damage control
I rush and open the doors like I have been waiting all my life for this one moment. I push my self pass the doritos and candy section to cut off an old lady with lottery ticket. Her grin is suddle as if to say "just wait until i'm a millionaire". I could care less i am fixed on one thing my fix. I demand my purchaise and of chourse i get the run around not green, not blue.. Its clearly labeled! I drop the rest of my money on the table and tell him to keep the change. I rush outside because society frown apond my purchaise yet our culture is practically based on such production. I shread the thin plastic wrapping and there about the gold foil. I remember to turn in my lucky because it doesnt mean a damn thing unless u respect the product. I grad from the outside trying to change things up and make it feel new. I reach in my pocket for the faithful bic and no other imatation. Its sparks tha first time and the second time it strikes...the flame is thrown in the air, the signal is lite, everyone around me knows what my intentions are. I press the flame towards my lips and inhale, the smoke fills my lungs and i have completed my task. I inhale more trying to cover every inch of my lungs with smoke until i feel i cant breathe anymore. Killing myself slowly with the poison. I dont have enough guts to pull the trigger but i sure as hell can light the fuse. Slowly memories of my life fade into smoke and leave my lips. i remember my first week of college wondering why i was there... Wondering what i did to deserve this. I remember calling you one night and getting a busy signal and wondering who you were talking to, I remember sitting on the steps breathing out smoke and feeling bad. feeling like i was forgotten. I tried my best to keep the smoke in and when i released it it felt liek the memories of you were exiting my soul. I cant say I meant to let you go. it just happened. But i guess i cant say i have let you go when this ritual is done over and over again.