(no subject)

Nov 15, 2004 01:00

so this entry was gunna be an optimistic one, with a happy tone and a smile on my face and a good mood about the whole damn thing. but thats not the case, cuz then that story wouldnt be real, wouldnt be complete.

this work isnt happy. i dont smile when i do it, and it doesnt put me in good moods. i called her tonight about thanksgiving plans. it was ok. until i found out a few things that ive gotta work though, gotta get used to and accept.

she has to hide from me. not completely hide from me, not drop off the face of the planet. but she has to hide. she has to hide her profile on AIM and has to hide her lj entries because I cant handle them. I know i cant. and im still at the point where i get upset and mad at her because she has something to hide from me. i still tell her little bits of info about jules, even though she doesnt want to know them. i dont want to have to hide anything from her. but i think the more she knows, the more she feels a need to hide the details.

she might have plans soon to go to a something corporate concert with somebody else. my guess is with mikey, although that might not be it since he supposidly doesnt have any money at all. ive decided to not be jealous and not ask about it. even though it makes me mad that she would go to a concert like that, OUR BAND, and go with another guy when i offered to take her. im still getting tickets to go to their show, so if i have an extra one, ill open up the spot. (if shes reading this now, its shes thinking that i have to get on with my life and quit including her in my plans. but this is soco. babe, theres no way you can blame me fot that.)

i descovered soonafter that im always ready to start rebuilding things with her. i think im jumping the gun. i mean, were obviously going in circles. i know it as much as she does. im hoping that soon ill be ready to handle things so that she doesnt have to hide some of the details. i think i might start having to hide mine.

i dont want that. but once again, what i want doesnt matter.

like i said. no smiles.
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