(no subject)
Hey guys. I know, surprise surprise.
Goddamn, it's been a while, hasn't it? My word. I can't even use the excuse that I've been busy. My life is and has been basically school, homework, and WoW. I know, I'm a pathetic son of a bitch. Whatever. Although I am happy to report that there is a little less than three weeks left, and I'll be done with high school forever. Took long enough. I just have to get through this ridiculous senior presentation, and I'll be all dolled up in my pretty cap and gown, sitting for about three uncomfortable hours in the Palace, getting my diploma. Yay.
You may have noticed that I'm a bit cynical right now. Good observation. Very astute. Get over it.
I'm just so ready for everything to be over with. I thought senior year was supposed to be the year I get to sit back and relax and wait for June to show up. On the contrary, this has been the busiest I've ever been. And it has sucked. Even through the end of the year, between AP tests, yet another driver's re-assessment, this stupid presentation, and trying not to do anything stupid to get myself in trouble, I just want it all to end so I can breathe easy.
It's very hot in this room. Then again, my room always has been an oven.
Last night was the band banquet. After my parents got us lost and we almost didn't make it to the right place at the right time, we showed up, and I decided yet again to squeeze my ass where it probably didn't fit. Oh well. I don't think Ross minded me sitting virtually on his lap. At least, he didn't let on that he did. Anyways. I'm going to miss band. I really am. It was the one place I could feel like home, where I knew there were at least a few people that cared about me, and where I knew what I was there for. I know I had a rough start there, but now, I love walking through those band doors. Too bad I only get to do it for another few weeks.
So, the theater isn't going to be open in time for us. Mother f--ker. I was so ready to perform in that place, so pumped about it, how it would feel, how it would sound, and now, I'll never know. We're shoved back into Stevenson's theater for our spring concert. Don't get me wrong: Stevenson's theater is very nice. It's just... not ours. I guess I'll have to get over it.
And of course, it now being the last month of high school, my mind is deciding that it is now a a good time to go back through the years, remembering every single little thing that has happened. For those of you that may not know, my memory is very vivid, very accurate, and very deep. So when something pops up, some random event or person that I'd forgotten until just that moment, and I start thinking about everything that that memory entails, it kind of starts affecting me. Kind of like, putting me back into that mindset, that state of emotion that I was in, and a few of them aren't too happy in the how-I-feel department. Freshman year? Sophomore? Yeah. I'm getting off this topic before those memories come back to me.
People keep coming up to me: "I'm going to miss you so much. Next year won't be nearly as fun without you." I keep telling them: "We've still got a month left. We've still got three weeks left." That number is getting increasingly small. Pretty soon, it'll be: "We've still got tomorrow. We've still got today." Ya know what guys? I'm going to miss you too. You've become my family.
We'll make it, baby. I believe in us. Just don't do what I did waaaayy back when. Don't pull away.
I'm going to do this again, just because I can. I fear for the trumpets next year. Dawn's leaving, our best junior. Jacki, Lianna, I sure as hell hope you can handle them without her.
Did I mention how hot it was in here?
So I've determined that every few months or so, after being strong and taking everything from everyone, and taking it in stride, every few months, I crack. I break down, beg for forgiveness from everyone around me, and flail around for those very few people who would care enough to pull me back up and give me a swift kick in the ass. I've also determined that I'm about due for one of these. Man, it'll be fun.
So my mood over the course of logging this has gone from "I hate the world" to "I don't want to be here". And it's still god-awful hot in here. So I'm stopping. Night guys.
Goddamn, it's been a while, hasn't it? My word. I can't even use the excuse that I've been busy. My life is and has been basically school, homework, and WoW. I know, I'm a pathetic son of a bitch. Whatever. Although I am happy to report that there is a little less than three weeks left, and I'll be done with high school forever. Took long enough. I just have to get through this ridiculous senior presentation, and I'll be all dolled up in my pretty cap and gown, sitting for about three uncomfortable hours in the Palace, getting my diploma. Yay.
You may have noticed that I'm a bit cynical right now. Good observation. Very astute. Get over it.
I'm just so ready for everything to be over with. I thought senior year was supposed to be the year I get to sit back and relax and wait for June to show up. On the contrary, this has been the busiest I've ever been. And it has sucked. Even through the end of the year, between AP tests, yet another driver's re-assessment, this stupid presentation, and trying not to do anything stupid to get myself in trouble, I just want it all to end so I can breathe easy.
It's very hot in this room. Then again, my room always has been an oven.
Last night was the band banquet. After my parents got us lost and we almost didn't make it to the right place at the right time, we showed up, and I decided yet again to squeeze my ass where it probably didn't fit. Oh well. I don't think Ross minded me sitting virtually on his lap. At least, he didn't let on that he did. Anyways. I'm going to miss band. I really am. It was the one place I could feel like home, where I knew there were at least a few people that cared about me, and where I knew what I was there for. I know I had a rough start there, but now, I love walking through those band doors. Too bad I only get to do it for another few weeks.
So, the theater isn't going to be open in time for us. Mother f--ker. I was so ready to perform in that place, so pumped about it, how it would feel, how it would sound, and now, I'll never know. We're shoved back into Stevenson's theater for our spring concert. Don't get me wrong: Stevenson's theater is very nice. It's just... not ours. I guess I'll have to get over it.
And of course, it now being the last month of high school, my mind is deciding that it is now a a good time to go back through the years, remembering every single little thing that has happened. For those of you that may not know, my memory is very vivid, very accurate, and very deep. So when something pops up, some random event or person that I'd forgotten until just that moment, and I start thinking about everything that that memory entails, it kind of starts affecting me. Kind of like, putting me back into that mindset, that state of emotion that I was in, and a few of them aren't too happy in the how-I-feel department. Freshman year? Sophomore? Yeah. I'm getting off this topic before those memories come back to me.
People keep coming up to me: "I'm going to miss you so much. Next year won't be nearly as fun without you." I keep telling them: "We've still got a month left. We've still got three weeks left." That number is getting increasingly small. Pretty soon, it'll be: "We've still got tomorrow. We've still got today." Ya know what guys? I'm going to miss you too. You've become my family.
We'll make it, baby. I believe in us. Just don't do what I did waaaayy back when. Don't pull away.
I'm going to do this again, just because I can. I fear for the trumpets next year. Dawn's leaving, our best junior. Jacki, Lianna, I sure as hell hope you can handle them without her.
Did I mention how hot it was in here?
So I've determined that every few months or so, after being strong and taking everything from everyone, and taking it in stride, every few months, I crack. I break down, beg for forgiveness from everyone around me, and flail around for those very few people who would care enough to pull me back up and give me a swift kick in the ass. I've also determined that I'm about due for one of these. Man, it'll be fun.
So my mood over the course of logging this has gone from "I hate the world" to "I don't want to be here". And it's still god-awful hot in here. So I'm stopping. Night guys.