I want to be someone else or i'll explode.
Honestly, this has all gone far enough. At this point, i'm not even certain of what it was that spawned this animosity. For just a moment, I felt a surge of anger thinking I could dedicate paragraphs of admiration to my comrade without him noticing, and the one time I offhandedly vent my frustration over having been annoyed by something he had done, it was taken as me disrespecting him, but that anger quickly dissipated when I realized it would never solve anything. In this situation, nothing is being done to try and make the wrong right, our only contact as of late has been through exchanging indirect negativity. Stubbornness is the catalyst in this reaction. Unfortunately, as an individual i'm very defensive, mostly due to having taken being bullied as a younger boy. Nowadays it's almost like I seek out that type of treatment just to be defensive, as if to make up for the past. Under the influence of alcohol, the level of my defensive behavior seems to increase considerably, which is why lately i've been clashing with my closest friends over the most minute reasons. Frankly, i've been dwelling on negativity far too much for my own good, i've tried making it sound as if Paul and my comrade have been lecturing me about joining the Navy, but that isn't true. I should be grateful they've shown the slightest interest in the progression of my future, because lord knows I haven't been showing any. In a sense, I suppose i've been partly afraid because they want us to join together and try and stick together, however chances are we aren't all going to manage to do that, not when our interests may eventually lie elsewhere. They're my closest friends, and the thought of not being able to see them anymore kind of scares me. Either way, if they go and I stay, I wouldn't see them anymore. I suppose this is going to be a turning point in my life.
Supposedly, for the first time in my entire life I sleepwalked last night. Having consumed more alcohol at my friend Brandon's than I probably should have (which is sadly becoming a recurring statement) , as soon as I set foot in my homestead, I crashed into the disheveled sheets of my bed and passed out. According to my mother, during an ungodly hour of the evening I began laughing in my sleep, shortly after sitting up in bed and stepping out of my room. Somehow, and this is absolute insanity, I managed to unlock my own front door, step out into the hall and turn on the light, all while I was sleepwalking. By now, of course, my mother is quite befuddled, and rightly so i'm standing outside my front door with the light on, so she apparently approached me and inquired if I was awake, to which I replied that I was in a guttural tone. I found this tidbit somewhat creepy, I guess after I finally turned and stepped back into my homestead, I stood in the middle of the room in pitch dark, slowly tilted my head and stared at my mother blankly for a few moments. Eventually I managed to make my way back to my beloved bed and must have just passed out once more. I find it incredibly scary that you can have the motorized capability to actually leave your own house while sleepwalking.
My hand is seeming to slowly but surely heal, whether or not i'll actually need to require medical attention is still unsure. Pain is always annoying in the sense that it doesn't subside nearly as quickly as you would like, I remember being younger when I haphazardly dislocated my right ankle after an accident involving roller blades. Bandaging my ankle up at home, since they were out of wheelchairs I actually walked to the doctor's office, ignoring the pain. Afterwards, I could never grow accustomed to the crutches and having to always use them. Throughout my entire life, I think the most pain i've ever felt was when they attempted to relocate my right shoulder back into it's socket without any pain killers. Trying not to writhe in pain, I just remember them having to outstretch my arm and manipulate it so it would hopefully slip itself into place, they rotated my arm all around and failed, so eventually they gave me this knockout drug that put me out for about five minutes or so while they fixed it. It felt as if they never even gave me the drug, I remember blinking my eyes once, and blinking again with them saying it was fixed. Aside from that pleasant experience, the only other memory of intense pain I can remember was when they had to yank my right wrist back into place, of all types of injury, i've basically been lucky enough to just dislocate everything. For some reason, I take pain on a larger scale better than I do smaller, I never even shed a tear when I dislocated my shoulder, but punch a wooden beam and bust up my hand and life is in disarray.
Hopefully soon i'll be acquiring the cord for my Playstation 2 console back from my comrade, it's odd how the urge to do something increases when you can't do it. As of late i'm owing debt to quite a few people, because of two movies I rented out on my card that I wanted my comrade to see, I owe over thirty dollars. My nearby community college also wants money, due to complications with the financial aid. Lastly, I owe my mother money from an astronomical phone bill. I haven't even spent any money and i'm in horrible debt, I can't even fathom the amount of debt people must be in with bills, taxes, and other governmental nonsense. Hopefully one day i'll come up with some sort of get-rich scheme and.. get rich. If I am to go into the Navy, my ideal plan would be to help contribute to my mother's payments and save up the rest. Although writing would be the seemingly best choice for me to pursue, something about acting has always lingered in my mind, and I certainly think if I weren't to at least attempt to become an actor, I would regret it. Humoring the idea of taking a break from partying, or at least from doing it as hard as i've been doing it lately. From the time I began writing this to ending it, my comrade and I basically made-up casually. So as of now i'm trying to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook and attitude on life, it will get better.
I hope I never sleepwalk ever again.
Alas, now I bask in the subconsciousness of my slumber.
Supposedly, for the first time in my entire life I sleepwalked last night. Having consumed more alcohol at my friend Brandon's than I probably should have (which is sadly becoming a recurring statement) , as soon as I set foot in my homestead, I crashed into the disheveled sheets of my bed and passed out. According to my mother, during an ungodly hour of the evening I began laughing in my sleep, shortly after sitting up in bed and stepping out of my room. Somehow, and this is absolute insanity, I managed to unlock my own front door, step out into the hall and turn on the light, all while I was sleepwalking. By now, of course, my mother is quite befuddled, and rightly so i'm standing outside my front door with the light on, so she apparently approached me and inquired if I was awake, to which I replied that I was in a guttural tone. I found this tidbit somewhat creepy, I guess after I finally turned and stepped back into my homestead, I stood in the middle of the room in pitch dark, slowly tilted my head and stared at my mother blankly for a few moments. Eventually I managed to make my way back to my beloved bed and must have just passed out once more. I find it incredibly scary that you can have the motorized capability to actually leave your own house while sleepwalking.
My hand is seeming to slowly but surely heal, whether or not i'll actually need to require medical attention is still unsure. Pain is always annoying in the sense that it doesn't subside nearly as quickly as you would like, I remember being younger when I haphazardly dislocated my right ankle after an accident involving roller blades. Bandaging my ankle up at home, since they were out of wheelchairs I actually walked to the doctor's office, ignoring the pain. Afterwards, I could never grow accustomed to the crutches and having to always use them. Throughout my entire life, I think the most pain i've ever felt was when they attempted to relocate my right shoulder back into it's socket without any pain killers. Trying not to writhe in pain, I just remember them having to outstretch my arm and manipulate it so it would hopefully slip itself into place, they rotated my arm all around and failed, so eventually they gave me this knockout drug that put me out for about five minutes or so while they fixed it. It felt as if they never even gave me the drug, I remember blinking my eyes once, and blinking again with them saying it was fixed. Aside from that pleasant experience, the only other memory of intense pain I can remember was when they had to yank my right wrist back into place, of all types of injury, i've basically been lucky enough to just dislocate everything. For some reason, I take pain on a larger scale better than I do smaller, I never even shed a tear when I dislocated my shoulder, but punch a wooden beam and bust up my hand and life is in disarray.
Hopefully soon i'll be acquiring the cord for my Playstation 2 console back from my comrade, it's odd how the urge to do something increases when you can't do it. As of late i'm owing debt to quite a few people, because of two movies I rented out on my card that I wanted my comrade to see, I owe over thirty dollars. My nearby community college also wants money, due to complications with the financial aid. Lastly, I owe my mother money from an astronomical phone bill. I haven't even spent any money and i'm in horrible debt, I can't even fathom the amount of debt people must be in with bills, taxes, and other governmental nonsense. Hopefully one day i'll come up with some sort of get-rich scheme and.. get rich. If I am to go into the Navy, my ideal plan would be to help contribute to my mother's payments and save up the rest. Although writing would be the seemingly best choice for me to pursue, something about acting has always lingered in my mind, and I certainly think if I weren't to at least attempt to become an actor, I would regret it. Humoring the idea of taking a break from partying, or at least from doing it as hard as i've been doing it lately. From the time I began writing this to ending it, my comrade and I basically made-up casually. So as of now i'm trying to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook and attitude on life, it will get better.
I hope I never sleepwalk ever again.
Alas, now I bask in the subconsciousness of my slumber.