damage control
I rush to open the doors, like i have been waiting all my life for this one moment. I push pass the doritos and candy section to cut off an old lady with lottery tickets. her grin is subdle as if to say "wait until i'm a millionare" i could careless, i'm fixed on one thing my fix. I demend my purchaise and of course I get the run around, Not the green, not blue... It's clearly labeled! I drop the rest of my money on the table and ell him to keep the change. I rush outside becausse society frowns on my purchaise yet our culture is practically based on such production. I shred through the plastic wrapping and tear the gold foil. I remember to turn in my lucky because it means nothing unless you resepect the product. I make my first selecion from outside, trying to make it seem newby changing it up. i reach in my pocket for that faithful bic and no other imatation. it sparks the first time and the second time it strikes.. the flame is thrown in the air, the signal is lit. Everyone around me knows my intentions now. I pass the flame towards my lips and inhale, the smoke fills my lungs and I have completed my task. I inhale more trying to cover every inch of my lungs with smoke until i feel i cant breathe anymore. killing myself slowly with the poison. I dont have the guts to pull the trigger but i sure can light the fuse. slowly memories of my life fade into smoke and leavemy lips. I remember calling you one night and getting a busy signal and wondering who you were talking to. I remember sitting on the steps breathing out smoke and feeling bad. i tried my best to keep the smoke in, letting the pain die,and releasing all the memories of you. i cant say i have let you go completely when this ritual had become a daily tradition and these memories never fade.