Mad Libs, Drabble-style!
Well, I've spent the day watching Bleach crack!dubs on YouTube and reading old entries at capslock_bleach and came across the link for a drabble-matic. In an attempt for writing inspiration and some LULZ, I had a field day with it. Link, followed by many automated crack drabbles.
Drabble-matic!
Bleach
Urahara/Yoruichi
It was Christmas Eve. Urahara sat playfully on the towel, sipping healthy eggnog.
He looked at the determined water hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Yoruichi had hung it there, just before they looked at each other thoroughly and then fell into each other's arms and fucked each other's groin.
If only I hadn't been so dangerous, Urahara thought, pouring a testy amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Yoruichi might not have got so puzzled and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an obedient tear and held his thigh in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then an iridescent voice lifted suspiciously up in song.
I'm dreaming of a raspy Christmas
Just like a man whose thirst would never be quenched
Urahara ran to the door. It was Yoruichi, looking giddy all over with snow.
"I missed you fluidly," Yoruichi said. "And I wanted to fuck your groin again."
Urahara hugged Yoruichi and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Yoruichi said.
"I think so too," Urahara said and they fucked each other's groin until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted cat breast and lived logically until Urahara got drunk again.
Urahara paced thoroughly back and forth. Testy dread filled his heart. Yoruichi should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my healthy love, Urahara thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Yoruichi had been taken hostage by Raspy Groin, a supervillain who had the city in a state of iridescent terror. Urahara fainted dead away, like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
When he came to, there was a bump on his thigh and the testy dread had returned. "Yoruichi, my determined honey bunny," he cried out fluidly. "What is Raspy Groin doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing suspiciously as he fucked her in the breast.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Urahara remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 beach cats, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Urahara ordered in a supply of beach and set to work, folding cats until his thigh was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last cat when Yoruichi walked in the front door.
"Yoruichi!" Urahara screamed and threw himself into Yoruichi's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 beach cats and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on the towel. He kissed Yoruichi playfully on the breast.
"Actually," Yoruichi said, pulling away logically, "I was rescued by the Giddy Sand. He's a new superhero in town." Yoruichi sighed. "And he's really puzzled."
The testy dread came back. "But you're obedient to be back here with me, right?"
Yoruichi checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Giddy Sand for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay dangerous, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Urahara choked back a sob and started folding another cat. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Note: Slightly disturbing, though I gotta say that title is so damn appropriate it's not even funny.
Urahara was walking through a healthy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a giddy little cat lying under a tree.
Urahara skipped over to see the dear thing and was puzzled to find that she was hurt! A sand had pierced her raspy little thigh and she whimpered fluidly with the pain.
"My determined little friend," Urahara said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the sand, as thoroughly as he could. The cat cried out and Urahara's heart ached, like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. "You'll be all right," Urahara whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Yoruichi and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Yoruichi up in his arms, Urahara carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Urahara nursed Yoruichi, cleaning her thigh and feeding her Beach-brand cat chow.
On the eighth night, Yoruichi climbed into bed with Urahara. She burrowed under the covers and playfully fucked Urahara's groin. It made Urahara giggle and he cuddled close to Yoruichi, stroking her breast and singing suspiciously to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Urahara hurried home so he could curl up with Yoruichi. It gave him a testy feeling whenever Yoruichi fucked his groin.
Then one night, Yoruichi looked up at Urahara and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an obedient princess."
Urahara screamed logically, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Yoruichi said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Urahara said and kissed Yoruichi on her breast. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an obedient princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Yoruichi," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Urahara said.
"See?" Yoruichi said and showed Urahara the scar from the sand on her thigh. Then she kissed Urahara and they tumbled on the towel and did a lot of very iridescent things, some of them involving a dangerous water.
"I love you," Yoruichi said when they were done. Urahara clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Yoruichi had stashed away.
And if Yoruichi didn't know about Urahara's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Urahara finished packing. Ever since Yoruichi, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Urahara had been vivacious.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing consummated him, all was giddy. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going against the wall to become a testy futon.
Just then, there was a healthy knock at the door. Urahara opened it and stood there godly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hip.
When Urahara came to, Yoruichi was holding his neck and looking glad. "My love," Yoruichi said suspiciously, "I'm sorry for the jovial shock. I've been shipwrecked on a dangerous island for the last ten years, living like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my groin in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Urahara could hardly believe his Yoruichi had returned. "I will always love you, groin or no groin. Besides, you can cover it up with a chocolate."
They embraced playfully and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was naughty.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Yoruichi and Urahara went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Yoruichi hit Urahara in his groin with a big puzzled iceball. It hurt a lot, but Yoruichi kissed it playfully and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really glad snow man!" Yoruichi said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Urahara said. "That would be more healthy and politically correct."
"I know," Yoruichi said. "We can make a snow cat. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up thoroughly and made a vivacious snow cat. Yoruichi put on a rope for the hip. The cat was almost as big as Urahara.
"It looks testy," Yoruichi said suspiciously. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Urahara said and held up a giddy futon. "I found this against the wall." He put the futon onto the cat's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the cat, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
Urahara screamed rapidly and ran but the snow cat chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow cat consummated him godly.
"Nobody does that to my little Naughty Chocolate," Yoruichi screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow cat through the neck. It fell down and Yoruichi kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Urahara said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The futon lay in the yard until a dangerous child picked it up and took it home.
Urahara stepped godly out into the testy sunshine, and admired Yoruichi's groin. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a vivacious sight."
Yoruichi climbed off the chocolate and walked thoroughly across the grass to greet her lover. Urahara patted Yoruichi on the hip and then tried to consummate her playfully, but without success.
"That's all right," Yoruichi said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not jovial," Urahara. "Not as jovial as the time we consummated against the wall."
Yoruichi nodded suspiciously. "We were healthy back in those days."
"Our necks were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Urahara said. "Everything seems puzzled and giddy when you're young."
"Of course," Yoruichi said. "But now we're glad, we can still have fun. If we go about it rapidly."
"Rapidly?" Urahara said . "But how?"
"With this," Yoruichi said and held out a naughty futon. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to consummate."
Urahara swallowed the futon at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to consummate rapidly. They consummated like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Urahara sipped godly at his drink and stood puzzled behind a rope. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel healthy and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how testy his neck got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Urahara knew very well why he was at the party: to see Yoruichi.
Ah, Yoruichi. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her vivacious groin made Urahara's heart beat like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
But tonight everyone was masked. Urahara peered thoroughly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Yoruichi. There, he thought, the woman over by the futon, the jovial one with the cat mask. It had to be Yoruichi. No one else could look so dangerous, even in a cat mask.
She began to walk Urahara's way and Urahara started to panic. What if she actually talked to Urahara?
Yoruichi came right up to Urahara and Urahara thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Yoruichi said playfully. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the chocolate," Urahara said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so glad.
Just then, a naughty voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Urahara's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Yoruichi might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Yoruichi swept Urahara into her arms, bent him against the wall, and kissed Urahara rapidly, slipping him the tongue and groping his hip.
Urahara could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out suspiciously and pulled Yoruichi's mask off her face. It was Yoruichi! "I knew it was you," Urahara said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Yoruichi said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Urahara watched her go. She would be right back, Urahara was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that this takes place on New Year's Eve, considering that's Urahara's birthday while Yoruichi's birthday is New Year's Day, LOL.
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Zuko/Katara
Zuko paced dastardly back and forth. Kind dread filled his heart. Katara should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my bitchy love, Zuko thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Katara had been taken hostage by Fiery Breast, a supervillain who had the city in a state of ornate terror. Zuko fainted dead away, like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
When he came to, there was a bump on his shoulder and the kind dread had returned. "Katara, my happy honey bunny," he cried out playfully. "What is Fiery Breast doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing spindly as he poured her in the thigh.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Zuko remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 ice buffalo-yaks, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Zuko ordered in a supply of ice and set to work, folding buffalo-yaks until his shoulder was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last buffalo-yak when Katara walked in the front door.
"Katara!" Zuko screamed and threw himself into Katara's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 ice buffalo-yaks and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing against a tree. He kissed Katara angrily on the thigh.
"Actually," Katara said, pulling away timidly, "I was rescued by the Hot Crown. He's a new superhero in town." Katara sighed. "And he's really hot-headed."
The kind dread came back. "But you're cold to be back here with me, right?"
Katara checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Hot Crown for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay lengthy, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Zuko choked back a sob and started folding another buffalo-yak. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
It was Christmas Eve. Zuko sat dastardly against a tree, sipping kind eggnog.
He looked at the cold crown hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Katara had hung it there, just before they looked at each other timidly and then fell into each other's arms and poured each other's shoulder.
If only I hadn't been so hot-headed, Zuko thought, pouring a hot amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Katara might not have got so bitchy and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a lengthy tear and held his breast in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a happy voice lifted angrily up in song.
I'm dreaming of a fiery Christmas
Just like a man whose thirst would never be quenched
Zuko ran to the door. It was Katara, looking ornate all over with snow.
"I missed you spindly," Katara said. "And I wanted to pour your shoulder again."
Zuko hugged Katara and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Katara said.
"I think so too," Zuko said and they poured each other's shoulder until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted buffalo-yak thigh and lived playfully until Zuko got drunk again.
Enter Zuko
Katara appears above at a window
Zuko:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the lightning, and Katara is the buffalo-yak.
Arise, raspy buffalo-yak, and fuck the bitchy ice.
See, how she leans her groin upon her breast!
O, that I were a glove upon that breast,
That I might touch that groin!
Katara:
O Zuko, Zuko! wherefore art thou Zuko?
What's in a name? That which we call a thigh
By any other name would smell as happy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a man whose thirst would never be quenched"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove ornate.
Zuko:
Lady, by yonder bitchy ice I swear
That tips against a tree the fiery crown--
Katara:
O, swear not by the ice, the lengthy ice,
That angrily changes in its evil orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise evil.
Sweet, hot-headed night! A thousand times hot-headed night!
Parting is such kind sorrow,
That I shall say hot-headed night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Zuko:
Sleep dwell upon thy groin, peace in thy breast!
Would I were sleep and peace, so playfully to rest!
timidly will I to my raspy thigh's cell,
Its help to fuck, and my happy thigh to tell.
Zuko stepped angrily out into the kind sunshine, and admired Katara's thigh. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a hot-headed sight."
Katara climbed off the lightning and walked playfully across the grass to greet her lover. Zuko patted Katara on the groin and then tried to fuck her spindly, but without success.
"That's all right," Katara said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not evil," Zuko. "Not as evil as the time we fucked against a tree."
Katara nodded dastardly. "We were fiery back in those days."
"Our breasts were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Zuko said. "Everything seems ornate and bitchy when you're young."
"Of course," Katara said. "But now we're lengthy, we can still have fun. If we go about it timidly."
"Timidly?" Zuko said . "But how?"
"With this," Katara said and held out a happy ice. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fuck."
Zuko swallowed the ice at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fuck timidly. They fucked like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Katara and Zuko went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Katara hit Zuko in his breast with a big hot-headed iceball. It hurt a lot, but Katara kissed it playfully and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really bitchy snow man!" Katara said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Zuko said. "That would be more raspy and politically correct."
"I know," Katara said. "We can make a snow buffalo-yak. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up spindly and made an ornate snow buffalo-yak. Katara put on a lightning for the groin. The buffalo-yak was almost as big as Zuko.
"It looks evil," Katara said dastardly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Zuko said and held up a fiery ice. "I found this against a tree." He put the ice onto the buffalo-yak's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the buffalo-yak, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
Zuko screamed angrily and ran but the snow buffalo-yak chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow buffalo-yak fucked him timidly.
"Nobody does that to my little Happy Crown," Katara screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow buffalo-yak through the thigh. It fell down and Katara kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Zuko said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The ice lay in the yard until a kind child picked it up and took it home.
Drabble-matic!
Bleach
Urahara/Yoruichi
It was Christmas Eve. Urahara sat playfully on the towel, sipping healthy eggnog.
He looked at the determined water hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Yoruichi had hung it there, just before they looked at each other thoroughly and then fell into each other's arms and fucked each other's groin.
If only I hadn't been so dangerous, Urahara thought, pouring a testy amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Yoruichi might not have got so puzzled and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an obedient tear and held his thigh in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then an iridescent voice lifted suspiciously up in song.
I'm dreaming of a raspy Christmas
Just like a man whose thirst would never be quenched
Urahara ran to the door. It was Yoruichi, looking giddy all over with snow.
"I missed you fluidly," Yoruichi said. "And I wanted to fuck your groin again."
Urahara hugged Yoruichi and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Yoruichi said.
"I think so too," Urahara said and they fucked each other's groin until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted cat breast and lived logically until Urahara got drunk again.
Urahara paced thoroughly back and forth. Testy dread filled his heart. Yoruichi should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my healthy love, Urahara thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Yoruichi had been taken hostage by Raspy Groin, a supervillain who had the city in a state of iridescent terror. Urahara fainted dead away, like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
When he came to, there was a bump on his thigh and the testy dread had returned. "Yoruichi, my determined honey bunny," he cried out fluidly. "What is Raspy Groin doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing suspiciously as he fucked her in the breast.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Urahara remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 beach cats, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Urahara ordered in a supply of beach and set to work, folding cats until his thigh was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last cat when Yoruichi walked in the front door.
"Yoruichi!" Urahara screamed and threw himself into Yoruichi's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 beach cats and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on the towel. He kissed Yoruichi playfully on the breast.
"Actually," Yoruichi said, pulling away logically, "I was rescued by the Giddy Sand. He's a new superhero in town." Yoruichi sighed. "And he's really puzzled."
The testy dread came back. "But you're obedient to be back here with me, right?"
Yoruichi checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Giddy Sand for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay dangerous, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Urahara choked back a sob and started folding another cat. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Note: Slightly disturbing, though I gotta say that title is so damn appropriate it's not even funny.
Urahara was walking through a healthy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a giddy little cat lying under a tree.
Urahara skipped over to see the dear thing and was puzzled to find that she was hurt! A sand had pierced her raspy little thigh and she whimpered fluidly with the pain.
"My determined little friend," Urahara said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the sand, as thoroughly as he could. The cat cried out and Urahara's heart ached, like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. "You'll be all right," Urahara whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Yoruichi and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Yoruichi up in his arms, Urahara carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Urahara nursed Yoruichi, cleaning her thigh and feeding her Beach-brand cat chow.
On the eighth night, Yoruichi climbed into bed with Urahara. She burrowed under the covers and playfully fucked Urahara's groin. It made Urahara giggle and he cuddled close to Yoruichi, stroking her breast and singing suspiciously to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Urahara hurried home so he could curl up with Yoruichi. It gave him a testy feeling whenever Yoruichi fucked his groin.
Then one night, Yoruichi looked up at Urahara and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an obedient princess."
Urahara screamed logically, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Yoruichi said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Urahara said and kissed Yoruichi on her breast. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an obedient princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Yoruichi," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Urahara said.
"See?" Yoruichi said and showed Urahara the scar from the sand on her thigh. Then she kissed Urahara and they tumbled on the towel and did a lot of very iridescent things, some of them involving a dangerous water.
"I love you," Yoruichi said when they were done. Urahara clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Yoruichi had stashed away.
And if Yoruichi didn't know about Urahara's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Urahara finished packing. Ever since Yoruichi, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Urahara had been vivacious.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing consummated him, all was giddy. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going against the wall to become a testy futon.
Just then, there was a healthy knock at the door. Urahara opened it and stood there godly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hip.
When Urahara came to, Yoruichi was holding his neck and looking glad. "My love," Yoruichi said suspiciously, "I'm sorry for the jovial shock. I've been shipwrecked on a dangerous island for the last ten years, living like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my groin in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Urahara could hardly believe his Yoruichi had returned. "I will always love you, groin or no groin. Besides, you can cover it up with a chocolate."
They embraced playfully and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was naughty.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Yoruichi and Urahara went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Yoruichi hit Urahara in his groin with a big puzzled iceball. It hurt a lot, but Yoruichi kissed it playfully and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really glad snow man!" Yoruichi said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Urahara said. "That would be more healthy and politically correct."
"I know," Yoruichi said. "We can make a snow cat. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up thoroughly and made a vivacious snow cat. Yoruichi put on a rope for the hip. The cat was almost as big as Urahara.
"It looks testy," Yoruichi said suspiciously. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Urahara said and held up a giddy futon. "I found this against the wall." He put the futon onto the cat's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the cat, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
Urahara screamed rapidly and ran but the snow cat chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow cat consummated him godly.
"Nobody does that to my little Naughty Chocolate," Yoruichi screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow cat through the neck. It fell down and Yoruichi kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Urahara said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The futon lay in the yard until a dangerous child picked it up and took it home.
Urahara stepped godly out into the testy sunshine, and admired Yoruichi's groin. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a vivacious sight."
Yoruichi climbed off the chocolate and walked thoroughly across the grass to greet her lover. Urahara patted Yoruichi on the hip and then tried to consummate her playfully, but without success.
"That's all right," Yoruichi said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not jovial," Urahara. "Not as jovial as the time we consummated against the wall."
Yoruichi nodded suspiciously. "We were healthy back in those days."
"Our necks were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Urahara said. "Everything seems puzzled and giddy when you're young."
"Of course," Yoruichi said. "But now we're glad, we can still have fun. If we go about it rapidly."
"Rapidly?" Urahara said . "But how?"
"With this," Yoruichi said and held out a naughty futon. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to consummate."
Urahara swallowed the futon at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to consummate rapidly. They consummated like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Urahara sipped godly at his drink and stood puzzled behind a rope. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel healthy and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how testy his neck got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Urahara knew very well why he was at the party: to see Yoruichi.
Ah, Yoruichi. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her vivacious groin made Urahara's heart beat like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
But tonight everyone was masked. Urahara peered thoroughly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Yoruichi. There, he thought, the woman over by the futon, the jovial one with the cat mask. It had to be Yoruichi. No one else could look so dangerous, even in a cat mask.
She began to walk Urahara's way and Urahara started to panic. What if she actually talked to Urahara?
Yoruichi came right up to Urahara and Urahara thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Yoruichi said playfully. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the chocolate," Urahara said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so glad.
Just then, a naughty voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Urahara's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Yoruichi might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Yoruichi swept Urahara into her arms, bent him against the wall, and kissed Urahara rapidly, slipping him the tongue and groping his hip.
Urahara could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out suspiciously and pulled Yoruichi's mask off her face. It was Yoruichi! "I knew it was you," Urahara said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Yoruichi said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Urahara watched her go. She would be right back, Urahara was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that this takes place on New Year's Eve, considering that's Urahara's birthday while Yoruichi's birthday is New Year's Day, LOL.
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Zuko/Katara
Zuko paced dastardly back and forth. Kind dread filled his heart. Katara should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my bitchy love, Zuko thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Katara had been taken hostage by Fiery Breast, a supervillain who had the city in a state of ornate terror. Zuko fainted dead away, like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
When he came to, there was a bump on his shoulder and the kind dread had returned. "Katara, my happy honey bunny," he cried out playfully. "What is Fiery Breast doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing spindly as he poured her in the thigh.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Zuko remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 ice buffalo-yaks, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Zuko ordered in a supply of ice and set to work, folding buffalo-yaks until his shoulder was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last buffalo-yak when Katara walked in the front door.
"Katara!" Zuko screamed and threw himself into Katara's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 ice buffalo-yaks and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing against a tree. He kissed Katara angrily on the thigh.
"Actually," Katara said, pulling away timidly, "I was rescued by the Hot Crown. He's a new superhero in town." Katara sighed. "And he's really hot-headed."
The kind dread came back. "But you're cold to be back here with me, right?"
Katara checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Hot Crown for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay lengthy, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Zuko choked back a sob and started folding another buffalo-yak. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
It was Christmas Eve. Zuko sat dastardly against a tree, sipping kind eggnog.
He looked at the cold crown hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Katara had hung it there, just before they looked at each other timidly and then fell into each other's arms and poured each other's shoulder.
If only I hadn't been so hot-headed, Zuko thought, pouring a hot amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Katara might not have got so bitchy and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a lengthy tear and held his breast in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a happy voice lifted angrily up in song.
I'm dreaming of a fiery Christmas
Just like a man whose thirst would never be quenched
Zuko ran to the door. It was Katara, looking ornate all over with snow.
"I missed you spindly," Katara said. "And I wanted to pour your shoulder again."
Zuko hugged Katara and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Katara said.
"I think so too," Zuko said and they poured each other's shoulder until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted buffalo-yak thigh and lived playfully until Zuko got drunk again.
Enter Zuko
Katara appears above at a window
Zuko:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the lightning, and Katara is the buffalo-yak.
Arise, raspy buffalo-yak, and fuck the bitchy ice.
See, how she leans her groin upon her breast!
O, that I were a glove upon that breast,
That I might touch that groin!
Katara:
O Zuko, Zuko! wherefore art thou Zuko?
What's in a name? That which we call a thigh
By any other name would smell as happy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a man whose thirst would never be quenched"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove ornate.
Zuko:
Lady, by yonder bitchy ice I swear
That tips against a tree the fiery crown--
Katara:
O, swear not by the ice, the lengthy ice,
That angrily changes in its evil orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise evil.
Sweet, hot-headed night! A thousand times hot-headed night!
Parting is such kind sorrow,
That I shall say hot-headed night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Zuko:
Sleep dwell upon thy groin, peace in thy breast!
Would I were sleep and peace, so playfully to rest!
timidly will I to my raspy thigh's cell,
Its help to fuck, and my happy thigh to tell.
Zuko stepped angrily out into the kind sunshine, and admired Katara's thigh. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a hot-headed sight."
Katara climbed off the lightning and walked playfully across the grass to greet her lover. Zuko patted Katara on the groin and then tried to fuck her spindly, but without success.
"That's all right," Katara said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not evil," Zuko. "Not as evil as the time we fucked against a tree."
Katara nodded dastardly. "We were fiery back in those days."
"Our breasts were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Zuko said. "Everything seems ornate and bitchy when you're young."
"Of course," Katara said. "But now we're lengthy, we can still have fun. If we go about it timidly."
"Timidly?" Zuko said . "But how?"
"With this," Katara said and held out a happy ice. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fuck."
Zuko swallowed the ice at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fuck timidly. They fucked like a man whose thirst would never be quenched. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Katara and Zuko went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Katara hit Zuko in his breast with a big hot-headed iceball. It hurt a lot, but Katara kissed it playfully and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really bitchy snow man!" Katara said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Zuko said. "That would be more raspy and politically correct."
"I know," Katara said. "We can make a snow buffalo-yak. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up spindly and made an ornate snow buffalo-yak. Katara put on a lightning for the groin. The buffalo-yak was almost as big as Zuko.
"It looks evil," Katara said dastardly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Zuko said and held up a fiery ice. "I found this against a tree." He put the ice onto the buffalo-yak's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the buffalo-yak, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a man whose thirst would never be quenched.
Zuko screamed angrily and ran but the snow buffalo-yak chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow buffalo-yak fucked him timidly.
"Nobody does that to my little Happy Crown," Katara screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow buffalo-yak through the thigh. It fell down and Katara kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Zuko said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The ice lay in the yard until a kind child picked it up and took it home.