A lie is piled up in order to hide a lie.
My life has been interesting, to say the least. As of April 20, i'm now twenty-one years old. People tend to ask how it feels to be the age I am now, and as always, I respond it feels the same as it did the year prior. Physically, i've not changed much, albeit I have chopped off the silken strands of my mid-length hair (which now has more of an adult feel). Mentally, I may just be a little wiser. Up to now, i've gone through quite an emotional conundrum regarding the people in my life. About a week ago my comrade and I spoke over the phone (he now being in Florida) for a night whilst he and his roommate reminisced of their experience in boot-camp. My old schoolmate (whom departed for the Navy along with my comrade) also got in touch with me recently, and so i'm heartened to say two of my closest friends and brothers are handling themselves well. I have an inkling Jessica will no longer be mentioned in any of my future entries, she and I have practically cut all ties and no longer converse (disregarding her attempts every so often). As it is, I say in confidence that it's best things turned out the way they did. As for my social life? I've managed to keep in touch with those who matter most to me, though I tend to fall back on my reclusive roots. For the most part, recently i've spent my time with an assemblage of tightly knit friends, of whom I was introduced to by my angel. I've taken to being part of them, one of them I having met when I was very young, his mother having baby-sat me in the mornings before he and I would walk to grade school together. He doesn't seem to recall any memory of me, but I find it most hilarious that his grandma once thought I beat him up with my viola case.
Just yesterday, myself, my angel, and another friend all took part on a journey to Chicago by train. I conversed groggily with my angel via cordless phone whilst leaning over the porcelain sink, blinking the morning glaze from my eyes. Nonchalantly sprucing myself up for public appearance, spraying myself with the soft mist of cologne before tossing on a long-sleeved top and hurrying out the door. Once before have I taken the train to the windy city, accompanied by none other than my comrade. As aforementioned (in various entries), my comrade and I ran from home last Mother's Day and set out on an odyssey to find shelter for the night in the city. Sparing details, it was a memorable experience, complete with a strung-out street-dweller offering us a room with "bitches", vagabond children conning us of currency for false directions, and homeless men dressed in rags with concrete doorsteps for beds. All in one night, our wanderings brought us from the mighty skyscrapers to the decaying neighborhoods. Nostalgia permeated my mind much like the cool wind did the thin material of my shirt as we boarded the train, my angel slightly nervous due to the fact that she hadn't yet taken the train in the 'states. On the way to the city, the three of us laughed and enjoyed each other's company as we occasionally took a gander outside the windows to the passing view of suburbia. Making sure my arm was wound protectively around my angel's waist, we cuddled briefly until the trip ended and the train pulled into the tunnel of the union station. Weaving through the congested crowd of tourists and city-dwellers alike, we finally set foot out into the shining spotlight of the sun which gave the windy city a brilliant glow. Without much of a destination, we three made way down sidewalks and across streets until we stumbled across Greek-town. Deciding we all required sustenance before venturing on, we ordered food and found our own spot whilst my angel and I quickly noticed a certain individual (apparently named Rick) having caught special interest in our friend. Giving a cheshire grin, I teased her along with my angel whilst she rolled her eyes and refused to look back until we reassured that he wasn't looking. Eventually, my angel took it upon herself to ever-so-sweetly acknowledge the poor suitor's attention with a wave and a greeting. Afterwards, she also decided to inquire his name, which he responded by asking if our friend had guessed it wrong (i'd like to know who wonders if someone is guessing their name). Leaving the pleasant Greek restaurant, we continued to trek across concrete and street as we laughed, the two girls decided they would scope for good-looking men to flirt with (albeit I wasn't too eager for my angel to partake in that). Unfortunately for them, all that was to be found on a Sunday afternoon was a Greek chauffeur and skinheads. Pinched and prodded by the two as we went on (I have the bruises to prove), we found an area with a bench of stone and four pillars holding up a small Romanesque structure. Within it, we took pictures of everyone using my angel's camera. As the sun began to set between the towering buildings, we three made way back into the union station, half-certain of what train to catch and what time to catch it at. Lounging back against the cool wall as we waited for our train, meanwhile a feminine voice continuously droned the name of the train numbers over the speakers, that which grew old very, very quickly. On the ride home, our friend spoke of her work and types of light-bulbs whilst I cuddled against my angel, feeling my lids grow heavy as I took in her warmth and held her. I definitely could not have asked for a better day.
I once heard my father feared raising me in Virginia (thinking I would become a country boy), therefore, I became what you might call a suburban boy as we moved cross-country to Illinois. I've never really taken to living in such a compact community, although I refer to this as my home, it never really has felt like home. Home is with my mother, with my dog Ace, and with the one I love. Home isn't just a tangible structure and roof over your head, it's also the warm feeling of knowing you're with the people you care for, knowing as long as you have those who mean the most to you, home is where you make it. Deep down, I think the city is in my blood. Something about seeing a sea of fresh faces around every corner, the brisk breeze sweeping overhead while howling faintly with the wind. I don't so much like the stereotype of those dwelling within the city (i.e.; "you know you're from the city when _"), however, the city itself fascinates me. I could see myself traveling out of the country, much like my father is now. As far as I can tell, both of my parents are what you might call butterflies. They love to travel to new places, between the two of them, they've visited various countries. I suppose that adventurous drive has always been in me, just not as strong. Speaking of my father, we haven't spoken since the last time he called our house from Poland. I half-expected my father to try and get in touch with me for my birthday, however I was not surprised to find he made no such attempt. At this point, it's sad to say I no longer think of him as my father, the role he's played in my life is that of an older friend who I lost touch with once I displeased him by not complying to his demands. I've wised up in the sense that I no longer feel as if I have to be a family man to do everything my father did not, although it sounds noble, it's wanting to be a parent for the wrong reasons. I'm indifferent about having children. If my significant other one day decides she would like to have a child, I would most likely agree to it, however, if it just doesn't happen, at least i'll be with the one I love.
Speaking of which, my heart now lies with my angel. Funny how someone can be so close that they can make or break the way you feel by what they say. It still surprises me how emotionally in sync we can be with one another, it seems as though we hold nothing back from one another when we feel something. I've done well in not allowing the past to control the way I feel or warp it with jealousy, the mention of ex's still bothers me, but not to the point where I find myself growing detached or bitter. I could go about it every way and run circles around the topic, but i'll never understand why it gets under my skin the way it does. I often tell her the way I feel, the depth in which I care for her, but still I find myself feeling shortchanged, as if I could say so much more. As I finish this entry which i've been working on now for what seems like an eternity, I find myself going on no sleep. I could either say the hell with it and sleep now, but most likely i'll awaken at an ungodly hour of the morning and not be able to get back to sleep. Or, I could wait it out and do my best not to sleep until later tonight, which would not feel very pleasant at all. On a side note, i've discovered a newfound adoration for gyros, but not fries tasting of cow hide.
Hello again, everyone.
Alas, now I bask in the subconsciousness of my slumber.
Just yesterday, myself, my angel, and another friend all took part on a journey to Chicago by train. I conversed groggily with my angel via cordless phone whilst leaning over the porcelain sink, blinking the morning glaze from my eyes. Nonchalantly sprucing myself up for public appearance, spraying myself with the soft mist of cologne before tossing on a long-sleeved top and hurrying out the door. Once before have I taken the train to the windy city, accompanied by none other than my comrade. As aforementioned (in various entries), my comrade and I ran from home last Mother's Day and set out on an odyssey to find shelter for the night in the city. Sparing details, it was a memorable experience, complete with a strung-out street-dweller offering us a room with "bitches", vagabond children conning us of currency for false directions, and homeless men dressed in rags with concrete doorsteps for beds. All in one night, our wanderings brought us from the mighty skyscrapers to the decaying neighborhoods. Nostalgia permeated my mind much like the cool wind did the thin material of my shirt as we boarded the train, my angel slightly nervous due to the fact that she hadn't yet taken the train in the 'states. On the way to the city, the three of us laughed and enjoyed each other's company as we occasionally took a gander outside the windows to the passing view of suburbia. Making sure my arm was wound protectively around my angel's waist, we cuddled briefly until the trip ended and the train pulled into the tunnel of the union station. Weaving through the congested crowd of tourists and city-dwellers alike, we finally set foot out into the shining spotlight of the sun which gave the windy city a brilliant glow. Without much of a destination, we three made way down sidewalks and across streets until we stumbled across Greek-town. Deciding we all required sustenance before venturing on, we ordered food and found our own spot whilst my angel and I quickly noticed a certain individual (apparently named Rick) having caught special interest in our friend. Giving a cheshire grin, I teased her along with my angel whilst she rolled her eyes and refused to look back until we reassured that he wasn't looking. Eventually, my angel took it upon herself to ever-so-sweetly acknowledge the poor suitor's attention with a wave and a greeting. Afterwards, she also decided to inquire his name, which he responded by asking if our friend had guessed it wrong (i'd like to know who wonders if someone is guessing their name). Leaving the pleasant Greek restaurant, we continued to trek across concrete and street as we laughed, the two girls decided they would scope for good-looking men to flirt with (albeit I wasn't too eager for my angel to partake in that). Unfortunately for them, all that was to be found on a Sunday afternoon was a Greek chauffeur and skinheads. Pinched and prodded by the two as we went on (I have the bruises to prove), we found an area with a bench of stone and four pillars holding up a small Romanesque structure. Within it, we took pictures of everyone using my angel's camera. As the sun began to set between the towering buildings, we three made way back into the union station, half-certain of what train to catch and what time to catch it at. Lounging back against the cool wall as we waited for our train, meanwhile a feminine voice continuously droned the name of the train numbers over the speakers, that which grew old very, very quickly. On the ride home, our friend spoke of her work and types of light-bulbs whilst I cuddled against my angel, feeling my lids grow heavy as I took in her warmth and held her. I definitely could not have asked for a better day.
I once heard my father feared raising me in Virginia (thinking I would become a country boy), therefore, I became what you might call a suburban boy as we moved cross-country to Illinois. I've never really taken to living in such a compact community, although I refer to this as my home, it never really has felt like home. Home is with my mother, with my dog Ace, and with the one I love. Home isn't just a tangible structure and roof over your head, it's also the warm feeling of knowing you're with the people you care for, knowing as long as you have those who mean the most to you, home is where you make it. Deep down, I think the city is in my blood. Something about seeing a sea of fresh faces around every corner, the brisk breeze sweeping overhead while howling faintly with the wind. I don't so much like the stereotype of those dwelling within the city (i.e.; "you know you're from the city when _"), however, the city itself fascinates me. I could see myself traveling out of the country, much like my father is now. As far as I can tell, both of my parents are what you might call butterflies. They love to travel to new places, between the two of them, they've visited various countries. I suppose that adventurous drive has always been in me, just not as strong. Speaking of my father, we haven't spoken since the last time he called our house from Poland. I half-expected my father to try and get in touch with me for my birthday, however I was not surprised to find he made no such attempt. At this point, it's sad to say I no longer think of him as my father, the role he's played in my life is that of an older friend who I lost touch with once I displeased him by not complying to his demands. I've wised up in the sense that I no longer feel as if I have to be a family man to do everything my father did not, although it sounds noble, it's wanting to be a parent for the wrong reasons. I'm indifferent about having children. If my significant other one day decides she would like to have a child, I would most likely agree to it, however, if it just doesn't happen, at least i'll be with the one I love.
Speaking of which, my heart now lies with my angel. Funny how someone can be so close that they can make or break the way you feel by what they say. It still surprises me how emotionally in sync we can be with one another, it seems as though we hold nothing back from one another when we feel something. I've done well in not allowing the past to control the way I feel or warp it with jealousy, the mention of ex's still bothers me, but not to the point where I find myself growing detached or bitter. I could go about it every way and run circles around the topic, but i'll never understand why it gets under my skin the way it does. I often tell her the way I feel, the depth in which I care for her, but still I find myself feeling shortchanged, as if I could say so much more. As I finish this entry which i've been working on now for what seems like an eternity, I find myself going on no sleep. I could either say the hell with it and sleep now, but most likely i'll awaken at an ungodly hour of the morning and not be able to get back to sleep. Or, I could wait it out and do my best not to sleep until later tonight, which would not feel very pleasant at all. On a side note, i've discovered a newfound adoration for gyros, but not fries tasting of cow hide.
Hello again, everyone.
Alas, now I bask in the subconsciousness of my slumber.