The Aristrocats...I mean 'crats...The Aristrocrats
Ok, ok...so Jeff, Steven, and I watched this movie called The Aristocrats. And basically, it's just a filthy, disgusting gross joke which you can color in with as many obscentities as you want. And we're having an LJ contest. So yeah, here is my weak attempt at this joke...and a disclaimer.
DISCLAIMER: If you value your innocence, at all, you will not read farther. If you read further, you will read of filthy acts of debauchery that should NOT be tried at home. This is your last warning. Push the Back button on your browser now to preserve any last bit of respect and self-decency that you might have. Otherwise, you have been warned. --------> Enjoy!
...Okay, this is your last chance...I beg of you, turn around now...
So this is it:
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So, one day I went into a talent agent's office, and I goes, “Sir, sir, you've gotta see this act.”
And he goes, “You have 4 minutes.”
So I goes:
“Well, first, I come out in a suit. My pregnant wife and 2 kids follow in their Sunday best, and we start singing a medley of songs from The Sound of Music. But as soon as we start singing “Doe-a-Deer,” my 2 kids, Bobby and Susie, start 69'ing on the floor, all the while still singing the songs with either cunt or cock up their mouth. Meanwhile, my wife rips off all her clothes and gets down on all fours, and I start fucking her up the ass, my nutsack slapping her bare behind as I thrust. It becomes too much for my wife, and all of her bodily functions give way: she starts pissing all over the stage, shit starts spewing out from her anus, and she gives birth right onstage-to a Negro kid, dripping in blood, piss, shit, and placental vagina juice. I start smacking her in the face with my pole like a bat because she fuckin' screwed around with a fucking Negro, and end up cumming all over her face. As I bend over to smurf her harder, a large black man-the same one that fucked my wife-comes up behind me and reams me up the ass with his 11-inch African dick. As I scream in agony, Bobby comes up and sticks his dick in my mouth and Susie goes over to her mother and starts bathing in the shower of vagina juice still spewing from my wife's pussy, both of them still singing The Sound of Music. As Bobby strained to reach a high note, I bite off his dick, causing him to start singing like the nun from The Sound of Music. Two nuns from the nearest monastery come over, hoping to get an autograph, but the black man, entranced by their black robes, and thinking that they are other fuckable blacks-starts fucking the nun, sticking his long dick into her pussy and breaking her hymen. Well, so now HER hymen is broken, and the pussy juice is squirting out of her bat-like labia like a golf-course sprinkler all over the stage. The other nun, seeing her fellow nun in pain and, honestly, all of the blasphemy around her, starts praying to God for a miracle. Lo and behold, Jesus Christ himself comes in. As he walks toward the fucking, sucking, carpet-munching group on-stage, he raises his crucified hands and commands them, “STOP!” “Don't you see what you've done? You should be ashamed of yourselves.” I look around-my whole family, a black man, and two nuns covered in jism, fecal matter, and urine-and I feel ashamed in front of His eyes. “Of course, Lord Jesus. We are truly sorry.” Jesus nodded, “I understand-humans are weak. But next time, you can't forget bestiality.” With that, Jesus brought out Noah's Ark, and all of the animals flooded out two by two. And all of us-Bobby, Susie, me, my wife, her black lovechild, the black man, the nuns, and the one and only Jesus Christ-start fucking komodo dragons, cheetahs, hamsters-every animal in the world. And it becomes a mass orgy of feathers, fur, scales, and skin.”
“Wow, what an interesting act... What do you call yourselves?”
I stand there, panting and sweating. “We call ourselves-THE ARISTROCRATS.”
P.S. The black man fucks Jesus through the hole in his hands.
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600 words bitches! And I'm definitely going to hell...definitely.
Anyways, onwards...
Yesterday was fun--geting together with all of the Canyon peoples. Let's see who was there: Ashley, Will, Jay, Joanna, Jeff, Kevin, Meit, Emily, Bealey, Vivienne, Jenny, Abe, Jensoh, and Mike Branson. It was sooooooooo great, seeing everyone and catching up with everyone. And talking about sleeping, and eating, and other codewords. And how ebonics is a sexist word...haha, jk. *But Ebony is a girl's name!* Haha, I'm dumb. Anyways, I'm hoping to plan a little gathering tonight. So probably expect a call from me. We're going to straighten my hair and then make it into crazy hairstyles. I hope you guys can come!
I will talk to you kids later. Buh-bye!
DISCLAIMER: If you value your innocence, at all, you will not read farther. If you read further, you will read of filthy acts of debauchery that should NOT be tried at home. This is your last warning. Push the Back button on your browser now to preserve any last bit of respect and self-decency that you might have. Otherwise, you have been warned. --------> Enjoy!
...Okay, this is your last chance...I beg of you, turn around now...
So this is it:
_________________________________________________________________
So, one day I went into a talent agent's office, and I goes, “Sir, sir, you've gotta see this act.”
And he goes, “You have 4 minutes.”
So I goes:
“Well, first, I come out in a suit. My pregnant wife and 2 kids follow in their Sunday best, and we start singing a medley of songs from The Sound of Music. But as soon as we start singing “Doe-a-Deer,” my 2 kids, Bobby and Susie, start 69'ing on the floor, all the while still singing the songs with either cunt or cock up their mouth. Meanwhile, my wife rips off all her clothes and gets down on all fours, and I start fucking her up the ass, my nutsack slapping her bare behind as I thrust. It becomes too much for my wife, and all of her bodily functions give way: she starts pissing all over the stage, shit starts spewing out from her anus, and she gives birth right onstage-to a Negro kid, dripping in blood, piss, shit, and placental vagina juice. I start smacking her in the face with my pole like a bat because she fuckin' screwed around with a fucking Negro, and end up cumming all over her face. As I bend over to smurf her harder, a large black man-the same one that fucked my wife-comes up behind me and reams me up the ass with his 11-inch African dick. As I scream in agony, Bobby comes up and sticks his dick in my mouth and Susie goes over to her mother and starts bathing in the shower of vagina juice still spewing from my wife's pussy, both of them still singing The Sound of Music. As Bobby strained to reach a high note, I bite off his dick, causing him to start singing like the nun from The Sound of Music. Two nuns from the nearest monastery come over, hoping to get an autograph, but the black man, entranced by their black robes, and thinking that they are other fuckable blacks-starts fucking the nun, sticking his long dick into her pussy and breaking her hymen. Well, so now HER hymen is broken, and the pussy juice is squirting out of her bat-like labia like a golf-course sprinkler all over the stage. The other nun, seeing her fellow nun in pain and, honestly, all of the blasphemy around her, starts praying to God for a miracle. Lo and behold, Jesus Christ himself comes in. As he walks toward the fucking, sucking, carpet-munching group on-stage, he raises his crucified hands and commands them, “STOP!” “Don't you see what you've done? You should be ashamed of yourselves.” I look around-my whole family, a black man, and two nuns covered in jism, fecal matter, and urine-and I feel ashamed in front of His eyes. “Of course, Lord Jesus. We are truly sorry.” Jesus nodded, “I understand-humans are weak. But next time, you can't forget bestiality.” With that, Jesus brought out Noah's Ark, and all of the animals flooded out two by two. And all of us-Bobby, Susie, me, my wife, her black lovechild, the black man, the nuns, and the one and only Jesus Christ-start fucking komodo dragons, cheetahs, hamsters-every animal in the world. And it becomes a mass orgy of feathers, fur, scales, and skin.”
“Wow, what an interesting act... What do you call yourselves?”
I stand there, panting and sweating. “We call ourselves-THE ARISTROCRATS.”
P.S. The black man fucks Jesus through the hole in his hands.
___________________________________________________________________
600 words bitches! And I'm definitely going to hell...definitely.
Anyways, onwards...
Yesterday was fun--geting together with all of the Canyon peoples. Let's see who was there: Ashley, Will, Jay, Joanna, Jeff, Kevin, Meit, Emily, Bealey, Vivienne, Jenny, Abe, Jensoh, and Mike Branson. It was sooooooooo great, seeing everyone and catching up with everyone. And talking about sleeping, and eating, and other codewords. And how ebonics is a sexist word...haha, jk. *But Ebony is a girl's name!* Haha, I'm dumb. Anyways, I'm hoping to plan a little gathering tonight. So probably expect a call from me. We're going to straighten my hair and then make it into crazy hairstyles. I hope you guys can come!
I will talk to you kids later. Buh-bye!