"You and I both know me well enough to know that is inevitable. But I appreciate the suggestion."
I sighed. Hey, I tried, I fucking tried. "Fine, Wes, go kick yourself for all that, then. But just between you and me? When you get scary and shit? You're fucking hot, so just... shut up."
Someone better make me shut up too, since once again, I was way too much with the talking. I wondered if what I'd said to him made any sorta sense.
"They are a part of me. They're part of who I am now, the man I've become."
"Well, yeah," I agreed. "Shit like that's bound to change us." Fuck, I needed another drink or a cig, and fast. "Order me up something to kill my talking. Vodka, anything."
I let my head rest on the seat and tried to think of us - cuz hey, I wasn't that stupid to realize that there wasn't an 'us' by now - and... I dunno. It was like we were both so hurt by what the other one had done to us, but it had changed us both. For the better... I think. Yeah, we were all pulling for the good guys now, but it didn't necessarily make us good.
"I like you this way, Wes, even if I can't really figure you out. So... don't bother trying to change back to wussy-Watcher0guy on my account, ok? We're gonna fuck, we're gonna hurt each other more, and we're both gonna get off on it." I shrugged. "We'll just both have to deal with that."
I laughed a little and added, "You didn't choke me when you could've back there, after all."
"Fine, Wes, go kick yourself for all that, then. But just between you and me? When you get scary and shit? You're fucking hot, so just... shut up."
I opened my mouth, then closed it. It wasn't much of a secret that I was quite the expert at self-abuse and beating myself up about damn near anything that I felt I'd done wrong. Faith had also made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with it, and was consistently frustrated and infuriated by it.
"Well, yeah... Shit like that's bound to change us. Order me up something to kill my talking. Vodka, anything."
I touched the call button for the flight attendant, who, coming from the rear service area, gave both of us quite a look before allowing herself to be convinced to serve us one more drink. Once the miniscule vodka bottles arrived, and we were alone again, and with the alcohol and a bit of a breather, it did seem that the mood lightened just a touch.
"I like you this way, Wes, even if I can't really figure you out. So... don't bother trying to change back to wussy-Watcher-guy on my account, ok? We're gonna fuck, we're gonna hurt each other more, and we're both gonna get off on it. We'll just both have to deal with that."
Looking at Faith, I found a new kind of respect for the young woman. As ever, she'd reduced the situation down to its most basic, most visceral truths. This time, though, it demonstrated a much more mature understanding of something that was confusing the hell out of both of us.
"Well said," I replied. "Very well said, Faith. And so terribly true."
"You didn't choke me when you could've back there, after all."
There was a moment of surprise until I realized Faith had meant the comment in jest. I responded with a knowing smirk.
"A man has to keep a few tricks up his sleeve for later..."
I sighed. Hey, I tried, I fucking tried. "Fine, Wes, go kick yourself for all that, then. But just between you and me? When you get scary and shit? You're fucking hot, so just... shut up."
Someone better make me shut up too, since once again, I was way too much with the talking. I wondered if what I'd said to him made any sorta sense.
"They are a part of me. They're part of who I am now, the man I've become."
"Well, yeah," I agreed. "Shit like that's bound to change us." Fuck, I needed another drink or a cig, and fast. "Order me up something to kill my talking. Vodka, anything."
I let my head rest on the seat and tried to think of us - cuz hey, I wasn't that stupid to realize that there wasn't an 'us' by now - and... I dunno. It was like we were both so hurt by what the other one had done to us, but it had changed us both. For the better... I think. Yeah, we were all pulling for the good guys now, but it didn't necessarily make us good.
"I like you this way, Wes, even if I can't really figure you out. So... don't bother trying to change back to wussy-Watcher0guy on my account, ok? We're gonna fuck, we're gonna hurt each other more, and we're both gonna get off on it." I shrugged. "We'll just both have to deal with that."
I laughed a little and added, "You didn't choke me when you could've back there, after all."
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I opened my mouth, then closed it. It wasn't much of a secret that I was quite the expert at self-abuse and beating myself up about damn near anything that I felt I'd done wrong. Faith had also made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with it, and was consistently frustrated and infuriated by it.
"Well, yeah... Shit like that's bound to change us. Order me up something to kill my talking. Vodka, anything."
I touched the call button for the flight attendant, who, coming from the rear service area, gave both of us quite a look before allowing herself to be convinced to serve us one more drink. Once the miniscule vodka bottles arrived, and we were alone again, and with the alcohol and a bit of a breather, it did seem that the mood lightened just a touch.
"I like you this way, Wes, even if I can't really figure you out. So... don't bother trying to change back to wussy-Watcher-guy on my account, ok? We're gonna fuck, we're gonna hurt each other more, and we're both gonna get off on it. We'll just both have to deal with that."
Looking at Faith, I found a new kind of respect for the young woman. As ever, she'd reduced the situation down to its most basic, most visceral truths. This time, though, it demonstrated a much more mature understanding of something that was confusing the hell out of both of us.
"Well said," I replied. "Very well said, Faith. And so terribly true."
"You didn't choke me when you could've back there, after all."
There was a moment of surprise until I realized Faith had meant the comment in jest. I responded with a knowing smirk.
"A man has to keep a few tricks up his sleeve for later..."
It seemed enough, at least for the moment.
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