New Year, new me??
First I will wish everyone a Happy New Year, and hope that you had a good holiday. :)
During the past couple of months I have been doing a lot of thinking and unfortunately/ or fortunately as the case may be, have retreated into a bit of a shell. This has however allowed me to come to some realizations...
I am not sure that the job move was a good one for me. Not that staying in my old one was really an option either. The fact that I am trying to figure out where I should go from here, when I have only been in this position since May is a little disconcerting. The fact is though, I dont know what I would like to do instead, or where I should go. I obviously have to work, how would I afford to live otherwise. Especially after signing my life away (ie. mortgage).
I really dont know as much as I think I know, and definitely not as much as I pretend I know. :) Guess I am a complete fraud or something like. "fake it til you make it"... maybe not such a good idea. I seem to have lost a good deal of vivacity in the past year or so. Have I really mellowed that much? or maybe it's because it is 1:30 am and night shift doesn't seem to agree with me as much as it did before. somedays I would like to live like a good portion of the world... and develop a more normal sleep schedule of daily routine or something. Yet even with my weird schedule, life is very monotonous.
With the advent of Facebook and looking through my list of 'friends' which more aptly a list of people I once knew... People I once worked with, people I went to school with... some of whom were once close friends (what happened?) and some of whom were at best acquaintances (which still has me wondering why I accepted their friend request, it's not like I ever talk to them). It really has me wondering though, am I really anti-social? Have I pushed people away? or did we just grow apart? but then what caused that in the first place? I know I am not the best correspondant, or conversationalist for that matter. I just really dont always have that much to say. But then why do so many other people have so much to say? Is is a habit of always letting other people talk? should I be chattering on about inconsequential things? But then I am quite comfortable with silence, seem to require it. While I am more often than not alone, and I never lonely. At least that's a good thing. :)
I know now that I cannot live without running... how I managed before, I have no idea. But a part of me requires it, even when it is difficult to get out the door. While I cannot believe that I am signing up for 2 marathons this spring. (am I completely nuts?) and the thought of it seems daunting, and I am completely exhausted right now... by the time I am dressed and hitting the pavement, it all goes away. I could talk about running for hours? But I try not to.... unless you really want to hear it. :)
I have become addicted to various reality shows. What a complete waste of time they all are. I guess we all have our vices.
On a brighter note, I have started to read again too. :) Well read regularly and not get bored with it... or fall asleep before the end of a paragraph.
I am not quite sure where all this is going, or what it all means, but at least now it is almost time for my break, and between typing and actually doing some work, I have managed to get through the last hour. :)