"Speak Softly and Carry A Big Stick" (Max)
I finally found this! I knew I had posted it on sim_spiration , and I wanted to archive it. It was a heck of a long time ago.
"Speak softly and carry a big stick."
*****
"We do not threaten, Max. Because we do not do that, that is why."
I wish I could talk through you, Bear. I would, only I'm too serious. And there is no one to talk to.
I'm tired of being told not to be angry. I'm tired of being told what not to do. I must not speak of this, I must not speak of that, I must not raise my voice, I must not neglect my duties.
I could stand it if it weren't for Mama. I almost wish I never got an A+ at school. I come home and for a moment, I forget and I want to show her. Then I see her eyes glaze over and I know she doesn't know me. Or can't hear me. Or the door to her room is shut and locked, and I do not know what happens then.
I know things weren't like this once, but I'm beginning to forget what that was like. At first I used to cry, and then I wanted to kick things. I am not allowed to kick things.
"We do not display temper, Max. You must learn self-control."
It's different for Grandpapa. He doesn't feel anything. When I come home from school, he's playing chess against himself. If I have done well, I get a nod of approval. It doesn't bother him that Mama is so sick. Even when she won't eat, he looks at her with no expression at all, and she eats a few mouthfuls. I don't know how he makes people do things that way, but people always seem to do what he wants them to do.
Mama is having one of her bad spells tonight. Seeing her then is another thing I'm not allowed to do. He just went up the spiral staircase and I know what that means. He's going to play the organ. The sound stops at precisely ten. I used to think he went to bed, but sometimes I slip downstairs, which is another thing I'm not allowed to do. The parlor organ is only on mute and he plays that sometimes until early in the morning.
He never feels anything, and some days I wish I were him.
"Speak softly and carry a big stick."
*****
"We do not threaten, Max. Because we do not do that, that is why."
I wish I could talk through you, Bear. I would, only I'm too serious. And there is no one to talk to.
I'm tired of being told not to be angry. I'm tired of being told what not to do. I must not speak of this, I must not speak of that, I must not raise my voice, I must not neglect my duties.
I could stand it if it weren't for Mama. I almost wish I never got an A+ at school. I come home and for a moment, I forget and I want to show her. Then I see her eyes glaze over and I know she doesn't know me. Or can't hear me. Or the door to her room is shut and locked, and I do not know what happens then.
I know things weren't like this once, but I'm beginning to forget what that was like. At first I used to cry, and then I wanted to kick things. I am not allowed to kick things.
"We do not display temper, Max. You must learn self-control."
It's different for Grandpapa. He doesn't feel anything. When I come home from school, he's playing chess against himself. If I have done well, I get a nod of approval. It doesn't bother him that Mama is so sick. Even when she won't eat, he looks at her with no expression at all, and she eats a few mouthfuls. I don't know how he makes people do things that way, but people always seem to do what he wants them to do.
Mama is having one of her bad spells tonight. Seeing her then is another thing I'm not allowed to do. He just went up the spiral staircase and I know what that means. He's going to play the organ. The sound stops at precisely ten. I used to think he went to bed, but sometimes I slip downstairs, which is another thing I'm not allowed to do. The parlor organ is only on mute and he plays that sometimes until early in the morning.
He never feels anything, and some days I wish I were him.