Chuck Fic: Always Be My Baby

[prlrocks]

Title: Always Be My Baby
Rating NC-17
Ship: Chuck/Casey
Word Count: 9,400
Beta: A huge ‘thank you’ to ru_salki99, who always does a wonderful job looking over my fic and fixing my many mistakes.
Disclaimers: If Chuck was mine, Chuck/Casey would be canon… which is sadly isn’t. So yeah, not mine.
Summery: Written for the Chuck Slash Christmas exchange; Chuck and Casey have been by each others side for many years and while they love one another, Casey feels they can’t actually be together. Chuck is left wondering if it will ever be different.
Note: Fic title is a nod to the David Cook cover song of the same name. I listened to it an insane amount during the writing of this fic so I felt I couldn’t call it anything else, even if it’s cheesy. :)



Chuck and Casey walked through the downtown mall, doing their best to squeeze in between the crowds of over eager consumers and to do their holiday shopping. Carols were blasting over the speakers and the same old decorations that had been decked out years before, were strung up around the place yet again. It was only the beginning of December, but there would be no time for last minute shopping this year. Tomorrow, Chuck would be joining Ellie and her family, in a cabin up north, for the holidays. They’d be there for three whole weeks. It seemed Ellie had her heart set on a traditional Christmas this year, with snow and all, and good old Cali just wasn’t going to cut it.

Casey would be coming too. After years of knowing one another, it had become an unspoken fact, that they’d be spending the holidays together in some form. Whether he liked it or not, Casey was looked at as part of the family at the Bartowski’s.

And this was their first true break from the job in a long time. When they decided that they were going, Chuck had looked at Casey and said that the government could call all they wanted for their help, neither were answering. Casey had nodded, clearly agreeing that the two of them needed a break. But Chuck figured they could do without them. It was only a couple weeks and they had enough time saved to go a way for a few months, if they really wanted to.

“Come on,” Chuck said, grabbing hold of Casey’s arm and dragging him into the Macy’s. They were looking for Casey’s gift for Ellie. It was the last gift on the list. Glancing around the store, it seemed neither of them knew were to begin.

As they walked past the perfume counter, the saleslady behind the counter grabbed them. “Looking at something for your girlfriends?” she asked eagerly.

“Err, something like that,” Chuck admitted. “Something for my sister, actually.”

“Oh, I see. What sort of senses does she like?”

Chuck looked towards Casey, who shrugged. Chuck turned to the lady and did the same.

“Okay,” she paused, looking at the bottles, before picking one up and spraying it towards Chuck. “How about this?”

Chuck coughed as the strong scent overwhelmed him. He looked at the women, who was waiting for his answer, “It’s fine, I guess. What do you think, Casey?”

Casey looked blankly at him, “No idea.”

Chuck sighed, “Well, it’s your gift to her. You need to decide.”

The woman‘s eyes went wide, “Oh! Oh, I see,” she said holding up her hand and smiling like they were doing something naughty.

Chuck blushed as he realized she was making the mistake everyone seemed to be making these days. She thought him and Casey were lovers. He went to open his mouth to correct her, when the woman continued, “No reason to explain,” She picked up another bottle of perfume, took Casey’s hand and spray a little on his wrist, “What about this?”

Casey looked at her like she had just conduced some odd alien experiment on him, but raised his wrist and sniffed, “Good?” he said with a little more then uncertainty.

“Great,” the woman squealed and set to ringing it up. As her hand hovered over the button she asked, “Extra two dollars and I can give you a nice gift bag. Interested?”

Casey shrugged, “Sure.”

“Wonderful!” As she went to put the perfume in the fancy bag, she babbled on, “Most men love this little extra as they can’t wrap for their life, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem with you two.”

Chuck cringed and saw that Casey looked slightly nauseated. Still, he slipped money across the counter and waited for the woman to finish the sale.

As they walked away, the woman waved, before seeing fresh meat passing by and pulling them over.

Casey sneered and rolled his eyes, “You know what bothers me the most?” he asked, when they were a short distance away.

“What?”

“The fact that I can actually wrap.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I can’t!”

Casey laughed and said, “Yeah, it kinda does.”

“She was just an idiot,” He pursed his lips and jerked his head, “Come on, let’s head home.”

“Na, not yet,” He lifted the hand that held Ellie’s present along with a few other bags, “I figure I’ll get her something else in case this stuff stinks.”

“Please, until I was twenty I got her perfume from the dollar store. She won’t care.”

“I will.”

They continued to peruse the store a little longer, until they found themselves looking at some sweaters. As Chuck watched Casey go through the display, he sighed.

They had been playing this game for far too long. There was good reason they were often mistaken for lovers. They nearly were and both knew it. It was a case of both of them not so secretly knowing the other wanted the other, but each remaining quiet about the fact. There was just so much to lose. Casey's job, or even their life.

But somehow, with the holiday's approaching, it was bothering Chuck more then usual. He figured it had to do with that fact that the holidays were a time when the fact you were alone became blaringly and painfully obvious. There was the parties filled with couples, the buying presents for loved ones and the basic making of plans for Christmas. That last one, was making him the most bitter. Casey would be there, but not there quite in the way Chuck wanted him to be.

Chuck dipped his head down and wrapped his arms around himself, before looking at his partner with a tired lonely expression, “Doesn’t it ever get to you, John?”

“This stampede of middle aged parents looking for the next Elmo? Yeah. I wish they’d get out of the way and let some sane people shop for a change.”

“You don’t have to be here.”

“What kind of uncle would I be if I didn’t buy Amanda and Ethan presents?”

He held up the bags where the presents were already wrapped and waiting to be opened. Chuck smiled. Technically, Amanda and Ethan were his niece and nephew, as it was his sister and brother in law, who were the parents, but Casey had been around since day one, so you couldn’t tell him that. They were seven and four now, Amanda being the oldest. A fact, that reminded Chuck how long Casey had been by his side.

“Besides, Ellie has been good to me.”

“That wasn’t what I was talking about.”

Casey looked at him from the corner of his eye in such a way that Chuck realized that he had known that.

“For god sake, everyone already thinks we’re together and just not coming out!”

“No, they don’t,” he replied dryly.

“Yes, they do. When Ellie was asking me if I wanted anyone else to come up north. I said well isn’t Casey already on the list?”

“And?”

“And she smirked at me and said, ‘I already thought he was coming with you.’ Then she winked at me! Winked! My sister doesn’t wink.”

Casey snickered, giving a rather evil smirk of his own.

“What?”

Casey just chuckled and arched an eyebrow as he kept leering at him.

“What!?” Chuck replayed what he said in his head, “Oh my god ,do you think she meant… Oh my god!” He shuddered, “But that proves my point. The only place I have a sex life is in my sister’s head.”

Casey smiled, before becoming serious again, “As long as it’s not in the General’s head we’re fine.”

“She doesn’t ever have to know.”

Casey picked something off of the sweater he was holding, sighed and gave him a sad look.

“She doesn’t,” But even as he said it, his voice cracking, Chuck knew they always had ways of figuring these sort of things out.

“I’m not saying there isn’t interest…” Casey paused, throwing the sweater he was holding down, a little more aggressively then he had to, “I’m just saying it can’t happen.”

Their eyes met in a brooding moment. They both knew there was a hell lot more than just ‘interest’ for both of them. They were basically in love with one another.

“Why not?” he asked stubbornly.

“How many damn times to we have to talk about this?”

“I’m not some asset anymore. I don’t see why they care.”

“Well you’re not my equal either.”

Chuck glared at him, having heard the speech before. Casey had even turned down a promotion, not once, but twice since they became partners. It would have meant him moving on and for now, they were firmly together.

They both knew. Every word and action that took place between them, spoke it in volumes. They had even had a few drunken tumbles. They had been interrupted by Casey snapping to his senses, but they had happened. And there had been one night, just one, where Casey had given in. Sometimes, Chuck wondered if that had been the best or worst thing that had happened between them. It was making the moment they were currently in all the more painful.

Chuck lashed out from time to time. He was only human after all. After one of their ‘tumbles,’ he had turned on him and asked why he just didn’t move on, if he didn’t care. Casey had given him ‘the look.’ He had seen it many times since then, but that time would be forever burned into his memory. He did care. He cared so much that he couldn’t move on. Not now, not before and not ever. He just couldn’t give in either, so they were at a bypass. They were left waiting for one another, trying to be satisfied with what they had.

They were best friends; devoted confidants. They were fiercely loyal and insanely protective partners. But now, it was Christmas time and that lonely ache had seeped back in and it killed Chuck that there was someone he loved so much and who loved him back and there wasn’t a thing either of them could do about it. Neither wanted to lose what they did have.

“One day…” Casey whispered, “One day our life will be our own.”

“Yeah, and we’ll be old and grey and on Viagra.”

Casey gripped the material of some poor sweater. He didn’t look him in the eye, but muttered, “Will it matter?”

“No,” he answered honestly,, “I… We only have so many years and I just think you’re taking the sacrifice for ones country too far.”

Casey was deadly quiet for more then a few moments, before shoving the sweater at Chuck, “Ellie will like this. Let’s go.”

~*~

They drove up in two cars, each stuffed to the brim with ‘necessities,’ if you counted holiday decorations and Christmas presents as necessities, which Ellie, of course, did.

“I think I figured out why your sister wanted us to tag along,” Casey jeered. “We’re cheaper then a rental truck,” His voice was rough, but his eyes were sparkling, the fight from the day before seemingly forgotten.

Chuck smiled and leaned back in his seat. They traveled together more than a lot, but this was nice. They had been listening to ‘oldies’ stations the whole way up (Casey every so often tapping the wheel and singing along) and taking in the scenery. It was mostly woodland by now, though from time to time they’d pass some small village.

It was near dark by the time they reached the cabin. The sun was already setting in a colorful glow and the moon could already be seen in the sky. As they got out of the car, he looked down at the unfamiliar crunch of snow beneath his feet, before taking a few steps and further scanning the landscape in front of him. The land was rocky, but thick with trees and he could see some water in the distance. Likely a river, but he wasn’t sure. Still, there was something missing.

“I thought you said we were somewhere near civilization?”

Ellie came up to him, “We are. The town is somewhere down that road,” She pointed, before stepping away and towards the cabin. Chuck followed her. As he did, he noted that the kids were running around like mad, thrilled at the snow in a way only born and bread LA kids could be.

“And they said there is a small lake and some camping ground a few minutes from here. We got to be careful Amanda and Ethan don’t wander-” As the door swung open, she stopped. Slowly, taking a few steps in, she turned about, smiling. “Oh! It’s prefect!”

“Nothing but the best for you, babe,” Awesome dropped the bags he was carrying and came up beside her. Hugging her close, he kissed the side of the head.

Chuck walked past them with a smile. He saw Casey darting in and out of each room, exploring the place. He was about to ask him how he liked it when Casey turned around and quickly passed by him to go back outside. There had been a strange expression on his face. He frowned a moment, before ignoring that and looking around himself. It was cozy. The main room was exactly what you’d expect, warm and intimate with a wilderness feel. The room didn’t have much light, minus one window that looked onto the view outside and then there was the couch, a few well used chairs and the customary fireplace. A few pictures of deer and furry things adorned the wall and there was a… television. Chuck nearly did a gig at the sight, even if the thing looked like it dated back to the 1970s. The living room area opened right onto an eating and kitchen area. It seemed to have all the basics and a table that would fit the six of them, but no more.

“Bet the hiking is great around here,” Awesome said picking up the bags and walking in a manly fashion, towards a bedroom.

Casey, who was back, grunted at him and he dropped yet another load off from the car, before heading back outside. Chuck on the other hand wondered why anyone would hike, let alone in the snow.

He knew that he should be helping unload the car, but being curious, he followed Casey’s earlier example and checked out the bedrooms. He ducked into each room. The first two rooms were exactly alike and the third door lead to a bathroom. He was going to the forth door, when he noticed it.

“There are only three rooms,” he said in shocked amazement.

Ellie walked up to him and whispered, “Stop playing coy, Chuck, we know. It‘s fine,” She jerked her head to the right, “The last room is yours. I want to be close to the kids.”

Chuck went to protest, but Ellie was already distracted and walking away. After pausing uncertainly for a moment, Chuck entered the room. Exactly the same. Exactly, down to the one bed. Casey walked up behind him.

“It’s fine,” Casey murmured, nudging passed him and throwing a suitcase down onto the bed.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he said throwing it’s twin on the bed on the bed as well, “Not like we haven’t sleep in the same bed a bunch of times before.”

Chuck nodded, but they both knew that this was different.

“I’m starting to think you’re right about Ellie thinking we’re together though.”

Chuck gave him a small ‘are you serious’ tilt of the head, before seeing his amused smile and punching him in the arm. To that, Casey only laughed, before heading back out the door.

Chuck left the room, going to help, when he saw Casey and Ellie talking.

Ellie was glancing around. She let out a huge sigh, pushing her hair back, “Where to start?”

“Finish getting these cars unloaded,” Casey said.

“And one of us needs to go to town to pick do some shopping. You think the market is still open?”

“Of course. It’s a tourist town. Why don’t you let me and Chuck do that? We’ll finish unloading and then head off. You’re the one who need to unpack most of this anyway.”

“Don’t remind me,” She left out a breath and smiled, before kissing his check, “Thanks, you’re the best.”

Casey jerked his head in a ‘I know’ fashion and went out for another load. Sometimes, it still awed Chuck how comfortable those two were together.

When they were finished unpacking the cars, Ellie was surrounded by boxes and bags and suitcases. It was decided that Chuck and Casey would do as much shopping as they could, because no one wanted to be making constant runs to market. This was vacation, even if Ellie made things more complex than they needed to be.

“I can trust you guys to buy something other then beer and chips, right? Milk, bread, a couple bottles of my favorite wine,” She smiled as they nodded.

“We won’t come back, until the backseat is loaded with crap.”

“Oh and check out what the town has to offer,” Ellie shouted after them as they left.

They got back in the car and drove off to town. This time they drove in silence taking the view in. Chuck could tell Casey rather liked the area.

‘It’s not really roughing it,” Casey commented at last.

“Ellie doesn’t want to rough it. She wants the charm of a Rocky Mountain Christmas, but the perks of heat, running water and television,” he said that last two words with extreme happiness, before going on, “And speaking of heat,” he turned on the seat warmers, “That’s better.” Casey laughed at the happiness that caused Chuck. “Best invention ever…. after television, computers and those sandwich makers that toast sandwiches real good.”

“Yeah, to hell with the seatbelts and even the wheel. It’s the butt warmers that we really need.”

They glanced at one another fondly, before settling into a silence again. Chuck usually wasn’t comfortable with silence and there had been many of times he made a fool out of himself to fill it, but with Casey it was alright. He couldn’t quite grasp as to why, it just was. Still old habits were hard to break and it wasn’t long before he was chatting again.

“You sure you’re okay with the sleeping arrangements?”

“We’re both adults,” Casey replied dryly.

“It hasn’t stopped us from going there before.”

Casey’s hand tightened on the wheel and with his jaw set, he gave Chuck a pleading look for them not to go there. Chuck swallowed and sank into his seat.

Even with all the promises of them not sleeping together they had slipped up the once and on an occasion much like this. It had been a weekend in Vegas, just to unwind, before their next mission. Casey liked gambling, which at first surprised him, but upon thinking about it, it seemed just right. Chuck realized that many of the things that would lead one into a high stakes poker game was what would lead one to want to actually want to be a spy. The risk, the bluffing, the high.

Chuck never gambled much, because even now, he had a face that people could easily read. So when he got bored with the safety of the slots, he had headed over to watch Casey play. Casey had kept his hand safely from Chuck’s revealing eyes, but there had been excitement anytime Casey had done well. By the end of it, Chuck had been a grinning idiot and they had withdrawn, before the other players finally turned on him (rather than Casey).

They had gone back to their room in a bit of a high. That old affection they fell into from time to time emerged and laughs had become touches and touches had become kisses and for the first time kisses had become love making. It was one of the best nights of his life. He thought about it more then he should and the words Casey had said… he could never have doubts for John’s feelings after that night.

Chuck glanced over and gave him a bitter sweet smile, one which the other man returned, before he concentrated on the road again. The man, for all his toughness, was a romantic at heart. A big old mushy one at that. But most importantly, Chuck had known he was beyond sincere. There had been nothing empty about anything said or done that night.

“I like this place,” Casey said tapping his ring against the wheel as his eye darted across the landscape.

“Yeah,” Chuck replied dully, “Should be nice.”

But his mind was now on ‘the morning after’. It had broken both their hearts, when Casey asserted that they couldn’t be together. Chuck protested, but understood completely the reasoning why. Long gone was the naive Chuck of yester year. He had seen the consequences of the upper management thinking you were ‘too close’ and he hadn’t seen Sarah since.

As they drove into a little town, they passed a bunch of small shops. Some had Christmas lights up, but it was mostly home made decorations hanging about. Looking around Chuck said, “Oh Ellie, will love this. Plays right into her Christmas mountain getaway theme.”

Casey huffed, before parking in front of what looked like the local market. It was the ma and pop sort, the kind you just didn’t see much of these days. They went in and loaded up on food that Ellie would find expectable and sneaking in some treats that she wouldn’t, before heading over to a liquor store they had seen down the block. When they entered, Chuck blinked. It wasn’t much smaller then the market had been.

“Bet they do well with all the yuppy doctors vacationing up here,” Casey said with a smirk.

Chuck was about to nod, seeing his point, before a man broke in, “That we do,” the man smiled, “But it keeps the family well fed and clothed so I ain’t complaining,” He looked them up and down, “What can I do for ya?”

“My sister asked me to pick up a couple bottles of wine,” Chuck said. “Red, if you have it.”

“Of course we have it,” the man said with amusement, “Any preferences?”

“Red, err… she gets the kind with the black label and the grapes on the bottle.”

“Right,” the man said humming to himself, a little annoyed.

“Nothing too cheap,” Casey added, cheering the man some.

“That’s what I like to hear. How many?”

“Three or four will do, for now.”

The man smiled again and went around the store and picked up a few bottles, before bringing them over to the register. Chuck and Casey followed him over. As he packed the bottles away he chatted, “I picked out some popular favorites. If she likes one, make sure you get a look of at the label so you know which.”

They both nodded, though Chuck was sure the man was aiming his comments at him.

“I‘m putting our business card in. We’re open extra hours this month. It’s one of our busier times with the holidays and all.” After he finished packing the bottles carefully, he pushed a few buttons on the register and said, “ That will be four hundred and fifty-eight dollars.”

Chuck’s eyes went wide, as Casey laid the money down. He wasn’t so sure Ellie would like that price. He personally was about to throw up over it.

The man handed the bag over to Casey, “How long are you guys up here for?”

“Few weeks.”

The man nodded and took up a piece of paper and shoved in in the bag, “Towns has lots of holiday stuff running all month long. We’re having a wine tasting. The tourist love it.” He winked at them. “You and that sister of yours should stop by.”

“Thanks. We’ll try.”

With that they left. After they got in the car, Chuck said, “You frigging insane spending that much?”

“We’re in a cabin for three weeks. I think we’ll be doing some drinking.”

“That is what the beer is for and if you think four bottles of wine will hold Ellie over, your kidding yourself.”

“Trust me, that isn’t much. Besides, there are four of us paying and drinking.”

Chuck looked at him skeptically.

“Look,” he held his hands out before him, “If she has an issue with it, it’s on me. Believe it or not I make a pretty decent living.”

“Fine,” Chuck pouted.

Casey gave him a half smile and reached over to run his hand through his curls, “It’s a real turn on when you get so pissy.”

Chuck arched an eyebrow, “I thought we were avoiding any getting ‘turned on’?”

“That is unavoidable,” He pulled away and started up the car, “But that is what jerking off is for.”

Chuck broke out in a laugh, startled out of his ‘pissy’ mood, “You do that in the next month and all the will power in the world won’t save us.”

“Showers, Chuck, showers,” With that, Casey started to roll the car slowly down the street, back to the cabin.

Feeling a it better, Chuck looked out the window, glancing from time to time at his would be lover and fighting the temptation to grab hold of his hand.

~*~

When they got back to the cabin, it was already dark and they got straight to unloading the car again. “Damn sense of daja vu, this is,” Casey grumbled, though Chuck knew him well enough to know that he didn’t mind.

When they got inside, the sight they saw wasn’t the one they expected. They saw a clearly upset Ellie, sitting on the couch, head in hands. She looked like she was about to cry. Before he even got his jacket stripped off, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Look,” she pointed at the fireplace.

Chuck looked and didn’t see the problem. “What?”

“Look again,” she shrilled.

Chuck cringed realizing Ellie was having one of her overdramatic moments, but he was as clueless as before when he checked out where she was pointing again.

Casey had now joined them and was looking as well. “What?” he asked clearly confused as well.

“I told them no dead things. No deer heads, or bear skins or anything creepy. And look.”

“Oh!” There were two small creatures on display.

Casey laughed and Chuck smirked, “What are those?”

“Chipmunks,” Casey said.

The kids were looking up at them with wonder.

“Great, I have a stuffed Chip and Dale on my mantel piece.”

“Just move them.”

“I tried, man,” Awesome joined in, “They’re stuck.”

Chuck looked over to Ellie, who looked miserable, “It’s not that bad,” She gave him a look, “It isn’t. Look, would you rather go home?”

“No.”

“So that settles it.”

Chuck looked back to see Casey holding Ethan up so he could get a better look at them, “Which one is Dale?” he heard Casey whisper.

Both Chuck and Awesome laughed.

As Ethan reached his hand out and pointed, Ellie got tense and said, “Don’t let him touch it!”

Casey smiled and put Ethan down. “We got your wine,” he said calmly, clearly finding Ellie’s freak out amusing.

She slumped, “Good, because I’ll be needing it.”

Casey rolled his eyes and shrugged knowing well that Ellie would be over this in a good hour. With that he slipped into their bedroom. Chuck watched Awesome trying to soothe his wife a moment, before following.

Entering, he saw Casey already laid out on their bed, hands behind his head. He looked relaxed, but his blue eyes were focused intently on him. Chuck tried to ignore the fact he looked good and a little more then inviting, but failed. Settling down on the edge of the bed, he said, “Noticed you didn’t bring up the price of the wine.”

“Didn’t count on the furry creatures.”

“Sure,” he dragged out.

“She won’t care, Chuck. Trust me. This is her dream vacation. She wants everything perfect.”

“Including no chipmunks,” he commented dryly.

Chuck smiled, resisting the urge to lay down with him and cuddle into his chest the way he had that one night. He looked around the room. Closet, dresser and score! There was a small tv in here too. He got up examining it. He laughed, “Oh god, it’s one of those old vcr/tv sets. Got any tapes?”

“Can’t say that I do,” He paused, “Can’t believe your still so focused on that thing, when we’re on vacation.”

“Trust me it was hard enough leaving my computer. No tv?” He shook his head, “Besides, once Ellie breaks out the board games, you’ll be longing for other entertainment as well.”

“That’s what these are for,” Casey held up a book. It was a bio on John Adams.

Chuck smiled, for some reason looking forward to this vacation more then ever.

~*~

The second day was a stir of activity as Ellie insisted they all unpack, stock up, which meant another run to the town for a few items they had forgotten, and getting ‘comfortable’. Chuck and Casey had spent most of the day basically ignoring her, but by the end of it, Ellie was well on her way to creating herself a little nest.

“We’re going to be here almost a month,” she had told them. “Why’d you want to live out of suitcases?”

Chuck had just shrugged. He was use to traveling all over without the luxury of even having a suitcase. Of course, he didn’t tell Ellie that.

But when they woke the next day, it was to the smell of syrupy waffles, bacon and coffee. Not bothering to get dressed, Chuck went out and plopped down at the table in his boxers and undershirt. Ellie and the kids were the only ones up. Ellie was fully dressed, but the kids were still in their PJs.

Ellie glanced over and shook her head, “I seriously feel like I have three kids.”

Chuck smiled as he saw Awesome coming out of their room wearing only a pair of boxer briefs, himself.

“Morning babe,” he said, kissing Ellie’s cheek. She rolled her eyes and sighed, “It’s vacation,” he added, knowing his wife all too well by now.

With that, they sat down to breakfast. A few minutes later, Casey, who was wearing his robe, joined them. He went straight for the coffee.

“See. Don’t you feel silly now?” Chuck grinned, seeing Casey glance over his shoulder curiously, before turning, sitting down and taking a sip on his drink with a satisfied sigh.

Ellie gave a twisted smile conceding the fact, before leaning down and whispering in Casey ear, “You better eat something.”

Casey grunted and glared at her over the rim of his cup.

Awesome’s blue eyes sparkled, “Isn’t Mommy silly?” he said to the children. “She’s telling Uncle John to eat.”

The kids giggled. If there was one thing they all knew it was that Casey really enjoyed eating. Chuck figured he’d be puggy if he wasn’t so active.

“Ellie,” Chuck said, “Stop being so motherly. It’s making me want to vomit.” She arched an eyebrow and was clearly about to say something smart (and boyfriend related), when he pointed at her and warned, “Don’t! Don’t go there. I mean it.”

“Fine…. But-”

“Don’t.”

“Fine,” she gave in. Still, she sat there, desperately trying to hold back a smile.

The others laughed and it gave Chuck as peculiar feeling. Not being sure that he liked it, he munched moodily on a piece of bacon and eyed everyone at the table. Scenes like this always got to him and Casey knew that. As their eyes met, he gave a little tilt of the head just screamed ‘just enjoy what we have’, before he focused on the food and piled some bacon onto his plate. He then grabbed the syrup and poured some over his waffles. Getting a little on his finger, he licked it off, looking happy and at ease. It left Chuck trying to ignore the pang of longing that had just gotten worse.

After breakfast, they all got dressed. It was Christmas tree day, Ellie had said and as they left the house they were all bundled up to keep warm from the cold.

Also, as they trailed out Chuck noticed that Awesome holding an ax, “Um… aren’t we just going to buy one?” he asked.

“We’re in a forest… of evergreens. Why would we buy one?” Ellie looked at him like he was crazy.

“Where’s your sense of woodmen’s ship?” Awesome added and practiced swinging the ax. He was clearly into the whole mountain man thing for the time being.

“Back in LA,” he muttered and followed them through he snow, “Don’t you think they’ll mind us hurting their trees?”

“No. Everyone does this around here. Lighten up, Chuck.”

Casey, who was walking next to him, nudged him and teased, “If it makes you feel better, we’ll all hold hands and plant a seed.” He was laughing and Chuck noticed that Amanda and Ethan were following his example.

“Traitors,” he hissed playfully though half heartedly.

Amanda stuck her tongue out of at him and Ethan smiled broadly.

Chuck sighed and gave in. He supposed the trees were being cut down no matter what, so whether it was the sales man or them doing it, it didn’t matter.

They spent the next hour tramping about the woods, as Ellie and Awesome debated over what made for the most perfect tree. Awesome liked the ones that were really full, while Ellie preferred the more sparse ones, saying they were better for seeing the decorations.

After some time, Amanda and Ethan got bored and entertained themselves in the snow, while Chuck and Casey looked on both debacles with patience and amusement.

“Don’t you miss the days where making snow angels meant hours of fun?”

Casey grunted, “Not really,” He paused, “When did you get the chance to make snow angels?”

“Before my mother died. We’d visit our relatives up north. I think that’s why Ellie pushed for this so bad. They were good memories.”

Casey nodded and Chuck could see him filing that little piece of info away. It was only after Chuck had really gotten to know him, that he realized how closely Casey paid attention and how much he truly cared.

“I admit, I agree with Ellie on this one,” he simply said as Ellie and Awesome stomped on by, bickering over two trees.

Chuck huffed, “Sometimes, it still amazes me how much you do the domestic.” He was thinking to years back, when Casey was just his hard ass handler.

Casey frowned. He actually looked a little hurt by the statement.

“I mean… I didn’t mean…. It’s just that sometimes I think back. You know, to the beginning and remember what you were like then and seeing what you are like now.”

Casey shrugged and looked out at the scene in front of him. There were many emotions fleeing across his face.

Chuck realized that it was one of those situations were he would have been better off thinking, before he spoke. He had learned, long ago, that he hadn’t met Casey at the best time in his life. There had been reasons why Sarah had insisted he was a burnout. He was. He had been slowing withdrawing from a ‘human life’ and it had only been the Intersect assignment that had saved him. Chuck figured that had a great deal to due with why they were so close. In a way, they had saved one another.

“Sorry.” Deciding he had been a downer enough for that day, Chuck turned to him and said brightly, “You think we should help them?”

The corner of his month turned up slightly and he replied, “We’ll be here all day if we don’t.”

With their moods shifted, they went forth and told Ellie and Awesome just what made for a good Christmas tree. Ellie had been really pleased.

When they got back, they had lunch and relaxed a bit. The kids, exhausted from the trip, passed out in their rooms giving the adults quiet time. Chuck embraced said quiet time, by lying on the couch lazily. Awesome, on the other hand, went off and made them some homemade hot chocolate, which he aptly named ‘Awesome’s awesome hot coco’.

Chuck nearly orgasmed when he tasted it, “Mmm, God Devon, what do you put in this?”

“It’s Woodcomb family secret!”

Chuck groaned as he took another sip, it was warm frothy heaven.

Casey looked up from where he and Ellie were making a fire, “Those sounds are downright dirty… give me some!”

Chuck held his cup a little closer to his chest while Devon was his awesome self and ran straight to the kitchen to get him some.

Casey took a sip and grunted, pleased with the offering as well, “Why didn’t you wait until the kids woke up to make some?”

“Well,” he smiled bashfully. “This batch isn’t exactly kid friendly.”

“Ah!” Casey pursed his lips and blinked several times, clearly shocked he hadn’t tasted the alcohol, “Yeah, last things we need is a drunk seven year old in the house,” With that he downed his cup and held it out, “More please.”

Awesome gladly applied and they sat about enjoying their extra special hot chocolate. All in all, it was rather cozy.

Their plans for that day were rather simple. To decorate their little ‘home’ for Christmas. Chuck hadn’t done that in years, and he was strangely looking forward to it.

So soon after the kids had woken up, they got on decorating the cabin. Awesome had some kid friendly coco ready for them and Ellie had broken out the wine. Chuck noticed that Casey eyes had a pleased gleam to them after Ellie had approved of the selection. Still, not a word was said about the cost.

It hadn’t been long before Ethan had broken two of the decorations and the kids had been set down to ‘make Mommy some pictures so she could hang them up’. Amanda smarty didn’t buy it, but Ethan happily scribbled away.

Awesome handled the lights, while Ellie fluttered about clearly knowing just where she wanted everything to go. Chuck helped in the small ways, opening boxes and such. Soon a box, far smaller then the rest and neatly tucked away caught his eye. Going over, he opened it. Glancing down, he felt a little overwhelmed at what he saw inside.

“How… when… how did you get a hold of these?” It was a box of decorations they had had when they were children.

“I always had them. I just thought it was time to bring them out again.”

Chuck picked up a glass ball and held it up a eye level. It said ‘Baby’s first Christmas’ on it. He had thought these had disappeared long ago, when his mother had left. Gazing up at Ellie, he didn’t know what to say. She just nodded, understanding that.

“Yours?” Casey came up behind him and asked, his curiosity clearly peaked.

“Yeah… I can’t believe she still has these.”

“It’s Ellie,” he said as though it clearly explained everything.

Chuck supposed maybe it did. She was far more a parent then either of his real parents had ever been. While Chuck hadn’t decorated much that day, he now went over to the tree and added the ornaments carefully, making sure they were far out of the reach of the children. When he was done, he stood back, taking in the sight. Even though the tree was unfinished he thought it was the most beautiful tree ever.

It was late by the time they finished. Ellie made a light dinner of sandwiches and they sat back enjoying them, in the living room. The fire was still going and they turned down the lights and lit a few candles so they could truly take in the effect of what they had done. Chuck thought the cabin looked lovely.

They were midway through their meal when Ellie broke out, “Who did that?”

Chuck looked to where she was staring. Someone had decorated the chipmunks in little caroler outfits. He was sure that he had seen the same outfits on little dolls Ellie had out on display the year before.

Casey leaned over and whispered, “I tried to get the little books in their hands, but the damn things wouldn’t cooperate.”

Chuck nearly choked on what he was eating and put his plate down, covering his month and the smile on it.

Ellie glared at them both, but went on eating her dinner.

Sooner rather then later, it was the kid’s bedtime. Ethan took some prodding though, because he was busy laying underneath the tree staring up. From the expression on his face, it was like he thought it was the most fascinating sight in the world. It was only with the promise that his Daddy would read him a story that he agreed to surrender and go to bed.

Since Ellie had made dinner, Chuck agreed to clean up. Just as he was finished, he left the kitchen and bumped into Casey.

“What? I forget something?” He looked over the living room, where Ellie was splayed out on the couch. Everything looked fine to him.

“Na,” he said, “Just getting another bottle of wine.” There was an all too pleased smirk on his lips.

Chuck narrowed his eyes, but nodded. Earlier he had grudgingly admitted that it was pretty damn good wine, much to Casey’s glee.

“Aw, isn’t that cute!” Ellie shouted out at them. She was a tad drunk.

They looked over, “What?”

“You guys are standing under the mistletoe!”

They both looked up and Chuck saw that she was right. While still staring at it, Chuck stepped back.

“Aw, don’t be like that.”

“Ellie, it’s a little more then creepy that you want me to kiss Casey in front of you.”

“It’s not like I’m asking you to have sex in front of me!”

Chuck cringed at the thought.

“It’s just my way of saying I’m okay with everything,” she explained, looking a bit sad as she did so.

Suddenly, Casey grabbed him and gave him a firm kiss on the lips. Chuck was shocked at first, but quickly relaxed into the kiss, allowing his eyes to close. It was soon over though. When Casey pulled back, he tenderly stroked his cheek with his thumb, gave him another soft kiss, before saying, ‘Be right back’ and slipping into the kitchen. Chuck stood their like an idiot, before snapping to and sitting back down.

“All I ever wanted for you is to be in love and happy,“ she slurred out, proving she had had enough to drink that night, “It doesn‘t matter if you’re having butt sex.”

Chuck gave her an uneasy smile as Ellie flopped about the coach, in her own happy place.

But as Casey came back, with an opened bottle of wine, Ellie got up and stretched, “Sleepy time,” she yawned, before passing by a confused Casey by and patting his arm.

As she slipped into her room, he said, “I thought she wanted more wine?”

“Any more wine and you could convince her to hike naked in the snow.”

Casey rolled his eyes, “It’s vacation, Chuck. She doesn’t get that many chances to relax anymore.”

Chuck knew he was right. The kids, on their best days, were a hand full.

He watched as Casey poured two cups of wine, one which he handed to him. As he picked up his own, he gazed at him for a long moment, before lifting up his own glass and saying, “To us.”

Not being quite sure how to take that, Chuck clinked his glass against his and slightly took a sip.

Leaning forward, he stared down into the red liquid that he had held between both hands. He felt like the words Casey had just spoken were burning into him. They might not mean anything, he always said and did stuff like that and it was unfair.

“Why did you do that?” he asked at last and glanced up, “You confirmed her belief that we’re together.”

Casey arched an eyebrow and took another sip, before placing his glass down, “Do we need to discuss this?”

“Yeah,” he spat out a bit gruffly, “Yeah we do.” He didn’t mean to be harsh, but after the last few days, he couldn’t handle any more games. Still, he took a deep breath and focused on being more calm.

“I… I couldn’t help it.”

“You… The master of self denial… couldn’t help it?” He downed the rest of his wine and shook his head.

Casey blue eyes dimmed, “This is different.”

“How?”

Casey didn’t answer a long moment, but when he clearly saw that Chuck wasn’t letting him out of this one, he sighed. There was so much emotion in it, so much pain, longing and frustration, that Chuck shuddered.

“We’re in love,” he answered at last.

“I know. We’ve both known that forever,” It was the most obvious thing in the world and here Casey was saying it like it was some revelation.

His jaw set, Casey bowed his head, “It still doesn’t change anything.”

“Yeah, it does,” Chuck gently touched his face. He could see that Casey’s will was breaking. “What changed your mind?” he asked, running his thumb over his cheek.

His body was trembling slightly, but wrapping his arms tightly around himself, he laughed, “Damn holiday is getting under my skin.”

Chuck’s eyes went wide as he realized that this was the moment, “Good.”

Casey gazed up slightly, his blue eyes filled with pain, but hope as well. Leaning forward, Chuck gave him a soft kiss. Casey groaned, pulling him closer to him, deepening it, before snapping to once again and slightly pushing him away.

“Do you really want to wait until we’re old and gray?” Chuck whispered when they parted.

“No…” Casey pulled away a bit more and gazed down at the ground for a long minute. Tucking his hands between his legs, he said, “I admit I’m sort of tempted to say, let’s just give in for the month, but-”

Chuck huffed and quickly glanced away, “We can’t.. I can’t-”

Casey gave a sharp nod and held up his hand indicating for him not to go on.

“What are we going to do?” Chuck asked now suddenly unsure.

“I can’t run away. I’ve tired. I can’t,” He sounded rather angry with himself. Leaning down, he cradled his head in his hands, “When it comes to you, I get damn selfish.”

Funny thing was Chuck always saw it as the opposite. Casey staying by him… sacrificing so much to be by him. Running his hand over his leg, he tried to comfort him. Casey grabbed it and then looked at him with an intense expression.

“John, we’re killing ourselves here, denying what is going to happen eventually.”

Casey grunted and ran his face with his hands, “I hate this emotional shit. I wish I could make it go away.”

Chuck thought back to when they first met, “No, you don’t.”

“I blame this one on you,” he laughed bitterly.

Chuck smiled, “ Fine.”

“I love you and I fucking hate it.”

Chuck sensed what was happening, so said nothing and listened. It was rare Casey talked about what he was feeling and no matter what that was, he wanted to hear it.

“I hate it,” he went on, “I hate that my loving you can hurt you. I’d rather die. I’d rather not… “ he shook his head, “If I was just risking myself I would…. In a moment. I…”

“I know the risks, you know the risks. We’ll be careful.”

Casey gazed at him and licked his lips, “If they figure it out, I’ll retire. Better then being transferred. You’ll be alone out there though….”

Chuck’s heart stopped as he realized what was happening. He was finally saying yes, “I’ll be okay. I had a good teacher.”

“I still don’t like the idea of someone else out there being responsible for watching your back. It should be me.”

“I know.”

Snuggling into his side, Chuck rubbed his back. When Casey smiled at him, he couldn’t help himself, he leaned in and touched his lips softly to his. It was loving, yet very tentative in nature. They both seemed to be in to much shock, to truly let go. It was followed by another and another, but they just kept looking at one another as though they were afraid the other would disappear or worse, change their mind.

When one kiss ended, Casey finally asked, “Wanna to go to bed?”

“Yeah,” he whispered back, kissing him quickly once more and getting up.

Silently, they walked into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind them. Casey sat down and turned on the bedside lamp, before gazing up at him. He was standing there, awkwardly, running his hands over his arms because he didn’t know what else to do with them.

“It doesn’t have to happen tonight.”

“I know,” Chuck dropped his head down as he realized he was actually blushing, before boldly looking back up, “But it’s not like we haven’t done this before.”

Casey gave an amused grunt, before giving him a bitter smile and patting the bed next to him. Chuck sat down stiffly next to him and Casey wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pulled him close and kissed him on the side of the head, “I suppose there is something said to giving into the lust of the moment. We’ve been thinking too much.”

Casey then sighed in such a way that Chuck knew he wasn’t expecting them to be together tonight, yet was completely fine with this fact.

Sitting there, Chuck took comfort in their one night together. This awkwardness wasn’t just them not meshing together sexually. He knew well they were fine in that area. The awkwardness and shyness came from the knowing that it was a new beginning for them. A big moment and Chuck didn’t want to let him down. Besides, he had never been with someone before and known that they were absolutely and completely in love with him. He found it shockingly nerve wracking. Still….

Turning towards him, Chuck reached up to cup Casey’s jaw with one hand. They both leaned in and kissed, softly once again, but with feeling. Casey wrapped his arms around him, trailing his lingering kisses down Chuck’s jaw and to his neck. As he squirmed under the pleasure of loving assault, Chuck had never felt more wanted, anything so right or any happier.

It was so different from the whirlwind of lust they had gone through last time. Everything was taken slow, from the way their hands wandered over one another to the way Casey leisurely unbuttoned his shirt while they kissed.

Soon Casey ’s back was against the headboard and Chuck was straddled over his lap, grasping into his shoulders. Both were still trying to kiss the other senseless. In fact, they had been making out for so long that Chuck could barely take it anymore. He trailed his hand down Casey’s chest and all too unsubtly slipped it into his boxers. At that moment, Casey pulled away from the kiss.

“I admit I didn’t come prepared for this,” he panted, staring up into his eyes.

“Neither did I.”

It was then that Chuck realized that, before this moment, Casey hadn’t thought they’d be taking the full leap tonight.

Casey snickered, ‘We are both idiots.”

Chuck hummed in agreement, grabbed him by the neck and gave him another kiss.

Leaning his forehead against his, Casey whispered, “You think they’d mind, if we knocked on their door and asked for some lube?”

Chuck choked with laugher, “I think we’ll have to do without for tonight.”

“Damn,” Casey smiled evilly, and slipped his hand down between his legs, brushing it over his erection, like Chuck had done to him earlier, “Other ways to have fun though.”

Chuck bucked against his hand, prodding him on, but instead he withdrew it and without notice, flipped Chuck onto his back and climbed over him. Starting at his lips, he began trailing kisses down his body. There was no rush here either, but soon Casey reached the his boxers. As he wrapped his fingers around the rim, Chuck lifted his hips, allowing him to drag then off. Then throwing them aside, he settled himself between his legs.

Chuck smiled and teased, “Right where you belong.”

Casey arched an eyebrow, before nipping at his abdomen and muttering seriously, “You’re right.”

It hadn’t been the response he had been expecting, but as Casey took him in hand and gave a few strokes, he paid that no mind. He just squeezed his eyes shut as Casey’s wet lips slipped over him.

One thing that clearly hadn’t changed from last time was that Casey could really get into giving a blowjob. As he gazed down hazily at his lover sucking him off, he saw that Casey was clearly enjoying himself… a lot. He was grunting, his eyes smiling and he kept looking up at him rather adoringly. Chuck groaned loving it and this man so completely.

Chuck didn’t last long and when it had finished, Casey crawled over and kissed him on the lips. They lay there silent a moment, but soon he came out of his haze and he looked over to lover and said, “My turn… or your turn depending how you look at it.”

Casey appeared to be a little more then pleased with the thought. Settling on his back, he put his hands behind his head and waited with a smirk on his face.

“You can’t possibly expect me to take this seriously when you do that!”

Casey’s eyes narrowed and he relaxed some, but he with a jerk of the head he said, “Little less talk, more suck.”

Chuck glared at him playfully, before moving himself closer so he could give him the attention he was now wanting. Like Casey had, he took his time and explored. Casey was still wearing his undershirt, but he still ran his hands over it and kissed his chest, before he tugged it up and touched and tasted the skin underneath.

As he did so he muttered, “It’s unfair your ass is this old, yet your body this in shape.”

Casey grunted, “You really know how to sweet talk a guy, huh?”

“Yeah, Mr. ‘Less talk, more suck.’”

“Comment still stands. Suck!”

Chuck didn’t follow that command, at least not straight away. He continued exploring his new lover or was it old lover? He wasn’t quite sure. He knew him so well, better then pretty much anyone and had loved him for so long, but his body was still new to him.

Casey seemed to be enjoying the attention, but it wasn’t long before he glanced up and could see the edge of impatience in his eyes. Lowering his head, he took Casey in his mouth. As he did so, he understood why Casey enjoyed doing this so much.

When they finished, they lay there, Casey’s arm wrapped protectively around him. Chuck felt quite a ease, just listening to Casey’s breath, when suddenly, Casey laughed.

Chuck turned his head slightly, “What?”

“We didn’t even hold out three days.”

Chuck smiled, “Did you really think we had a shot?”

Casey pulled him a little bit closer and snuggled into him, “Guess not.”

They fell into silence again and as they continued to lay there, a million things ran though Chuck’s mind. How if this had been nine years ago, they would have been likely screwing each other brains out yet again, but for now this was nice. They were both content to just lay there and hold the other. How while they were happy, there was a dangerous path ahead of them. And how it was all worth it, for this moment, for those that would come and for not having to wait years until they could share this. And how this Christmas, would be their ‘first’ really together and how he’d be with Casey just in the way he wanted to be.

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it.