I really like the way you moved back and forth through time to tell this story, not moving linearly from beginning to end. It made for a very fluid story. You accomplished a lot in such a short space, too.
In the original story, there was a lot of background information that needed to be shown somehow, but it didn't seem right to put it in chronological order. I'm glad to hear it worked, though, especially since they are such quick snapshots.
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-Tia
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