what to think?
well me and jon were great, and only getting better in december, then january happened and it got worse all through that ....it was really really bad...then started getting better and better little by little,and now it is cool,but we are both confused, and uncertain of if each other is what we really want,if we are really happy with each other, or if we really like each other for real, or if we are just staying with each other because we are used to it, and so we don't have to be alone...well those are some of my reasons, and i don't know if i am really happy, so, we have decided to take a break over the summer, and see how we feel when school starts back,i think this is going to be really hard for me at first, but once i get used to it, i think it will get easier and easier...and hey maybe there is someone else out there for me,i guess i just have to jump out of my comfort zone and see....anyway...i feel so bad and selfish, but i really do not like this carrie girl at all that has a thing for jon even though she doesn't stand a chance, she is not good, all she could do is bring him down, and he is already confused and falling away from God more and more, i think he will get better once he is out of RBC, but at the same time, i really wonder, because if the next girl he dates, is not a real christian, she will totally bring him down, and that really upsets me to think about...he has been through a lot, and i just wish he could know how important it all is and how much it really means...but i can't think for him, he has to learn the hard way i guess...so i will continue to pray for him...anyway...this summer will either be the funnest summer of my life, or the toughest...i think a little of both, but i am trying to have a positive outlook on it, it was after all me that came up with the idea...or said it out loud at least...but he pushed it out of me, because i was finnally feeling happier after all these months since january, and now i feel all over again like i am not good enough, and that hurts...but i have to look at jon's side too, he sees that i am not happy, and he knows that i deserve better, so it was thoughtful of him to think of me in those ways...it is just very very confusing...in conclusion ...i do not like carrie...lol jk...i mean not kidding i really despise this girl...or whatever you want to call her...but anyway...i guess i should look at this relationship as not a waste of time, but a learning experience...anyway...i have regrets, but i don't regret it all...and i hope i have built a good friendship at least...but i would not goto him about everything after he had a girlfriend cough cough...cuz that is something a scetchy two faced whore no good slutty "friend" would do...and that would not make me a friend at all, and i especially wouldn't say nuthing to mess with her...anyway...i am done ventin...life has been better, but it has definately been worse, and i think God has given me peace about this whole situation, because it is for the best, and deep down we both know that...anyway...it's been great...and might be again in the future, but maybe not...so we will see...tune in next time...next month, next year...whenever i feel like updating this thing agian...peace in the middle east! lol jk definately just kidding lol holla