(no subject)
So I can't go to sleep until 4 am, after which I wake up at 8 to go to class. My mind is buzzing like the fridge until yoga which luckly helps to calm me down. Insomnia would be great if only I had the capacity to concentrate to actually read. I have managed to finish some art work because of it, but there are a lot of round swirlies mainly because my mind is unable to create anything complex because it's going around in circles over and over and over and over..............
And then sometimes Aidan calls and entertains me, but he calls only on the days before he thinks we're going to meet. I don't know if he does that because he's only trying to be polite and seem interested in talking to me and therefore is careful not to just call on the day we're going to meet, or he calls the day before and not two or three or four days before so that he doesn't seem like he's too into me because he might think that would freak me out. In fact that wouldn't freak me out. That would make me far happier. I'd love to have a guy call me all the time just to talk about nothing, just to make stupid jokes or complain about the weather. I think I'm going to keep proloning our so called meeting days, as in prolong to not meet. Maybe distance will only make the heart grow fonder, or maybe he'll get bored. Either way, it's a test, and it'll show some mild proof if there's any use in seeing him at all.
But in the meantime I'm off to draw Marla Singer. If I could be anyone I'd be her. I love how fucked up she is. That's the perfect romanticised version of someone being really close to the verge of death. For our watercolor final we're supposed to paint a scene from a book we've read, so I'm going to use the movie as a reference for the scene I'm going to paint from Fight Club. I like the scene where she comes in her bride maid's dress and says: "The condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night. Then you throw it away. The glass slipper, I mean, not the stranger..."
Love it. I hope it turns out. Of course there are many other scenes I'd also want to use, like her walking into the testicular cancer meeting, or her falling off the matress. I really like the sex scene, but can't use it. The scenes with her blowing out smoke are really artistic too. Whatever, I'll combine them.
I decided to stop being so passive agressive. Of course I knew it's an awful thing, but it's so difficult to express your anger in a controlled manner, so you keep it in until you explode. Now I'm just going to say what's on my mind to people as calmly as I can so that there aren't anymore surprises. John isn't upset with me any more. Well, he was more confused than upset. I think he's not used to people with mood swings. He acts like he's Japanese, everything must be positive. Although maybe the Koreans follow the same philosophy, I don't know, it wouldn't surprise me.
And then sometimes Aidan calls and entertains me, but he calls only on the days before he thinks we're going to meet. I don't know if he does that because he's only trying to be polite and seem interested in talking to me and therefore is careful not to just call on the day we're going to meet, or he calls the day before and not two or three or four days before so that he doesn't seem like he's too into me because he might think that would freak me out. In fact that wouldn't freak me out. That would make me far happier. I'd love to have a guy call me all the time just to talk about nothing, just to make stupid jokes or complain about the weather. I think I'm going to keep proloning our so called meeting days, as in prolong to not meet. Maybe distance will only make the heart grow fonder, or maybe he'll get bored. Either way, it's a test, and it'll show some mild proof if there's any use in seeing him at all.
But in the meantime I'm off to draw Marla Singer. If I could be anyone I'd be her. I love how fucked up she is. That's the perfect romanticised version of someone being really close to the verge of death. For our watercolor final we're supposed to paint a scene from a book we've read, so I'm going to use the movie as a reference for the scene I'm going to paint from Fight Club. I like the scene where she comes in her bride maid's dress and says: "The condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night. Then you throw it away. The glass slipper, I mean, not the stranger..."
Love it. I hope it turns out. Of course there are many other scenes I'd also want to use, like her walking into the testicular cancer meeting, or her falling off the matress. I really like the sex scene, but can't use it. The scenes with her blowing out smoke are really artistic too. Whatever, I'll combine them.
I decided to stop being so passive agressive. Of course I knew it's an awful thing, but it's so difficult to express your anger in a controlled manner, so you keep it in until you explode. Now I'm just going to say what's on my mind to people as calmly as I can so that there aren't anymore surprises. John isn't upset with me any more. Well, he was more confused than upset. I think he's not used to people with mood swings. He acts like he's Japanese, everything must be positive. Although maybe the Koreans follow the same philosophy, I don't know, it wouldn't surprise me.