “What do you think of this place?”
Toshiya looked around the restaurant and saw nothing that was out of place or was not beautifully arranged. “It’s great. I’ve never been to a place like this before.”
“Not even once?” Kaoru asked, apparently doubting him.
Toshiya shook his head. “I used to hang out at Harajuku and Shibuya, or Roppongi during the weekends. I went to game centers, food courts, live houses, but certainly not this kind of restaurant.”
“How? I mean...didn’t your friends ever ask you to come with them? Weren’t you invited to parties held at these kinds of places?” Kaoru was confused.
“I’ve been attending a public school since junior high, where my friends aren’t wealthy , and I grew up more accustomed to their lifestyle than my father’s, which in my opinion is rather suffocating and pretentious.”
“You’re being prejudiced. It’s not that bad, you know. Some of the upper classes are for real-like your father.”
“I know.” The younger one shrugged. “But still, money can be very deceiving. And I don’t want to be associated with anything that will cause my friends’ opinion of me to become bias. Not even my boyfriend knew of my family background before we started going out.”
Hearing Toshiya mentioning his boyfriend, Kaoru showed a sudden interest. He studied his companion’s face for a second, then threw out his question. “Your boyfriend-tell me about him.”
Toshiya cringed. “Should I?” He hesitated. “I mean...isn’t it impolite to talk about someone else to your date? Besides...why do you want to know?”
Kaoru smiled. “It’s a girl’s rule. We’re men, so we don’t bother. It’s not like we’re going out...yet. I just want to know what kind of guy he is to be able to make you so devotedly in love.”
Toshiya’s cheek felt hot as he looked down to hide his embarrassment. And then shyly, he smiled and started to narrate in a low voice.
“Well, Die is...”
...busy with his job, cleaning the front glass of a customer’s car at the gas station where he worked. After Toshiya had cancelled their date, Die had called one of his colleagues and had asked him if he would let him take his shift. He was lucky. A weekend day off was always a luxury for a part-timer that the colleague gave him the shift slot without a second thought.
After completing his task with giving assistance to a Subaru SUV driver, Die went into the staff room for his 15 minutes break. He sat on a pile of old tires, sipping his free coffee from a plastic cup, smoking, and wondering where his lover could be.
“I thought you were out with your lover, Die-kun.”
Die looked up and saw one of his friends approaching. He shook his head and took a deep drag of his cigarette before answering. “Something came up and we had to cancel. I thought I could use my free time to earn a bit more rather than staying home alone. I need a new set of strings, and I’ve wanted this Mesa Boogie effect for my guitar. Besides, going out without him is rather dull.”
“I see.” His friend nodded. “Well, it’s good that you two are doing well. I thought something bad had happened between you two since you’re working during weekend, and besides, you don’t look so good.”
Die cast a sharp glance at his friend and then looked away, smiling bitterly. “Is it really showing?”
“Huh?” His friend asked. “Is there something wrong?
He shrugged. “I don’t know...I really hope not. It’s just that-I don’t know...it’s hard to explain.”
“Well, since there’s no customer, we have plenty of time if you want to talk about it.” Die felt his friend’s reassuring pat on his shoulder. He looked up, and the need to let it out was too desperate that he started to tell everything, sparing no detail, including the fear he had with the difference between his and Toshiya’s social status.
... ... ... ...
“...and here I am, sitting with you, talking about all this shit while somewhere across the town, Toshiya’s out with a rich lawyer, on a date, spending a huge amount of money in which the sum is probably more than both our monthly wages, without needed to think twice about.” Die had nearly taken an hour-minus the times when they were called to work -to finish the story. During this time, his friend was listening quietly, and never interrupted except to confirm.
“Tough? It’s always like this when there’s a parent intervention. But you know what...you should have thought about it before going out with him. I mean, it’s never easy to have a relationship with someone with such a...well, different background. Although sometimes a rich lover can come in handy-you know what I mean...” His friend teased.
“Hell, no!! What do you think I am a gold digger or something?” Die laughed. “He didn’t tell me about it, dude. I didn’t find out about it until I went to his house one day and found that it was a manor house up on the hill in the most expensive residential neighborhood outside Tokyo. I was freaked out, you know. The guards stared at me suspiciously; I thought they’d ask me to pass through a metal detector or something. Thank god they didn’t.”
His friend laughed, then asked, “That bad, huh? Didn’t you ask him about it though? What did he say?”
“Well...Toshiya said he didn’t tell me because he’d been afraid that the knowledge would alter my pure intention of going out with him.”
“That’s understandable.”
Die nodded. “And he actually proved that money has nothing to do with our relationship. And we haven’t talked about it since. But...” Die could not manage to finish his statement.
“But things had not gone well, is that what you’re trying to say?”
Die sighed. “There’s always the matter of his father. He was nice at first-that was before he knew that Toshiya and I were going out. And when he found out-not that Toshiya tried to hide it in any way- he simply...well, changed.”
“It happens all the time when two people from different social backgrounds meet, man. That’s the risk of going out with a rich kid. He might have the idea that you’re only trying to take advantage of Toshiya.”
“If that’s the reason why he’s forbidding us from going out, I’d be confronting him instead of thinking about whether I indeed deserve him or not. But he’s not a typical shallow rich person, unfortunately, that I can easily hate. All he has in mind is Toshiya’s welfare. And since I care as much about my boyfriend’s happiness, I can’t just ignore him.”
“Whoa, you’re really serious about your relationship with him, aren’t you?”
“I guess so. I mean... well, I can only think of ending up with him. But it won’t do if staying with me just makes him unhappy. You know, with his father against us and me having no money.”
“I get your point. But see, you should really ask him first, if staying with you make him unhappy, you know? Toshiya’s a good-looking guy. He could have been with someone else if he wanted to. But he chooses to be with you. I guess it means something.”
Die’s mind wandered to Toshiya-his younger, witty, spoiled, and attractive lover, and slowly, he felt a special kind of warmth creep into his chest. It was the same feeling he experienced whenever the thought of Toshiya came to mind. The red-head looked up at his friend and smiled.
“You’re right. Perhaps I’m just thinking about it too much.”
Toshiya came by the next afternoon. Die came home after doing some grocery shopping to find the younger man leaning against his front door, smoking.
“There you are!” Toshiya’s face brightened up. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
There was no trace of last night’s fight, Die noticed. His lover never bore grudges, nor did he keep an overnight anger-one of many characteristics Toshiya had that Die simply adored. The red head smiled and handed the younger guy the grocery bag before he opened the door of the apartment.
“You didn’t call me first. I could have left the key.”
“I didn’t plan to come, actually. It was just a spur of the moment decision.”
Die groaned. “Oh please. Just admit that you can’t keep away from me.” He put the bag on the kitchen table. As he started to arrange the groceries he had just bought, he heard a protest.
“Damn! It’s hot in here...”
“Open the window then! The goddamn fan is broken.”
There was rustling sound from behind him, but Die was busy concentrating on his task. A few seconds later, though, Toshiya shouted again.
“What’s taking you so long It’s been ages since we last met, and you’re abandoning me for some groceries? Christ, Die, I deserve better than that.”
“Oy, shut up!” Die shouted back. “You’re the one who cancelled our date last night.”
“Alright, alright. I’m beat.” Toshiya mumbled. “Come here already, I’ve miss you.”
Die sighed and put the bag down. He could never resist Toshiya when the younger man spoke to him while using that kind of tone. He stood up and went to the room, and was welcomed by the wind that had started to flow into the small room from the open window. It carried along the faint sound of a cicada, and an early summer fragrance. He closed his eyes for a second to enjoy the breeze and opened them again when he felt a pair of arms snaking around his waist. Toshiya was pressing his body against Die’s back and kissing his neck.
“Don’t you think that you’re being mean, leaving me alone like that?”
“Well, I’m here now.” The redhead smiled, then turned around, and was nearly struck dumb. Toshiya was practically naked except for the pair of boxers he wore. “What the...did you miss me that much?” he asked, referring to Toshiya’s state of nakedness.
Toshiya slapped him playfully and giggled. “You baka! I just feel hot, okay?” He let go of Die and jumped on the bed.
Die watched him silently, then shrugged and settled himself onto the floor, resting his back against the bed. He opened a can of beer he had brought from the kitchen earlier and sipped it. Just when his hand reached out for a still-sealed comic book, Toshiya spoke.
“You know, Die...”
“Huh?” He replied.
“I know it’s hot but...if you don’t mind the heat, I’m up for anything, so...”
Die swallowed and turned around. Toshiya sent him a meaningful smile and signaled him to come to bed. The redhead did not waste another second, and quickly answered the call.
... ... ... ...
They walked side by side to the train station several hours after. It was late, and Toshiya had to attend an early class the next day. Toshiya never stayed overnight at Die’s place. As much as he wanted to, he still regarded his father. And if he didn’t, Die did. The couple walked in silence; they were both smoking, until Die started a conversation.
“Anyway, I haven’t asked about your date. How was it?”
Toshiya looked at him. “I thought you didn’t want to know anything about it.” He smiled amusedly.
“Yeah, well...” Die blushed. “I guess you left me no reason to be jealous. Not after...you know...” They both chuckled embarrassedly. Sex was always easier to do than to be talked about.
“It was okay, I guess...” Toshiya shrugged. “He took me to this fancy place. We had dinner, and then went to a club that served good drinks and had nice music. He took me home before midnight. That’s all. Well, actually, it was a nice intermezzo. Kaoru is a nice guy, and he’s completely different from you. We did things that you and I never did before.”
“Well, I’m glad that you enjoyed it.” Die’s voice was obviously colder.
Toshiya caught his hand and forced him to turn, still smiling. “I thought you weren’t going to be jealous.”
“I’m not!” Die protested.
“Yes, you are! Christ, Die...you’re so obvious.” Toshiya pulled him closer and stole a quick kiss. “You fool! I’m not comparing him to you. You’re irreplaceable!”
They were kissing again. Thankfully, the street was empty and rather dark so they would not have to be worried about people walking by who could see them. At the end of the kiss, Toshiya tried to break away from the embrace, but Die still had his arms wrapped around his body, his head resting on Toshiya’s shoulder. The younger one felt how tens his lover’s body was against him.
“Die...what’s wrong?” He asked, his hand stealing up to caress Die’s back.
“Should I be worried?” Die’s muffled voice answered him.
“Worried? About what?”
“About us.” Die looked up. “Should I be worried of loosing you? Is everything going to be fine?”
Toshiya was stunned. It took him a moment before he could figure out something to say, but it was a firm answer. He smiled and stared straight into Die’s eyes.
“I’m not gonna let us waver, Die. That’s all I can say.”
Marry him, your father will condone you
“Hi there!”
Toshiya looked up from the book he currently reading and smiled as he recognized his guest. “Kaoru! What are you doing here?” He led Kaoru to the terrace by the pool and ordered the servant to serve him something.
“I’m just dropping by. I’ve finished my work, but I didn’t feel like going home early. My apartment is always too quiet. Besides, I kinda miss you.”
Toshiya laughed half-embarrassedly. “What happened to the young, successful and rich lawyer who had better things to do than babysit a delinquent like me?” He teased.
Kaoru blushed. He took off his glasses and wiped the lenses even though they weren’t dirty. “You really have a potential to be a good lawyer, you know. You’re using my own words against me.”
“Anything you say could be used against you...” Toshiya quoted a line from the infamous Miranda act. “I guess I am destined to be a lawyer. Well, I have no choice actually, given the Hara family men have become lawyers for three generations.”
“Yeah, that’s an outstanding reputation.” Kaoru consented.
“And a burden, actually.” Toshiya quickly added. “You have no idea how it feels to look at a baby photograph of yourself, butt-naked except for an ancient courtroom trademark wig sitting on top of your head.”
Kaoru laughed. “Actually, I can relate to what you’re saying pretty well. My family has a lawyer legacy too, you know. I was obligated to go for an internship for a month during summer vacation at my dad’s firm ever since I entered junior high school.”
Toshiya shivered. “Scary...”
Kaoru shrugged in agreement. The conversation discontinued while the both of them enjoyed the juice and delicacies being served. At some point, Toshiya stood up and moved to the poolside, dipping his feet into the water while still sipping on his juice. Kaoru followed him a moment later, standing a foot behind Toshiya.
“I forgot the last time I went swimming,” Kaoru remarked.
Toshiya looked up. “I thought you were doing sports regularly.”
“Well, yeah. Golf, mostly, with my father and our clients. Otherwise, I opt for something that isn’t time-consuming, like.doing some light exercise before I go to work each morning.”
“That’s no fun at all! I’m an all around athlete and I enjoy it.” Toshiya seemed proud of himself. “So, do you want to swim, you know...while you’re here?”
Kaoru smiled and shook his head. “No thanks. But don’t stop yourself if you want to. I’ll just sit here and watch.”
“Like hell I will.” Toshiya snorted. “You’ll ravish me with your stare.”
Kaoru smiled knowingly. “You know what? You’re right.”
Toshiya couldn’t believe what he had heard. Had Kaoru really said that? “I was just kidding, you know.”
“And I’m not.” Kaoru laughed. Still in his work clothes/suit, he squatted next to Toshiya and leaned close to the younger one’s discomfited face. “After our date, I found myself thinking of you pretty often. You’re different than any other rich kid, most of whom are too wrapped up with themselves, unlike you, Toshiya. You’re smart, considerate and critical, and I like that quality in someone. I think I like you.”
“I like you too, Kaoru.” Toshiya responded almost too quickly.
Kaoru rolled his eyes. “I like you like...well, how a gay guy likes another gay guy.”
If the circumstances were normal, Toshiya would have laughed over the statement. But this time, he was tongue-tied. He searched for something to say, but he couldn’t. Kaoru seemed to realize it, so he smiled reassuringly.
“I know, I know...you have no place for anyone in your heart but Die, and I respect you for your love for him. I’m telling you simply because I thought you deserve hearing it from me.”
Kaoru stood up and sighed. “Well, I guess I gotta go. The traffic will be really congested soon and I’m not gonna spend two hours in a car when I only need to go ten miles.” He went to collect his belongings. “I guess we can swing together some other time,” he said before turning around and leaving.
Somehow, Toshiya didn’t feel right letting the man go just like that. He quickly stood up and chased after him, calling. “Kaoru!! Wait...”
The older man stopped and waited. “Yes?”
“I...I want you to know that... I enjoyed the time we spent together. You took me to a world I’ve never been to before, letting me know that the so-called upper class isn’t as bad as I thought. With you, I didn’t have to worry about differences between us. I think you’re the only rich person I’d like to get acquainted with. And...if only Die hadn’t taken my entire heart, you’d probably be the one could have it. But that’s the point. I have Die already, and he’s all I need despite everything.”
Kaoru seemed startled, but a second later, he smiled widely. He walked back to Toshiya and leaned closer to kiss him lightly. He took a step back and smiled as he took in Toshiya’s reddened face.
“Thanks. Now I really do like you, though your statement kind of hurts my pride because I never thought I’d loose to a punk who doesn’t even go to college.”
Toshiya laughed and shoved him away. “Come on, go home already!!”
Marry me, your father will disown you
Die nervously followed the attractive woman through the door, which led into the most tastefully-decorated room he had ever been in. He held his breath as the scent of old books and air sanitizer welcomed him. At the other end of the room, an elderly man he recognized as his lover’s father stood up with back facing him.
“Hara-sachou, your guest is here.”
“Thank you, Kumiko-san. Please leave us alone,” the man said without turning around.
“Shall I serve something?”
Hara-san turned around and shook his head. “No. Our guest won’t stay long.”
Die swallowed.
... ... ...
Die could not understand what had happened. It had only been a couple weeks since Toshiya’s visit and the talk about their relationship. Die had just started to feel safe again. They had met again during weekend, and talked by phone almost every night. No one felt like discussing the arrangement Toshiya’s father made anymore.
And yet, just when he thought that things were turning out pretty well, Toshiya’s father had given word that he wanted Die to come by his office. He had not said anything yet except telling Die to sit down. It had been several minutes, and yet the older man did not seem bothered by his presence and continued to write in his notebook.
“Excuse me-sir,” Die could no longer bear the pressure. “I’m sorry for the impoliteness, but I’m scheduled to work in one hour, so-”
“Be patient, young man.” Hara-san’s authoritative tone silenced him. “Ara! Here we go. Pay attention to the screen.”
Toshiya’s father pointed at huge projector screen hanging several meters from them. The screen was blank for a second, but soon Toshiya’s smiling face appeared. He was sitting by, Die recognized, the poolside at the Hara residence. Seeing the smile, which revealed a set of braced teeth, made him feel, for the first time, a tinge of bravery inside his chest. Sadly, it did not last long.
A moment later, the camera-apparently hidden-zoomed out, and captured the whole scene. The redhead became pale when he realized that Toshiya was apparently not alone. Someone was with him, and it was his joke that made Toshiya laughed. He was going to ask about this person, but regardless, Hara-san was already telling him.
“His name is Kaoru, a son of one of my old colleagues. He’s a lawyer like I am, and what my son is going to be. Toshimasa looked happy with him, didn’t he? They have been getting closer recently.”
Die could not object. Any opposition was nothing against the compelling evidence of Toshiya’s laughter and bright eyes. Die felt lucky that Hara-san was considerate enough to mute the video. With his eyes still fixed on the screen, his mind wandered somewhere else. He tried to recall the last time he had made Toshiya laugh like that. He couldn’t.
Die swallowed; his throat felt dry. “Why did you invite me here, sir?” He tried his best to stay polite, still keeping in mind that the man was Toshiya’s father.
“You must think that I’m a very bad person. You have the right to think that way. However, I want you to put yourself in my position. Think of yourself as a father, Die, an old man with a son who could have a very bright future. Then you’ll understand why I’m do all this.”
Die looked down, afraid that the old man could see his crushed expression. “I fully understand, sir. Same as you, I want the best for Toshiya too.”
“Then I guess there’s nothing else for us to discuss. Thank you for coming. You may go to work now.”
Die nodded, head still down while dismissing himself. “Shitsurei...”
For a second, Hara-san felt a sense of pity seeing the slumped back of the heartbroken young man. Die had not done something wrong. He was simply a boy who had fallen in love...with the wrong person. But the sympathy went as fast as it came.
It had been necessary.
Die drove his motorcycle as fast as he could, and didn’t stop until he reached the outer part of Tokyo. It was about a mile further from the area where Toshiya lived. He pulled aside on top of a cliff and looked down, smashing his helmet on the ground.
“FUUUCK!!!” He shouted aloud.
He kept shouting until he ran out of breath. Panting, he stepped closer to the cliff and looked down. The first thing he recognized was Toshiya’s L-shaped house, with its flat roof and crescent pool, the surface of the water gleaming under the afternoon sun. The scenery was breathtaking (I want to make an impression which is beyong breathtaking. I want to underline the fact that the beautiful view is a total opposite with Die’s mood, that’s why I chose ‘ironically beautiful’. How can I expressed it correctly?), but this just took him to his edge.
Die could not bear it anymore. He slumped down and cried.
... ... ...
The sun had set when Die finally calmed down. He took a bottle of water from his messenger bag and finished it off before fishing in his pocket for his cell phone. He dialed his boyfriend’s number and waited.
“Toshiya, it’s me. Umm...can you come over to my place tomorrow?”
I ain’t have no future or family tree
“Let’s break up.”
Toshiya had just arrived at Die’s place, and hadn’t even put down his bag and jacket yet - he could not believe what he had just heard. Did Die really say it?
“What do you mean? You’re joking, right?” he asked nervously, abandoning his belongings on the floor.
Die shook his head and looked away. “I wouldn’t joke with that subject, you know it.” He sighed. “This way, you are free to be with that lawyer. He’ll make you happy. I wish you happiness too, really.”
Die’s words sounded like mockery to his ears, Toshiya suddenly became angry. “What the fuck do you mean by saying such a thing?” He pushed his lover furiously. “Are you gonna give up just like that? After what we’ve been through, when there’s nothing else actually stopping us?”
“Toshiya, please calm down,” Die pleaded. “The walls are thin and people can hear-” He tried to grab Toshiya’s shoulder, but the younger man shoved him so hard that he fell with a loud thump onto his bed.
“I don’t give a damn if the whole world knows!” Toshiya shouted. “Why should we care when we have our own problems? You’re such a jerk!! You know I goddamn love you. How could you say such things? Has my dad succeeded in scaring you? What did he do this time? Did he pay you to break up with me?”
“Will you shut the fuck up?” Die shouted back, hand grasping Toshiya’s collar. “You have no fucking idea how hard it is for me!!”
“Then why should you say it? Why are you letting me go so easily, when I actually want you to cling onto me? Hell, I’d love to have you snatch me from my dad and you damn well know it, Die...”
“I just-” Die released his grasp on Toshiya and looked away. “I just can’t bear the thought of you abandoning all that luxury only to stay with me.” The redhead sighed. He backed away and sat on the edge of the bed, arms propped on top of his knees while hiding his face behind his palms. “This matter has been my main concern for so long.”
Toshiya swallowed. “Since when?” His voice trembled.
“Since I realized that I’m stuck on you, when you’ve became the most significant person in my life.” Die looked up; his voice was hoarse (or another synonym). “Dammit Toshiya, that guy spent the same as a full week of my salary for a simple dinner with you. Look at me! I’ve saved up every possible penny so that one day I can at least afford you a decent life. But in the end, it’s still way too far from what you deserve, and I love you too much to make you suffer with me.”
Toshiya did not say anything at first, but a moment later, he knelt down and looped his arms around Die’s neck, drawing their bodies closer. “Who says I’m suffering? We’ve been going out for two goddamn years, Die. Have you ever heard me complaining? Have I ever fretted during the times you couldn’t even buy me dinner?”
“You’re not, but you will.”
“Then let’s think about it later! Why don’t we stick to the present and enjoy it while it lasts?” Toshiya stared into Die’s eyes. “And I’m not even trying to say that I’m gonna abandon you when thing gets rough.” Toshiya sighed. “Listen Die, you have no right to make that decision for me. I’m free to choose to be with or without you.”
“Toshiya...”
Toshiya pulled his body closer. “Be strong, Die. I need you. I cannot fight by myself.”
Die had nothing left to say. Toshiya had been able to break his entire argument. There was only one thought left. “I cannot give you anything, Toshiya. I can’t promise you anything at the moment. Do you understand?”
Toshiya pulled away. He looked at his lover and noticed that the redhead was crying. “Die-”
“Listen to me!” Die interrupted. “You might as well say I have no future. I can’t even tell if my music will bring me somewhere someday. There are days when I go hungry. I rarely have spare money to have fun. I cannot afford either an air conditioner or a bigger place. You’d probably have to work if we’re gonna stay together.”
Toshiya could not react to this flood of real facts. Die saw it, and he continued. “Can you accept the conditions I mentioned before?”
Toshiya finally understood what Die meant, and he nodded resolutely. Die asked again. “You won’t regret your decision?”
Toshiya smiled. “I’ve told you, I’m not going to waver. Can’t you believe in me?”
Die stared into his eyes, and knew that Toshiya meant every single word he had said. The red-head shifted closer, and let himself be comforted by the warmth of Toshiya’s embrace.
“I believe in you,” he whispered.
...but, I know how a prince and lover ought to be
Toshiya’s father sank into the chair in his office as he read the letter his secretary just delivered. The letter was short, but it gave him just the right shock to make his day.
Dear daddy, (how long has it been since the last time I addressed you so?)
I want to apologize because I won’t make it home for dinner tonight. I’m staying at Die’s place. Yes, you guessed it right. We’ve made up. And guess what? We’re gonna have fun all night long. I’m telling you this, because I know that you don’t want to know anything about us. And that makes this a punishment for you because you’ve been naughty.
We made a promise, Dad; you said you’d leave us alone and even welcome Die at our house, if I was willing to go out with Kaoru. But you cheated. I heard about the video. He told me after we made love. Now that’s very cunning of you. But too bad, since both of us know that in court, a hidden video isn’t allowed as evidence.
I regret that I forgot to make you sign a legal statement, or else I would have sued you by now. :P You gotta feel thankful that I forgot, since you wouldn’t want to face me in court, because believe me, you’ve raised one hell of a litigator.
Anyway, I’ll say this for the last time. I’m not going to leave Die-at least not on behalf of you or any other person. I’d given up my dream of becoming a graphic artist to follow your path. Are you going to ask me to give up my love as well? I know you love me. But please, consider not only my future, but also my present; consider what I feel. Please stop making decisions on my behalf. You can’t expect me to become mature when you’re treating me like a child.
Love,
Hara Toshimasa
Putting the letter down on his desk, Toshiya’s father sighed in defeat. But it wasn’t for too long. The next moment, he started to chuckle, before finally he was laughing so hard his body shook. After a while, he gained control over himself and took the glass of water on his desk. The glass was an inch away from his lips when he shook his head and mumbled something that sounded a lot like, “Lawyers...”
2006年12月17日 - 2007年7月15日
23:00:14
~fin~