Good morning tonight. The NEWWWZZZ.
This my snoot bloggy blog. What's that coming over the hill - is it the NEWWWZZZ?
Welcome to Good Morning Tonight. I'm Prog-Neeber. The coke-lines tonight:
Pasta eating men have civilized conversation!
Scientists excited over great new source of renewable energy!
Plus, the business and weather updates.
And finally, but first, tonight, it has been reported that I had a great conversation about the direction of the church last night. I can confirm that it was true. Here are the conclusions I reached: a lot of the world wide church, taking their inspiration from America, is sadly defined by what we are against rather than what we are for. It is excellent that we conservatives can speak out on these issues - abortion, gay marriage, sexual immorality etc., but what right do we have to be heard? None really. We need to be both the social and moral compass of the nation - an extremely hard thing to do but we have to try it. Can we agree to try and reach a point where our social goals are feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, standing by the broken, helping the poor, giving up our time for the general good of the community. I try my best. I'm not perfect, but I do recognise that I shouldn't be expecting to be listened to, unless I at least try to live out the gospel. I fail at it because I'm not that good. This is the great thing about grace. But I make a concious effort to stand for what I'm for rather than what I'm against and define myself by it. Wouldn't it be a good day when the churches rip out the pews and install sofa beds so that after the service homeless people can sleep in the church if the shelters are too full. Where we can openly and explicitly help those who need us. Imagine it - the whole church unashamedly preaching the gospel be it in word or deed. Then we'll have the authority to make the changes this world needs.
Good morning tonight! The newsosaurus has eaten all the facts and now is belching NEWWWZZZ!
Great news for the planet as the Institute for Renewables and Natural Biological Research Union (IRN BRU), have found perhaps the cheapest and greatest source of renewable energy long term. Our science-and-stuff-nobody-understands correspondent Neil McAllister reports. We all know that soon we'll have to stop mining electricity as there will be none left and a cheap source of power must be found. The laws of physics have come to the rescue of all mankind. It is well known that, due to their terminal velocity, cats will always land on their feet. And long ago, Isaac Newton, proved the theory of Sod's Law when he showed the world that toast always lands butter side down. IRN BRU made the obvious connection, one which we have failed to see for hundreds of years. If you tie a slice of buttered toast to the back of a cat and then drop it, physics will become confused and it cannot land. The cat with a piece of bread on it will be in a constant pencil roll in mid air - much like the action of a windmill - creating huge amounts of kinetic energy. The kinetic energy will be harnessed to make electricity which will fed into peoples homes as happens with normal electricity. IRN BRU also report that this could last indefinitely. A cattery and three loaves of bread can satisfy the electricity demands of a whole city of a million people. A bright new prospect for the future of clean, green energy thanks to IRN BRU.
And now time for the business news sponsored by the Westminster Fees Office.
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The weather, in association with Clear Blue Pregnancy Testing Kit - 99% accurate.
Over the next 24 hours, a large amount of weather will be entering Wales, the West Midlands and the South West of England. This will gradually make its way across the country - but not in London, since the Mayor, Boris Johnston, declared weather illegal in the city. Overnight tonight, some mild weather will come up from the south but nobody cares about that. We're more interested in the developing situation in Scotland. A drunk, foul tempered weather front that shouts at old women, is reported to be making its way to Scotland over the North Sea. Sources close to this weather say it may try and smuggle itself into Rosyth ferry port. All border agencies have been put on full alert and upon arrival the weather may receive a custodial sentence or be deported. That was the weather that was and still is.
Thankyou for reading Good Morning Tonight, you've gorged yourself on a massive plate of NEWWWZZZ.
Welcome to Good Morning Tonight. I'm Prog-Neeber. The coke-lines tonight:
Pasta eating men have civilized conversation!
Scientists excited over great new source of renewable energy!
Plus, the business and weather updates.
And finally, but first, tonight, it has been reported that I had a great conversation about the direction of the church last night. I can confirm that it was true. Here are the conclusions I reached: a lot of the world wide church, taking their inspiration from America, is sadly defined by what we are against rather than what we are for. It is excellent that we conservatives can speak out on these issues - abortion, gay marriage, sexual immorality etc., but what right do we have to be heard? None really. We need to be both the social and moral compass of the nation - an extremely hard thing to do but we have to try it. Can we agree to try and reach a point where our social goals are feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, standing by the broken, helping the poor, giving up our time for the general good of the community. I try my best. I'm not perfect, but I do recognise that I shouldn't be expecting to be listened to, unless I at least try to live out the gospel. I fail at it because I'm not that good. This is the great thing about grace. But I make a concious effort to stand for what I'm for rather than what I'm against and define myself by it. Wouldn't it be a good day when the churches rip out the pews and install sofa beds so that after the service homeless people can sleep in the church if the shelters are too full. Where we can openly and explicitly help those who need us. Imagine it - the whole church unashamedly preaching the gospel be it in word or deed. Then we'll have the authority to make the changes this world needs.
Good morning tonight! The newsosaurus has eaten all the facts and now is belching NEWWWZZZ!
Great news for the planet as the Institute for Renewables and Natural Biological Research Union (IRN BRU), have found perhaps the cheapest and greatest source of renewable energy long term. Our science-and-stuff-nobody-understands correspondent Neil McAllister reports. We all know that soon we'll have to stop mining electricity as there will be none left and a cheap source of power must be found. The laws of physics have come to the rescue of all mankind. It is well known that, due to their terminal velocity, cats will always land on their feet. And long ago, Isaac Newton, proved the theory of Sod's Law when he showed the world that toast always lands butter side down. IRN BRU made the obvious connection, one which we have failed to see for hundreds of years. If you tie a slice of buttered toast to the back of a cat and then drop it, physics will become confused and it cannot land. The cat with a piece of bread on it will be in a constant pencil roll in mid air - much like the action of a windmill - creating huge amounts of kinetic energy. The kinetic energy will be harnessed to make electricity which will fed into peoples homes as happens with normal electricity. IRN BRU also report that this could last indefinitely. A cattery and three loaves of bread can satisfy the electricity demands of a whole city of a million people. A bright new prospect for the future of clean, green energy thanks to IRN BRU.
And now time for the business news sponsored by the Westminster Fees Office.
%
The weather, in association with Clear Blue Pregnancy Testing Kit - 99% accurate.
Over the next 24 hours, a large amount of weather will be entering Wales, the West Midlands and the South West of England. This will gradually make its way across the country - but not in London, since the Mayor, Boris Johnston, declared weather illegal in the city. Overnight tonight, some mild weather will come up from the south but nobody cares about that. We're more interested in the developing situation in Scotland. A drunk, foul tempered weather front that shouts at old women, is reported to be making its way to Scotland over the North Sea. Sources close to this weather say it may try and smuggle itself into Rosyth ferry port. All border agencies have been put on full alert and upon arrival the weather may receive a custodial sentence or be deported. That was the weather that was and still is.
Thankyou for reading Good Morning Tonight, you've gorged yourself on a massive plate of NEWWWZZZ.