Momma said, "If you don't have anything nice to say..."
As I come into my last days in Chicago, I have spent a lot of time reflecting. I've come to terms with a lot of things. I'm angry about a lot, but right now my anger isn't helping me, so I put it on the shelf. I'll keep it there until I need it again, and I pray that won't be for a while. I'm tired.
While I was in the Forks last time I lamented because I made most of my friends before I was there and struggled to find people I gave a damn about. There are a very select few people who made it out of that cauldron with me. Those that did will be with me for life. I met more awesome people in Chicago than I could have ever imagined. Hopefully, I come back to Chicago. Many people have told me that I will, and I believe that I can't stay away. I'm an import, but this city has adopted me. I'm a Chicago boy now and this place is home.
I met an x girl friend today, she gave me some moving materials that she was finished with. I expected things to be pretty awkward, this was the first time we'd spoken face to face since the break up. I was nervous, but as we talked became considerably more relaxed. It wasn't just "business" we actually talked, bantered. I enjoyed her company. I knew we had to break up last fall, and that hurt. I also knew it was the right thing to do. We've since moved on. She's with a wonderful man that makes her happy. I haven't found such love, but am filled with joy that she has. She's brimming with life, with hope and possibility. I couldn't possibly be happier for her. I'm so pleased I feel like I'm going to pop, both for her with her new and improved life, and for the fact that we had such a pleasant conversation. I wanted to keep talking for longer, but we both had things to do. I'm civil to most but not close with many old flames, and there is at least one who's head I would gladly see on a pike. I sincerely hope that someday I can refer to her as "friend" instead of just another x.
As I struggle through the packing process and the grieving process that is leaving Chicago, I've been a mess of emotions. My friends are heroes for the wonderful things they have said and done for me in the past few months. I have good people in all corners of this country taking the best care of me a boy could ask for. You know who you are, and thank you for everything.
I'm purging so much stuff and changing my perceptions/attitudes of so much more. I'm a completely different person in this noggen, although you may never notice talking with me. There will be precious little good to take out of this experience. I know how much I can handle mentally, it's more than I thought. But this won't make me happier and it's certainly making me poorer. Hopefully it makes me smarter, stronger and tougher.
The next time you hear from this guy, I'll probably be up in the Forks. Hopefully I can stay my own flavor of sane until I leave again. Where that will be and when it will happen, I don't know and have no way of knowing. The unknown devil is the hardest to defend against. I'd say wish me luck, but you already have.
While I was in the Forks last time I lamented because I made most of my friends before I was there and struggled to find people I gave a damn about. There are a very select few people who made it out of that cauldron with me. Those that did will be with me for life. I met more awesome people in Chicago than I could have ever imagined. Hopefully, I come back to Chicago. Many people have told me that I will, and I believe that I can't stay away. I'm an import, but this city has adopted me. I'm a Chicago boy now and this place is home.
I met an x girl friend today, she gave me some moving materials that she was finished with. I expected things to be pretty awkward, this was the first time we'd spoken face to face since the break up. I was nervous, but as we talked became considerably more relaxed. It wasn't just "business" we actually talked, bantered. I enjoyed her company. I knew we had to break up last fall, and that hurt. I also knew it was the right thing to do. We've since moved on. She's with a wonderful man that makes her happy. I haven't found such love, but am filled with joy that she has. She's brimming with life, with hope and possibility. I couldn't possibly be happier for her. I'm so pleased I feel like I'm going to pop, both for her with her new and improved life, and for the fact that we had such a pleasant conversation. I wanted to keep talking for longer, but we both had things to do. I'm civil to most but not close with many old flames, and there is at least one who's head I would gladly see on a pike. I sincerely hope that someday I can refer to her as "friend" instead of just another x.
As I struggle through the packing process and the grieving process that is leaving Chicago, I've been a mess of emotions. My friends are heroes for the wonderful things they have said and done for me in the past few months. I have good people in all corners of this country taking the best care of me a boy could ask for. You know who you are, and thank you for everything.
I'm purging so much stuff and changing my perceptions/attitudes of so much more. I'm a completely different person in this noggen, although you may never notice talking with me. There will be precious little good to take out of this experience. I know how much I can handle mentally, it's more than I thought. But this won't make me happier and it's certainly making me poorer. Hopefully it makes me smarter, stronger and tougher.
The next time you hear from this guy, I'll probably be up in the Forks. Hopefully I can stay my own flavor of sane until I leave again. Where that will be and when it will happen, I don't know and have no way of knowing. The unknown devil is the hardest to defend against. I'd say wish me luck, but you already have.