(no subject)
I have so much to offload onto here, it feels like the only place I should.
Hm. I guess lyrics are always a good place to start, so;
"I've started falling apart, I'm not savouring life"
I really am a proper mess, I can't seem to stop the vicious circle of the negativity I feel when I look at myself, which leads to purging, then the disappointment in myself and anger, which makes me cut myself. So yeh I know it's not an excuse but that's how it is. Sometimes I can't even stand to let you touch me, and see the flaws. I almost want to just shut this off, stop myself feeling like this and just get away from it, but there's always something I see or something someone says to make it rear it's ugly head again,
even the scars aren't enough to provoke you, there's something lost that no amount of words could ever gain back.
I still love you, but maybe I hate this more.
<3
Hm. I guess lyrics are always a good place to start, so;
"I've started falling apart, I'm not savouring life"
I really am a proper mess, I can't seem to stop the vicious circle of the negativity I feel when I look at myself, which leads to purging, then the disappointment in myself and anger, which makes me cut myself. So yeh I know it's not an excuse but that's how it is. Sometimes I can't even stand to let you touch me, and see the flaws. I almost want to just shut this off, stop myself feeling like this and just get away from it, but there's always something I see or something someone says to make it rear it's ugly head again,
even the scars aren't enough to provoke you, there's something lost that no amount of words could ever gain back.
I still love you, but maybe I hate this more.
<3