Let's Play Homestuck

[professor_prof]

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Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.

Part 15: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO

Link back to comic: Page 3204



-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --



GG: dave!!!!!!
GG: any dave out there please listen!


TG: this is a dave out there whats up


GG: dave i just saw you, and you were dead!
GG: if that was a future dave you have to make sure that doesnt happen!!!


TG: it wasnt a future dave he was from a while ago


GG: oh
GG: i am confused :o
GG: but i guess i am relieved?
GG: how did that poor dave die?
GG: was it jack?


TG: yeah
TG: hes pretty much the guy in charge of random teleportation murders right now


GG: what about your...
GG: um....
GG: oh no i dont even know if you know about this


TG: what
TG: my bro
TG: yeah jack killed him too
TG: not much to talk about
TG: this is some pretty serious existence threatening shit going down and some people are going to die i guess


GG: you were pretty close with him right?


TG: meh it was a pretty bizarre relationship by any standard
TG: fightin off wave after wave of face pumicing puppet ass every day
TG: but i guess it all sorta amounted to some vague unspoken semblance of kinship
TG: if thats a thing
TG: like if honor among thieves is something then lets call it camaraderie among ironic rapping roof ninjas
TG: i thought about taking his sword
TG: when i was there
TG: couldnt really bring myself to try to pull it out it was too weird


GG: dave we have to stop him!!!!!
GG: why dont you stop jumping around through time like a maniac and stop being like a hundred daves all the time and come to my house so we can make a plan to kill him??


TG: well id like to
TG: but im still trapped in the chronologistics of this fuckin one man ballet
TG: there are loops outstanding and if i step out of line you get to see more bloody daves
TG: besides we cant beat him
TG: look what he did to bro and davesprite together
TG: im at the top of my echeladder with all the fraymotifs and i stand no chance
TG: johns even better than that even though he doesnt know it at the moment
TG: and he stands no chance either
TG: only thing we can do is hold out until the scratch


GG: what is the scratch?


TG: guess i shouldnt really say
TG: since you sort of lead the way in making that plan
TG: suffice to say
TG: if we cant beat him
TG: all we can really do is exile him to a place where he cant teleport back
TG: which hopefully buys us some time
TG: to try to take out his power source in a crazy suicide mission


GG: well maybe im just being naive...
GG: but a crazy suicide mission does not sound like the ideal solution to me!


TG: whats next is up to you
TG: and if later you want to talk about it
TG: im here


GG: thanks dave!



Time to get some answers! You summon Becsprite, up in the laboratory with the Fourth Wall and the stuffed statue of your dreamself.

Bec arrives quickly at the promise of irradiated steak. You are lucky to have such a great friend.



You're sure gonna miss him!



JADE: hello!
JADE: ummmmmm
JADE: jade?
JADE: can you talk?
JADESPRITE: i...
JADESPRITE: what did you do...
JADESPRITE: what did you do???
JADESPRITE: WHAT DID YOU DO??????



JADESPRITE:










Oh no.

The fourth wall was damaged in the crash.

Revealing to us the one lurking beyond it: NONE OTHER THAN LORD ENGLISH HIMSELF!



Oh for the love of fuck.



What are you a fucking idiot? Of course I am not Lord English. How dumb would that even be.
Jesus this coat is huge. I am swimming in this garish piece of shit. Would ANYBODY fit in this thing???





Why don't we cover this thing up. It would be a real shame to spoil their little moment with this nonsense.

Much better.

Now let's get out of here before this gets any more meta.



JADESPRITE: boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
JADESPRITE: what did you do what did you do what did you do
JADE: oh no oh god.....
JADE: what did i dooooo
JADESPRITE: what did you do to me??
JADE: i prototyped you and brought you back!
JADESPRITE: you shouldnt have, this is overwhelming and awful
JADESPRITE: and the sun...
JADESPRITE: its way too big and bright and i cant stop seeing it...
JADESPRITE: cant this be undone?
JADE: i dont think...
JADE: that it can be undone :(
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: well...
JADE: now i dont know what to do
JADESPRITE: i dont know what to do with myself either
JADESPRITE: but all id like to do is go back
JADE: i know you are upset jade
JADE: but i did sort of bring you back for a reason
JADE: we need your help!
JADE: me and dave and rose and john
JADESPRITE: john!!!!!!!!!!!
JADESPRITE: oh noooooo, john...
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADESPRITE: john, poor john...
JADESPRITE: id forgotten about him
JADE: what do you mean, how could you forget about john???
JADESPRITE: after we died i looked all over for him but couldnt find him
JADESPRITE: and i was so lonely, but i finally got over it when i met my friends.....
JADESPRITE: and now theyre gone toooo aaahhhh boooooooo hoo hoo hoo hoo
JADE: but john didnt die!
JADE: you pushed him out of the way of prospits moon at the last minute, and hes ok now!!!
JADESPRITE: oh my god prospit.....
JADE: oh nooo jade please dont
JADESPRITE: BOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO



JADESPRITE: why are you doing this to me, why are you making me remember
JADESPRITE: it was so beautiful and it was all destroyed before i even knew what was going on....
JADE: i know jade i was there too...
JADE: these are both our memories!
JADESPRITE: i was just waiting for john to wake up, i was so sure it was going to be soon
JADESPRITE: and i was going to show him around prospit
JADESPRITE: i had so many things planned and so many friends to introduce him to...
JADESPRITE: he was my best friend and i was looking forward to meeting him for so long
JADESPRITE: but then it all burned down and everyone died and the moon fell and..........
JADE: stop...
JADE: you are going to make me cry too, stop it!!!
JADESPRITE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
JADESPRITE: i dont want to be here, i have to go back
JADESPRITE: can you help me?
JADE: you want me to help you...
JADE: die again?
JADE: ok, i know this is my fault
JADE: but that is a really hard thing to ask me to do!
JADESPRITE: boo hoo hoo hoo hoo
JADE: jade listen
JADE: i never did tell you why i brought you back
JADE: well, you remember the guy who destroyed prospit?
JADE: he has the same powers you have, making him unbeatable to us...
JADE: but maybe not you!
JADE: so you could go find him and
JADESPRITE: you want me to fight him???
JADESPRITE: are you crazy? do i look like i am ready to fight anybody???????
JADESPRITE: i cant fight anybody!
JADESPRITE: jade i am scared and confused and sad and...
JADESPRITE: i wouldnt even know how to begin fighting that horrible guy
JADE: i thought you wanted to die?
JADE: you wouldnt go even if he could...
JADESPRITE: no i dont want him to kill me!!!
JADESPRITE: you just dont understand aaaaa boo hoo hoo
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: jade...
JADE: i dont mean to be insensitive but
JADE: there is a lot at stake here!
JADE: how could you not remember john survived?
JADE: we both saw him in a cloud! he was in his dream suit and awake, reading our letter!
JADE: didnt you think about that?
JADESPRITE: it was all a lie jade. what we saw in the clouds and all that. none of it meant anything
JADESPRITE: john and i both died, and i eventually accepted that and moved on
JADE: JOHN DIDNT DIE!!!
JADE: this is so frustrating, i just told you he didnt
JADE: i would like to think that even if i was sad and scared, if i was put in a position where everyone depended on me, i could put all those feelings aside and do whats right!
JADE: there is still something worth fighting for!



JADESPRITE: not for me there isnt
JADESPRITE: theres no hope, and i dont see anything worth fighting for
JADESPRITE: really none of this is my business anymore and i want to go home
JADE: AUGH!
JADE: that is SO SELFISH!!!
JADE: how can you say these things, dont you remember anything that the queen told us?
JADE: that we would eventually build a new world and make a future together with our friends?
JADESPRITE: it was never going to come true
JADE: shut up!!!!!!
JADE: stop being such a damn crybaby!
JADE: really, we both had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCES. and look, i am managing to keep my head up, see?
JADE: you dont even have the full picture either, because you checked out early!
JADE: you didnt have to stand by as bec gave jack his powers when you might have been able to stop that
JADE: you didnt have to see a dave lying in his own blood :(
JADESPRITE: dave?
JADESPRITE: he died too?
JADE: no, see...
JADESPRITE: ohhhh boo-
JADE: HEY! no. youre not allowed to cry about that because you DIDNT SEE IT
JADE: thats the whole point!!!
JADE: you are just looking for any excuse you can to be sad and useless and its starting to piss me off!
JADESPRITE: aaaaaaaBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: NO, FOR GODS SAKE WILL YOU SHUT UP AND PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY
JADESPRITE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
JADESPRITE: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: I SAID PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU BLUBBERING GODDAMN PANSY
JADE: JUST SHUT UP. DRY YOUR CRYBABY EYES, STOP BEING A COWARD, AND GO FIGHT JACK NOIR!!!!!!!!!!!!



JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: NO
JADE: JUST
JADE: GOD DAMN IT
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: SHUT
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: THE
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: FUCK
JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
JADE: UP
JADESPRITE:





-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --



CG: ATTENTION HARLEY.
CG: PLEASE STOP WEEPING WITH AND OR BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SELF PROTOTYPED LUSUSPRITE
CG: STOP DOING ONE OF THOSE THINGS AT LEAST
CG: LONG ENOUGH TO ANSWER ME.
CG: PLEASE.


GG: karkat!!!!!
GG: i never thought id say this, but im actually almost relieved to talk to you


CG: WHAT


GG: or really ANYBODY besides that lunatic
GG: SHE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!


CG: OH YEAH?
CG: HOW SO, EVERYTHING HERE APPEARS TO BE PROCEEDING RATIONALLY.
CG: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM


GG: are you joking??? look at this mess!
GG: i made the mistake of prototyping my dream self who has been dead for years
GG: and shes completely crazy and theres no talking any sense into her


CG: HMM.
CG: HMM AS IN HMM INTERESTING.
CG: AS IN HMM HOW VERY, VERY FUCKING INTERESTING INDEED.
CG: PLEASE GO ON, I'M LISTENING TO YOUR PROBLEM.





GG: i mean, i understand why she is upset
GG: but she is completely inconsolable, and wont listen to reason about anything!
GG: and i guess i could deal with that but...
GG: the frustrating thing is that shes actually me :(
GG: i really dont think i would act like that


CG: HMMMMM.


GG: will you stop saying hmm!!!!!!


CG: WHAT OTHER SEQUENCE OF LETTERS WOULD YOU HAVE ME USE TO REGISTER MY PROFOUND FASCINATION.
CG: I'M JUST TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.
CG: I AM BEING SENSITIVE ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF A RAGING FUCKASS, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT.
CG: NOW TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.


GG: well...
GG: at first i was sad
GG: because she made me remember all the sad things that just happened
GG: but im trying to be strong about all that so we can keep moving forward
GG: and if i can then why cant she?
GG: but she just went on and on
GG: and i started getting angry...
GG: ugh i have never been so angry in my LIFE!!!


CG: OK SO IF I'M UNDERSTANDING YOU
CG: YOU'RE ANGRY AT A VERSION OF YOURSELF FROM A DIFFERENT POINT IN TIME
CG: BECAUSE SHE'S BEING AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL SHITHEAD WHO IS BASICALLY THE MOST REVOLTING SELF LOATHING PIECE OF FILTH YOU HAVE EVER MET
CG: AM I FOLLOWING


GG: yeah, pretty much


CG: IF I RECALL, IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO FROM EITHER OF OUR PERSPECTIVES THAT YOU WERE RIPPING ON ME AND MY SMUG WINDBAG FUTURE SELF FOR ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER


GG: oh come on...
GG: this is NOTHING like that!
GG: she's ACTUALLY INSANE


CG: OH I SEE, AND ALL THOSE IDIOT PAST AND FUTURE KARKATS WEREN'T???


GG: im not her!


CG: OH AREN'T YOU
CG: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE, I JUST HEARD YOU SAY THAT
CG: SO TELL ME
CG: HOW IS THIS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST FUCKING BIT DIFFERENT?


GG: i dont know
GG: it just...
GG: oh my god
GG: youre right :(





CG: IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A SANE RATIONAL PERSON, AND THERE JUST MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOU YET
CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, IN ADDITION TO, JUST MAYBE, AN APOLOGY.


GG: you want me to apologize?!
GG: for what, calling you crazy for arguing with yourself???
GG: after taking so much crap from you for all those years?
GG: no forget it, im not apologizing that is BULLSHIT


CG: DEAD DREAM DOG JADE, IS THAT YOU??? YOU'RE SOUNDING A BIT HYSTERICAL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN.
CG: MAYBE YOU WILL REALIZE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SPECIFY TO WHOM AN APOLOGY WAS IN ORDER.
CG: IDIOT.


GG: what
GG: are you saying you want to apologize


CG: THIS APOLOGY WAS GOING TO GO DOWN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, SO THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE THE TIME.
CG: AND LET'S FACE IT, I WAS REALLY BEING THE WORST KIND OF PHLEGM BUBBLE BLOWN OUT A NOISY GLISTENING ASS.
CG: SO I'M SORRY.
CG: BUT TO BE FAIR, IT WAS MY PAST SELF WHO WAS GIVING YOU SUCH A HARD TIME, AND HE'S COMPLETELY DERANGED.


GG: ok, i appreciate the THOUGHT of an apology, but i dont know if it really counts if you are just going to pawn off responsibility on your "past self" again!


CG: YES, I KNOW IT'S LAME.
CG: I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU FROM THE FUTURE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T COTTON TO MY PCG/FCG STUPIDITY.
CG: BUT SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.
CG: OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.


GG: hahahaha, that is so ridiculous
GG: why dont you stop it with all this nonsense and own up to being terrible unequivocally?


CG: I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A SCUMBAG AS I WAS SO DETERMINED TO MAKE OUT WITH MYSELF TO BE.
CG: FUCK I MEAN
CG: MAKE MYSELF OUT TO BE
CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I TROLLED YOU LIKE THAT SO PERSISTENTLY
CG: AND LIKE PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING I SAID WAS COMPLETELY BASELESS BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW YOU
CG: SO I GUESS I AM APOLOGIZING FOR IT, LIKE REALLY SERIOUSLY NOW.
CG: I, PRESENT KARKAT, IN THE CURRENT MOMENT, APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY STUPID PAST SELF, *WHO IS ACTUALLY ME*.


GG: hmmmm...
GG: ok karkat, that sounds pretty sincere to me
GG: and youre right, i dont actually know you
GG: so i will accept your apology and give you another chance


CG: OK, GREAT.


GG: ok, so what is the plan?
GG: i mean, why did you want me to contact you at this moment so badly?


CG: OK WELL THE MOST IMMEDIATE POINT OF BUSINESS IS
CG: YOU SEE THAT GLOWING BLUE SCREEN BEHIND YOU?
CG: YOU NEED TO TURN THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT OFF.





GG: ok, i can do that
GG: but why, what does it do?


CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT IT.
CG: BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCREW WITH.
CG: THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.
CG: ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TURN THE THING OFF
CG: AND THEN DO THE NEXT THING I WAS TOLD TO TELL YOU TO DO.
CG: BY YOU.


GG: future me?


CG: YES.
CG: YOU COULD BE TELLING YOURSELF THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT WE'RE SORT OF WORKING ON A STRICT NO MEMO POLICY.
CG: DID I MENTION HOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN WE ARGUE WITH OUR PAST/FUTURE SELVES? YES, PRETTY SURE I DID.
CG: SO ANYWAY, BECAUSE OF THAT, MY ROLE AT THE MOMENT IS TO ACT AS A SORT OF GO BETWEEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SELF
CG: SO AT THIS POINT I'M JUST GOING ALONG WITH WHATEVER THERE IS TO GO ALONG WITH.
CG: AND THAT IS YOU AND YOUR CRAZY FUTURE PLANS.
CG: AND THE SCRATCH.


GG: oh yeah! dave told me about that.
GG: what is it?


CG: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!
CG: AT ONE POINT I THOUGHT I DID, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST WHATEVER SENT JACK HERE.
CG: BUT CLEARLY IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.


GG: what was the thing i told you to tell me to do?


CG: OK, DON'T ASK ME WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT EITHER.
CG: BUT THAT BLUE SCREEN THERE
CG: FIRST, LIKE I SAID, SHUT IT OFF
CG: THEN YOU NEED TO DRAW IT.
CG: THAT'S IT.



There goes the fourth wall.



You are still trapped in your base. You have built yourself a fort to hide in, but it isn't helping.



Outside, the new queen is eager to hear the counsel of the newly-appointed advisor and ex-queen. The itinerary is, for now, simple.



She must wait for the fifth and final exile to arrive. An exile currently resting within a time capsule, for the next four hours.



The next set of instructions leave the young queen overwhelmed with responsibility. She must bring the slayer to justice and rebuild the kingdom in a new land.



And before the journey can begin anew, the vessels must be destroyed.



Serenity, the heroic firefly, interrupts this silliness with an urgent message!

None of these weirdos speak firefly.



Meanwhile, an exile dreams...























[S] Wake.

ANIMATION LOG:



The curtain rises on Derse, in the Troll Session.



Having had his way with Prospit, a demon is coming.



Dream Feferi never knew what hit her.



Dream Nepeta didn't fare much better.



Characters Jack Has Killed
Black Queen, Black King, Everyone on Prospit, Jade, Everyone on Prospit again, all the trolls, Bro, John, Everyone on Derse



But at the center of Derse, someone is waiting.



As the flames reach her, Dream Aradia awakens.



Aradia dies on a quest bed at the heart of Derse,



and ascends to God Tier as the Maid of Time.



Aradia locks Jack in a stalemate.



Meanwhile, elsewhere, the Thief of Light awaits her enemy.



And there he is!

It's time to settle this.



Succumbing to Vriska's taunting, Tavros charges.



His charge is not a success.



Tavros falls.



NEXT TIME: Things keep going wrong.

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