Firefly Fic: A Drink Ain’t Just A Drink
Title: A Drink Ain’t Just A Drink
Rating: PG-13ish for drinking?
Words: 1760
Beta: ru_salki99
Disclaimer: All belongs to the mighty Joss
Summary: Jayne’s taken part in many drinking customs, but this new one might be his favorite. Jayne/River as romance or friendship. Up to the reader. Written for wandersfound for the whedonland fic-fest
Every planet had their own ways of doing things and with drinkin’ it was no different. Some drank nothin’ but the most expensive wines and brandies. Jayne honestly didn’t get the appeal of that. You laid down good coin and didn’t even get wasted properly for it. Others drank moonshine brewed in their own tubs. Good stuff for a buzz and cheap too, but even he knew that you touch the wrong stuff and it could blind ya or worse. Still, others drank stuff that tasted like sweets. Kaylee loved the stuff. Jayne though was suspicious of it. What kind of alcohol was fruit flavored? Too sweet with not enough burn. That is what he thought. There had to be a catch.
Jayne liked the towns where whiskey was what slicked your throat. Those people tended to be like the ones back home. Those sort he could understand.
And the reasons people drank differed too. Some drank to their health and some drank to drink. Hell, on some planets, it was only the real religious folk could touch the stuff. He figured he’d be a real holy man on one of those planets… well, as long as sexin’ was still allowed.
Yeah, Jayne liked a good drink as much as the next fella. Hell, maybe more then the next fella, but he never quite viewed getting drunk the same way, since one River Tam showed up.
He supposed it all started on that one measly planet, the one where the girl went to have a few and ended up in a cell with some local drunks and Mal, who couldn’t keep his trap shut. It turned out that on that planet, you couldn’t drink a drop, until you were of the magical age of twenty one. He didn’t know what the fuss was about. He had been drinkin’ whiskey, since he was in nappies and it never did him no harm.
But the local authority made a stink and it ended with Zoe and him having to bail the Captain and the girl out of the local lockup.
“Renci de Fouzu!” Mal said the moment the door swung open and they got out. “Never again”
“Surely, it wasn’t that bad,” Zoe laughed as they walked towards the ship.
“Not that bad? Not that bad?” He turned to River, his eyes wide. “She said is wasn’t that bad.”
River cringed slightly, but calmly explained, “It is traditional for inmates to excrete about their cell and cause ciaos for the lawmen, until they gain freedom or pass out.”
Jayne grinned. “Whatcha two do?”
“Neither! I was too busy shielding the girl’s eyes, not to mention my own.” Mal rubbed his face like he was remembering somethin’ plain awful.
Jayne smirked. “Sound all like good fun to me! Well, minus the crappin’ and pissin’ that is.”
Mal stopped, shook his head and pointed at River. “You ain’t touchin’ a drop, until your legal on every planet in this verse and the next. Understand?”
“But it’s not fair,” River complained much to their surprise.
“We ain’t saying it’s fair,” Zoe added, attempting to soothe the girl, “It’s just the way it is.”
River pouted, crossing her arms across her chest and kickin’ at stones as they continued to walk towards Serenity.
After a minute if her muttering nasty things about ‘the mean Captain, who’d keep her prisoner on his ship’, Mal finally turned to her in a huff, “Tell you what, River. You’ll get the honor of being our designated flyer. Then they’ll be no complainin’ ‘bout being tied to the steering wheel or any other part of my ship. Dong ma?”
“And what would be required of me to be this designated flyer?”
“Not much. Just keep an eye open, keep us out of trouble and drag us back to the ship when we’ve had our fill.”
“The elders act as children and the youngest holds the burden of parenthood?”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“But it is!”
“No, I just meant…” Mal, who seemed to be at lose of words, just sighed, “It’s simpler this way. Ain’t fair, just simpler and as long as you’re on my ship, it’s the way it goes.”
River pulled a face, but kept walkin’.
“If it’s to your preference, you can just stay aboard Serenity, with the rest, while we enjoy our outings,” Mal snapped, clearly havin’ enough.
“No,” River frowned. “I shall be the adult.”
And she was. She was the best Goddamned designated flyer in the verse. That had been a little over two years ago. Since then, she’d sit there, as they all got pleasantly sloshed and dragged their carcasses home whenever they were three sheets to the wind. Was all sorts of handy.
He even told her that one day. Of course, he was drunk at the time.
“You went and made yourself all useful. I sort of like ya now.”
She had just rolled her eyes at him. Girl couldn’t take a compliment.
In fact, he got so used to it that when the day came and she ordered a drink, it near knocked him on his ass with shock.
“Ah, whatcha doin’ girl?” he had let out loudly. “Ya’ll get us kicked out and there ain;t no other good watering holes around this place. Besides, you don’t want to end up in lock up, do ya?”
She had smiled at him. “I’m of age today. Conditions have been met. I may consume fermented fruit and bread as much as I please, now.”
“Ain’t that right?” Mal broke in. “Barkeep, you get my pilot, here, whatever she wants,” He slapped a coin down. Jayne figured that’d it get her a drink or two.
“And one on me as well,” Zoe said following her Captain’s actions, “Happy Birthday, River.”
“Thank you,” she said clearly pleased.
“She’s not flying you anywhere tonight, is she?” the bartender asked Mal, worried.
“No sir. Only place we’re goin’ is to our bunks. After we drink some more of your fine offerings, of course.”
Turning to River, the bartender waited for her to order. She didn’t seem to notice.
“So what ya gonna have?” Jayne asked, givin’ the girl a hint, “Some of that fancy wine your brother is so find of?”
River seemed to think about it, “No. Whiskey.”
The bartender grabbed a bottle of the stuff and went to pour it, when River stopped him with the touch of her hand.
“How much for all of it?”
Eyeing her and her coin wearily, he slowly spoke, “About double what you got there, plus a coin or two more.”
River calmly went into her pocket and pulled out the suitable amount.
The bartender shrugged, took the money and shoved the bottle at the girl. When she smiled at him in reaction, he sighed and pushed one coin back at her, “For your pretty smile,” he said simply, before walkin’ away.
Jayne leaned towards her and whispered, “Sure, you want to be doin’ that? Wastin’ your money. Why don’t you get one of those drinks Kaylee likes?”
“This is suitable,” she said, caressing the bottle with the tips of her fingers.
“All right,” he said, throwing his hands up, “But don’t go making a fuss when you’re bein’ sick all over.”
He downed what was left of his own drink and got ready to join Mal, Zoe and their bottle of spirits, at the table.
River reached over the counter and grabbed another glass, placin’ it next to the other. Opening the bottle, she poured some of the liquid into the glass and pushed it towards him.
“What’s this?”
“Your next drink.”
“I can buy my own. Don‘t need some girl doin’ it for me.
”Next bottle is on you,” she said simply.
Jayne shrugged. He could easily go through this bottle and some of the next, by himself. Jayne picked up his glass and clanked it against her own. Tippin’ it back, he swallowed it all, in one gulp. River did the same, though unlike him, her eyes went wide, and she coughed. After she blinked a few times, she licked her lips and pushed her glass toward him for another fill.
Jayne laughed and nodded his head. In approval, “Well, you either got what it takes… or you’re bein’ moon brained again. Either way, this should be fun,” Jayne poured himself and the girl another. This time they took it good and slow. Some talk was had, but mostly they kept quiet. Jayne realised, it actually wasn’t that bad.
A while and two bottles later, Mal finally came up, “What happened to you two?”
“Been here.”
“River,” Mal said, shaking her arm, though her head was down on the bar, “Time to take us home.”
Jayne gazed drunkenly at the passed out River, “Think we’ll be takin’ her home tonight, Mal.”
Mal studied her a moment, finally realizing’ she was drunk, “Suppose you’re right.”
As Jayne went to scoop the girl up, she woke.
“Whacha doing?” she slurred, pushing him away, “I can walk.”
“Fine then walk,” Jayne mumbled, as he attempted to do that himself. He was only half successful.
As she got up, she stumbled a bit. Jayne went to steady her, but she waved him off. It was only after a few more wobbly steps that she changed her mind, “Maybe I do need your assistance.”
That was fine. Jayne needed hers a bit, as well. As they walked back to the ship, they leaned against the other and helped the other along. Jayne supposed they made a funny pair, but neither paid that no mind. They took it slow and got to where they were goin.’
It was when it was all over and with a smile that Jayne realized that he kind of liked it better this way, River takin’ part and not just sittin‘ by. Sure, drinkin’ would never be the same again, but that was fine by him. For once, he was all about new ways of drinkin."
Translations:
Renci de Fouzu- merciful buddha
Dong Ma- Understand?
Rating: PG-13ish for drinking?
Words: 1760
Beta: ru_salki99
Disclaimer: All belongs to the mighty Joss
Summary: Jayne’s taken part in many drinking customs, but this new one might be his favorite. Jayne/River as romance or friendship. Up to the reader. Written for wandersfound for the whedonland fic-fest
Every planet had their own ways of doing things and with drinkin’ it was no different. Some drank nothin’ but the most expensive wines and brandies. Jayne honestly didn’t get the appeal of that. You laid down good coin and didn’t even get wasted properly for it. Others drank moonshine brewed in their own tubs. Good stuff for a buzz and cheap too, but even he knew that you touch the wrong stuff and it could blind ya or worse. Still, others drank stuff that tasted like sweets. Kaylee loved the stuff. Jayne though was suspicious of it. What kind of alcohol was fruit flavored? Too sweet with not enough burn. That is what he thought. There had to be a catch.
Jayne liked the towns where whiskey was what slicked your throat. Those people tended to be like the ones back home. Those sort he could understand.
And the reasons people drank differed too. Some drank to their health and some drank to drink. Hell, on some planets, it was only the real religious folk could touch the stuff. He figured he’d be a real holy man on one of those planets… well, as long as sexin’ was still allowed.
Yeah, Jayne liked a good drink as much as the next fella. Hell, maybe more then the next fella, but he never quite viewed getting drunk the same way, since one River Tam showed up.
He supposed it all started on that one measly planet, the one where the girl went to have a few and ended up in a cell with some local drunks and Mal, who couldn’t keep his trap shut. It turned out that on that planet, you couldn’t drink a drop, until you were of the magical age of twenty one. He didn’t know what the fuss was about. He had been drinkin’ whiskey, since he was in nappies and it never did him no harm.
But the local authority made a stink and it ended with Zoe and him having to bail the Captain and the girl out of the local lockup.
“Renci de Fouzu!” Mal said the moment the door swung open and they got out. “Never again”
“Surely, it wasn’t that bad,” Zoe laughed as they walked towards the ship.
“Not that bad? Not that bad?” He turned to River, his eyes wide. “She said is wasn’t that bad.”
River cringed slightly, but calmly explained, “It is traditional for inmates to excrete about their cell and cause ciaos for the lawmen, until they gain freedom or pass out.”
Jayne grinned. “Whatcha two do?”
“Neither! I was too busy shielding the girl’s eyes, not to mention my own.” Mal rubbed his face like he was remembering somethin’ plain awful.
Jayne smirked. “Sound all like good fun to me! Well, minus the crappin’ and pissin’ that is.”
Mal stopped, shook his head and pointed at River. “You ain’t touchin’ a drop, until your legal on every planet in this verse and the next. Understand?”
“But it’s not fair,” River complained much to their surprise.
“We ain’t saying it’s fair,” Zoe added, attempting to soothe the girl, “It’s just the way it is.”
River pouted, crossing her arms across her chest and kickin’ at stones as they continued to walk towards Serenity.
After a minute if her muttering nasty things about ‘the mean Captain, who’d keep her prisoner on his ship’, Mal finally turned to her in a huff, “Tell you what, River. You’ll get the honor of being our designated flyer. Then they’ll be no complainin’ ‘bout being tied to the steering wheel or any other part of my ship. Dong ma?”
“And what would be required of me to be this designated flyer?”
“Not much. Just keep an eye open, keep us out of trouble and drag us back to the ship when we’ve had our fill.”
“The elders act as children and the youngest holds the burden of parenthood?”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“But it is!”
“No, I just meant…” Mal, who seemed to be at lose of words, just sighed, “It’s simpler this way. Ain’t fair, just simpler and as long as you’re on my ship, it’s the way it goes.”
River pulled a face, but kept walkin’.
“If it’s to your preference, you can just stay aboard Serenity, with the rest, while we enjoy our outings,” Mal snapped, clearly havin’ enough.
“No,” River frowned. “I shall be the adult.”
And she was. She was the best Goddamned designated flyer in the verse. That had been a little over two years ago. Since then, she’d sit there, as they all got pleasantly sloshed and dragged their carcasses home whenever they were three sheets to the wind. Was all sorts of handy.
He even told her that one day. Of course, he was drunk at the time.
“You went and made yourself all useful. I sort of like ya now.”
She had just rolled her eyes at him. Girl couldn’t take a compliment.
In fact, he got so used to it that when the day came and she ordered a drink, it near knocked him on his ass with shock.
“Ah, whatcha doin’ girl?” he had let out loudly. “Ya’ll get us kicked out and there ain;t no other good watering holes around this place. Besides, you don’t want to end up in lock up, do ya?”
She had smiled at him. “I’m of age today. Conditions have been met. I may consume fermented fruit and bread as much as I please, now.”
“Ain’t that right?” Mal broke in. “Barkeep, you get my pilot, here, whatever she wants,” He slapped a coin down. Jayne figured that’d it get her a drink or two.
“And one on me as well,” Zoe said following her Captain’s actions, “Happy Birthday, River.”
“Thank you,” she said clearly pleased.
“She’s not flying you anywhere tonight, is she?” the bartender asked Mal, worried.
“No sir. Only place we’re goin’ is to our bunks. After we drink some more of your fine offerings, of course.”
Turning to River, the bartender waited for her to order. She didn’t seem to notice.
“So what ya gonna have?” Jayne asked, givin’ the girl a hint, “Some of that fancy wine your brother is so find of?”
River seemed to think about it, “No. Whiskey.”
The bartender grabbed a bottle of the stuff and went to pour it, when River stopped him with the touch of her hand.
“How much for all of it?”
Eyeing her and her coin wearily, he slowly spoke, “About double what you got there, plus a coin or two more.”
River calmly went into her pocket and pulled out the suitable amount.
The bartender shrugged, took the money and shoved the bottle at the girl. When she smiled at him in reaction, he sighed and pushed one coin back at her, “For your pretty smile,” he said simply, before walkin’ away.
Jayne leaned towards her and whispered, “Sure, you want to be doin’ that? Wastin’ your money. Why don’t you get one of those drinks Kaylee likes?”
“This is suitable,” she said, caressing the bottle with the tips of her fingers.
“All right,” he said, throwing his hands up, “But don’t go making a fuss when you’re bein’ sick all over.”
He downed what was left of his own drink and got ready to join Mal, Zoe and their bottle of spirits, at the table.
River reached over the counter and grabbed another glass, placin’ it next to the other. Opening the bottle, she poured some of the liquid into the glass and pushed it towards him.
“What’s this?”
“Your next drink.”
“I can buy my own. Don‘t need some girl doin’ it for me.
”Next bottle is on you,” she said simply.
Jayne shrugged. He could easily go through this bottle and some of the next, by himself. Jayne picked up his glass and clanked it against her own. Tippin’ it back, he swallowed it all, in one gulp. River did the same, though unlike him, her eyes went wide, and she coughed. After she blinked a few times, she licked her lips and pushed her glass toward him for another fill.
Jayne laughed and nodded his head. In approval, “Well, you either got what it takes… or you’re bein’ moon brained again. Either way, this should be fun,” Jayne poured himself and the girl another. This time they took it good and slow. Some talk was had, but mostly they kept quiet. Jayne realised, it actually wasn’t that bad.
A while and two bottles later, Mal finally came up, “What happened to you two?”
“Been here.”
“River,” Mal said, shaking her arm, though her head was down on the bar, “Time to take us home.”
Jayne gazed drunkenly at the passed out River, “Think we’ll be takin’ her home tonight, Mal.”
Mal studied her a moment, finally realizing’ she was drunk, “Suppose you’re right.”
As Jayne went to scoop the girl up, she woke.
“Whacha doing?” she slurred, pushing him away, “I can walk.”
“Fine then walk,” Jayne mumbled, as he attempted to do that himself. He was only half successful.
As she got up, she stumbled a bit. Jayne went to steady her, but she waved him off. It was only after a few more wobbly steps that she changed her mind, “Maybe I do need your assistance.”
That was fine. Jayne needed hers a bit, as well. As they walked back to the ship, they leaned against the other and helped the other along. Jayne supposed they made a funny pair, but neither paid that no mind. They took it slow and got to where they were goin.’
It was when it was all over and with a smile that Jayne realized that he kind of liked it better this way, River takin’ part and not just sittin‘ by. Sure, drinkin’ would never be the same again, but that was fine by him. For once, he was all about new ways of drinkin."
Translations:
Renci de Fouzu- merciful buddha
Dong Ma- Understand?