(Untitled)
Title: Goodbye
Author: crescent_gaia, as this is one of my muse accounts.
Rating: G
Prompt Set: 50.2
Prompt: #16 - Farewells and Harriet Beecher Stowe's quote from justprompts. The quote is “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone ( Read more... )
Author: crescent_gaia, as this is one of my muse accounts.
Rating: G
Prompt Set: 50.2
Prompt: #16 - Farewells and Harriet Beecher Stowe's quote from justprompts. The quote is “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone ( Read more... )
She'd barely been released from St. Mungo's for the funeral, and only because her mother pulled strings; and she had to go back there shortly. And one of the consequences of that curse was that she could barely talk.
But even if she could, she had no words to say. No words fit.
She couldn't face her mother, not with the knowledge that she'd concealed the fact she'd known where Sirius was, and so had deprived her of the chance to spend time together - a chance that now was lost.
And she couldn't face being alone right now.
Not with the knowledge that if she hadn't failed, Sirius would've still been up and about.
Not with the knowledge that she'd never hear that barking laugh again, or his veiled complaints about being trapped in the house. Or go running with Padfoot. Or...
And not with the knowledge that this man here, who, she'd recently realised, had stolen her heart, was left all alone, mourning the last of the family he'd chosen and who'd chosen him. On his own.
She couldn't.
She couldn't talk. But she could and did hold him tightly. She let him cry, because tears were the gift from the heart, the way to remember Sirius. Because tears were supposed to cleanse the soul.
She even let herself cry.
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He slowly realized that he was holding onto Tonks and he knew he didn't want to let go. Maybe Sirius was right about something he had told him earlier.
"Thank you," Remus whispered, barely audiable to her.
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And yet here in his arms, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't a safe haven - Merlin knew there wasn't any as long as the war was going on - but a bit of quiet, like the winds that were whipping at them, the storm, was quieter when she was this close to him.
Snap out of it. This is a funeral, not a ... not something else.
It was. But it didn't change the way his proximity and return hug comforted her, anchored her.
She nodded at his words, then looked up at him. "I'm sorry." Her voice croaked harshly and she made a face at it, behind the tears.
She was. Sirius had been in Remus' life before she had been born. His loss was...
If she'd been able to bring a little comfort back to him, that was a good thing.
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A smile. It was on his face, as Sirius would want at his funeral. He would want life, rather than people wanting to mourn and cry and make long faces.
"Its alright to smile," he whispered, barely audiable again. "He would want it."
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One of her hands slipped down along his arm, and found his fingers to twine with, but she didn't move away. Moving away meant facing things on her own again, and she didn't want that.
It meant leaving him to face them alone too, and that was even harder.
Nobody could really update her on Order activities in the hospital, nor here, was the truth, so she didn't quite know what was going on altogether, and though she still hurt, being useless right now felt even worse. Which lead her thoughts, naturally and circularly, back to Sirius. What he'd wanted to to. What he'd want them to.
Smile! You know you're able to.
And she did, very lightly, but for both of them, the one present and the one absent she did. "And while we live and remember, he's not completely gone anyway, right?"
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He let their fingers intertwine, feeling very safe with that. It felt safe with her there, comforted, and not so alone. He needed that now, and she certainly gave that.
He did hear what she said and nodded a yes. "You're right, about not having someone completely gone while living and remembering."
He let the quiet hang for a moment before asking "Has anyone updated you on what's happening? You can just shake your head instead of trying to talk. I don't want you to get more hurt by trying to speak."
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Oh well. One only stayed completely safe if one never did anything. She couldn't just sit back and let things happen without her, could she?
The way Sirius had to... Damn.
"Not updated. Many people at th'hospital." She needed her body back. And she needed to figure out the curse with which Bellatrix got her. She thought she was close on that last one though.
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"well, there's going to be a new Minister soon," Remus said quietly. "But there's still corruption in there and we're going to try to get to the Minister first before anybody else. I need to go see if I can speak to the other werewolves soon, as Dumbledore suggested, but I don't think its going to do any good. I'm going to try but -- I don't know."
He was quiet for a moment before he decided what he was going to tell her next. "I want to go after her before I do anything else," he whispered and means Bellatrix.
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She'd caught glimpses about the possibilities for the next Minister from the Prophet and discussions among patients and Healers, but the news that the Order was trying to angle for him was good. She nodded. "Kingsley?" He was the probable choice to approach the new Minister - people's trust in him was unshaken. And her fingers tightened around his, because trying to get in touch with werewolves who did not aim to be civilised was, well. Dangerous. More than a little. A lot more than a little.
And then at the last part her head whipped up and her body tensed suddenly. Her. Despite the fact that her cheeks were still damp from the tears, her eyes were steely. "Do you know - where?"
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"I have good information on where, yes," he said quietly. "I want to wait til you're well though." He wanted them to do it together, for Sirius. It would be only be fitting for them to end her, considering all she did to them.
"The problem is that she might always be around someone, but there might be another way to get at her. I just -- I need to focus on the first job first. And it gives you a chance to fully get well."
That is what he wanted in the end - a well Tonks. 'Dora, really, but he wasn't sure if he could really call her that or not. He would stick with Tonks for now.
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Then she nodded, relaxing only a little, but her features remaining intense. "Good. Better not alone." There wasn't any doubt as to whether she wanted to go, or would go, at all. "I'll try for 'soon'." The sooner, the better the chance that the information wouldn't bet too out of date to be able to trace her.
And they had to.
... had to what? Kill her?
She shuddered slightly and leaned against him a little more. If we have to. Obviously Azkaban wasn't a place that could hold Bellatrix and all.
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"You'll try for being all better," he said quietly. "and not a word to your mum -- she'll kill me for even thinking about it and taking you with. And as much as that would be nice right now...we need to avenge Sirius first."
He doesn't explain what he means by avenging, but killing her has crossed his mind. He wasn't sure what else could be done about Bellatrix and she really shoudn't be walking around anyways. It was just unfathomable that she could be while a better man was in drapery.
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The comment had kind of taken her by surprise. Slightly.
His words made her... warmer inside. For the first time since she'd woken up and had been told about Sirius, perhaps. She nodded - she would try even harder. But he was right about her mother. "She wouldn't be happy. But maybe I needed the incentive."
She really really hated how hard talking was. There was so much more she wanted to say. Not that she was very good at words, really, and the way she felt now was leaving her totally at a loss what she could say, but...
In the end, she only added, "or maybe I needed the incentive from you."
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He looked puzzled at her last comment, not sure what she meant really. "What do you mean?" He asked quietly.
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She opened her mouth, trying to put into words the way his encouragement - and the will for them to go after Bellatrix together - mattered so much, because...
Is this the time?
"You get to do 'recovering' a lot. You know what you're talking about." She coughed, trying somehow to make it clear her throat. Which didn't work, of course, just made her wince and then clench her jaw.
"We'll get her. Together."
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He started to lead her away from Sirius' grave, keeping her close though. "And you're right. We will. We have to, in a way."
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