Long time
I know it's been a while since I've updated. I've been busy with a lot of things, and haven't had time to write. Which I really need to. Maybe putting things in writing will help me figure things out.
I miss my friends. I have a few here in Bloomington, and I enjoy hanging out with them, I really do. But I don't have any here that I can reminisce with, and tell old stories and laugh. I miss Kristie and I'm sad that her and I don't get to talk as much anymore. I'm really glad that things are working out so well for her and Jeffrey. They are perfect for each other, and she deserves every bit of happiness he brings her. I miss Kati, who's been there for me through everything. She truly is an amazing person, and I wish I had the zest for life that she does. I miss Heather, and how we would go get Scott and Jason BFP's and then cruise around town listening to music, or sit at her house and watch movies. Damn Gina! LOL, good times. I miss Julia, and how much fun her and I had at Merry Ann's. Quack! I need my girl friends now more than ever, and they all live at least a half hour away.
I miss my family. My mom and I don't talk as much as we should, and I don't want too much time to pass. I miss Shay, Shantell and Tori. I miss Zach. I even miss my father, with everything he put me through. I miss my grandparents. :(
I sit and think about the past a lot lately, and I don't think it's healthy. I think about how I got here, and what I could have done differently. I really have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm 22 years old, I own my own home, I have a good job, I drive a nice car, and I have a wonderful fiance who loves me. I should be happy right? I'm not. I've been feeling really alone lately, like no one understands me. I haven't been sleeping, so I went to the doctor, and they diagnosed me with depression. When I told Dennis, he made a joke about it. I don't understand how it happened. I have no motivation to work, I have no motivation to do anything. It really sucks. Just to appease people, I put on a smile and pretend like nothings wrong. It's a very unhealthy thing to do. But I'm ashamed to tell anyone what's really going on. So I bottle it up inside. I cry to myself a lot, because I just want to feel normal and happy again. Like I did in the past. It's a never-ending circle. :(
To try and get my mind off things, I've thrown myself full force into our wedding planning. It's really fun, and gets me excited about the wedding. It's 1 year and 11 days away! I know time is going to fly, and before I know it, it will be here. I've got a lot of great ideas, and I've started a wedding planning journal on a wedding forum. The girls there are a blast, and have helped me a ton. It's nice to bounce ideas off each other :)
The dogs are doing great! Since I last posted, we've acquired a third dog. We're adopting him out, but I couldn't bear for him to go to the pound. It was very depressing what happened, and this dog has a special place in my heart. He's Haus' daddy, so beautiful. All he wants is attention, and company. Something Dennis and I can't provide him with full time. So as much as I want to keep him, we have to let him go. He's going to this wonderful man in Missouri, who will have plenty of time for him. I'm happy that Magnus will finally get the love and attention he needs, instead of being bred and then dumped when his owners split.
I don't really have much else to say, and if you made it this far, thanks for reading.
I miss my friends. I have a few here in Bloomington, and I enjoy hanging out with them, I really do. But I don't have any here that I can reminisce with, and tell old stories and laugh. I miss Kristie and I'm sad that her and I don't get to talk as much anymore. I'm really glad that things are working out so well for her and Jeffrey. They are perfect for each other, and she deserves every bit of happiness he brings her. I miss Kati, who's been there for me through everything. She truly is an amazing person, and I wish I had the zest for life that she does. I miss Heather, and how we would go get Scott and Jason BFP's and then cruise around town listening to music, or sit at her house and watch movies. Damn Gina! LOL, good times. I miss Julia, and how much fun her and I had at Merry Ann's. Quack! I need my girl friends now more than ever, and they all live at least a half hour away.
I miss my family. My mom and I don't talk as much as we should, and I don't want too much time to pass. I miss Shay, Shantell and Tori. I miss Zach. I even miss my father, with everything he put me through. I miss my grandparents. :(
I sit and think about the past a lot lately, and I don't think it's healthy. I think about how I got here, and what I could have done differently. I really have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm 22 years old, I own my own home, I have a good job, I drive a nice car, and I have a wonderful fiance who loves me. I should be happy right? I'm not. I've been feeling really alone lately, like no one understands me. I haven't been sleeping, so I went to the doctor, and they diagnosed me with depression. When I told Dennis, he made a joke about it. I don't understand how it happened. I have no motivation to work, I have no motivation to do anything. It really sucks. Just to appease people, I put on a smile and pretend like nothings wrong. It's a very unhealthy thing to do. But I'm ashamed to tell anyone what's really going on. So I bottle it up inside. I cry to myself a lot, because I just want to feel normal and happy again. Like I did in the past. It's a never-ending circle. :(
To try and get my mind off things, I've thrown myself full force into our wedding planning. It's really fun, and gets me excited about the wedding. It's 1 year and 11 days away! I know time is going to fly, and before I know it, it will be here. I've got a lot of great ideas, and I've started a wedding planning journal on a wedding forum. The girls there are a blast, and have helped me a ton. It's nice to bounce ideas off each other :)
The dogs are doing great! Since I last posted, we've acquired a third dog. We're adopting him out, but I couldn't bear for him to go to the pound. It was very depressing what happened, and this dog has a special place in my heart. He's Haus' daddy, so beautiful. All he wants is attention, and company. Something Dennis and I can't provide him with full time. So as much as I want to keep him, we have to let him go. He's going to this wonderful man in Missouri, who will have plenty of time for him. I'm happy that Magnus will finally get the love and attention he needs, instead of being bred and then dumped when his owners split.
I don't really have much else to say, and if you made it this far, thanks for reading.