if this posted multiple times I'm sorry, my comp is screwy, I'll fix it
I've been spending alot of time with the guy I like lately. It's weird though instead of making me feel very conscious about my body like most crushes do, this guy makes me feel completly comfortable in myself. I don't know what it is about him that does this, and it scares me. Last night he invited me over to watch a movie. I ate popcorn, cinimon and frosting popcorn, and didn't think anything of it. Cinimon and frosting. The weirder thing is when I got home I still didn't care. And I'm taking this fairly well today as well. Damn him making me not so crazy and yet at the same time I want to lose the weight to be small to impress him. *sigh* I hate it when I can't agree with myself about what to do.
On a different note, OI fit into an old pair of my jeans again, better then I fit into them when I bought them. I also think my butt looks not completely horrible in them. My collar bones are starting to show more and I'm loving it. I find my hands constantly going to them, feeling them, making sure they're still there.
Blood tests and heart monitor on Monday. ECG on Tuesday. I'm getting a little more freaked out. Yesterday was a horrible day for blacking out. It might have been becuase I didn't let myself eat anythign when I got that feeling. Normally I do so that I can at least stand up and wlak down the hall without falling over, but yesterday I just couldn't bring myself to. I ate dinner with my family and purged it. I really have to stop doing that, but every time I do it's like a euphoric release. Everything feels better. Throwing up until I'm weak and dizzy and then sinking into a hot bath. It seems weird to think about, but it has become so comforting. Gods, its times like this I really think I'm a little too fucked up.At least I have a reason to not eat tomorrow, as I have to fast before my blood tests on Monday.
I hope everyones having an good time. Stay strong, you are all wonderful.
On a different note, OI fit into an old pair of my jeans again, better then I fit into them when I bought them. I also think my butt looks not completely horrible in them. My collar bones are starting to show more and I'm loving it. I find my hands constantly going to them, feeling them, making sure they're still there.
Blood tests and heart monitor on Monday. ECG on Tuesday. I'm getting a little more freaked out. Yesterday was a horrible day for blacking out. It might have been becuase I didn't let myself eat anythign when I got that feeling. Normally I do so that I can at least stand up and wlak down the hall without falling over, but yesterday I just couldn't bring myself to. I ate dinner with my family and purged it. I really have to stop doing that, but every time I do it's like a euphoric release. Everything feels better. Throwing up until I'm weak and dizzy and then sinking into a hot bath. It seems weird to think about, but it has become so comforting. Gods, its times like this I really think I'm a little too fucked up.At least I have a reason to not eat tomorrow, as I have to fast before my blood tests on Monday.
I hope everyones having an good time. Stay strong, you are all wonderful.