I'm still standing for hope and glory
I just left Shannon an offline MSN message, I don't know why. I guess there's part of me still hoping this is some elaborate hoax, and if I could just tell her how much I love and need her then she'll come back to me.
I keep expecting her to squee at me over something Nisei or Joker have done, I keep expecting to be able to tell her I love her again.
I went into class this morning, but I broke down in the breakout area. My legs just gave way and I had to hold onto Jade while I cried. People were probably staring but I didn't notice, they sent me home and told me to come back when I could.
I just feel numb again now. I keep typing or saying whatever is in my head, as though it's of gravest importance, even though I'm probably talking about something utterly inappropriate and random. I can't help it, it's just blurting out of my mouth and I don't understand why.
I keep listening to three songs on repeat. There's a song Mary sent us a long time ago which we adopted as our song as a couple, a song Shannon said always reminded her of me when it played, and a song that always reminded me of Shannon.
Our song as a couple.
My song from Shannon.
Shannon's song from me.
I haven't yet slept or eaten, I can't. I feel like I should be doing something, but I just don't know what. I sort of want to roleplay just for something to focus my mind on and to not be me for even a short while, bury myself in the mundanities of a game. I feel horrible for wanting to, it feels inappropriate and insensitive and callous.
I'm sorry, none of thise even went anywhere. It's just flargh from my brain. Thank you so much to all my friends, I don't know I could even think about breathing right now without you.
I keep expecting her to squee at me over something Nisei or Joker have done, I keep expecting to be able to tell her I love her again.
I went into class this morning, but I broke down in the breakout area. My legs just gave way and I had to hold onto Jade while I cried. People were probably staring but I didn't notice, they sent me home and told me to come back when I could.
I just feel numb again now. I keep typing or saying whatever is in my head, as though it's of gravest importance, even though I'm probably talking about something utterly inappropriate and random. I can't help it, it's just blurting out of my mouth and I don't understand why.
I keep listening to three songs on repeat. There's a song Mary sent us a long time ago which we adopted as our song as a couple, a song Shannon said always reminded her of me when it played, and a song that always reminded me of Shannon.
Our song as a couple.
My song from Shannon.
Shannon's song from me.
I haven't yet slept or eaten, I can't. I feel like I should be doing something, but I just don't know what. I sort of want to roleplay just for something to focus my mind on and to not be me for even a short while, bury myself in the mundanities of a game. I feel horrible for wanting to, it feels inappropriate and insensitive and callous.
I'm sorry, none of thise even went anywhere. It's just flargh from my brain. Thank you so much to all my friends, I don't know I could even think about breathing right now without you.