Let's Play Homestuck
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Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.
Part 24: End Of Disc One
Link back to comic: Page 3698
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
GC: STR1111111D3R
TG: what do you mean what
TG: we just got done talking and agreed it would be awesome if you didnt bother me for a while
TG: it was five seconds ago
GC: 1 TH1NK TH4T W4S HOURS 4GO FOR M3
GC: 1 4M 4 L1TTL3 FOGGY ON 4LL OUR CHRONOLOG1ST1C4L SH3N4N1G4NS 4T TH1S PO1NT...
GC: D1D YOU LOV3 H1M D4V3?
TG: no
TG: puppets arent cool theyre shitty small fake people who haunt your dreams and grin like permanent assholes
TG: i was making a joke about being all broken up about it
GC: YOU 4R3 S4D, BUT NOT BROK3N UP 4BOUT 1T?
GC: BUT YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GR13V1NG!
TG: i said we agreed youd leave me alone to grieve
TG: didnt say whether i actually would or actually am
GC: W3LL, 4R3 YOU?
TG: i am grieving to the max like a widow on dead husband island
TG: behind these chill as fuck shades my face is having this crazy attack of the sads
TG: my rue is fucking bananas cant you tell
GC: 4RGH NO, 1 C4NT!
GC: YOU DONT SOUND S1NC3R3, BUT 1TS SO H4RD TO T3LL WH4T L4Y3R OF 1RONY R3MOV3D FROM R34L1TY YOUR FL1PP4NT R3M4RKS 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3
TG: im sorry you are so flustered by the mere mention of glittering mythical cryptodick it honestly makes me think youre not ready for the truth
GC: D4V3 YOUR P3RPL3X1NG 3UPH3M1SMS 1NVOLV1NG WH4T 1 PR3SUM3 TO B3 L3WD 4ND V4GU3LY 1NTR1GU1NG PORT1ONS OF HUM4N 4N4TOMY 1 TH1NK 4R3 NOT 4S H1L4R1OUS 4S YOU PROB4BLY B3L13V3
GC: 4ND 1N 4NY C4S3 YOU M4Y B3 4M4Z3D TO L34RN 1 4M NOT TOT4LLY 1N TH3 MOOD FOR YOUR DUMB SM4RT4SSY HORNSWOGGL3RY!
GC: 1 H4V3 LOTS OF MY OWN PROBL3MS H3R3, 4ND TH3Y 4R3 B1G, B1G PROBL3MS
GC: SO WHY DONT YOU JUST T3LL M3 WH4T YOU 4R3 TH1NK1NG FOR ONC3?
TG: im just thinkin about how im gonna take this sword
TG: if that swords coming out of his chest its coming out clean
TG: taking it vertically means drawing more blood
TG: but horizontally means a clean break
Your attempt to break the sword is a resounding lack of success.
GC: YOU MUST ST4ND T4LL, ONLY 4 TRU3 H3RO COULD PULL OFF SUCH 4N 4CROB4T1C FUCK1NG P1ROU3TT3 OFF OF TH4T H4NDL3 >:]
TG: thats what im doing here im making a point of makin every little thing take place what was once mentioned in passing no matter how seemingly trivial or pointless
TG: fuck you
TG: go away
GC: 4UGH
GC: M4YB3 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T FOR ONC3 TH1S 1SNT 4BOUT YOU!
GC: M4YB3 1 4M TH3 ON3 WHO N33DS SOM3 H3LP, H4S TH4T OCCURR3D TO YOU, MR COOLK1D???
GC: SORRY, 3V3RYON3 W3NT K1ND OF SH1TH1V3 H3R3, 4ND 1 GOT B1TT3N 1 TH1NK, 4ND 1 K1ND OF FORGOT WH3R3 1 L3FT OFF W1TH YOU
TG: what
GC: R3M3MB3R, TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 1S K1ND OF NOT SUPPOS3D TO B3 4BOUT YOU, 1 KNOW TH3 1D34 1S UNPR3C3D3NT3D
TG: thats practically unthinkable
TG: im just wondering
TG: when does someone actually step up
TG: jacks got shit to pay for
GC: 1F TH4T 1S HOW YOU F33L
GC: TH3N 1 TH1NK OUR TWO PROBL3MS 4R3 NOT R34LLY D1FF3R3NT
GC: W3 4R3 BOTH PR3S3NTLY CONC3RN3D W1TH JUST1C3
TG: yeah i guess
TG: i guess it has been on my mind
TG: maybe i am supposed to be a hero and rise to the occasion because there seems to be this little persistent voice in my head nagging me about it
GC: 1T COULD M34N TH4T TH3 4G3NT PR3S3NTLY 1NFLU3NC1NG YOU 1S...
GC: 4 CONSC13NC3
GC: 4ND/OR
GC: 4N 3X1L3
TG: im pretty sure i dont even have an exile
TG: anyway you dont need a voice in your head to tell you this shit is
TG: so completely illegal
TG: wait
TG: why did i just say that stupid thing i said
GC: D4V3 1 D1D NOT R34L1Z3 YOU H4D SUCH 4 P4SS1ON FOR L4W 3NFORC3M3NT
GC: 1 MUST S4Y TH1S SHOCK1NG D3V3LOPM3NT 1S COM1NG D4NG3ROUSLY CLOS3 TO G1V1NG M3 4 C4S3 OF TH3 V4PORS >:O
TG: someone has to make him pay
TG: cant let him just go unpunished
TG: if i can figure out how to reach the god tier maybe i can be the one to throw him into the slammer
TG: slammer means jail
TG: you call it the slammer when youre extra angry at crimes
TG: are you taking notes on this important principle?? jesus get a fucking pen
TG: wait
TG: fuck
TG: what
TG: no
TG: what am i even saying here
GC: YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT THROW1NG J4CK 1N TH3 SL4MM3R 4ND R4MBL1NG 4BOUT JUST1C3 4ND T3LL1NG M3 TO G3T P3NS 4ND SUCH
TG: ok forget the slammer stuff that was stupid
TG: it is about justice though
TG: and since no one else seems to give a shit about that it apparently falls in my jurisdiction now
TG: its not like being mad about this and hankering for justice is even the only irrational thing im currently hot and bothered about
TG: i have other duties to attend to
GC: L1K3 WH4T?
TG: ive got to explode this ridiculously illegal edifice oh my god what are these words im saying
TG: i need to shut up now
TG: im sounding like an idiot and my head is starting to hurt
TG: why dont we talk about your thing now
TG: what justice thing do you have to do
GC: YOU M34N 1TS 4CTU4LLY MY TURN TO T4LK?
TG: just please tell me your justice problem and make me stop saying stuff
GC: YOU S33, OUR 41MS 4R3 NOT TH4T D1SS1M1L4R
GC: OUR PURSU1TS OF JUST1C3 1 M34N
GC: BUT YOURS 1S MOT1V4T3D BY 4NG3R 1N TH3 H34T OF TH3 MOM3NT
GC: MY S1TU4T1ON 1S 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 COMPL1C4T3D
GC: NOW 1TS R3SOLUT1ON H4S B3COM3 4 M4TT3R OF PR4CT1C4L1TY
GC: 1F NOT PROF3SS1ON4L1SM
GC: TH3 W4Y 4 TRU3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR CONDUCTS H3R PROS3CUT1ONS
GC: D4V3 D1D YOU KNOW TH4T C3NTUR13S 4GO ON MY PL4N3T, L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W3R3 NOT CONF1N3D TO STUFFY COURTBLOCKS 4RGU1NG C4S3S B3FOR3 H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY?
TG: oh shit are you fucking serious
GC: 1 KNOW YOU 4R3 S4SS1NG M3 DU3 TO MY US3 OF T3RMS UNF4M1L14R TO HUM4NS, BUT 1T 1S TRU3
TG: no i got that theyre like your alien death lawyers who were sorta like bounty hunters in olden times pretty simple to decipher through context
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1 TOLD YOU TO B3 QU13T!
GC: 1 4M MONOLOGU1NG H3R3 >:P
GC: 4NYW4Y, TH3Y WOULD NOT R3ST UNT1L TH31R SUSP3CT W4S 1N CUSTODY, ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R
GC: TH3Y WOULD G4TH3R 3V1D3NC3 OV3R TH3 COURS3 OF TH3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON, COMP1L1NG 4 C4S3 TO B3 PR3S3NT3D 4T TH3 TR14L, SHOULD ON3 B3 H3LD B3FOR3 TH3 F1N4L SUBM1SS1ON OF TH3 GU1LTY CORPS3 TO JUD1C14L 4UTHOR1T13S
GC: P3RSON4L F33L1NGS 4ND V3ND3TT4S D1D NOT M4TT3R, NOR D1D 3V3N TH3 N4TUR3 OF TH3 CR1M3
GC: ONLY JUST1C3 D1D!
GC: 1 4M TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO KNOWS HOW TO H4NDL3 H3R
GC: 4S SUCH, SH3 1S MY R3SPONS1B1L1TY
TG: she
GC: SHOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!
TG: ok i cant even make little interrogative quips to grease the wheels of your monologue
GC: Y3S TH4TS OK, 1N F4CT 1TS V3RY H3LPFUL
GC: WHO DO YOU TH1NK??
TG: spidertroll
TG: youve decided to take her down then
GC: 1 GU3SS SO
TG: are you feeling guilty
TG: like second guessing whether she deserves it
TG: hasnt she done enough terrible shit to warrant legislaceration
GC: TH4T 1S NOT 4 TH1NG!
GC: BUT Y3S, TH3 C4S3 4G41NST H3R 1S OV3RWH3LM1NG
GC: SH3 H4S MURD3R3D 4T L34ST ON3 OF MY GOOD FR13NDS
GC: 4ND POSS1BLY S3V3R4L OTH3RS, 1 4M NOT SUR3 Y3T
GC: 4DD1T1ON4LLY, 1 H4V3 D1SCOV3R3D SH3 1S COMPL1C1T 1N J4CKS R1S3 TO POW3R
TG: are you sure about that
GC: Y3S
GC: 4ND 1N SP1T3 OF 4LL H3R P4ST CR1M3S, TH3S3 4R3 NOT 3V3N TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT R34SONS TO STOP H3R!
GC: SH3 H4S D3C1D3D TO F1GHT J4CK H3RS3LF
GC: WH1CH 1S 4N 3XTR3M3LY D4NG3ROUS 4ND STUP1D TH1NG TO DO!
GC: SOUND F4M1L14R, D4V3?
TG: are you going to stop me too then
TG: hunt me down and lawyerviscerate me for my own good
GC: OBJ3CT1ON!!!
GC: W3 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU 4G41N
GC: 1 MOT1ON TH4T 4LL D4V3 C3NTR1C T3ST1MONY B3 STR1CK3N FROM TH3 R3CORD
TG: ok fine
TG: we can keep obsessing over your fucked up kismesister if you want
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 TH4T! >XO
TG: why not let her go get her shit ruined by jack and let justice happen that way
GC: B3C4US3 1 4M QU1T3 SUR3 TH4T 1F SH3 GO3S TO F1ND H1M, 1T W1LL T1P H1M OFF TO OUR LOC4T1ON 1N TH3 V31L
GC: BR1NG1NG H3R TO JUST1C3 1S CR1T1C4L TO OUR SURV1V4L!
TG: so why dont you go do it
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 C4N
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 W1LL B3 4BL3 TO K1LL H3R
TG: i thought trolls were all about gratuitous murderings
GC: Y3S 1TS TRU3
GC: W3 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO R3V3L 1N BLOODSH3D 4S W3 GROW UP
GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 1NT1M1D4T1NG
GC: B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M R34DY FOR TH4T
TG: are
TG: you asking me to reassure you about that
GC: ST1LL MONOLOGU1NG >:]
GC: 1 GU3SS
GC: 1 4M NOT SO MUCH WORR13D 4BOUT NOT B31NG R34DY
GC: 4S 1 4M TH4T...
GC: 1 M1GHT NOT 4CTU4LLY W4NT TO B3 R34DY
TG: i thought you were insane kinds of apeshit over the macabre stuff
TG: like being all cutesy about executions and smelling cherry blood and such things contrived to get a guy feeling vaguely uncomfortable
TG: didnt you say youve killed people before
GC: TH3R3 1S 4 B1G D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N M4N1PUL4T1NG P3OPL3 TO TH31R DOOM W1TH TR1CK3RY, 4ND K1LL1NG SOM3ON3 BY YOUR OWN H4ND
GC: 1T 1S 4 B1T L1K3 H4V1NG TO F4C3 YOUR OWN D34TH...
GC: 4ND D1SCOV3R1NG TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N L34V1NG TH3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY TO SOM3ON3 3LS3, 4ND DO1NG TH3 D1RTY WORK YOURS3LF
TG: ok
TG: id like to help you out but i dont know what advice i should be giving
TG: to a member of a murderous species whos gunshy on going off to justicemurder a murderhappy murderer whose done lots of murders
TG: it feels pretty weird and inappropriate for me to be the one to tell you fuck yes go for it shes got this huge murder with her name on it anyways and its cruising right at her down comeuppance boulevard
TG: so i dont know
TG: do you want me to tell you to be a better human
TG: or to be a better troll
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU WH4T TO 4DV1S3 M3, CHUMP4SS!
TG: alright well all ill say is
TG: maybe if you kill her at least we can finally stop obsessing over her
GC: *S1111GNNNN*
GC: Y34H, F41R 3NOUGH
TG: why dont you just do what you think you have to do
TG: and ill do the same
And so Terezi heads off to deal with Vriska...
Oh, it looks like we reached the end of disc 1.
Time for disc 2!
Disc 2 isnt looking so good.
Let's, uh, let's give it a shot.
[S] Seer: Ascend.
From the pages of Mindfang's journal:
Much fanfare was made of the trial. More than I would have dared to hope. It seems my luck has 8een returning of l8.
The High8loods surely intended to make a spectacle of my conviction. They filled the court8lock with peasants ravenous for the comeuppance of a 8lue 8lood. I wasn't a8out to deny them what they came for.
It was kind of the authorities to supply me with phalanx of such impressiona8le spect8ors. The weak wills were nearly as thick in the air as the rust in their veins.
It was simple enough to nudge the hostility of the low8loods from one aristocrat to another. The su8juggl8ors could not have 8een pleased, 8ut nor could they have 8een altogether unamused, I would expect.
I only regret I didn't get to hear the opening st8ment the neophyte had prepared against me. The case she compiled from all that evidence she 8urned must have been damning.
Alas, I mock to disguise the extent of my regret. With the court8lock cleared, all that remained to o8struct my freedom was His Honora8le Tyranny himself.
Upon reflection, Redglare showed the foresight of a true seer in thieving my arm 8efore the trial.
It permitted a fair fight.
Though I was free, I had no fleet. No matter. With the gam8lignants decim8ed, I'd em8raced the turn in fortune and pledged to put my seagrifting ways 8ehind me.
8ut first, I was in need of temporary refuge. I sought it with the expatri8. He owed me for the sweeps of protection I provided after his 8razen defiance of the High8loods.
Repairing my arm would go a little further in squaring his de8t with me. Even if I came with 8oth intact I might have ripped one off and put him to the task just to halt to his 8lu88ering. Darkleer was always a skilled machinist and the work proved an adequ8 distraction.
I cradled the oracle in my synthetic hand, as if appraising 8y w8 the mystic qualities it still concealed. With my vision 8fold seared away, I was as 8lind to its secrets as the old Doctor was to its present wherea8outs.
I considered what to do with it for a while. I guessed exploiting some technological means of gazing through its surface may have 8een simple enough, 8ut I hesit8ed. Every expedient granted 8y its counsel, though never instantly, came at a price. Knowing his n8ture, I'm surprised I only now recognize it as yet another instrument of his spurious 8enevolence, dangerous 8y way of selective divulgence. The gr8est mistake I have ever made was asking the or8 when I would die.
8ut as I revisited the prophecy surrounding this unfortun8 query, something struck me. I thought of the man I would have as a m8sprit centuries from now, who was said to command an army of 8easts. The one it called the summoner.
If my o8session with the dragon should continue to 8urn for so long, would he 8e the one to assist me in taming it? I did not have enough knowledge to ask the right questions when I had the opportunity. Were that the case, I might have asked if it would 8e his rare a8ilities of communion that would 8ring Pyralspite under control.
I have thought of the summoner often. I have 8een trou8led to know that as one so common 8looded, he could not possi8ly have hatched yet, nor will he wriggle from the caverns for many sweeps. So I must have p8tience to take up my role in his story of heroism. Surely one at least on the scale of the sectarian revolt crushed 8y the High8loods, who thereafter for8ade its mention, or any invoc8tion of the heretical sym69ls at all, even in private journals. Which is why I will stick to the fa8le of the summoner, and not risk another execution with even o8lique reference to the compelling tale of the sufferer.
More importantly, and less amusingly, his legacy will 8e my demise. You see, I first learned his name when I asked who would 8e the one to kill me.
I have never spoken nor written of him out of contempt for the prophecy, 8ut do so here, in my final entry for this journal. I took this to 8e a pitia8le fate, and scoured the or8 for any means of escaping it, or at least, to salvage a little dignity from the tale of my downfall. Alas, it had no consol8tion for my vanity.
8ut as I sit here deciding what to do with the damna8le little sphere, I understand my error. It was not in failing to chart a course through future events to turn my fortune's tide, even so many sweeps from now. It was in 8elieving the future was mine to know, and fortune mine to control.
The oracle I will resolve to part with. I will conceal it in a crypt 8earing the sign of the expatr8, with a map to its loc8tion hidden in this journal. To whomever finds it, 8e wary, for the truth it tells may leave its new keeper 8lind as I was. Though no more.
[S] Flip.
Terezi heads off to seek justice from the Thief...
...something is wrong here.
Hello? Is this supposed to happen?
Oh, fuck.
This is because of the scratched disc, isn't it.
NEXT CHAPTER: What the hell are we going to do about this?
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