Ritsu+Nagisa // "She Tries to be Strong"
Title;; “She Tries to be Strong”
Pairing(s)/Character(s);; slight Ritsu+Nagisa, Youji, Natsuo
Fandom;; Loveless
Categories;; Angst
Rating;; K+
Warnings;; het, mild spoilers
Summary;; Ritsu’s thoughts on being blind.
Author’s Notes;; dahhhh, I love these two. * A *
They don’t trust me enough to walk on my own. My legs aren’t broken - it’s my eyes. I’m to be bedridden for the rest of my days? I’m still so young, too: mid thirties. What a waste for me to be treated this way. They treat me like I’m a cripple even though I just have a slight handicap.
She feeds me, like I can’t do that on my own. Her two pets always have to get me out of bed and walk me down the hall to the bathroom so I can shower and do the rest of that jazz. They seem to be more rational than her: they merely walk me to the bathroom, but they wait outside the doors, trusting me to be able to do these things on my own. The two of them sometimes complain about “taking care of the old coot,” talking like I’m not even there. If they insult me too badly, I’ll reach out and smack one upside the head. I even know which one I’m hitting - I may be blind, but I can still hear the direction their voices are coming from. The green one is usually walking to my right, and the red one is usually on my left. They sometimes mix it up just to try and confuse me, I’m sure, but I can still differentiate them.
I wish they would go to their master and tell her about how I beat them, even if they’re doing it just to complain and try to get me in trouble. I’m sure she would then see that I’m not as incompetent as she thinks I am. But the two of those kids seem to know that they’d just be helping me if they complained, so they stay quiet and put up with me.
Those bratty little twerps.
Some of my students come to visit on a regular basis. They’re always like her, trying their hardest to make me comfortable. The girls are always trying to feed me and fluff my pillow, like I can’t do that on my own. The boys… they’re always asking to do weird things, like give me massages or comb my hair. Do they think I’m some kind of helpless little girl? Brushing my hair? They’re probably just hormonal and want to take advantage of me, just because of my hair and weak-looking state. I caught one boy stroking my hand. The perk of being in this state is that if I yell for help, she’ll come running and begin harassing whoever it was that was accompanying me in the room.
She feeds me and verbally assaults whomever I accuse of bothering me. It’s kind of a nice feeling. Sort of like she’s my mother or something. She’s always trying to put up a tough front for me, but I see her weak side. I know of the nights that she sneaks into my room and takes a seat beside my bedside. I don’t say anything, even when she questions if I’m awake. After a couple of minutes and still no answer, she’ll grasp one of my hands and bring it up to her face. I can feel the wetness on her cheeks, and I can feel the tremble of her small hands around my limp, larger ones. She tries her hardest to keep quiet, but eventually a whimper or hiccup will get through.
It seems that my being blind affects her more than it affects me.